things to do online when you're dead

[dudski]

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I was originally going to sit on this for a while longer, until the CONSTANT! DEVELOPMENTS! slowed, but frankly now I am just sick of this whole thing and want to put it behind me, so.

Public for a reason! Feel free to tell your friends. Think of it as a PSA.

Comments

[i_nightblade]

Hey, just read this through fake_lj_deaths, and this is...possibly the most captivating thing I've read in AGES. At least since the MsScribe saga (which, to date, has to be the most extensive sock operation I've heard of).

I'm still in shock that Harmonians (although they weren't known as such then) and Sidekicks BOTH had BNFs that were sockpuppeting like crazy, though. No wonder HP fandom was so wanky during the GoF-HBP era - half the fandom was actually two women pretending to be multiple wankers (and in the case of MsScribe, a wanka)!

Looking at the time stamps...I know that I'm a notoriously slow thinker, but it seems like Orli types up incredibly eloquent responses in really short order. He manages to come up with a quote by Teresa Heinz Kerry in 14 seconds (incidentally, although Teh Googles is not perfect, the Jessie Soze log is the only page where the last quote comes up, although I could be wrong...), and he comes up with this four minutes later:

Jess, I konw you are angry, and I want you to
feel like you can tell me anything. But you are telling me things that
I know deep down in your heart you know are not true. I konw
that it feels like that on the outside, and that its what it looks like.
But look deeper Jessie. I know that you know jeff tried for you

Eloquent. Touching. This was also 6 seconds after Jessie's last response and 11 seconds after the last thing Orli put in.

This was also 268 characters. According to lolWiki, a word is standardized as five keystrokes, so this becomes 53.6 words. This gives him a typing speed of...oh...292 wpm.

Again, I might be a slow typist, but Jessie also types out (she doesn't say it's e-mailed) Jeff's letter:

nothing in this life is
worth fighting so much for, except you. I will never stop
fighting. To me, you were the center for which I built my
dreams for the future. There is no future for me, if you are not
in it. Please believe we would have been so happy together.

in 9 seconds. Using standard typing rules, since there are 318 characters, this works out to 63.6 words - or, if you're playing along, 424 words per minute.

We'll give her the benefit of the doubt on this one - maybe she just had it in her e-mail or saved as a doc or something.

Finally, her most impressive feat:

What any soldier currently in iraq has to go
through is not worth it. We arent even there for the right
reasons, and we didnt even use the proper methods of fighting a
war. We were unprepared, and we pushed other countries away.
Other countries that were supposed to be helping Jeff out there!
He was out there alone because Bush and his administration
rushed into the war, for their own personal gain!

Beautiful. It makes my progressive heart bleed red, white, blue, and moral outrage at the deceit of the Bush administration (and the deceit that the Obama administration insists on perpetuating). She also typed this and pressed the enter key six seconds after her last response.

73 actual. 408 characters, so for our purposes, 81.6 words (5 keystrokes/"word"). Using the standard measure, she's typing out 816 wpm minimum, and this ignores punctuation (which could push it up higher).

Clearly, Jessie and Orlando are record-shattering typists. Stella Pajunas-Garnand is turning over in her grave as we speak. Courthouses are clamoring for the both of them as we speak, especially since Jessie types about 30% faster than the fastest talker.

[i_nightblade]

Whoops, switched up some of the numbers. The last one is accurate. The first and second, I think, the characters got switched, so adjust as you will.

It's still a record-shattering feat, though, and the last one is likely physically impossible (as it is nearly 4x as fast as the world record - maybe she was using a Dvorak keyboard?), so make of that as you will.

[dudski]

This is so beautiful to me.

[i_nightblade]

I tried. I figured that I might as well have a look and see how it works out.

Anyway, correcting myself, because my math was fail:

• With the first quote from Orli, that was timestamped 2:03:57 PM. This is 11 seconds after Orli says, "I dont even need to reply to that Jessie, you know that," at 2:03:46 PM. It actually worked out to 314 characters (I was wrong both times), which means that...it comes out to about 342.5 wpm.
  
• The second quote from Jess was timestamped 2:04:34 PM. This had 264 characters in it (I must have brought in four extra, and was 9 seconds after she said, "When he came back and he kissed me, i knew that he missed me," at 2:04:25 PM. This actually works out to 352 WPM even.
  
• The final quote, I also overshot, actually - but not by much. It was 402 characters, and timestamped 2:05:03 PM. The last thing she says before that - "BuffyAngelFan04::: What he has given up for his country is not worth anything in the world. NOTHING" - is timestamped 2:04:57 PM. So it works out to something like...oh...804 WPM.

Lessons learned from this: When you copy and paste touching and dramatic screeds into AIM, don't do it rapid-fire, or else bored nerds will mess around and figure it out.

[anodyna]

You are my hero. That is all.

[msmandy]

Your posts are made of WIN! Math geeks UNITE!

[movingon_x]

I laughed so hard I cried; you rock.