I am Pathetic
the more time goes by, the more i learn about myself.
There are points in time when i get depressed, and feel realy shitty and throw a one man Pitty Party. Tonight was one of those times.
It started innocently enough, and i'm not placing blame on anyone. A friend of mine is encouragin me to go back to college, which i appreciate, but this brings up one of the bigger problems.
I dont know what i want to do with my life.
it sucks. I dont knowwhat to go to college for. I dont know what is offered in the colleges that i would be able to attend. I dont even know what colleges are around the places that i would live.
There is Meridian Community College here in meridian, which realy doesnt appeal to me. i mean, why should i take courses in music appreciation so i can get a certificate saying that i know how to build a house? besides, there's nothing in meridian. besides, there's a few colleges on the coast.
I may be having the opprotunity to move to the coast. this would be good for me. More opprotunities, and more friends
I would be living with friends who i consider more than friends. the kind of friends that you begin missing five minutes after youve left. this would be good for me. I'd be around people who at least seem to care.
I would also be living with practitioners of Magick. This would be good for me. I would be in an environment where i dont have to curb my curiosity because it's not what everyone else beleives. I would be allowed and encouraged to open my mind and ask questions. I might actualy even get to learn a little bit about magick in it's various forms. I could never ask them to teach me, just hint that i'm interested and hope that one would elect to help me learn.
but alas, i have no idea what live holds in store for me, and if i would or would not be moving. If i did, where would i work, where would i go to school? hat would i take in school. I dont know what to do, how to procede, and this scares and depresses me.
but i'm learning my cycle...
Dispair
Depression
Tears
Food(comfort food like chili)
sleep
Usualy, i only eat like once a day, so when i get the urge to pig out after y bout of depression, i can at least not feel guilty.
I just ate, so now i get to sleep. Off i go to hopefully fall into a deep relaxing, restorative sleep.
There are points in time when i get depressed, and feel realy shitty and throw a one man Pitty Party. Tonight was one of those times.
It started innocently enough, and i'm not placing blame on anyone. A friend of mine is encouragin me to go back to college, which i appreciate, but this brings up one of the bigger problems.
I dont know what i want to do with my life.
it sucks. I dont knowwhat to go to college for. I dont know what is offered in the colleges that i would be able to attend. I dont even know what colleges are around the places that i would live.
There is Meridian Community College here in meridian, which realy doesnt appeal to me. i mean, why should i take courses in music appreciation so i can get a certificate saying that i know how to build a house? besides, there's nothing in meridian. besides, there's a few colleges on the coast.
I may be having the opprotunity to move to the coast. this would be good for me. More opprotunities, and more friends
I would be living with friends who i consider more than friends. the kind of friends that you begin missing five minutes after youve left. this would be good for me. I'd be around people who at least seem to care.
I would also be living with practitioners of Magick. This would be good for me. I would be in an environment where i dont have to curb my curiosity because it's not what everyone else beleives. I would be allowed and encouraged to open my mind and ask questions. I might actualy even get to learn a little bit about magick in it's various forms. I could never ask them to teach me, just hint that i'm interested and hope that one would elect to help me learn.
but alas, i have no idea what live holds in store for me, and if i would or would not be moving. If i did, where would i work, where would i go to school? hat would i take in school. I dont know what to do, how to procede, and this scares and depresses me.
but i'm learning my cycle...
Dispair
Depression
Tears
Food(comfort food like chili)
sleep
Usualy, i only eat like once a day, so when i get the urge to pig out after y bout of depression, i can at least not feel guilty.
I just ate, so now i get to sleep. Off i go to hopefully fall into a deep relaxing, restorative sleep.