J2 AU RPS: I Think It’s Time to Give This Game a Ride (3/4)

[dugindeep]

Previous

It takes a few beers before Jared opens up. He’s pretty quiet and everyone tries to talk around him, but he suddenly calls out during a lull in conversation, “How the fuck did I not know?”

“You didn’t?” Gabe asks.

“What? Like everyone else did?”

Jeff leans forward. “Jay, seriously? How could you not know?”

Jared throws his fingers into his chest - it still kind of hurts, but he’s doing his best to hide the pain he’s got going on everywhere. “That’s what I’m asking!”

Chad takes a deep breath and waves a quick hand to everyone else before he leans forward. “You really didn’t know?”

He’s almost shouting now because he just cannot believe it. Believe it’s true, and that his whole team knew and he didn’t. “No! I didn’t!”

Gabe looks confused. “Like, you guys never talked about it?”

“No. Not once,” Jared replies, smacking his hand at the table. “He never said it.” He smacks the table again. “Jesus. He never asked how the games were.” He throws a hand into the air. “He already knew!”

Chad repositions himself and gets a little closer to Jared. “Jay, just think about it for a second here,” he starts carefully. But then he goes on with the typical Chadness of being short and crabby. “You fucking met him here. He was always fucking here.”

“I thought it was for me!”

He’s shushed up by Chad because Going Deep is entering the bar, all dusted up in their blue shirts and black shorts. They spread out to grab pitchers at the bar before moving to the far corner. But Jared doesn’t ignore how most of them look over at the table. And he can’t help but wonder what’s going on when Jensen isn’t with them.

Which makes him suddenly declare, “That fucker was never in uniform!”

Everyone seems to let Jared off the hook for a moment as they recall that Jensen always showed up in a tee shirt and jeans, looking casual and clean. Like he’d just showered … and that dawns on Jared. Jensen always came in so much later because he’d go home, shower, and come back out. Jared feels like an idiot to the nth degree and has no one to blame this on. Because he never asked what Jensen did on his Fridays before coming out to Kenny’s. He never thought to ask why Jensen kept baseball bats in the coat closet or how he actually owned a few pairs of cleats that looked broken in. And he had so heartily hated Going Deep all season long that even when one guy was nice to him, he ignored him and didn’t realize it was Jensen, giving him praise and congratulations.

He’s drawn from his thoughts when he sees Tom and Mike enter the bar with Jensen behind them. Jared scowls at the sight of the three together, but then he just stares as the two go one way and Jensen heads toward him. He hasn’t changed; he’s still in his dark shorts and sandy jersey tee with the hat on, shielding most of his face. So Jared’s really unsure of things when he asks him to step outside so they can talk.

Jared realizes he’s not so much pissed anymore because Jensen’s in front of him and he’s realizing that he could really fuck everything up if he throws a temper tantrum just because the guy’s on the other team. Yeah, it pisses him off to hell, and he almost wishes he could have gone through the rest of the season under the covers to the fact that his boyfriend even liked softball. Let alone played in his league with those assholes.

“What’s wrong?” Jensen asks as soon as they’re out the front doors.

Jared takes a deep breath because he feels so stupid in this moment. But he says it anyway. “I didn’t even know you played.”

“What?”

“I didn’t know that you played. That you were in my league. That you were on …” Jared points back at the bar and his voice and face get angry. “That team.”

“How could you not?” Jensen asks him, like he’s the stupidest person on the planet.

He pretty much feels that way. “You never said anything about it!”

“Because I thought you were all up for rivalries and not mentioning it. Like ‘don’t talk about Fight Club.’”

“Shit,” Jared huffs, pushing hair away from his face and turning away.

“Jare, c’mon. It’s just softball.”

There, he wheels around and fires back. “No, it’s isn’t just fucking softball! It’s, it’s … it’s fucking them!” Again he points angrily to the bar.

“You do realize they don’t hate you even half as much as you guys hate them?”

Jared wants to tear his hair out because Jensen is being too calm and acting like this is all just a little road block for them to talk through. Like he always does. Jensen never gets mad; he goes quiet and easy, and they talk things out. Jared craves the anger and the yelling and the chance to just get the frustrations out, but Jensen never gives him that. And it’s killing Jared. He wants to scream and throw shit and punch someone, but Jensen keeps staring at him like it’s not a big deal. Jared steps away and calms a little, but he’s still loud. Just not as angry. “Jen! It’s them! You can’t … there is no way you play with them!”

“What is the big deal? It’s just a dumb rivalry.”

“No! No, it’s fucking not!” He huffs again and finally asks miserably, “How do you even know them?”

“I used to work with Mike and Tom.”

Jared flinches at the name, because he’d promised himself that night in Jensen’s bathroom that he wouldn’t use it again. It shocks him how much it still hits him.

“What’s the problem?”

Jared tries for even breathing. He pushes his palms into the air and goes back to Jensen. “Jen, it’s him. He’s the one.”

Jensen shakes his head. “Who?”

His hands settle on Jensen’s shoulders for support and he finally says it. “Tom. He’s the fucking guy.”

Jensen holds onto his elbows to keep him close. “What guy, Jared?!”

“The one who … he …” Jared is stunned by his inability to even say it. He really thought he was past this the minute he realized how much he cared for Jensen. And he’d already told him the story, but putting a face to the criminal is serving to be difficult. “The one I told you about.” When Jensen’s face won’t open up with the realization, he continues. “That got me. That … the cheating.”

“Tom?” Jensen finally asks. “You were with Tom?”

“Yeah.”

It doesn’t take Jensen long to even it all out, like he usually does. Like he did that night they went from just randomly screwing to being together. Jared kind of loves how Jensen just takes things in and deals - he sort of wishes he had that power, especially right now. “You don’t want me to play with them because he hurt you?”

Jared finally smiles. “Yes! Exactly!”

“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Jared frowns. “What?”

Jensen moves his hands to Jared’s shoulders and they squeeze with meaning. “Look, I’m sorry he did that. Really. You know that. But you are not asking me to quit the team.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s ridiculous!”

Jared nearly screeches, “Well, I’m not quitting!”

“I didn’t ask you to!”

Jared shrugs away from Jensen and stalks a few feet away. “Well, what then?”

Jensen’s voice goes easy. “Jared, I don’t care that you’re on the other team. I thought it was funny, actually.”

He shakes his head and looks down, resting a hand at the back of his neck. His laugh is humorless. “Fucking hysterical.”

Jensen gets closer and his tone, again, is a little playful. “Seriously, how did you not know? I was always trying to talk to you.”

Jared sighs and realizes there’s no easy way out of this conversation without him being a complete and utter baby. He takes an incredibly deep breath and faces Jensen, reaching a finger out to flick the brim of his cap. “Your face was always hidden. I thought you were just some other douchebag.” Then it hits Jared and he smacks Jensen’s shoulder. Hard, because this is how he’ll get his anger out. “You’re the asshole who stole my homer!”

Jensen laughs with pain as he rubs his arm. “Yeah. I thought that’s why you came up to me in the bar that night.”

He snorts and pushes at Jensen’s shoulder again. “It was just because you were hot.”

“Were?”

Jared sighs and shakes his head. He moves in close, dipping his head beneath the edge of Jensen’s hat. “I guess you still are,” he says pitifully, like he’s giving in but doesn’t like it. Because he really doesn’t. He kisses Jensen then backs off with another sigh. “You’re seriously not going to quit?”

Jensen shakes his head and still looks like he can’t believe Jared would bother asking. “Not right before the playoffs.”

“How about before you play us in the championship?”

“I’ll think about it … but you’d have to make it there.”

Jared sees Jensen’s look and it’s a cross between playful and smug. So he punches him in the chest. “Fucker.”

Jensen’s smirking and pushes a hand at Jared’s chest. “How’s your ankle?”

He looks down at it and sighs. Then he frowns because in all the rush of being pissed with Jensen for being on Going Deep, he’d actually forgotten about the pain for a little while but it’s back now. “I’ll live.”

Jared doesn’t say more so Jensen leans closer and takes a peak from under the lid of his hat. “We okay?”

He sighs and goes back to the bar. “I need a beer.”

*

They’re relatively okay. Jared doesn’t bring it up and neither does Jensen. So it feels basically like nothing ever happened, except Jared won’t stay the night anymore. He still sees Jensen every day because after trying not to that Sunday, he realized it kind of sucked and gave up on the whole embargo. But he’s not going to stay the night and is usually creeping out once Jensen’s sleepy. He knows it’s ridiculous, but he’s suddenly thinking about ways that Jensen could use this to Going Deep’s advantage. Like they’ll know how slowly his ankle is healing (he’s going to play, there’s no doubt on that, but he doesn’t need people to know about it) and that they should go to his right and make him re-injure himself or make it worse. He’s suddenly leery about even mentioning any of the guys on his team because what if he suddenly lets it out that Chad can’t lay off deep pitches, thinking the angle’s going to help him, but all that happens is he grounds out. Or maybe he’ll slip out that Jeff’s not so great handling balls hit right back at him - as evidenced by the game two weeks ago when he fumbled it and Jared came up to relieve him. He just doesn’t need to chance it.

He knows it’s foolish and that Jensen knows it’s happening, and more so that Jensen thinks it’s irrational for him to be suddenly so careful of what he says, like Jensen would be a spy. And Jensen’s told him this numerous times, and each time Jared admits he knows it’s dumb, but he’s doing it. That they won’t discuss anything to deal with softball or the people on either team until after the season’s over. Then they can go back to normal. That if Jensen believed they were playing ‘don’t talk about Fight Club’ then they would continue doing so.

The whole thing doesn’t just fuck up his relationship with Jensen or his mind, it’s blowing his play. In addition to his ankle, which he contends is perfectly fine (it’s not, he wraps it under his socks and is constantly giving more effort to his left), he screws up a few plays on the field by not focusing. And everyone knows it. It’s not enough to cost the first game in the playoffs against Survivors, who they had beat easily during their July assault. They still win 8-6, but it’s just like with Jimmy’s Pub, the game that he hurt himself. In the last few innings, he fumbles easy grounders, he twists funny to grab at line drives, and he mishears Dwayne call ‘got it!’ thinking it was ‘get it!’ and they run into each other and mess up that whole play. The game should’ve easily been slaughter rule again, but he hit into two double plays, and on the field he gave away a few extra baserunners that wound up scoring. He’s absolutely lost.

At the bar, most everyone is ignoring him, like that’ll help things. It only makes him pissier. Enough so that he’d rather just go home and be on his own than watch his friends have fun and purposely not include him. He asks Chad for his keys and the guy gives his patented “Fuck off.”

“C’mon. I’m just going home.”

“How the hell’m I getting home?”

“Gabe?” Jared shrugs and eyes the shortstop.

“Dude,” he responds. “Do not get me into this.”

“Into what?” Jared asks, a bit bothered because Gabe just turns and ignores him again. He sighs and looks at Chad again. “Dude, come on. Just gimme the keys.”

“Fuck. Off.”

Jared scowls at that and wonders why Chad’s being especially douchey tonight and hardly saying more than two words to him at a time or not even bothering to look at him. Jared knows he’s been playing shitty the last two weeks with the whole Jensen issue, and his brother, Dwayne, and Chad each have dropped hints about him needing to cool off and get over the games (read: the way Jensen is fucking up his mind and thus his playing). But he’s just shrugging them off with attitude and telling them to leave him alone, that nothing’s wrong. Even when everything is.

It’s worse on Tuesday when the guys show up for their meeting and crowd around the weight benches again. Chad’s not screwing around on the treadmill or an elliptical, like normal, and everyone else is kind of serious for once. Jared’s not even looking forward to dealing with them right now, but he’s basically hoping that they’ll act like nothing’s wrong and just let everyone get back to the business of playing softball. As soon as he’s in the area, he can tell that’s not what’s going to happen.

Chad clears his throat and looks to the paper in his hands. It’s his notes on what to bring up (he takes these meetings a bit too seriously sometimes). “First order of business. Batting practice on Thursday instead of the meeting. 7pm at Stan’s. Yeah?”

Jared purses his lips and crosses his arms at his chest but doesn’t say anything.

“Jared?” Chad asks tightly.

“Some of us have to work.”

“Then find your own batting cages.” He pauses, waiting for Jared to say more, but when he doesn’t, he looks at his sheet and continues. “Two. You all gotta get your ears fucking cleaned out and listen on the field. People are making calls and other people aren’t listening.”

And Jared sighs again because he knows Chad is talking about when he misheard Dwayne and they screwed up that play.

“Yeah?” Chad asks, angry and staring right at him.

“Nothing,” he replies rather miserably.

“Third. I don’t wanna see any more whining or crying or pouting out there. We’re the fucking Gamecocks and we gotta act like we always do, alright?” Jared glares again, about to actually say something, but Chad cuts in. “Which leads me to four, and Jared?”

“Yeah?” Jared asks tiredly.

“Will you make up with your gay boyfriend so you can stop whining and crying and pouting and just fucking play?”

He crosses his arms tighter. “There’s nothing to make up. We’re fine.”

“Right. Because as much as I hated not seeing you when you were living up his asshole? I fucking hate seeing you mope around the couch and taking up my porn time. Go talk to him.”

Jared grumbles, “Whatever,” and moves away from the area, doing some actual work for the first Tuesday night all summer.

He’s on edge for the next half hour, waiting for any of the guys to come up and add on to the pep talk. But they don’t. And that just makes him more pissed.

*

That Wednesday and Thursday he makes his way out to the batting cages on his own and blows Jensen off. He knows it’s awful, but he’s not going to hear the end of it from the guys if he shows up on Friday and plays badly. And yeah, Jensen and him … whatever’s going on … it’s messing with his brain. But he figures if he just gets some space from it all, it’ll make its way out of his head and let him play how he’d been doing all summer.

It isn’t until Friday when he’s there early, taking the El from work and walking over to the field - avoiding Chad as much as possible and only giving a short text Meet there - that he realizes this plan to just sort of ignore Jensen until the playoffs are over is quite possibly one of the stupidest things he’s ever thought up.

Going Deep is on the field and playing well and it should bother him, but he sees Jensen walk to the batter’s box and he has to watch. Because even when he faced Jensen back in early June, he didn’t know it was him and he didn’t have these feelings for the guy. Seeing him set at the plate is an unearthly kind of turn on that Jared didn’t know was possible. He’d always enjoyed watching Tom play way back when, appreciating the athleticism and how mechanical Tom was about everything he did. His swing was always pitch-perfect and his fielding was timed to the second. But here, Jensen is loose and pliable. Easily rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet and waiting for the pitch.

When he shoots the ball out to right field, his first steps are immediate and quick. Jensen claps as he sees the ball roll out further from the fielder’s reach and he speeds up to round first and stroll into second for an easy standup double. Jared breathes deep and realizes he’s kind of happy for Jensen right there. It was a solid, well-placed hit with just the right amount of power on it to get him into second easily. And his running was effortless and smart, not trying to overdo it, but giving enough speed to get where he needed to be. Smart and effective. Like he is with Jared when they’re together. Not overdoing it, but getting it done efficiently.

Jared rests head at the top seat of the bleachers and thinks about it for just a few seconds. On how stupid he’s been and that he wants things to go back how they were. And who cares if Jensen wears Going Deep blue? He doesn’t wear it every other day of the week, and it’s not like being on the team makes him an automatic asshole. Because he’s a pretty awesome boyfriend and good and fun for Jared, so he must be the exception to the rule.

When he looks back up, he sees Jensen pull his batting gloves off and stick them in his shorts pockets. He adjusts his hat and is watching the bleachers, seeing Jared. Jensen steps his other foot onto the bag and then steps to his left. Then another quick movement to go back to his right and take a small leadoff. Like he’s rearranging himself because it’s strange to find Jared there. Two pitches go foul and a few are tracked as balls, and during that at-bat, Jensen swings his hat around so the brim points behind him and he goes so far as to raise his sunglasses. Jared knows he’s been seen, and he just rests his chin on his arms, continuing to hide behind the bleachers and just watch. Everyone knows what happened when Jensen watched Jared play and blew his mind. He doesn’t really want the same to happen here.

And it doesn’t. Because the next batter’s on with a quick single, easily sending Jensen to third. Then Tom’s up and he rockets a ball into left-center so Jensen can jog his way home. He gives fives to his teammates for the run and makes his way out towards the bleachers.

“Hey.”

Jared almost frowns because he really feels like an asshole but doesn’t know what to say. He raises a feeble hand. “Hey.”

Jensen steps up a few planks and settles near Jared, but far enough to not be forced. “Where’s everyone at?”

Jared looks up to him, feeling kind of stuck and not knowing how to take the situation. He only intended to waste his time watching another game before they had to play. He didn’t realize it was Jensen’s, but then he couldn’t not watch Jensen. And right now, he feels like he can’t talk to him because he doesn’t know what to say, but at the same time, he can’t not talk to Jensen. He shrugs and looks at his hands as the fingers twine together. “It’s still a little early.”

He sees Jensen nod, but he’s watching the play on the field. Which makes the conversation even harder for Jared. “Who’re you playing?”

“Masterbatters.”

“Gonna win?”

Jared can hear the smirk in Jensen’s voice, which lets him smile a tiny bit. Just a bit. “I sure hope so. We beat them good during the season.”

“Was it a slaughter?”

“Yeah. But who knows now?”

Jensen glances back quickly. “Why?”

Jared shrugs again. “My ankle’s still messed up. And they’re all pissed at me.”

Jensen turns a bit to look at him from over his shoulder. He asks awkwardly, “Chad just dump you off?”

“No. I took the train.” When Jensen’s eyebrows go high, he further explains. “I didn’t want to deal with them. I came straight from work.”

Someone yelling “Shit!” from the field breaks the conversation and they realize Going Deep’s back on the field. Jensen moves down the seats, but stops near the end and looks at him. “You hanging around a little?”

Jared catches his breath and nods.

Jensen nods and hustles out to left field so the inning can start up. Jared is getting pretty into the game - he’s always loved baseball and softball and wouldn’t not play for any reason in the world, he’s pretty sure. So when he realizes he’s actually not going anywhere any time soon, especially after telling Jensen he wasn’t, he settles on the top rung of the bleachers and watches. He’s not even sure what the score is, but Going Deep has to be winning because he knows they scored a good four or five runs that last inning and they’re expertly keeping the competition from getting on base.

Jared sees a big, tall beast of a guy at the plate and he knows that guy is the batter on that team; he always rocketlaunches the ball far back on nearly anyone. When the Gamecocks play that team, he’s pretty much responsible for the only runs they allow, because they just can’t stop him. But Jared’s speechless when the ball is socked into the air like speeding missile, hanging so hard with the clouds, and Jensen’s racing out far and keeping up with the thing. He’s watching the arc it takes up and eventually loses as it plummets back down to earth with such velocity that Jared knows it’s going to hurt someone. Jensen’s still running after it and eventually leaps out, two arms stretched as far as possible, and grabs the thing inches from the grass. He thumps hard into the ground and Jared can just imagine the wince on Jensen’s face and how those fingers are going to sting with the speed of that falling ball. But he just rolls over like it’s nothing and raises his hand, ball in his palm. And Jared’s smirking just a bit because Jensen just stole that godzilla’s homerun and he knows how that feels. But also because it's Jensen’s and he’s impressed with his fielding.

Going Deep finishes the game just minutes later, having easily ended the inning and taking slaughter rule. It puts them in the final round, which makes the Gamecocks’ already-important game even higher on the list of things to do right. They win tonight and they’re facing Going Deep in the Championship Game next Friday. Jared wants that so badly, but he’s still feeling awkward about the whole my-boyfriend-plays-for-the-enemy thing.

Jensen settles back on the bleachers, apparently ignoring how the rest of the team is eyeing Jared oddly. Jared scruffs fingers at the back of his head and Jensen’s watching him. He slides over to bump Jared’s knee. “Don’t worry about it.” Actually, Jensen hadn’t ignored it.

He grumbles back, “Too late for that.”

Jensen bumps his knee again. “How’ve you been?”

Jared shrugs. “I saw you Monday.” Jensen’s glare is not entirely pissed but it’s not undeserved, either. “Yeah, I know. I suck, alright?”

“Yeah, you kinda do. So what’s the deal? We breaking up or something?”

Jared’s thrown by how easily the words slip out of Jensen’s mouth. Though, it kind of makes sense, given how easy and steady Jensen has always been when they’re having issues. Like he just has to say it and have it be done, no messing around and hiding things. It’s hard compared to Jared’s typical nature of yelling, ignoring things, and then going back to normal when the storm blows over. But Jared also realizes he doesn’t really want to let this slip through his fingers. “No.”

“Then what’s up?”

He takes a deep breath and can’t stop watching Going Deep all around them, like they’re just taking their time to make him more miserable.

Jensen grabs his elbow. “Let’s go to the car.”

Jared rises and sighs in relief. As soon as they’re out of eyesight, he relaxes and talks. And talks. “Look, I’m sorry. I know I’m a baby about this shit. I don’t know what to do about it, and it’s bothering me, too. And it’s worse because the guys are all giving me shit and it’s making me play like ass. I don’t want it to be like this. I want it just to be the way it’s been the last few months.”

So easily, as he always does, Jensen replies level-headed. “It doesn’t have to be different.”

“But it is.”

He huffs a little. “No, Jared, it’s not. We’ve been playing this whole time. You just didn’t know it before.”

Jared sighs. “That’s kind of a big deal, you know?”

“Just knowing?”

“Yeah.” Jared turns away and sees all the blue shirts still by the bleachers, and then he catches a few green tees making their way to the field. It’s Chad, Gabe, and John. Seconds later, his phone is ringing in his pocket.

Chad barks at him, “Where’re you at?”

“I’m in the lot. I’ll be there in a few.” He sees Chad turn their way and he gives a pathetic wave in return.

Chad rambles off quickly. “You better be making things right. You’re a complete asshole when you’re single.”

He snorts. “Thanks. I’ll remember that next time you ask for money.”

“Four years? Asshole. Three months and you’re an angel. Fix it.”

Jared harps back, “Shut up, dick.”

“Whatever, this is old.” And the line is dead.

“Everything okay?” Jensen asks.

He sighs again while staring at his phone. “Yeah. Apparently I’m supposed to apologize and make everything okay now.”

“Well, if that wasn’t so pathetic, it’d almost be adorable.”

Jared looks up and sees Jensen’s smirk, but he also sees a little bit of annoyance. He knows he’s awful at apologizing and dealing with these sorts of things. He’s never been good at it. He always pouts and crabs, and makes it worse. And it’s likely not to change anytime soon, but he’d like the chance to do it. Which is exactly what he tells Jensen. Ending the whole ramble with a pitiable, “You know, if you’d give me that chance. And, like, help me through this.”

Jensen sighs, shaking his head. But then he’s moving close and his hands tightly grip at either side of Jared’s jaw, nearly shaking him. “What the hell’m I gonna do with you?”

He shrugs a little and his face shows a degree of uncertainty. “Keep me?”

“Fuck,” he sighs, nearly smirking. “You are actually really good at apologizing. You know that?”

Jared can’t bring himself to smile, even if he realizes that Jensen’s accepting his pathetic apology. Because he still feels like an asshole that there was anything to say sorry for in the first place. “No, I didn’t.”

“Man, you just turn on the sad eyes and let it all leak out. How’m I supposed to say no?”

Jared finally feels a little good. Not great, but it is the best he’s felt since the whole thing blew up two weeks ago, he’s pretty sure, so that’s something. His voice gets a little humor. “I don’t think you’re supposed to. Really, you shouldn’t. Because I’m kind of ridiculously hot and the sex is unbelievable.”

Jensen’s hands ease up and slide down to Jared’s neck, holding softly. “I think you should stop while you’re ahead.”

“Alright,” he relents.

“How’s your ankle?”

“It’s fine,” he answers easily. But then Jensen’s glaring at him and he sighs for like the twentieth time since he got to the field. “It’s getting there.”

Jensen’s hand sweeps the side of his head and when it settles, his thumb rubs just before his ear. “You gotta take care of it.”

“I am.”

“If you’re gonna pout next week, it better not be because it hurts too much to play good. It better be because we beat you.”

“Asshole,” Jared grumbles as he pushes a fist into Jensen’s stomach. “We are not losing.”

Jensen playfully slaps at Jared’s head. “Gotta win tonight first.”

“Not gonna lose tonight either.” Jared punches him again, a little harder. When Jensen winces, Jared tugs on his elbow. “Hey, I’m sorry.”

Jensen watches him and he can hear more in it - it’s not just for hitting him a bit too hard, but for the last two weeks. He catches Jared's shoulder and squeezes. “So now what? Can we hug? I don’t even know how you are with this public stuff.”

Jared chuckles because even when Jensen came out every week to the bar, they just sat side by side and barely touched more than a few bumped knees. It never felt weird; he just really liked having Jensen with him and kept all the touching to when they were alone. And maybe a little to save the guys from watching them, and a little to save him and Jensen the hassle of Chad berating them for being too touchy. “Yeah, whatever. I’m a total hugger,” he says as his arms wrap Jensen against his chest. “You’ll see a lot of this when we win next week.”

Jensen embraces him back just as firm, palms pressing into Jared’s back and his cheek pressed against Jared’s. “You mean you’ll be crying on shoulders when we win?”

He sighs and squeezes hard. “Can we make a deal? I promise to actually stay the night if we don’t talk about this.”

Jensen slides back a few inches to see his face. “You’re really that bothered about this?”

He shrugs within the hold they’re not releasing. “I just … Not to be a pussy, but I just want you back. None of the other bullshit.”

Jensen’s hand slides up to the back of Jared’s head and he smiles kindly. “For the record. You can be a pussy any time you want. I won’t take offense.”

Jared sighs harshly. “Well, I will. Especially when Chad and Jeff rip me a new asshole for it.”

“What is Chad doing anywhere near your asshole?”

He rolls his eyes and moves back, slapping a palm at Jensen’s cheek in fun. “It’s a figure of speech, jerk.”

Jensen teasingly smacks him back in the face. “It’s a joke, dick.”

That last word goes right to Jared’s head and he realizes that while he was getting laid every day for the last two months, it’s been since Monday and he really does miss Jensen. In his knee-jerk, ‘don’t be too serious’ way, he smirks. “Speaking of dick, can I come over tonight?”

“You gonna stay the night?”

“It depends. You couldn’t have lost your touch in five days, right?”

Jensen smacks him again, but then latches on to his neck and pulls him in for a kiss. After a few seconds, he leans away. “This okay?”

Jared squints and his hand goes up to Jensen’s head in the same way. “Yeah, it’s good.”

They kiss a bit more until Jared’s phone is going off again for texts and he’s sure it’s Chad checking in or demanding he come to the field. And it’s basically a combination of the two. You gaybags gonna do this all day or do you feel like joining the rest of us assholes and play?

Jared laughs and looks at Jensen. “I’m being paged.”

“Yeah, alright.” Jensen scratches the back of his head. “I’d stick around, but last time I did …”

He chuckles, but is fairly disappointed. He’d like it to be okay, but he might be too frazzled and unfocused. “Yeah, no, I know.” Jared’s phone sounds off again and he finds the text Let’s go asshole.

“I’ll just get you at the bar.”

“Yeah?” Jared asks, a little surprised.

Jensen waves a hand out. “Yeah. Totally. But only if you win.” He pushes his hand at Jared, enough that he moves back, but then Jensen grabs onto his shirt to bring him back for a quick kiss.

And they do win. Quite easily in fact. It’s not that Jared’s back to his energetic, crazy, phenomenal play. He’s just a little calmer on the field and he’s not making dumb mistakes that rub off on everyone else. So everyone is fielding normal and the hitting is solid, nothing out of control, but enough to get a few runs on the board and keep the Masterbatters to a lone run.

At Kenny’s, it’s easy going and everyone is talking and doing just fine. Like they were never pissed at Jared for three weeks. Like they never wanted to strangle the guy. Or like Chad never gave him a lecture in front of everyone about how his love life was fucking up the whole team. Jared realizes this is where he got that in his life - to just ignore everything then take it back after it’s blown over. And it worked with these guys, but Jensen is more to him and it doesn’t work there. So he knows he has stuff to work on because he doesn’t want it to be this way with Jensen. He wants it to work like it did for the entire month of July, where there were no problems and no hissy fits and Jared had nothing to even think about.

And that thought takes him through the first few beers he’s handed while he’s waiting on Jensen. During his third beer it really hits him that they’re playing Going Deep next week for the Championship, that Jensen’s on that team, that he has to play Jensen.

“Hey, Sally,” Chad interrupts his thoughts. “Get us a few more pitchers.”

“Dude. I’m not your waiter.”

“You owe us,” he replies, staring Jared down.

And he knows he means for how things have been the last few weeks and he wants to mouth off. But he decides to just take it and get the refills. It’s while he’s at the bar that he finally spots Jensen, leaving the bathroom and heading to the far back corner where all of Going Deep is, drinking and laughing and having a ball. He texts Jensen while he waits for the refills. At the bar. What’s the plan for tonight?

Jared watches Jensen check his phone while nodding to whatever Mike is saying, and then he’s laughing heartily, head tipping back then falling forward and staying there while he’s shaking with the humor. The phone is still in his hand, but he’s not using it to return anything to Jared. Instead, he’s returning words to Mike and they’re still laughing and Jared has no idea what’s going on and he’s kind of freaking out. Where he would usually go back to his seat and sulk, he stops himself and thinks about how this should really go. He should just freaking go over there. He knows. Because texting Jensen when he can actually see him is pretty pathetic. And he knows this. God, all the things Jared knows about himself but doesn’t really do - or not do, more importantly - could fill so many books to stack in the two-bedroom apartment he shares with Chad.

So he just steels himself and allows time for Jensen to reply. Time to bring pitchers back to the table and time to just relax. But that time slips quickly and when he cranes his head to the corner, Jensen is still laughing with Mike and Aldis and Aaron and it’s still bugging the crap out of Jared. He can see Jeff looking in the corner, too, like he’s wondering what Jared is so interested in. He taps Jared’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

Jared shakes his head and sips his beer. “Nothing.”

Jeff looks back again and spots Jensen there. “I thought everything was okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine,” he waves off.

“Jay?”

He pushes a hand out again. “Just let it go.” His brother is eyeing him and hard, not letting him let this go. Jared takes another sip of his beer, a long one this time, and stands up. “Alright, fine. I’m being an adult. Shit.”

It takes some slow steps and careful breathing, but Jared finally makes it back there and is surprised that the whole table doesn’t go quiet. Just a few of them do and Aaron laughs. “How’s the ankle, sweetheart?”

Jared smirks as best he can and stands closest to Jensen’s chair, because he still isn’t comfortable in enemy territory. He’d never liked Aaron for all the time he’d known him. Even back when he was with Tom, because the guy was smug as hell and always gave him shit (okay, yeah, Chad is, too, but at least he has some loyalties and is actually fun).

A few others look his way and he hears Jensen call out, “Hey, there you are!”

Jared sees how big his smile is and he’s pretty sure he hasn’t seen him grin that largely outside of them being alone, so it’s a little alarming.

“C’mon!” Jensen encourages, nudging Mike to slide a seat down so there’s one empty between them. “Sit down, have a beer.”

Jared glances at Jensen then across the table with furrowed eyebrows and shallow breathing. They pretty much have the same face Jared thinks he’s showing: confused but absolutely unhappy with the idea. “Nah, it’s okay. I’m gonna go back there, but let me know when you’re ready.”

“Jensen?” Tom asks with an amused voice. “You didn’t tell us this was the kid!”

The word ‘kid’ goes right to Jared’s stomach, especially it being Tom’s voice, and he wants to just run away. But no, he’s going to deal with this as rationally as possible.

“Yeah,” Jensen smiles, grabbing onto Jared’s hand. “This’s my guy.”

“Huh. That’s pretty interesting,” Tom replies.

“I know, right?” Jensen laughs. “I guess I have you to thank for that, huh?”

Jared swallows because this is not how he saw this going. And because it’s now that he realizes that Jensen’s pretty drunk and he really has no idea where else it will go.

Tom tips his head to the side and then looks to Jared. “Jare, interesting. Still trying to fuck the league?”

“You still trying to fuck Aaron’s mom?” And there is Chad, his loyal companion and brother in battle. He pats Jared on the back for support.

The way Jared and Chad smirk together and Tom’s face goes white is enough for Jensen, who is laughing again, nearly in giggles.

“Ohh, right,” Chad goes on. “I’d almost forgotten about that New Year’s Party. Shit, man, you really take the cake.”

Jensen turns in his chair, slapping a hand at Chad’s chest. “Dude, you’re a dick, but you’re good.”

Jared tugs on Jensen’s other hand. “I’m hungry, you?”

“Yeah, that’s cool,” he replies easily and leaves the table without another word to his team.

Chad leans forward with a hand on his chest and the kindest face Jared’s ever seen him use, like he’s actually trying to be nice. “We’ll see you bitches next week?” He pauses for a moment then smiles wider. “Sounds good. See ya!” and he holds his middle finger behind his head as they walk away.

They settle back at the Gamecocks table and everyone’s watching. Jeff looks especially concerned. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Jared says as easily as possible. He hopes it can just be forgotten and no one will give him a hard time about it. He directs Jensen to a seat and sits next to him

It’s Chad who laughs and smacks Jared on the back a few times. “Jared told those dicks off. It’s good.”

Jared eyes his friend, who nearly winks, and sits back down.

“Oh, also,” Chad starts, spreading his hands out for attention. “Jensen’s drunk, so let’s get this bitch going.”

Indeed they do, because in addition to the three beers and three shots he had with Going Deep, Chad insists on three more shots and countless more beers. It’s Jared driving Jensen’s car back to his apartment and dealing with a rambly, lazy, and pliant Jensen, who melds himself into the passenger seat like he’s hiding down low. And it takes a bit of effort to get Jensen into his building and up two flights of stairs before they even reach the apartment.

Once inside, Jensen’s walking backwards and pulling Jared’s tee with him. “I had never before seen the advantage to having a Chad in my life. But I absolutely do now. His humor is exceptional and irreplaceable. I perhaps need a Chad of my own.”

Jared laughs. Jensen’s vocabulary expanded exponentially after the second shot of tequila. It was entertaining as hell. “How are you even talking anymore?”

“I really don’t know,” he shakes his head with a wry smile. “Why are we still walking? How are we not in bed yet?”

He laughs again and moves forward with his arms around Jensen’s waist to keep him upright as they turn into the bedroom. Jared lets him down on the bed so he can work on getting his shoes off to at least lie down. Jared’s pretty sure that they’re not going to do anything with Jensen this drunk, so he’s really just planning on getting him into bed, maybe some water into his system, and then sleep.

“Is there any possibility that we take ourselves out of the game next week? We can spectate from the stands and watch everything go to hell. Because it’s going to be anything but pretty, you know that, right?”

For all that he’s saying, his voice is still light and jokey and Jared just smiles after he has both shoes off. He sits back on his feet and looks up. “Seriously? I have never seen you this drunk.”

Jensen taps a finger at Jared’s nose. “This is exactly why I come home first and waste the time I could be drinking. It is quite possible that I do not handle my liquor all that well.”

Jared grabs Jensen’s finger so he stops touching his face. “Or at all.”

He leans forward with his forehead to Jared’s. They both go a little dizzy crossing their eyes to watch each other. “Hi, Jared.”

Jared holds onto Jensen’s neck and moves him far enough away that he doesn’t cross his eyes anymore. “Hi, Jensen.”

“I love you.”

“Yes, I know.”

Jensen leans in again and kisses him, pushing his mouth open with a sloppy tongue. It goes on for a little while, because Jared’s glad to be kissing Jensen, but he stops it when it’s really just too much spit and not much action. Jensen is a shitty drunk kisser, he’s realizing. And he wonders how they ever managed to get anything done that first night they met. But he recalls how drunk he was and it’s likely they both sucked at everything in the back seat of the Impala and just didn’t know it. He chuckles to himself on that thought and Jensen pulls back.

“You good?” he mumbles while his eyelids start to drop.

“Yeah, I’m fine. How’re you?”

“I’m doing great,” he smiles. Jensen leans back a bit more on the bed and without any notice he shoves his shorts and boxers down to his knees and nods to Jared. His head pretty much just bobbles on his neck like he has no control of it.

He just laughs and brushes a hand over Jensen’s head, as if that could clear it for him. “Jen, I think you’re a little too gone for this now.”

“Nah, I’m good,” he insists, but his words are slow. “C’mon,” he insists with a failed wink. At least it looks like he's winking.

Jared stands so he can move Jensen on the bed and initiate some sort of sleep, but Jensen totally misreads it. He reaches for Jared’s waistband and it’s like he suddenly has all his capabilities back because his hand slips into Jared’s underwear and is groping Jared. “Jensen, no,” he reprimands and yanks his hands out.

“What? I thought?”

“Just!” Then he sighs and grunts, because as much as he’d love to have Jensen, he doesn’t really want it now, like this. “Stay here! Okay? I’ll be right back.”

“Whatever, man.”

When Jared returns with a tall glass of water, Jensen is naked and laid out on the bed like he’s just waiting for Jared to return and start seducing him. He shakes his head instead and sits next to him, back against the headboard. “Sit up for a second?”

Jared gets Jensen to suck down about half the glass before he’ll actually reply to anything. Jensen asks carefully, "Thought you wanted to come over tonight?”

“I did. I’m here.”

“You don’t want to suck my dick?”

He chuckles. “Not like this, Jen. No.”

“I can’t suck yours?”

“Dude, drink.”

And he does, as if that is the key to getting some action.

Jared starts stroking his fingers through Jensen’s hair. He can tell the breathing is slowing and his voice has been getting quieter over the last few minutes, so he hopes this motion will soothe him even closer to sleep.

Jensen shakes the empty glass. “What about now?”

“Congratulations. You get more water.”

Jensen tries to sit up but fails. He does nail the outraged face and tone. “What? That’s the worst prize ever.”

Jared doesn’t answer; he goes to refill the glass and returns to his spot again, making Jensen drink more water.

“What if I finish this glass?”

“You’ll probably piss on me, so the bathroom is next.”

Jensen shifts, kicking one of his legs out. He’s closer to Jared, but isn’t really trying anything anymore. “Shit. Yeah, that’s a possibility.”

They lay quietly, Jensen still sipping water and Jared still rubbing Jensen’s head. Jared thinks about how weird this is right here. How he's normally the one drinking too much and insisting on sex and never turning Jensen down for anything. But he just doesn’t think it’s right, right here and now, and he’s tired himself and would rather just call it a night and sleep next to Jensen. So he’s really just waiting for Jensen to pass out so he can. But it’s not happening. The guy is just sipping down water and staring across the room without a word.

He does finally nudge Jared and grunt, “Piss,” when the water starts to hit him.

Jared moves to let him off the bed. While Jensen is gone, he takes off his own dusty shirt, shoes, and socks. He lays back with his arms bent behind his head and still sitting up against the headboard, but a little more reclined. Jensen stumbles back in and crawls over him to reoccupy his side. He sidles up against Jared. Instead of making any sort of advance though, he just rests his head at Jared’s shoulder and an arm across his chest. Jared’s hand settles over Jensen’s arm. “You okay?”

“I’m fucking drunk,” he grumbles, with his voice going gravelly and tired.

“Been trying to tell you that.”

Jensen breathes out loudly and closes his eyes. He keeps talking, but his voice is quiet and steady. “It’s cool you came to get me at the table. I saw your text but Mike was saying something funny, so I wanted to hear the rest. He ain’t too bad a guy, ya know?”

Jared thinks back to how well he and Mike got along when he lived with Tom. And even after, he tried talking to Jared about how everything fell down and didn’t play favorites with the situation. But Jared still lumped him with the assholes on Going Deep because they were friends and he knew Mike would never abandon Tom. No matter how shitty he was to Jared. “Yeah. He’s alright,” Jared allows.

“But it’s cool, because you stood up to them by coming over. Tom’s not that bad a guy. Not that great a guy, but if I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t know anything. Ya know? He never said anything about you.”

Jared sighs, not even knowing what to say. It’s not comfortable talking about his ex with his current.

“And I wouldn’t have seen you with him. Not like you have a type, but I don’t know. He’s definitely not it. Not that I am either. But I just can’t picture you with anyone else.”

And then he’s smirking because while it’s entirely too uncomfortable, it’s entertaining to hear Jensen’s stream of consciousness, even if it's about his ex-boyfriend. Especially when his current is like 10 times hotter and better a boyfriend than anyone he’s ever dated. And this whole conversation only confirms that for Jared. His arms pull Jensen in closer to silently tell him that.

“I don’t mind that Chad told them off and not you. In fact, I think it’s better you didn’t. You’re still the good guy.”

Jared slides further down in the bed so they’re both flat on the mattress and he’s more comfortable to be in this position to sleep. His arms hold Jensen against him and he kisses his forehead, keeping his mouth there as he talks lowly. “I love you, you know that?”

Jensen’s voice is even lower with the night wearing him down. “Yeah, you’ve said it once or twice.”

“This is some of the strangest stuff you’ve ever said. But it’s awesome.”

“Because I’m awesome,” Jensen mumbles back. Jared already knew that.

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