(no subject)
Well... here we all are.
Today is my second day of "freedom." I graduated from OU with a degree in Religious Studies and now i'm prepared to... (?)
All I know is I want to be happy, I want to be true to myself and to others as well. I want to be a positive force in the world, and I don't want to be wrapped up in the things I have been wrapped up in - especially whiskey, wasting time, and women. Don't get me wrong I'd love to be wrapped up in a girl but reaching for it, thinking about it and wishing/hoping all the time has been a distraction and forms bad mental habits. I have a lot of meditation to do just because of all the girls i stared at while i was in class for five years.
I am still writing songs, and my short-term goals are to clean and organize my house, perhaps go on a road trip (a small one for now), mix down a bunch of songs that i've been working on over the last year and hopefully get them up on the infernet. a lot of my friends are trying to get me to go out to california but it isn't going to happen anytime soon. I need quietude and solitude more than I need to be ensconced in some hippie enclave with my head in a cloud for god-knows-how-long.
about school i am relieved. about my life i am confident (within myself; happiness). i am a little frustrated but that goes with the territory for anyone my age who has a libido. celibacy can drive a person crazy if all they think about is sex. it's actually kind of pointless to be celibate on the outside if you can't detach from it on the inside. on the one hand it shows an area where improvements could be made - on the other hand it may be a lot more productive to just 'do it' in order to keep the mind from being too attached. That's a balance I've been worrying about for way too long. I have a feeling I'm going to soon have to choose to live like some kind of monk or change the way i approach the prospect of a relationship. there are always several females in my life that I feel attracted to, but few that the connection was ever deep enough for me to want to pursue further. i think i may be starting to slide back on that. i'm tired of holding such strict principles. it caused me to not have any 'fun' during five years of college. i don't want to be thirty and feel disappointed that i missed out on some of youth's most impactful experiences. On the other hand, if I have the opportunity to build an austere practice and be more of a beacon for light, love, and wisdom then I may really value the amount of patience it takes to live the way i have been.
i didn't intend for all that to come out when I began writing - but I suppose its where my mind needed to go.
this was just gonna be my post to say "i graduated."
i did. I remember drinking whiskey and playing guitar more than I remember doing homework. i guess i must have done enough though because they gave me a degree anyway. :) it was special with my family there and everything... i felt a little bit blessed.
now i gotta figure out how i'm going to provide for myself. there aren't a lot of obvious choices for a person with my degree, unless i went to more school (which i'd love to do but not til i have some more money saved up...and i've lived a little bit more outside academia).
Today is my second day of "freedom." I graduated from OU with a degree in Religious Studies and now i'm prepared to... (?)
All I know is I want to be happy, I want to be true to myself and to others as well. I want to be a positive force in the world, and I don't want to be wrapped up in the things I have been wrapped up in - especially whiskey, wasting time, and women. Don't get me wrong I'd love to be wrapped up in a girl but reaching for it, thinking about it and wishing/hoping all the time has been a distraction and forms bad mental habits. I have a lot of meditation to do just because of all the girls i stared at while i was in class for five years.
I am still writing songs, and my short-term goals are to clean and organize my house, perhaps go on a road trip (a small one for now), mix down a bunch of songs that i've been working on over the last year and hopefully get them up on the infernet. a lot of my friends are trying to get me to go out to california but it isn't going to happen anytime soon. I need quietude and solitude more than I need to be ensconced in some hippie enclave with my head in a cloud for god-knows-how-long.
about school i am relieved. about my life i am confident (within myself; happiness). i am a little frustrated but that goes with the territory for anyone my age who has a libido. celibacy can drive a person crazy if all they think about is sex. it's actually kind of pointless to be celibate on the outside if you can't detach from it on the inside. on the one hand it shows an area where improvements could be made - on the other hand it may be a lot more productive to just 'do it' in order to keep the mind from being too attached. That's a balance I've been worrying about for way too long. I have a feeling I'm going to soon have to choose to live like some kind of monk or change the way i approach the prospect of a relationship. there are always several females in my life that I feel attracted to, but few that the connection was ever deep enough for me to want to pursue further. i think i may be starting to slide back on that. i'm tired of holding such strict principles. it caused me to not have any 'fun' during five years of college. i don't want to be thirty and feel disappointed that i missed out on some of youth's most impactful experiences. On the other hand, if I have the opportunity to build an austere practice and be more of a beacon for light, love, and wisdom then I may really value the amount of patience it takes to live the way i have been.
i didn't intend for all that to come out when I began writing - but I suppose its where my mind needed to go.
this was just gonna be my post to say "i graduated."
i did. I remember drinking whiskey and playing guitar more than I remember doing homework. i guess i must have done enough though because they gave me a degree anyway. :) it was special with my family there and everything... i felt a little bit blessed.
now i gotta figure out how i'm going to provide for myself. there aren't a lot of obvious choices for a person with my degree, unless i went to more school (which i'd love to do but not til i have some more money saved up...and i've lived a little bit more outside academia).