It's time to move on...
I've been tossing and turning last night. Worrying over things. I don't want to have to live apart from my husband again. Worrying over the Visa. Worrying over work. Feeling that I am in this all alone. Then I discovered a few new friends, who has been there and done that. It's like a breath of fresh air <3
As for friendship, I don't see it. I've grown so apart from my friends we don't even have a common ground anymore. I guess, despite all that has happened, I am tired of playing the second fiddle to someone elses' stage performance. Feels like you are in a football team but always on the sidelines watching. When we meet, there is nothing to talk about. I am stuck with my set of problems and they are surrounded by theirs.
I have consistantly refused to align myself with other half expats. Obviously, eventually I have to, we do have things in common. Otherwise I feel lonely in this world of immigration/migration and all that comes with it. I love my husband but sometimes, I need other's perspective. Not just us in this small fish bowl.
It would be nice to actually HAVE a life instead of constantly juggling work and worries. It makes me bitter. It makes me cynical. It makes me not care about other people's joy. Fie fie... Then again, it's been like this long before Cory appreared in my life. In essence, I've always felt alone in this big big world until Cory joins me.
Before Cory, I would wait and hope and pray that friends would call up and invite me to some social occasions. I've been lied to by my best friend before and I don't appricate it. If you don't have space for me say so, lying and later when I find out the truth, it makes me distrust you and so our friendship unravels.
Our friendship revolves certain things and certain people. And to my credit, I don't bitch enough. I am too poor to be part of the group. No one cares enough apart of a couple of people. I guess, I am just addicted. Maybe I like being abused. Maybe it makes me feel like good to be the last on everyone's list.
Maybe it feels great to have people talk behind my back and then send an ambassador to tell me what is wrong with me. Maybe I like being looked down on. Maybe I enjoy having people say mean things to me and laugh at me. I don't know. Maybe I enjoy being the odd one out.
So enough is enough. I am all done. I resign from my soap box. I no longer want to be a part of this exclusive society. I am fine alone and with a couple of good friends. I have my husband to take care of me. I have a bunch of other non exclusive friends who calls and I call every now and then. We are happy mostly cept when I am feeling misrable. I am all done. Thank you for all that we had. Thank you for being there when I was down. I guess now it's time for us to part ways and move on.
As for friendship, I don't see it. I've grown so apart from my friends we don't even have a common ground anymore. I guess, despite all that has happened, I am tired of playing the second fiddle to someone elses' stage performance. Feels like you are in a football team but always on the sidelines watching. When we meet, there is nothing to talk about. I am stuck with my set of problems and they are surrounded by theirs.
I have consistantly refused to align myself with other half expats. Obviously, eventually I have to, we do have things in common. Otherwise I feel lonely in this world of immigration/migration and all that comes with it. I love my husband but sometimes, I need other's perspective. Not just us in this small fish bowl.
It would be nice to actually HAVE a life instead of constantly juggling work and worries. It makes me bitter. It makes me cynical. It makes me not care about other people's joy. Fie fie... Then again, it's been like this long before Cory appreared in my life. In essence, I've always felt alone in this big big world until Cory joins me.
Before Cory, I would wait and hope and pray that friends would call up and invite me to some social occasions. I've been lied to by my best friend before and I don't appricate it. If you don't have space for me say so, lying and later when I find out the truth, it makes me distrust you and so our friendship unravels.
Our friendship revolves certain things and certain people. And to my credit, I don't bitch enough. I am too poor to be part of the group. No one cares enough apart of a couple of people. I guess, I am just addicted. Maybe I like being abused. Maybe it makes me feel like good to be the last on everyone's list.
Maybe it feels great to have people talk behind my back and then send an ambassador to tell me what is wrong with me. Maybe I like being looked down on. Maybe I enjoy having people say mean things to me and laugh at me. I don't know. Maybe I enjoy being the odd one out.
So enough is enough. I am all done. I resign from my soap box. I no longer want to be a part of this exclusive society. I am fine alone and with a couple of good friends. I have my husband to take care of me. I have a bunch of other non exclusive friends who calls and I call every now and then. We are happy mostly cept when I am feeling misrable. I am all done. Thank you for all that we had. Thank you for being there when I was down. I guess now it's time for us to part ways and move on.