Life Scares Me............
I'm Scared. I didn't sleep very well last night. All I was thinking about was what is going to happen to me. How I am going to change. And who I am going to become.
Obviously the main thing I was thinking about was the Air Force. I am still scared and unsure about it being the right decision or not. My recruiter was right when he said I would never be 100% sure about joining. god damn he was right. I'm sad about all the things I am going to be missing out on. I will most likely lose contact with more than half of my friends. I know that I would either way, but still, I don't know, I just wont get to spend time with my friends like, outside of high school. Just basically I wont be living the usual "Adult out of high school". I wont have my financial struggles, trying to buy food or pay rent. I know I will still have my struggles in the Air Force, I will have plenty of them, but it just wont be what I have been looking at all those years before the Air Force was in my future. I know there is nothing I can do about it now. I am stuck in the Air Force for the next six years. I know that it is the best decision for me for my future. I don't know, I am rambling now. I have all this junk in my head right now. It just doesn't want to come out.
I take my test on Thursday. I am so nervous about it. If I don't pass it, I will feel like a dumbass. My recruiter and his boss will be pissed off, because they took time out of their day to come see me fail. I will have all these people around talking and saying was a failure. I will get more discouraged and think more and more than Pararescue is not the thing for me.
God, I hope it is. I am really really, extremely excited about becoming a Pararescue. I am just scared of failing at it and not being accepted as one. There is so much to do before I am chosen to be one. My biggest fear is giving up. Which is what I am notorious for. I give up on everything. Things I really don't need to give up on. I could have gone to morning practice this morning, but I had a headache and was too tired. that's it. I could have also gone to school, but the headache got worse. What I need to do is learn how to just plain tough things out. If I want to make it in becoming a Pararescue, that is exactly what I need to do. I've been doing research on the training I have to go through. I fell upon a title that said Hell Night. It is during the middle of my Indoctrination Course I have to take. This course is ten weeks long.
At the reservoir, students have to strip down to their Speedos and make their way into the chilly water with wetsuits in hand. Instructors make the trainees submerse their wetsuits before wearing them. They watch the students cringe as they pull on the cold wetsuit. Then it’s the exhausting swim and what seems like a million flutter kicks.
Once back at the school, weary-eyed trainees prepare for a medical terminology class.
"This is the toughest part of the whole day - staying awake [in the classroom]," said one of the students between yawns.
Soon the entire class quickly fades into what appears to be a well-choreographed ballet of yawns and bobbing heads. Students keep an eye on each other to ensure no one nods off. They know one sleeping trainee means more flutter kicks for the entire team.
Finally, the room is called to attention.
Hanks walks in with a handful of gray T-shirts and a bag of ascots. The T-shirts say "Pararescue Trainee," and the ascots are pararescue scarves. Both are symbols of accomplishment. They show everyone that the trainees have made it halfway through the pararescue indoctrination course and have what it takes to finish it.
"Now you guys know what sleep deprivation feels like," Hanks said. "You have been up for the last 48 hours. Now relax; it’s over."
Then, Hanks asks an instructor to bring forward another bag containing a long, 3-inch thick rope, a sacred symbol of all pararescuemen, past and present.
Hanks asks the team, "Are you guys ready to get rid of the rail and trade it in for a rope?"
In unison the class erupts, "HOO-YAH SERGEANT!"
Then it was off to bed for some well-deserved sleep.
Yeah, hella scary! So I just basically need to make it through 5 weeks and I will be home free. Yeah, 5 weeks, thats all. No biggy!
Yeah. I am just hoping I don't continue to be lame and not try my hardest at everything they throw at me. My test is on Thursday and I feel I am not ready for it. Of course, being me, I feel I am never ready. That is another thing I need to get. I really need to get a whole bunch more confidence in myself. If I plan on saving lives, then I need to not be hesitant at all when I have somebody's life in my hands.
I have realized that nothing is given to you. You have to work for every single thing you get. I started a while back training for my test, I went into training like it was nothing and I could do it easily. So I just swam the 500 then went and ran the mile and a half. I of course did fine on the swim, but the run I was about 3 minutes over where I needed to be. I got mad and completely discouraged and stopped my workout and went home. Then I wasn't at the gym for about another week.
I just simply need some dedication. I just need to find it. It seems so easy to find, but i just can't seem to do it. Lame.
-Kody
Obviously the main thing I was thinking about was the Air Force. I am still scared and unsure about it being the right decision or not. My recruiter was right when he said I would never be 100% sure about joining. god damn he was right. I'm sad about all the things I am going to be missing out on. I will most likely lose contact with more than half of my friends. I know that I would either way, but still, I don't know, I just wont get to spend time with my friends like, outside of high school. Just basically I wont be living the usual "Adult out of high school". I wont have my financial struggles, trying to buy food or pay rent. I know I will still have my struggles in the Air Force, I will have plenty of them, but it just wont be what I have been looking at all those years before the Air Force was in my future. I know there is nothing I can do about it now. I am stuck in the Air Force for the next six years. I know that it is the best decision for me for my future. I don't know, I am rambling now. I have all this junk in my head right now. It just doesn't want to come out.
I take my test on Thursday. I am so nervous about it. If I don't pass it, I will feel like a dumbass. My recruiter and his boss will be pissed off, because they took time out of their day to come see me fail. I will have all these people around talking and saying was a failure. I will get more discouraged and think more and more than Pararescue is not the thing for me.
God, I hope it is. I am really really, extremely excited about becoming a Pararescue. I am just scared of failing at it and not being accepted as one. There is so much to do before I am chosen to be one. My biggest fear is giving up. Which is what I am notorious for. I give up on everything. Things I really don't need to give up on. I could have gone to morning practice this morning, but I had a headache and was too tired. that's it. I could have also gone to school, but the headache got worse. What I need to do is learn how to just plain tough things out. If I want to make it in becoming a Pararescue, that is exactly what I need to do. I've been doing research on the training I have to go through. I fell upon a title that said Hell Night. It is during the middle of my Indoctrination Course I have to take. This course is ten weeks long.
At the reservoir, students have to strip down to their Speedos and make their way into the chilly water with wetsuits in hand. Instructors make the trainees submerse their wetsuits before wearing them. They watch the students cringe as they pull on the cold wetsuit. Then it’s the exhausting swim and what seems like a million flutter kicks.
Once back at the school, weary-eyed trainees prepare for a medical terminology class.
"This is the toughest part of the whole day - staying awake [in the classroom]," said one of the students between yawns.
Soon the entire class quickly fades into what appears to be a well-choreographed ballet of yawns and bobbing heads. Students keep an eye on each other to ensure no one nods off. They know one sleeping trainee means more flutter kicks for the entire team.
Finally, the room is called to attention.
Hanks walks in with a handful of gray T-shirts and a bag of ascots. The T-shirts say "Pararescue Trainee," and the ascots are pararescue scarves. Both are symbols of accomplishment. They show everyone that the trainees have made it halfway through the pararescue indoctrination course and have what it takes to finish it.
"Now you guys know what sleep deprivation feels like," Hanks said. "You have been up for the last 48 hours. Now relax; it’s over."
Then, Hanks asks an instructor to bring forward another bag containing a long, 3-inch thick rope, a sacred symbol of all pararescuemen, past and present.
Hanks asks the team, "Are you guys ready to get rid of the rail and trade it in for a rope?"
In unison the class erupts, "HOO-YAH SERGEANT!"
Then it was off to bed for some well-deserved sleep.
Yeah, hella scary! So I just basically need to make it through 5 weeks and I will be home free. Yeah, 5 weeks, thats all. No biggy!
Yeah. I am just hoping I don't continue to be lame and not try my hardest at everything they throw at me. My test is on Thursday and I feel I am not ready for it. Of course, being me, I feel I am never ready. That is another thing I need to get. I really need to get a whole bunch more confidence in myself. If I plan on saving lives, then I need to not be hesitant at all when I have somebody's life in my hands.
I have realized that nothing is given to you. You have to work for every single thing you get. I started a while back training for my test, I went into training like it was nothing and I could do it easily. So I just swam the 500 then went and ran the mile and a half. I of course did fine on the swim, but the run I was about 3 minutes over where I needed to be. I got mad and completely discouraged and stopped my workout and went home. Then I wasn't at the gym for about another week.
I just simply need some dedication. I just need to find it. It seems so easy to find, but i just can't seem to do it. Lame.
-Kody