J2 AU RPS: I Think It’s Time to Give This Game a Ride (4/4)
Previous
Thursday, at their final little team gathering at the store, Chad holds everyone’s attention by being quite serious as he stands before them all. He’s holding a bat in one hand and striking it carefully into the other. He casually glances at the bench behind him, where his list of meeting notes is. “Alright. One. Tomorrow, Going Deep. It’s a big game, fellas. We only lost by one run last time. So it’s ours to take and make them cry.”
“Chad?” Gabe asks.
He merely levels the bat at Gabe. “No.” Gabe frowns as Chad continues. “We beat them last year. They got us the year before. Patterns may tell you that they’re set to win. But I don’t give a shit about patterns!” Chad’s voice is getting louder and he finally just yells the last part. “And I am not leaving that field without a win!”
Everyone looks at him, not quite sure this is really Chad because the guy they know gets riled up and yells at people, but it doesn’t really ever make sense. So they look to each other and shrug or just frown with misunderstanding the whole thing.
“Chad?” Jeff asks carefully.
He points the bat at him, much like with Gabe, and gives a steady, “No.” He looks around. “Anyone else?”
Jeff throws his hands out and looks annoyed. “Why don’t I get to ask a question?”
“Because you’ll just mock the speech.”
Jared raises a hand, “Can I ask a question?”
“Just did, Gaybird.”
Jared frowns. “Can I ask another?”
Chad eyes him sharply. “Uh, you just did again.”
He stares him down and crosses his arms. “May I ask a serious of questions until I get an answer I like?”
Chad nods slowly, like he’s considering it. He finally replies, “Yes, you may.”
Jared asks easily, “Is this really necessary? We could win or lose tomorrow and it’s not going to change anything.”
“You mean, like the fact that we hate all those douchebags and Jensen is still your best assfriend?”
He takes a deep breath of annoyance. “Yeah, exactly that.”
“Okay, about that,” Chad sighs and steps forward. He’s now in the center of the guys and not so much at the head of the group. “You know that we’re not going to lie down just so your boyfriend can win.”
Jared shrugs. “I really don’t plan to either.”
Chad stands up straight and looks a little surprised. “Really?”
Jared is suddenly confused at Chad being surprised. “Yeah, really.”
“Oh,” Chad says thoughtfully. “Well, I guess we can move onto point three then.”
“What’s point two?” Gabe asks.
“Obviously nothing if we’re skipping it.”
“What is it?” Dwayne asks.
Gabe snatches Chad’s list of notes from the bench and fakes a punch when Chad tries to take it back. Chad stands away, not looking at anyone as Gabe reads dumbly, “Tell Jared that we’re not lying down for his boyfriend to win.”
“Seriously?” Jared complains sharply.
Gabe throws his hands up. “Hey, I just read it! Don’t hit me!”
Jared stares down Chad like he can’t believe he’s saying what he’s been saying. “You really had to have that as a point of discussion?”
Everyone is quiet and watching Jared and Chad face off. It lasts long enough to be uncomfortable.
Jared stalks to Gabe and yanks the paper away. He re-reads it. “Two. Tell Jared we’re not lying down for his boyfriend to win. Three. In the event that we lose, Jared should thank us for the sex he’ll get. Four. Jared better not throw the game.”
Jared’s mind reels and it sets off so much anger in his head. That anyone would even have to write it down, and then to repeat it in front of everyone. He’s pissed at Chad for assuming he would ask his friends to throw this game. It’s just as important to him as it is to anyone else, possibly more when you consider Tom and Mike and Aaron. He wants to kick their asses so badly - in softball and reality. Then to insist that he would try to throw it himself. It’s all too much for him to even try to work out.
He crumbles the list into a ball and tosses it at Chad’s face. His voice comes out livid but slow and steady. “You are an asshole.”
“C’mon,” Chad whines back. “It was a joke.”
“Still an asshole.” They’re staring and Jared’s breathing gets hard, which everyone knows means he’s good and pissed. “I wouldn’t have asked you to lay down. You didn’t have to either.” He looks to the guys. “Meeting’s over.”
He brushes Chad off when he tries to act like nothing’s really wrong and then tells him that they’ll be across the street waiting on him. Chad later texts that he’s still in the neighborhood if he needs a ride. Instead, Jared does the near-two-mile walk to the train at 10pm in the pouring rain so he can grab the El and transfer his way to Oak Park and Jensen’s. He ignores more texts messages saying things like Cmon it was a joke and Not that big a deal but you are still playing right?
Sometime before midnight, Jensen’s surprised to see him at the door, let alone dripping water everywhere. Jared had said he would be getting late food and beers with the guys after their meeting. Instead, he’s there and pathetically states, “I don’t have an umbrella.”
He doesn’t mean to chuckle, but Jared is quite the sight. “With you or at all?”
“Does it really matter at this point?”
“No, I guess not.” Jensen leads Jared in and watches him toe off his shoes before sighing on his way to the bathroom. He watches him there, too, getting into the shower stall, stripping off his work uniform and dropping the soaked clothes in the tub. Jensen is still kind of amused by Jared and how pitiful he looks. He asks with a light voice as he hands Jared a towel, “How was work?”
“Work was fine,” Jared grumbles while drying himself off.
“What happened?”
He ties the towel at his waist and walks out of the room. His voice is still low and annoyed. “Chad’s a dick, what else is new?”
Jensen follows to the bedroom and finds Jared face down on the bed. He settles next to him, resting his head on crossed arms and watching Jared. “What’d he do?”
Jared takes a deep breath and shifts his head so Jensen can hear him clearly, but he keeps his eyes closed. “He felt the need to make a list of rules concerning tomorrow’s game. Like, they won’t lose just so you win. But if we lose, I should thank them for making you happy.”
He quirks his lips a little and the smile is evident in his voice. “Well, those aren’t so bad. You know, I’d thank you if we win.” Jared looks at him and Jensen can tell it’s not a good thing. “In our own way of course.”
“Jensen,” he warns.
“Maybe not a thank you. But like a consolation prize?”
“Jensen.”
Jensen slides to his side and settles his palm at Jared’s lower back. “And depending on how well you actually play?” His hand slips down over the towel covering Jared’s ass. “The prize might be big.” And his fingers squeeze between the cheeks.
Jared flinches for a second before he pushes Jensen to his back and roughly lands on top of him. “I don’t find this very funny,” he grits out while holding Jensen’s shoulders to the bed.
He watches Jared and waits for him to say or do something more. But he doesn’t, so Jensen says, “Is this you screwing around and being fake pissed? Because it’s kind of turning me on. But I’m afraid you’ll be really angry if you’re actually seriously pissed about this.”
Jared winds up showing Jensen that he was seriously pissed, but also wanted to screw around. Which lightens his mood a bit, but he’s still brooding plenty when they’re huffing their way through the end of sex. He’s taking Jensen from behind and pushing in rough, anchoring Jensen’s hips with tight hands. He then grabs Jensen’s shoulders and uses that leverage to pull him tighter and closer. One of his hands goes to Jensen’s dick and sweeps up and down, using precome to slick his hand and keep it moving quickly. Which gets Jensen going and he’s panting and pushing back on Jared, trying to make it all count. Jensen comes with a seemingly painful shout, but Jared knows by now that it’s all pleasure with stars behind his eyes and pricks everywhere under his skin. With the muscles pulsing around his dick, Jared stutters his movements and grabs back onto Jensen’s shoulders with both hands and pounds into him, finally breaking loose with a grunted, “Ah, shit.”
He lands heavy on Jensen and after he pulls out, Jensen rolls them to their sides and they’re spooning. Jared’s arms wrap around Jensen’s neck and hold him tight to his chest, even slips his leg between Jensen’s. He kisses at Jensen’s ear, but doesn’t say anything fun or witty, like he normally does. Jensen knows he’s still pissed and that the rough sex was just an extension of it all. So he lets Jared stew as long as he stays there and keeps holding him, because he loves the fact that, despite early protests, Jared is the biggest fucking cuddler in the world.
Sometime later, Jensen attempts to move, but it’s impossible within Jared’s grip. He asks gently, “Can I get up?”
“For what?” Jared asks at the back of his head. He still sounds mad.
“I was going to shower. It’s getting sticky.”
Jared releases his top arm but winds up just nudging Jensen to his back so he can look down on him. “Nothing’s going to change tomorrow, right?”
“No,” Jensen replies oddly. Then he adds, “Aside from one of us being on a winning team, no.”
Jared rolls his eyes and tries again. “Nothing’s going to change, right?”
His hand goes up to Jared’s face, pushing his still-damp hair away. He’s got a bit of smile there. “I don’t care what happens. You’re the one who does.”
Jared’s eyes fall further down Jensen’s face because he knows he’s the one who is having the hard time and it’s up to him to make sure nothing is different after the game. He looks back to Jensen and lets out a long breath. “Can you do me a favor?”
“I’m not going to throw the game,” he smirks, sensing that Jared isn’t so much pissed anymore, but just bothered in general. It’s an improvement.
To his credit, Jared does a good job pretending it wasn’t said and continues on with his thought. “You won’t let me get away with being a baby about it? I actually don’t know how I’m going to respond if we lose, but it’ll be worse if this gets fucked up again.”
Jensen’s smile is now soft but it’s real and not going anywhere. “I can’t believe you’re saying this. It’s like you’re a whole new person.”
Jared fights to roll his eyes. “I’m trying here.”
“I know,” Jensen answers, the first serious words from his mouth since Jared came into his apartment. “You’re doing a good job.”
Jared spends the night, showers, and has Jensen drive him to his apartment in the morning to get changes of clothes for work and the game. It’s pretty early when they do it, early enough that Jensen can still get to work on time, so Jared’s quiet in the apartment to not clue Chad into him being there. He’s ignored all his calls and texts, Jeff’s and Gabe’s, too. Just to get back at them, he’d decided to reply when he got up in the morning. At 5:30am. I’ll be at the game. Stop crying.
He’s at the store way too early for any real work, so he hangs out in the office and wastes time on his phone’s internet program. Around 8:30, he tours the store to make sure everything’s in place, and when he finds a softball box bent out of shape, he shrugs and decides to claim it as bad merchandise. He rips the box open and flips the ball into the air as he walks down the aisles, catching and tossing it right back up. He hears Scott, his trusty weights and cardio expert, entering through the back and he calls out, “Head’s up!” With a quick, smooth stroke, he launches the ball high and across the store. It’s apparent that Scott doesn’t catch it when a few items crash to the ground and there's swearing. Jared just laughs. The first time since before yesterday’s meeting.
Sandy yelling breaks him from smiling. “Jerk! You almost hit me!”
He jogs back towards where the ball went. “Did I really? I’m so sorry!”
When he rounds a corner, she socks him in the gut with a tiny, tight fist.
He stumbles back. “What the hell?!”
She’s laughing and tosses the softball at his forehead. “Gotcha.”
“You’re a bitch.”
“You’re an asshole. We’re even.”
His hand grabs the top of her head and pushes her away. “Get outta here.”
“What’re you doing here so early?” Scott asks while flipping the remaining lights on. He’s eyeing Jared because, while never being late to open the store, he's never been there before them.
Jared bounces the softball on the ground while he follows Scott into the break room. “Jensen dropped me off before work.”
Sandy pushes at his back and gets a giant smile on her face. “When do we get to meet Jensen?”
He mocks her excited voice. “You don’t.”
She frowns. “You suck.”
Jared lands into one of the metal chairs at the table. “That’s why he loves me.”
She sits down across from Scott and rests her chin on her hands while batting her eyelashes. “They’re in love. Big, fat gay love.”
He kicks at her chair. “You want next Saturday off or what?”
“Coffee, huh?” Scott asks when he’s up and notices the machine is already brewing instead of waiting for him to start it up. “I’m impressed.”
“What can I say? I’m awesome and bored.”
“You ready for the big game?”
And that’s the question of the day. It flips through his brain as he tries to reason how it’s going to go and what will happen in the end. He wonders if the Gamecocks will win and how. Easily, at the last minute, on errors? What if it’s the other way and he gets way too far inside his head again and makes enough mistakes to give away the game? What if he hits the ball hard again and Jensen, with that unthinkable speed and remarkable timing, grabs the thing out of the air again? All possible scenarios fly through him, and all the possible afters. How he’ll face Jensen. If Jensen will stay with his team to celebrate, or commiserate. If the Gamecocks lose and the guys don’t even want to go to the bar. If Jared makes the mistakes that lose the game and he just wants to go home and stew and being a huge ass baby about it all.
He at least stops himself there because he’s been telling himself to do the exact opposite of that and he asked Jensen to make sure he doesn’t. He just hopes Jensen keeps his word.
*
Just before five, Jensen finds Jared at the customer service counter flipping through a binder of next week’s sales information. He’s startled, that’s for sure, but he smiles when Jensen mentions that he was coming by for a quick dinner and to give a ride to the park, figuring "it's the least I could do for the blessed evening." Which makes Jared laugh and he’s feeling pretty good, all things considered.
They have an easy dinner at a local burger joint and everything is relaxed and fun. But when Jensen’s car drives through the parking lot next to the fields, Jared starts getting nervous. Jensen can sense it and reaches to pull Jared against him. They’re early enough that he insists they just sit for a bit in the easy sounds of the radio and nothing else. Jared sets his head at Jensen’s shoulder and again feels so small in Jensen’s embrace, but he likes it and won’t move.
In his head, Jared is saying all kinds of mushy things, like how he loves Jensen and he appreciates he’s in his life. That he’s looking forward to waking up tomorrow and knowing that the season’s over and they can go back to just being together. That he can’t wait to see what happens in this ‘being together’ time. And the way that Jensen’s head rests against his and his hand holds Jared’s shoulder, he feels like Jensen would say so many of the same things. But in his own cool, calm way that would make Jared want to say something sarcastic or flippant in return, but inside he’d be loving it.
He realizes that he doesn’t want to play this game. He just wants to sit in this moment and will themselves back to Jensen’s place so they can do anything other than face each other and work their hardest to beat the other guy. But he knows it doesn’t work that way. They have to do this. So he takes a deep, deep breath and holds it to steady himself. He releases it and says quietly, “I think I’m okay now.”
Jensen’s hand goes to Jared’s head, squeezing and moving him far enough away that he can kiss his temple. “Good deal.”
Jared stares at him and takes in how easy and clear the green eyes are. He really wonders how in the world Jensen can be this composed about it. But he knows it’s because he doesn’t care - at least not as much as Jared does. And he realizes he cares so much because he doesn’t want to let his friends down and have them think he has a motive to it. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if they lose and he didn’t perform the best he could. He fears his team will crucify him, thinking he did it on purpose.
Jensen’s words break his thoughts and surprisingly eases him. “Don’t you dare throw away plays, alright?”
Jared quirks his mouth. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Will you at least let a homer through this time?”
“Not a chance.”
They each keep their word, because in the top of the second with two outs and Aaron at second and the game stuck at double zero, Jensen pegs a line drive at Jared, who’d been playing a little too far left, he’ll admit. Just for that, it’s to his right, and he feels tingles break out across his ankle when he takes a quick jump to follow its path. While trying to ignore the pain, he thanks the length of his arms and fingers because he gets just enough flesh on the softball to stop it. It drops quickly and he scoops it back up, firing so sharp at Chad. And maybe it’s not just to make sure he beats Jensen’s lightning speed, but also to bean Chad as hard as possible. He does both and he’s smiling. His mouth breaks wider open when he sees Jensen shaking his head and laughing at himself a little angry. Like he’s mad that ball was stopped, but he’s amused it was Jared.
Jared’s jogging easily to the dugout when his brother slaps at his back. “Nice stop, kiddo.”
He just nods and gets to the bench. He drinks from his water bottle and watches the batters, knowing if they get a few guys on base, he’ll be up again. That’s how Jared gets through the initial time warming up and the first few innings. He focuses on what he has to do next and doesn’t waste time watching what everyone else is doing. Whether Chad is acting strange because they’re still not exactly talking - Jared hasn’t said much to anyone that wasn’t initiated; he hasn’t tried to start any conversation like he usually does, he’s just been answering whatever’s asked of him. He’s not bothering himself with how Gabe keeps looking at him when they’re on the field, like he has to make sure it’s really Jared there since he’s so contained but still playing fine - he’s not perfect, but it’s sharp and mechanical when he moves around the dirt to collect ground balls and he fires the ball as hard as he can at Chad. For the same reason he did Jensen’s line drive.
So at the moment, he’s focusing on how John is trying to get a ball down on the ground and between Tom at first and Aaron at second. He doesn’t. Then it’s Cliff. He tries to fire a pitch into left field. Jared leans forward to watch it, wondering if Jensen’s going to get it, but then he laughs to himself. Of course he will, the fucker. And he does. Jeff steps up and he’s doing his best to pick a spot in the field where someone in blue isn’t, but Jared knows how it looks. It all blurs together and there are no empty spaces. It’s a long blue wall and they’re picking up everything off the ground, snatching every fly ball. But Jared’s not complaining because the Gamecocks are doing much the same. So it’s a good, tight game. And a brand new inning after Jeff pops out to short center and swings his bat at the ground with a healthy, “Damnit!”
Jared plays through the top of the third, watching Gabe field the first grounder, Jeff take care of a high pop-up, and Brian wait for a fly ball to return to earth and into his hands. The game’s going so quickly this way, with each team going three up and three down through to the fifth. Jared’s back up again and he thankfully has a runner in Gabe at first after he slapped a ball down between Tom and Aaron and his tiny legs carried him so quickly to first. Jared sweeps the bat at his ankles, like a hundred times before, and watches the baselines. Tom’s off first a bit, but Jared’s not sure he can sneak something in there. Aldis is covering third and giving a decent amount of space. Jared watches Mike’s pitch come in high and he doesn’t like it, lets it float by him for a ball. He sets back in the box and swings a few times, finally spotting his opening with Jensen playing due center in left field. He’s going for it.
The ball arcs in while it spins over itself, thanks to Mike’s loft. Jared swings early with all his might, pulling the ball left and even with third base. The spin on the ball keeps it in the air long enough to pass the base and stay fair before it hits the ground and rolls off. But Jared barely knows it because he’s tearing off to first without a glance. He speeds around the corner and sees Jensen racing in to grab the ball from the foul grass. For just one split second something tells him to stop, but he sees that Gabe already heading home and that Jensen pauses long enough to gage if he can get Gabe out. Instead, Jensen’s throwing to second and Jared’s sliding, left foot forward, cleat into the bag just as the ball makes it to Steve’s hands. Jared pops up, right foot on the middle of the base and he’s smiling enough to show he’s happy, but not so much to gloat.
He hears the guys on the bench cheering because it’s the first run for either team and it’s good. They’re not going to take it for granted, but it lets them breathe for just a second because they finally scored, so it’s not an impossible dream. Jared smiles a bit to his team, not just in sharing the happiness of a run, but also in the pride of getting the RBI to make this moment happen. He turns back to left field and sees Jensen inhale sharply then clap hard as he turns around to head back to his position. He’s got his hands on his hips and his head down until he gets to a good spot in the grass and turns back towards the diamond. Jared glances back a few times, hands on his own hips, and gives a smirk as if to say Nice try. You were close but I was closer.
Jensen lifts his hat to wipe at his forehead. It’s not entirely that hot and Jensen hasn’t been running around all too much, so Jared takes it as a tip of the hat then looks back to Dwayne, who’s up to bat. Three pitches later, Dwayne’s spiking a ball into short left, but Jensen’s wheeling it again while Jared’s sprinting to third, praying Jensen can’t get to it. The guy’s speed is remarkable and the timing is just as good because he’s diving forward and stopping the ball from hitting the ground. It pops out of his palms and as it comes back down and Jensen’s skidding on the grass, his left hand reaches out and grips the life out of it for the final out of the inning.
“Shit,” Jared complains with a tiny bit of wonder in his voice as he heads over to shortstop to start the next inning.
Jensen’s running towards the dugout and gives a smug smile back at Jared. He says quietly as they pass, “Saw you gloating.”
Jared just laughs and his mouth is wide in a smile for the first time since he’s been on the field. He kicks at the dirt in his area, wanting to make a mess before he finds the spot he’ll occupy. His right cleat swipes a line and he steps up to it. He pulls at the cloth of his shorts and bends to his typical fielding position, waiting for any balls to head his way. The only thing he gets here, in the bottom of the fifth, is Mike’s grounder to his left. He grabs it off the dirt and easily flips it to Gabe, who’s tagging second to get Aldis out then tossing it to first to get Mike.
Each team continues on. Allowing one or two baserunners, but locking down on the field and not letting anything to get home. The Gamecocks keep their 1-0 lead to the bottom of the final and seventh inning, and they’re buzzing on the field. Jared can feel his fingers twitching of their own command and there’s a sharp tingle rushing down his neck and halfway down his back. He wants this game to be done in three outs so badly. To win and take with him the glory of having the only RBI, to say he drove that one and only, game-winning run in? It would be the best thing all season and he’d take it with him into the fall and winter, knowing it’s all his. That he did this.
After Steve grounds out to Gabe, Aldis is up, all long and lean like Jared, and a threat for the longball. He takes two pitches before firing a shot out to left. The momentum on the ball lets up just enough to drop down in front of Brian before he can grab it. But he was speeding his way in and grabs it off one bounce and gets it into Jared before Aldis can even think about trying for second. Jared claps his hand against the ball in his other hand, and for once it’s not in anger. It’s more to settle his nerves because Aldis is on first with Tom up, Mike, and then Aaron. It’s the heart of their lineup and it’s feeling a little rough inside Jared’s stomach.
Jeff tosses some sharp pitches over to Tom, who’s taking his time and making Jeff give him something he can play with. It takes a full count for Tom to finally swing his hit perfectly between Jared and Gabe, who’s watching second for the incoming runner. Jared runs back towards the edge of the grass to stop it and the ball bounces twice before Jared can get his fingers on it. He flinches to second, but Aldis’s long legs took him there in seconds flat. Jared throws quickly but smartly to Chad to get Tom out just one step before he reaches the bag. He knows it was close and even one half-second to think more about throwing to second and they’d have two runners with just one out. But now they’re one out away from the end.
Chad, ball in hand, points at Jared and yells, “Yeah, you do this!”
Jared feels something swell in his chest and he breathes deep to try to settle it. They’re just one out away and he’s making it happen. He drove Gabe in the fifth, and now two innings later, he’s making perfect plays on the field to end it. Just a handful of pitches and they’re good.
Mike steps up, all determination, and takes the batter’s box like it’s his to own, legs stretched far. There’s a ball and a strike to the count before Mike connects with the ball, sending it along the third baseline. Dwayne moves so fast after it. It gets past him, but thankfully is foul. Dwayne’s still cursing himself because if only he could’ve stopped it, it’d be the third out and the game would be over. But Mike’s got himself a reprieve and he looks like his sole purpose now is to take advantage of it.
The next pitch is high and Jared’s sure he’s not going to take it, but he swings quick and hard and the ball is soaring just over Jared, just inches above his long reach of fingers off his high jump. It bounces and rolls into left, Brian charging at it and then throwing it into Jared for the cutoff. Jared can hear Aldis stomping his way around third as he gets the ball in his hands, and it’s not even a full second for Jared to turn and fire it home. His throw isn’t perfect, but it’s real damned close to John’s position and he grabs it from the air, applying the tag to Aldis. Jared’s ready to cheer, he’s hopping up but he lands with a hard thud when the ump calls it safe.
Going Deep erupts into tremendous noise at the run but all the Gamecocks in the infield, are heading in towards the ump, shouting and cursing for the bad call. Jared knows it was close, but he was so sure they edged it out. The ump won’t hear it, he’s just yelling at everyone to get back into position and get back to the game. Jared’s swearing to himself and pulling his hat off his head. He’s so close to firing it into the dirt, but he holds it together and knows that he can’t get too anxious because in all the fuss, Mike, who should’ve just been at first, got himself to second when the fielders tried to celebrate instead of watch what he was doing.
Jared knows they need to get back to playing and just finish this next batter. Take care of Aaron, and they can go extra innings, take back the lead and then it’s over. They’ve got it. Just get the ball to first and it’s theirs to take back. But he doesn’t have much time to think of how this is ready to be put in for the night because Aaron’s hitting Jeff’s first pitch and it’s a hard drive to Gabe, who fumbles with watching Mike take steps to third before firing to first and Aaron beats the throw.
He wants to curse again, because what should’ve been over two batters ago is now in danger with runners at the corners and two outs. Chris steps up to the plate and he looks just as determined as Mike was, face set like stone and body solid and still. He doesn’t waste time either and slaps a ball right back at Jeff. He tries to stop the ball, but it zips past him and Jared runs forward, scooping it up. He’s running in and throwing hard to John to get Mike out, to stop the winning run. The throw is aimed perfectly low so John can grab and just swipe at Mike’s leg, but it’s another close one as the guy slides into the plate and John moves his hands over and even from where Jared is, he can see it doesn’t make it and the run counts and the game’s over. Going Deep goes crazy and they’re storming Mike at home.
Jared drops to his knees, hands going to his head with his arms winged out to the air. His mouth is dropped open like he doesn’t believe it, but he sees Going Deep jumping all around Mike and soon enough they’re mostly piling on top of the guy while John scoots away from the group and kicks the dirt.
From the corners of his eyes, he can see Chad kick first base hard enough to unearth it. Gabe’s squatting low, holding his head and staring at the ground. Dwayne’s wiping an angry hand to the ground before walking back to their dugout. Jared falls forward, his forehead to the dirt. He covers his head, closes his eyes, doesn’t let any light into his mind. They just lost. Fucking lost and he can feel tears burning beneath his eyelids. And he can’t take it. He hears Going Deep still celebrating, and the pounding of his heartbeat is starting to rival the noise level. But it slows down as he feels a hand at his back, patting before it tries to soothe. When he sits back he sees Jeff, who crouches down and hugs him, tears in his eyes, too. “You did good, Jay.”
Jared doesn’t do much for Jeff’s embrace, but he does tuck his head against his neck, eyes hidden. “I fucking missed it,” Jared mumbles.
“My fault. It’s mine.”
Jared sighs and he kind of knows it is. His brother was never great at fielding line drives to his ankles. But Jared usually saved him from that. Always had as kids, through high school, and in this league. But this time he couldn’t and it cost them the game.
Jeff offers to help Jared up, but his legs are still shaky with emotion so he just crouches low to the ground. Jared settles elbows at his knees and holds his head down again thinking about how positively he’d felt just three batters ago. He’d gotten the only run in. He made an awesome throw to Chad to get Tom out. But it was his throw - a split second too late - that cost the game. The tears sting just as much as that notion.
Another hand is at his back, stroking down then down again. It stops at the small of his back and he hears the gravelly voice. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“Fuck,” he whines, the tears evident on his voice.
Jensen crouches beside him and his hand slides over Jared’s shoulder, this thumb and fingers pressing hard near his collarbone. “You were amazing.”
Jared shrugs, an elbow going out to push Jensen away, but the hand clamps around the back of his neck. He takes a deep breath and stays quiet, his breathing being his only noise.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Jared still won’t speak. Jensen adds forcefully, “You told me to not let you check out.”
Jared breathes heavily and finally picks up his head. He and Jensen are the only ones left on the diamond. His team is collecting their things in the dugout and Going Deep is bustling around theirs. He wants to tell Jensen to go celebrate with his team. That he wants a few more minutes on his own, and that he’s not ready to deal with this yet. But his mouth can’t work the words out. He just looks at Jensen with wet eyes and a flat face.
Jensen moves closer and removes his own hat. He’s keeping Jared with his gaze and the hand still around his neck; he’s not letting him go. “It’s okay.”
Jared numbly nods.
“You really were amazing. You stole my hit,” he adds with a tiny smirk.
The tense moment breaks and Jared gives an angry chuckle. “I wasn’t going to let you off the hook.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
Jared nods a little. “I just need some time.”
Jensen nods back and squeezes his hand once more. “You got it.”
He watches Jensen head back to his team, where he gives a few pats to guys’ backs as they talk and laugh and are smiling like giant idiots. Jared finally stands and slowly makes his way back to the Gamecocks. Jeff playfully grabs the back of his head and shakes it. “You did good, kiddo.”
“Yeah,” he mumbles as he sits at the bench and sulks a little bit more. The guys coast by him, patting his shoulder, giving a ‘good game,’ and basically commiserating over it while still giving Jared his due props.
From behind, Jeff squeezes at his shoulders. “You coming out?”
He sighs and spots Jensen still by his team. He wonders if Jensen is going to the bar to celebrate with Going Deep or if he’d be up to just hanging with him. Either way, Jared’s not even sure that he does want to go to the bar and share the same pathetic feeling they all have about the game. He does know he wants a beer or ten, so he nods while taking his cleats off. “I’ll get there eventually.”
Jeff squeezes again. “Sounds good.”
The guys make their way to the parking lot and Jared gets his flip flops on in relative peace. Going Deep is splitting off with a few guys heading to their cars and the others taking their time to get their things together. Jared’s alone on the bench for a minute or two and he just stares across the diamond, visualizing that last play and wondering where in the world he could recover just one second.
Chad plops down next to him with a sigh. “Well, this fucking burns.”
“Tell me about it,” Jared grumbles back before his brain can even remember he was pissed at the guy.
“That blind ump wouldn’t know his asshole from the Grand Canyon.”
Jared chuckles.
Chad nudges him with an elbow. “You need a ride to the bar?”
“No, I’m good.”
“You going though?”
Jared looks over and sees how Chad seems unsure and edgy, like he doesn’t know what Jared will say and it worries him that it won’t be good. It makes Jared feel a little better about their whole flare up because this is how he knows Chad feels bad. The guy won’t ever apologize - Jared can’t remember the last time he did without sprinkling some vulgarities and attitude in, like someone was forcing him to apologize - but this is pretty damned close. So Jared takes it and smiles a little. “Yeah. I’ll have Jensen drop me off.”
Chad steps over the bench and smacks the back of Jared’s head on his way. “You didn’t play too bad, Sally.”
Jared swings behind him, just nailing Chad in the back. “Thanks, dick.”
*
He doesn’t drink himself into oblivion like he’d been thinking of on the ride to the bar. He has enough to ease him up and laugh with the guys as they relive remarkable plays, errors, and hilarity from the whole summer. It’s nice and comfortable, especially when Jensen joins them and doesn’t leave the table except for refills or to piss. He joins in the humor and eventually they’re all sharing entertaining stories about random stuff in their lives that range from work to bad food to awesome drunken nights.
Jared’s not exactly good when they leave the bar at closing, but he’s feeling better. And when he and Jensen mess around and have sex, it, too, feels nice and comfortable. He’s not miserable the next day, but he’s subdued and sluggish. So they spend most of the day lounging on the couch in a tee and boxers each, watching any mind-numbing action movies they find on the TV. They don’t talk about the game or anyone on their respective team. In fact, much of the day is silent between them, but Jared appreciates just being there. He more than loves the fact that Jensen's joining him in this lazy day and not pushing him to deal with the loss.
He gets texts from a few of the guys, and he returns them with simple answers. I’m staying here for a while he tells Chad. I’ll be okay he tells Jeff. And by the time they go to bed that night, he’s a bit better. It takes the next morning for him to feel semi-okay.
On Tuesday, Jared is at work and feeling relatively good. There’s nothing major going on, but they’ve had some solid sales throughout the day and he just has a very calm feeling inside. He’s been holding onto this calm since Sunday morning, when he woke up and the loss was no longer his issue. The fact that the season was over and he could just focus on work and Jensen was the only thing on his mind. And it felt good.
Around seven, he’s checking stock by the basketballs and is shocked by Chad coming from behind and flapping a bunch of pamphlets at the back of his head. “Team meeting.”
“What?” Jared looks around and sees the guys standing near the weight benches. “What’re you talking about?”
“It’s Tuesday, dude.”
“It’s September, dumbass.”
Chad’s already walking away, so Jared gives in and follows. He stops behind Jeff and listens to Chad as he shuffles through the papers in his hands.
“So, there’s Thursdays in Lincoln Park. Saturday mornings in Wicker Park.” A few people groan and he adds in, “Yeah, I know, I know.”
Jared nudges his brother. “What’s he talking about?”
Jeff smiles when he looks over his shoulder. “New leagues.”
Chad continues talking over Jared and Jeff’s quiet conversation. “Fridays in Bucktown? That might be our best bet to keep things close, yeah?”
“Why?” Jared asks.
Jeff smirks. “You wanna keep losing the Championship?”
“Not really, no."
"You wanna keep playing against Tom?"
Jared is fully capable of saying no, but he doesn't want to acknowledge that they're changing leagues for him. "But you guys really wanna leave? We’ve been there for years.”
Chad is still going. “We had a few weeks where you dicks couldn’t show up and we were scrambling to fill the roster. So I'm bringing in a couple extras just so you fuckers don’t screw us. Okay?”
Jeff throws an arm around Jared’s shoulders and brings him forward. “Sometimes it’s good to change, yeah?”
Jared’s shrugging, but he’s not looking at his brother anymore because he sees Jensen standing a few people away with his arms crossed like he’s here for serious business. Jared leans forward to see him better. Jensen’s smile is small and he nods just enough for Jared to see it.
“Jay? You mind waiting ‘til I’m done?” Chad asks, annoyed.
He points a finger in Jensen’s direction “I just …”
Chad rolls his eyes. “Think you can play with your boyfriend without having to suck him off every ten minutes?”
Jared looks between Chad and Jensen and eventually they’re both smiling at him and Jeff’s patting him on the back. So he’s smiling, too. “Yeah, I think I can manage.”
-----
Done