Maintaining a Good Relationship
Have a solid friendship.
"Ask yourself what kind of friend you are being to your mate," Dr. Phil says. He asks Chris and Stacy what they enjoy doing with their friends, whether it be talking about silly things or sharing a good joke together. He then advises them to apply that same openness to their own relationship. "If you want a good friend, be a good friend," he suggests.
Meet each others' needs.
"The success of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it meets the needs of two people," Dr. Phil explains. He tells Chris that he needs to discover what Stacy's needs are. "Maybe she needs a soft place to fall that day or she needs a shoulder to cry on," he says. He tells Stacy that she doesn't always need to agree with her husband, but she should figure out his needs, whether it's saying that she's proud of him, or that he looks nice that day.
Set specific goals.
"Wake up each morning and say, 'What can I do today to advance the ball?'" Dr. Phil advises. Even small things will accumulate over time and make a difference. Find a quiet moment each day and come up with a specific goal to improve your relationship, whether it's calling your spouse during the day just to say hi, or telling your mate that you love him or her more often. Make a conscious effort.
Get back to basics.
"The idea is to have some concept of what a marriage and a partnership is supposed to be and start doing those things," Dr. Phil urges. Write down your definitions of a successful relationship and live up to those definitions. Focus on the fundamental things that are going to make a difference in the long run.
Take responsibility.
You can't control the way your spouse acts in your relationship, but you can control how you react in negative situations. "You have to take 100 percent responsibility for what you're doing in a relationship," Dr. Phil says. "Decide what you believe and hold to be true, and conduct yourself 100 percent consistent with that."
Turn the negatives into a to-do list.
After getting failing grades on Dr. Phil's Relationship Health Profile Test, Stacy and Chris are instructed to turn their negative answers into positive actions. For example, if you don't have fun with your partner, you need to make a list of enjoyable activities you can do together. Ask yourself, what would make your answer on the quiz change?
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I have a love and hate relationship with Dr. Phil shows. He can be such a jerk and sometimes you do disagree with some items. To be fair, I do like most of his advice. It make sense and it's no nonsense. Direct and straightforeward.
I could get into situations where I deal back the same amount of hurt as much or more when I get hurt. While I acknowladge that I could have handled things better, so could they. We are all adults now, or so I thought. Still talking behind my back *shakes head* I feel sorry for my part in it. I feel sorry for those times when people cannot see beyond the pain and reach out. I feel sorry that no one else is more important then oneself is.
I am thankful for all my good friends. Thankful for those who extended their hands in friendship when I wasn't looking for one. I am thankful for all the blessings that I got all these years. I am thankful to friends who calls to talk to me whenever. To friends who think of me every once in a while. I am glad I have such good friends.
While I am in hurt, I thought that maybe I need to just leave everything behind and move on with my life. Leaving the country seems easier then trying to make a life here. But then I remembered that Wanis's wedding is in August. And I promised Az that I would be there when she gets married. We would surround ourselves with a lot of love and joy and forget about the pain. It's just life, the feeling of pain.
As Hani likes to tell me, "The worse you could do to someone is to not feel anything for them." While I would desperately like to do that, I couldn't even in secondary school. W I still hate your guts :P~ F you can go jump of a building, I've done enough for you and with the crap you did to me, we can never be as good friends again. ZA darling, we all obviously would love to be you (NOT!) but while we are happy for you, stop telling us about how you pity us, we don't deserve your pity. No, no, no, I am serious, feel sorry for the starving children in the world, we are all too blessed.
I guess if you do care, you get hurt but if you don't care, nothing happened. In conclusion, nothing happened. I do try to be the better person by shutting up but occasionally I follow my gut and say, "OMG self absorbed R US anyone?" "OMG, memememememememememememe..." Friend, half of the world don't want to know and the other half don't care. Speaking louder don't change that *headdesk* Oy oy oy...
"Ask yourself what kind of friend you are being to your mate," Dr. Phil says. He asks Chris and Stacy what they enjoy doing with their friends, whether it be talking about silly things or sharing a good joke together. He then advises them to apply that same openness to their own relationship. "If you want a good friend, be a good friend," he suggests.
Meet each others' needs.
"The success of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it meets the needs of two people," Dr. Phil explains. He tells Chris that he needs to discover what Stacy's needs are. "Maybe she needs a soft place to fall that day or she needs a shoulder to cry on," he says. He tells Stacy that she doesn't always need to agree with her husband, but she should figure out his needs, whether it's saying that she's proud of him, or that he looks nice that day.
Set specific goals.
"Wake up each morning and say, 'What can I do today to advance the ball?'" Dr. Phil advises. Even small things will accumulate over time and make a difference. Find a quiet moment each day and come up with a specific goal to improve your relationship, whether it's calling your spouse during the day just to say hi, or telling your mate that you love him or her more often. Make a conscious effort.
Get back to basics.
"The idea is to have some concept of what a marriage and a partnership is supposed to be and start doing those things," Dr. Phil urges. Write down your definitions of a successful relationship and live up to those definitions. Focus on the fundamental things that are going to make a difference in the long run.
Take responsibility.
You can't control the way your spouse acts in your relationship, but you can control how you react in negative situations. "You have to take 100 percent responsibility for what you're doing in a relationship," Dr. Phil says. "Decide what you believe and hold to be true, and conduct yourself 100 percent consistent with that."
Turn the negatives into a to-do list.
After getting failing grades on Dr. Phil's Relationship Health Profile Test, Stacy and Chris are instructed to turn their negative answers into positive actions. For example, if you don't have fun with your partner, you need to make a list of enjoyable activities you can do together. Ask yourself, what would make your answer on the quiz change?
--------@@@@@@----------
I have a love and hate relationship with Dr. Phil shows. He can be such a jerk and sometimes you do disagree with some items. To be fair, I do like most of his advice. It make sense and it's no nonsense. Direct and straightforeward.
I could get into situations where I deal back the same amount of hurt as much or more when I get hurt. While I acknowladge that I could have handled things better, so could they. We are all adults now, or so I thought. Still talking behind my back *shakes head* I feel sorry for my part in it. I feel sorry for those times when people cannot see beyond the pain and reach out. I feel sorry that no one else is more important then oneself is.
I am thankful for all my good friends. Thankful for those who extended their hands in friendship when I wasn't looking for one. I am thankful for all the blessings that I got all these years. I am thankful to friends who calls to talk to me whenever. To friends who think of me every once in a while. I am glad I have such good friends.
While I am in hurt, I thought that maybe I need to just leave everything behind and move on with my life. Leaving the country seems easier then trying to make a life here. But then I remembered that Wanis's wedding is in August. And I promised Az that I would be there when she gets married. We would surround ourselves with a lot of love and joy and forget about the pain. It's just life, the feeling of pain.
As Hani likes to tell me, "The worse you could do to someone is to not feel anything for them." While I would desperately like to do that, I couldn't even in secondary school. W I still hate your guts :P~ F you can go jump of a building, I've done enough for you and with the crap you did to me, we can never be as good friends again. ZA darling, we all obviously would love to be you (NOT!) but while we are happy for you, stop telling us about how you pity us, we don't deserve your pity. No, no, no, I am serious, feel sorry for the starving children in the world, we are all too blessed.
I guess if you do care, you get hurt but if you don't care, nothing happened. In conclusion, nothing happened. I do try to be the better person by shutting up but occasionally I follow my gut and say, "OMG self absorbed R US anyone?" "OMG, memememememememememememe..." Friend, half of the world don't want to know and the other half don't care. Speaking louder don't change that *headdesk* Oy oy oy...