Time to break the silence
I couldn't fall asleep last night because of everything that's causing a concern right now. I was very tempted to write an entry at 2am, but I suppose my wits got the better of me.
Anyways, let me begin by saying, Emily, you're inspirational. Becky, don't read the following unless you want to read your horoscope, or whatever it is you call my words of wisdom. I'm impressed by everything you've been able to accomplish, especially so far away. As the girls have stated already, as much as this opportunity would've advanced your drive towards reaching your career goals, it is their loss. You have too strong a mentality and personality to let this bump in the road affect you. You've bounced right back before and there's no reason this time should be any different. I know you'll be just fine so keep blowing our minds away with everything it is you do!
Next on my agenda is how break never really reached me in the traditional sense. It's not too much of a surprise to me that I'm just as busy if not more during this brief respite than I am at school. It's particularly because of this research paper for American foreign policy and the SACC Banquet. Sometimes I wonder if scaling back on committments is the right road to pursue. I don't think that would really make much of a difference because knowing me, I still would've gotten a jumpstart on this paper. Nonetheless, it's been draining because I know that this coming week is going to be frantic and hectic so I'm trying to get alot done now. That means taking care of all the reading for all the classes and writing the bulk of this paper, which hasn't been an easy task. Writing a research paper isn't anything new, but I'm having more difficulty in making it flow. How do you make a 15-page paper coherent in the sense that one idea leads to the next and relates back to the overarching purpose in your thesis?! I believe that's the pattern to follow, right? I'm finding it difficult to incorporate my primary sources too particularly because I skimmed these books. This Prof is a bit unreasonable...we have 3 other classes and other responsibilities...I have a life outside your class...needless to say, it hasn't gone as planned. I also feel bad because I'd like to take advantage of this opportunity to enjoy my time at home with the parents but that hasn't been the case either. I need days to be 36 hours long, then perhaps I'd get everything accomplished that I set out to.
I'll procced in order of what else has been on my agenda. My mom and I are going out w/ Tom, one of my two buddies from home and his mom for lunch today. Like I've noticed before, it's eerie how well you get along with some people and how you actually end up meeting them. As anyone would want to, I was also hoping to see some friends during this break. However, I knew that I had to prioritize and budget my time effectively. As it turns out, Tom is going through pretty much a similar transition during this time of the year, with schoolwork and his internship and the rest of the load. Part of me is glad that both of us are busy so we can get shit done, but that also goes to show how much work has consumed me. Work has become life, it's become my purpose. Not too shocking to any of you, but when I do get a breather or a chance to actually break, I don't know what to do with myself. Perhaps I really should've gotten away from here.
Friday is my parents' anniversary and since they'll be at work during the day, I think I'll go out get some decorations, balloons, cake, etc. and turn the house into a festive environment. I don't really have any other clever or creative ideas, so if you do, please send them my way ASAP. 24 by the way if you're wondering.
My creative juices have been milked...yes, that should sound as dirty as intended...because I think I've gotten into a slightly different mindset. As some of you know, I'd like to change up our routine a little for Dancefest this year. With Aichida gone, there's a gaping power vacuum that no one has really filled and when it comes to the dances, we're not as prepared as we've in the past. Gabby has done a wonderful job, but there is no replacing Aichida. With that said, it's become quite evident that no one may really step up and take charge, so I think I'm going to, somehow. All along I've just been unwilling to accept the great responsibility that will come with this and I'm also unquantifiably scared of getting on the Chapel stage. In high school, there were six of seven guys that were very good at what they do and they've gone to become respective leaders on their schools' teams at NYU, Carnegie Mellon, Cornell, etc. Because someone has always been there to serve as a leader, there was never a pressing reason for me to step up. Now, that position's been vacated and perhaps, this is the chance that I've been waiting for. I'm not entirely sure, but I want to take advantage of it, so I spent the past few nights going through a bunch of songs and I picked out a few. Where this all goes from here is anyone's best guess, wish me inordinate amounts of luck.
Speaking of brown, the banquet is next Saturday and I think I have a better grasp on what I want to accomplish there than Dancefest. As a villain, my role is pretty straightforward; however, the dance couldn't make a bigger mockery of us. It parallels the point of the actual music video, in which these crooks are drunk and making fools of themselves, so this dance is also goofy and quite robotic and monotonous. I've tried lobbying Gabby to make the second dance an up-tempo piece, but she hasn't responded to my e-mails, so it doesn't look like that's going to happen. As for my second role, I'm Michelle's lover...right? I'm not sure how else to put it. I think Michelle's been disappointed in that I haven't really embraced the role fully yet, but I'm set to make a good impression. I think I can do what's asked of me. I just wish, well, if there was one thing I could change about me, it'd be my clammy hands because I know I'm be a little nervous on stage. Jeez, what the hell's going to become of me when I need to propose?? I may just melt. Bear with me Michelle, I'll do the best I can do.
The final point I want to address relates back to a lot of what Emily's discussed recently. It looks like the worst-case scenario is going to occur, in that I'm going to head back to school without concrete summer plans in place. It's been a frustrating time and it appears that I've gotten to Option Q. Every path I pursued has falled through and not sure what to do now. Coupled with some of the rejections from leads I've tried attaining at school, I've become a dejected reject. It makes me wonder that if I can't land a job now, what about this time next year? Am I better suited enhancing my credentials through more school? I don't think so becauase I don't want to take the GMATs, but it's a distinct possibility. The subjectivity of interviewers is distressing. In retrospect, I've realized that there were ways in which I could've phrased a response better, but am I not qualified enough to get upstaged by some other individuals? I've a big believer in whatever the school of though that says everything happens for a reason, but it's tough to accept that when you don't know what lies ahead of you and whether there really is a glimmery of hope at the end of the tunnel. What more I could do at this point is beyond me.
What's different about my approach and how I'm handling situations such as these than in years past is that I'm completely at ease with how I'm performing academically at school. Whereas that was a key area for concern and worry not so long ago, I think I've adopted better ways or preparation, habits and ethic. It's gone a long way in helping me become a little more relaxed and appreciate the little things in life. As cliche as that sounds, I think I've certainly had more time than I've ever had before to spend with friends. We've had chances to go out more and have fun. Yet, that's where life sets in and I realize that not everything is so rosy. Sometimes working hard gets you places, rewards and accomplishments and other times, it just isn't enough in this cutthroat competitive atmosphere.
Anyways, let me begin by saying, Emily, you're inspirational. Becky, don't read the following unless you want to read your horoscope, or whatever it is you call my words of wisdom. I'm impressed by everything you've been able to accomplish, especially so far away. As the girls have stated already, as much as this opportunity would've advanced your drive towards reaching your career goals, it is their loss. You have too strong a mentality and personality to let this bump in the road affect you. You've bounced right back before and there's no reason this time should be any different. I know you'll be just fine so keep blowing our minds away with everything it is you do!
Next on my agenda is how break never really reached me in the traditional sense. It's not too much of a surprise to me that I'm just as busy if not more during this brief respite than I am at school. It's particularly because of this research paper for American foreign policy and the SACC Banquet. Sometimes I wonder if scaling back on committments is the right road to pursue. I don't think that would really make much of a difference because knowing me, I still would've gotten a jumpstart on this paper. Nonetheless, it's been draining because I know that this coming week is going to be frantic and hectic so I'm trying to get alot done now. That means taking care of all the reading for all the classes and writing the bulk of this paper, which hasn't been an easy task. Writing a research paper isn't anything new, but I'm having more difficulty in making it flow. How do you make a 15-page paper coherent in the sense that one idea leads to the next and relates back to the overarching purpose in your thesis?! I believe that's the pattern to follow, right? I'm finding it difficult to incorporate my primary sources too particularly because I skimmed these books. This Prof is a bit unreasonable...we have 3 other classes and other responsibilities...I have a life outside your class...needless to say, it hasn't gone as planned. I also feel bad because I'd like to take advantage of this opportunity to enjoy my time at home with the parents but that hasn't been the case either. I need days to be 36 hours long, then perhaps I'd get everything accomplished that I set out to.
I'll procced in order of what else has been on my agenda. My mom and I are going out w/ Tom, one of my two buddies from home and his mom for lunch today. Like I've noticed before, it's eerie how well you get along with some people and how you actually end up meeting them. As anyone would want to, I was also hoping to see some friends during this break. However, I knew that I had to prioritize and budget my time effectively. As it turns out, Tom is going through pretty much a similar transition during this time of the year, with schoolwork and his internship and the rest of the load. Part of me is glad that both of us are busy so we can get shit done, but that also goes to show how much work has consumed me. Work has become life, it's become my purpose. Not too shocking to any of you, but when I do get a breather or a chance to actually break, I don't know what to do with myself. Perhaps I really should've gotten away from here.
Friday is my parents' anniversary and since they'll be at work during the day, I think I'll go out get some decorations, balloons, cake, etc. and turn the house into a festive environment. I don't really have any other clever or creative ideas, so if you do, please send them my way ASAP. 24 by the way if you're wondering.
My creative juices have been milked...yes, that should sound as dirty as intended...because I think I've gotten into a slightly different mindset. As some of you know, I'd like to change up our routine a little for Dancefest this year. With Aichida gone, there's a gaping power vacuum that no one has really filled and when it comes to the dances, we're not as prepared as we've in the past. Gabby has done a wonderful job, but there is no replacing Aichida. With that said, it's become quite evident that no one may really step up and take charge, so I think I'm going to, somehow. All along I've just been unwilling to accept the great responsibility that will come with this and I'm also unquantifiably scared of getting on the Chapel stage. In high school, there were six of seven guys that were very good at what they do and they've gone to become respective leaders on their schools' teams at NYU, Carnegie Mellon, Cornell, etc. Because someone has always been there to serve as a leader, there was never a pressing reason for me to step up. Now, that position's been vacated and perhaps, this is the chance that I've been waiting for. I'm not entirely sure, but I want to take advantage of it, so I spent the past few nights going through a bunch of songs and I picked out a few. Where this all goes from here is anyone's best guess, wish me inordinate amounts of luck.
Speaking of brown, the banquet is next Saturday and I think I have a better grasp on what I want to accomplish there than Dancefest. As a villain, my role is pretty straightforward; however, the dance couldn't make a bigger mockery of us. It parallels the point of the actual music video, in which these crooks are drunk and making fools of themselves, so this dance is also goofy and quite robotic and monotonous. I've tried lobbying Gabby to make the second dance an up-tempo piece, but she hasn't responded to my e-mails, so it doesn't look like that's going to happen. As for my second role, I'm Michelle's lover...right? I'm not sure how else to put it. I think Michelle's been disappointed in that I haven't really embraced the role fully yet, but I'm set to make a good impression. I think I can do what's asked of me. I just wish, well, if there was one thing I could change about me, it'd be my clammy hands because I know I'm be a little nervous on stage. Jeez, what the hell's going to become of me when I need to propose?? I may just melt. Bear with me Michelle, I'll do the best I can do.
The final point I want to address relates back to a lot of what Emily's discussed recently. It looks like the worst-case scenario is going to occur, in that I'm going to head back to school without concrete summer plans in place. It's been a frustrating time and it appears that I've gotten to Option Q. Every path I pursued has falled through and not sure what to do now. Coupled with some of the rejections from leads I've tried attaining at school, I've become a dejected reject. It makes me wonder that if I can't land a job now, what about this time next year? Am I better suited enhancing my credentials through more school? I don't think so becauase I don't want to take the GMATs, but it's a distinct possibility. The subjectivity of interviewers is distressing. In retrospect, I've realized that there were ways in which I could've phrased a response better, but am I not qualified enough to get upstaged by some other individuals? I've a big believer in whatever the school of though that says everything happens for a reason, but it's tough to accept that when you don't know what lies ahead of you and whether there really is a glimmery of hope at the end of the tunnel. What more I could do at this point is beyond me.
What's different about my approach and how I'm handling situations such as these than in years past is that I'm completely at ease with how I'm performing academically at school. Whereas that was a key area for concern and worry not so long ago, I think I've adopted better ways or preparation, habits and ethic. It's gone a long way in helping me become a little more relaxed and appreciate the little things in life. As cliche as that sounds, I think I've certainly had more time than I've ever had before to spend with friends. We've had chances to go out more and have fun. Yet, that's where life sets in and I realize that not everything is so rosy. Sometimes working hard gets you places, rewards and accomplishments and other times, it just isn't enough in this cutthroat competitive atmosphere.