still not riding that ride
Kate wakes to the sounds of carnival music, organs and bells and laughter carried on the island breeze. She thinks, for just a few seconds, she's back in Old City, Montreal, maybe Chicago. She still remembers Taste from when she was so little her dad had to lift her to see into the booths and Montreal's Mardi Gras from years later. It reminds her of every day in the markets of Mumbai. Noisy and crowded and foreign, but alluring with its sugary greasy meaty smells.
There's no festival on the island calendar. She'd know, since there'd be tons of community service hours available for something like this, and it'd be the one time she'd beg off completely. Kate still hates rides (and carnivals, even if she loves the food). Chances are she's dreaming or someone got something weird from the island. Why it's halfway to dinosaur territory, she's got no idea, and she's kind of annoyed at the noise actually and goes to check it out.
Four hours later, she's clean, loaded down with more fabric and sewing crap, an old dress napsack of Supernatural novels and some Tess Geritsen mysteries. She's also got a script she tried to put back a dozen times but it just kept sneaking between the books she was taking. It's for something called "Penance" a show called Sanctuary and when she finally opened it, she could've kissed the shelves for making sure she got it. It's weird as fuck, yeah, but she doesn't want anyone else reading what happened between her and Jimmy when they were alone.
She makes a quick circuit of the carnival to make sure it's not the evil kind, shoulders getting tighter and tighter as she goes, but she wants to know where the cheeseburgers are and some of the other things. Might as well eat it while it's here. She grabs two, a bag of kettle corn and some popcorn (they'll keep), a funnel cake and a huge diet soda, and hightails it back to her cabin. She's got enough to keep her busy until it goes away, and she'll just have to be quick about getting food.
A stereo would be awesome, but she makes do with her headphones and phone for now. It's fully charged and if it runs out, she can recharge it when she goes out for food again. For now, she's just going to hang out here in her hammock (yeah, she made it, out of old dresses) on her back porch and read and pretend nothing weird's going on.
Declan's never been terribly fond of carnivals and the island's weird enough that of course it makes sense there's one randomly set up on an odd weekend. He's more interested in Kate, actually, than anything else and not seeing her anywhere usual, he heads out to the hut she's staked out as her own and knocks lightly.
"Katie? Are you home?"
Kate's got her music cranked up and she cranks it louder for Gaga. Bad Romance comes on, and it's cliche as fuck for her to love it, but she does, completely unironically, and she can't help singing along. She's not in a dancing mood, but she's got her book in one hand, the other waving around, and one of her legs is kicking with the beat.
Declan walks around back when he doesn't see her inside, wondering if maybe something's happened. What he finds is Kate sprawled in a hammock with her headphones in and a book in hand and he grins for a moment before stepping into her line of sight so she can see him. He should probably say something but depending on how loud it was, she might not be able to hear.
"Kate? Earth to Kate?"
Kate sees him before she hears him, and she starts to scramble but then she just shrugs, relaxes back into the hammock and grins at him. "Sue me, I love her," she says about the Gaga she's been belting, then beckons him over with a crook of two fingers. You can have anyone you want with the crook of your fingers, Greg had said. Maybe so, but who she wants is standing over there laughing at her.
She doesn't have to do much asking because Declan's standing in front of her, waiting to do whatever she needs him to do. Pathetic, certainly, but he wouldn't change it. He grins at her, though, and runs one hand up a smooth, slender leg to supplement his soft, "Hello, Katie."
"God your hands feel good." She flips off her phone and the headphones and quirks a slow smile up at him. It's possible she'd do just about anything to keep him touching her right now. "Everything okay?" If it weren't, he wouldn't be wasting time petting her, but she feels like she should ask anyway.
"Fine. Just wondering why the island's gotten a facelift," Declan says, laughing a little. "I'm not inclined to trust it but everything looked safe on my way over. What about you? Anything in particular planned?"
Kate makes a face, nose all crinkled up. "Other than braving the ridiculous to grab some decent food?" She reaches for her enormous drink on the hanging table thing by her shoulder and sucks some through the straw. "Staying the hell away from the crazy until it ends or someone's bleeding and we're needed."
"Probably the wisest course," Declan says. "I don't think there's anything dangerous but nobody thought the powers would be dangerous either and then Godzilla showed up. So there's no blindly trusting this island, that's evident. I'm happy to help you weather it. Nothing better to do and I'd rather be bored with you than bored alone."
"I know you didn't just call me boring, babe." Kate gives him a look that turns into an exaggerated once over. It's so tempting to make him that promise and spend the next however long fucking and feeding each other. So tempting. She eyes her knots and the fastenings for the hammock, then nods. "This thing can support both of us. Probably. Want to risk it?"
"Love to," Declan says, toeing off his shoes before climbing into the hammock. If it breaks, it's not so far a fall, and the benefits of being curled up next to her far outweigh any potential risks. Once he's in, he tugs her against his chest. "You made this yourself, then? The hammock?"
It looks handcrafted and if it is, Kate's a lot more industrious than he's ever thought before.
Once he's in with her, Kate squirms around til she's got her head on his shoulder and she's still looking up at the roof. She lets out a quiet sigh for the heat of his body against her. It's not cold, but it's not so warm that it's uncomfortable and Kate's automatically more relaxed with him right here.
She doesn't answer right away, because the fact that she makes stuff isn't something anyone knows about her and she's not sure how she feels about him knowing. Eventually, she shrugs. "Couldn't afford gear and clothes for a long time after I left my mom. I learned to make a lot of things, but making rope from discarded clothes was one of the first."
"We learned that in training," Declan adds. "Never know what might happen out in the field. Do you ever miss her sometimes, your mother? Feel free not to answer."
He never knows what is too much to ask, sometimes, and the last thing he wants to do is make Kate uncomfortable when he's really just trying to foster intimacy with her.
Kate doesn't, not for a long few minutes, but she draws his arm around her middle so she's lying half on top of him. "Not really," she says finally, quietly. It's not something she ever talks about. "She checked out for a few years after dad died, and I had to take care of Thad pretty much by myself. When she started coming around again, I was too pissed at her to care what she thought. Then she moved us around so much, and I split when she wanted to go to Mumbai.
"I didn't even call to see if she was there when we were." She doesn't even think Magnus knows her mom might've been there, but it hadn't mattered. Will was in trouble and he's her family. Kate shrugs. "I can't remember the last time I talked to her."
"Sorry for that," Declan says because he doesn't know what to say to something like that. In spite of being too busy to see them half the time, he's on good terms with most of his family and he's happy to have them. The idea of being estranged is foreign to him. Kate's had a different life from him, though, even if they ended up in the same place.
"We sort of have the same family now, though. The Sanctuary?"
Instead of making soothing noises like 'it's okay' or 'it's fine', Kate tells him, "Don't worry about it." That's not the same as saying it's all right. It's not, it sucks, and if Coraline and the others are right, she'll probably never see her mom again to patch things up. But there's no sense getting upset about what she can't change. Not when she's got something better, right here.
"If you're my family, does that make what we're doing incest?" She's teasing him, a little, but mostly it's the only way to tell him she knows and she appreciates him being not just the guy in her bed but her family, too.
"Last I checked, husbands were considered family," Declan says, grinning at her. "So I think we're fine even if we're not...there yet. Now, if you decided you wanted to go shag Zimmerman, that might be an issue. He's like your brother, isn't he?"
Declan doesn't know if that's an accurate description but he knows Kate and Zimmerman are close to one another. It's not something Declan's ever had with them because he's never been directly under Magnus the entire time Kate and Zimmerman's been working for her.
Her chest tightens at the word 'husband' and there's more than a little panic attached, but he's grinning, so she ignores it. Instead she elbows him about Will. It makes her feel better. "Will would be a problem because Magnus is like the only girl friend I have and that's just not something you do. Fucking a friend's guy." Guys she would fuck if she could but she can't don't fall in the same category, but Kate's done with that, too. "Will..."
Kate sighs. It is really weird and it's not really her story, but there's part of it, and it bugs her and she's not ever going to talk about it with Will or Magnus. "Can I tell you something about me and Will without you getting intense and weird about it?"
"When have I ever gotten intense and weird about something?" Declan asks, relaxing against her and touching her hair lightly. "Which is to say, yes, I'd like to hear about you and Will and I'll try not to get my feathers ruffled."
"Uh, you were pretty intense and weird about the bites and bruises, and I get the feeling you're always going to be intense and weird about anyone paying me too much attention," Kate points out, but she doesn't actually mind. Him being jealous and possessive feels good, mostly, and she can kick his ass any time it doesn't. It's not a promise, still, but she's stopped pretending like it won't happen eventually.
"Anyway, I don't know. When I got here, he and Magnus were super-weird about where I was coming from in time. They kept asking me if there was anything they should know about me. That kind of freaked me out. But I guess...there's this timeline where me and Will hooked up and had a kid. I think I must've died in it, because Magnus won't talk about it or the kid. Will knows about it too, and... Sometimes it feels like there's all this baggage from a life we didn't live, like we should try harder to understand each other and stuff, if somewhere in time we had a freaking baby together."
"No wonder Magnus doesn't want to talk about it. She gets jealous over Zimmerman," Declan says but it has no bite. Magnus has every right to be a little possessive over her boyfriend if she wants and it's really none of Declan's business if she is or isn't.
"What else happened in that universe, then? Do you know?"
"I don't think her being jealous over Will has anything to do with it," Kate says and, yeah, it feels a little sharp, but sometimes she gets tired of Declan protecting her over Kate. Especially when they're more or less in bed together. "She won't tell me because the world was ending and she doesn't want to talk about what happened to me. I'm pretty sure she knows Will's not going to choose me over her and it's not like I'm planning to go there anyway. I'm just saying, no, I don't think Will's really like my brother. There's something else that's always been there and it's not a neat family relationship because we both know about that."
"Quite sorry to have brought it up, then," Declan says after a few moments, bristling at her tone. He deserves it, probably, but he sort of feels like a puppy who got his nose smacked and it's not something he's comfortable with. He settles for just being quiet for a little bit, still keeping close.
"And you wonder why I don't like to talk about shit." Kate's annoyed, but it's the kind of annoyed she gets with Will and Henry and Biggie back home, all the time. Where it's going to go away, and she doesn't really feel like fighting about it. She sighs and shoves him in the shoulder. "Just...maybe think about who you're in bed with before you start defending people next time." Now she's kind of out of words because she doesn't have a fucking clue what's in his head.
"I wasn't defending her at the expense of you, Katie," Declan points out. "I don't think you're a threat to her and Will and I doubt she does either. I also know that Magnus has a fragile ego. Anyway, it hardly matters, does it? I'm just going to dig myself deeper into a hole if I keep trying to talk about it."
"Yeah, but she didn't need defending in this conversation. I'm not pissed at her for not telling, she's not here, and I'd kind of like to be able to talk to my-- to you without having her in bed with us." She reaches for her soda, mostly to cool down, before she lets her temper get the better of her.
"It's not like she's always in bed with us," Declan says, helpless, and he knows it's just going to make it worse but he doesn't know what he can, or should, say. It's not perfect, their relationship, but he thinks they usually understand one another reasonably well. It feels strange to be at cross purposes.
Kate struggles around in the hammock until she can see his eyes. He's got that tone, like a puppy she just kicked or something, and he's got to be able to see her face to know she's not that mad. "Babe..." She lets out a quiet sigh. "I asked if I could talk to you about something without you getting weird. That's... a pretty good sign that I'm not comfortable with it to start with. Especially when you think about how often I want to talk about anything. Why would you go and defend any other woman when the girl you're wishing you could fuck is telling you something that's upsetting her?"
Seriously, she has to be falling for him if she's trying to explain how to talk to her. Since she likes talking exactly never and talking about talking is even worse.
"You've a good point," Declan says, touching her face lightly. "Forgive me, then? And it's fine we're not fucking, Katie. That's not what we're about. It's nice, when it happens, but it's not why I want to be with you."
He cares about her too much if he's explaining all that when a nod and an apology would do.
Instead of saying anything, Kate turns her head to kiss his fingers. Yeah, she's toast. It's okay though, because he's way worse. "It's more than nice, babe. It's kind of earth-shattering." Yeah, I forgive you. "And I know, it's not all about that. It's just... we're not dating, we're not having sex, friends is just fucking naive, and I don't know what to call us. So that was what came out. Sorry."
"We are dating, sort of. We're not exclusive yet, no, but I guess we technically go on dates," Declan says, leaning in to kiss her before he says anything else stupid. He knows they work well together when they're kissing, though, and he hasn't kissed her yet today. If he's a sap, he never wants to change.
His mouth fits over hers, and Kate turns inside out. She should expect it, by now. She should fucking expect that him kissing her is going to be a religious experience. But she never does. She never remembers how good it is. Just like always, she melts, anger gone, edges gone, all fucking soft and yielding, damn it. So of course she smacks him in the (good) shoulder and nips at his mouth. "We're not dating. Dating is stupid. Dating's what you do when you're deciding whether to fuck someone. Not what you do when you are." It's a totally stupid protest, but it's all she's got left. They're together. She just hasn't told him that yet, and she can't. Not until she's kept the promise long enough for her to be sure she can.
Declan's always shocked at how good it feels with her and how well they work together on a physical level. She doesn't seem angry anymore, at least, and that's all he really needed. He hates being on the outs with her.
"Maybe. I still think we're dating, though. That means I can buy you flowers, yeah?"
"I guess," Kate answers softly, fingertips tracing along the backs of his shoulders. "Don't go overboard. That'll just be weird. I'm not really that girl."
She kind of wants to get back to what she was talking about about Will and the kidlet they supposedly have, because it's weird and it's been eating at her. But she's pretty much shot her wad on asking to talk today. It's not like she actually wants to talk most of the time. It's just something she can only talk about with him.
"You don't have to be that girl to enjoy a thoughtful gesture. I won't tell anyone," Declan teases, tweaking her chin lightly. "Every girl deserves flowers every once in a while, even big tough girls like you. But I know what you're saying. I like the girl you are."
"Totally tough. If we weren't in a hammock, I'd wrestle you and show you." It's kind of weak, because she's not actually feeling all that tough right now. She bites at her bottom lip, then glances up at him through her lashes. She pauses a minute and then decides maybe she doesn't have to ask if she can talk, she can just do it. "I know it's a stupid thing to think about, but I worry sometimes, that I wasn't a good mom, and that's why they won't tell me, or that I got pregnant by accident and Will and I were together because of the kid, not because we wanted to be. Maybe I should just ask her?"
"If you think you want to know, I would," Declan says, thinking it over. "But for what it's worth, I don't think you'd be a bad mother and I don't think you and Will are the sorts to have a relationship just because you got pregnant. Maybe that's how it started but I don't think either of you are so traditional to keep at it just because of a baby. There's got to be more to it than that."
"I just..." She's not sure why this is so weird. It just aches in some way she can't put her finger on. "I don't know. I'm not the type to get all philosophical about it or anything. It's just weird." Kate rests her head on his chest again, wrapping her arms around his middle. "I don't even think I ever want kids, or I didn't, but then wham there's this me who had a baby and..." She shrugs. "Did you ever want kids?"
After the fact, Kate realizes it probably seems like she's talking about them and their future and she wants to crawl under a rock. But it's Declan and at worst, he'll just tease her about it.
"Kids aren't exactly easy in the network," Declan points out. "I like the idea of children, in theory, but I would never want to endanger them because of what I do for a living. I wouldn't want to be an absent father either. So I guess in certain circumstances where I'm not a head of House, I'd love to have children. Otherwise, well."
"I bet you'd be a great dad," is what comes out of her mouth, and it's seriously like someone put her on romance novel autopilot or something. This is not a conversation she ever planned to have with anyone. "Take the kids to the carnival and stuff. I hate carnivals and amusement parks," she adds with almost no segue. It's a much less weird thing to talk about. "Especially the rides."
She's nervous, it seems, and Declan's not sure if he should mention he'd love to have kids with her someday because it seems a little fast even if he doesn't mean it in an undying love sort of way. It's easier to ask her about the carnival rides, especially since it's particularly relevant on the island right now.
"Why's that, then? Bad experience?"
"I lost Thad at one once," Kate explains, grateful for the subject change. "I had to ride the Ferris Wheel like ten times in a row to try to find him because it was the only way I could see him. When I finally tracked him down, he'd pulled some stupid stunt and managed to get out of the Matterhorn inside the works, and I'd ridden pretty much every ride in the park looking for him. I already kind of hated them for the way it feels out of control, but try riding that crap when you're sick to your stomach terrified you lost your little brother."
"No wonder you don't like rides," Declan says, running a hand down her arm soothingly. "I wouldn't either, if I had that sort of association with them. I guess you kicked his ass afterward, didn't you? I would have, for giving me a fright like that."
He pauses. "Every once in a while I go to the London Eye. I like seeing everything from up high like that."
There are a lot of other things she doesn't like about carnivals and amusement parks, most of them to do with smuggling Abnormals. Most of that stuff happens late at night in seedy neighborhoods, but carnivals are practically made for moving shit you don't want anyone to know about, because they go everywhere with a million bags and boxes and containers and no one looks, plus everyone in town can go check them out with no one thinking anything of it. Amusement parks bring in tourists and have row after row of key lockers.
"I had a contact who liked to pass locker keys in the lines for rollercoasters once you got up to the little gates for picking a car and he loves the front and back cars. I think he mostly did it because he knew I hated it and there wasn't shit I could do," she admits, because that's probably a bigger part of it these days than Thad, and because telling him that clues him in to the rest of it. He probably knows anyway.
She turns and curls in closer against him, nose against his neck. "But I'd do something like that with you. As long as I could be this close."
"Always," Declan says softly. He pets over her hair, trying to soothe her some. "We can ride the Ferris wheel or the monorail. Neither of those are terribly fast and you can see plenty."
Kate's okay now, but she's not going to protest Declan petting her when she's missed him touching her again. "It's getting worse," she whimpers piteously. "I used to go a week before I couldn't stand you not being right here. Now I'm down two days." Maybe it'll be different after she promises and they're together and she knows he's coming back to her bed or she to his. It has to be. She can't live like this, craving his hands on her skin. It's not even sex that she could wear out with epic fucking for a few days. She just wants him.
"It's the same for me, you know," Declan admits. "I can't stand being without you which was why I came out here. I missed you, missed being able to touch you. This is nice, very nice."
"I'm not like this." It's only a token protest, because she's not moving away. "I hate talking. Hate being held in place. Drives me crazy that I like this with you." She lifts her head and stares accusingly at him. It's playful, but with some actual force behind it. "It's your fault I'm like this."
"I'm sorry," Declan says, utterly sincere. He's not sure how he should take that, the fact that she doesn't like how he makes her feel on some level. It's playful, sure, but there's some meaning behind it.
"It wasn't my intention."
"You should be." Now she's pouting, but it's only because...oh hell no she's not pulling that crap, forget it. Kate pulls herself back together, bends down to kiss his chest, and purrs at him instead, "What were your intentions, Double O Declan?"
"To make you happy," Declan says, still sincere. He can't be anything but honest when it comes to her and he's not sure why that is when she could con him six ways to Sunday. Strangely, though, Declan gets the sense that Kate doesn't lie to him, at least not about anything important.
"Want to know my biggest fantasy about you?"
"As long as it doesn't involve a white wedding dress," Kate answers, but it's not as sharp as it probably should be. She's done fighting the fact she's crazy about him and wants to be with him and maybe wants to be with him for a really long time. It worries her, though, when he looks at her like that, like she's everything he wants. She never wants to hurt him and she's a train wreck.
"For you to show up on my doorstep in nothing but a trenchcoat and heels and sing me Happy Birthday. It would, obviously, also have to be my birthday." Declan grins. "You were expecting me to mention something about weddings or romantic getaways, weren't you? I'm not quite there yet."
Kate swats him. Hard. "That's for deliberately fucking with my head." But she's grinning, too. "Nothing, huh. Not even black lace lingerie, just the trench coat. Red heels. Black's boring." She folds her arms on his chest and rests her chin on them. "It could happen. Or something like." Now she's thinking of the dress. "When's your birthday?"
"Guilty as charged," Declan says, still grinning widely. "And my birthday's...oh, it's coming up, actually. Twelve November," Declan says, tone softening a little. "It wasn't this late in the year when I came from, it was late summer, not autumn. Snuck right up on me."
"July 24," Kate tells him, because he'll drive her crazy for it later, she bets, if she doesn't. "If we're doing whatever, then you have a date for your birthday. Maybe not that fantasy because you should be surprised, but me and you, babe." Promise. She decides right then that she's keeping the promise to him, starting now (actually starting the other night), and if she's good. If she doesn't fuck up, she'll tell him for his birthday.
He tucks the date back in his head, noting it for the future. He leans in and kisses her before he actually responds to what she's said because she's right there and he wants to. Weirdly, it's gotten to be very simple with Kate for all it's complicated and he guesses if they just take things naturally there will be a lot less bullshit to worry about.
"I look forward to it, then."
* * *
He's still there when the sun's setting and they watch together. It would be a pretty sunset, if the fucking island makeover didn't have everything lit up like Disney at Christmas. Kate's edgy, not just from the noise and amusement park music, but from not sticking to the normal routine. By now, if she wasn't going out or with him, she'd usually be working on the dress or gone for a run or a spar.
She looks up from her book to where he's sprawled on her futon-like mattress-thing next to her, so there's not far to look. "I'm getting restless. Thinking about going out to grab us something to eat. You cool with that?" It's a none too subtle request to either go to his place or stay put and give her a little time alone. It's not that she wants him to leave, not at all. Kate just doesn't do cooped up well.
"Absolutely," Declan says, arching a brow at her so he can try to get a read on what she's asking. "Mind if I stay? Or should I...?"
None too subtle, no, but he's not the kind of man who's going to have his feelings crushed because she needs a little space. They've been together for hours, most of it in the same six foot of one another, and he can't blame her for wanting to head out.
Kate practically bounces off the futon-thing, gives him a quick hard kiss and grabs her boots to start putting on. "Totally. Stay. I'll grab some food and be back in a couple of hours. There's still popcorn and stuff. Help yourself."
It's not until she's got the second boot laced that she realizes she's just invited a guy to stay in her space when she's not there without freaking out even a little and that is so not like her. She finishes tying her boot and goes back over him to kiss him again. "Thanks for not being weird about me needing to get out or go crazy. If you leave, leave me a note or something if you want me to come over?"
"Nah, I'm comfortable. I'll be right for a few hours before you come back," Declan promises, reaching out for the popcorn. "I'm settling in for the long haul, clearly, and when you're absolutely bloody sick of me, you can turn me out on my arse and I won't get offended."
He loops an arm around her neck and drags her closer for another kiss before she leaves, teeth tugging lightly at her lower lip. "Be careful."
Her gut flips and if they were actually having sex, she'd be shoving him onto his back to ride him, right fucking now. But they're not, and she stows the feeling with a sexy-cool grab for her jacket. "I'm always careful. Got a dinner preference?" she asks when she hits the door. And then she has to stop herself again from going back over to him.
Goddamn, does he ever look good in her space. Maybe this promising won't be a bad thing.