Second best
I feel so foolish. He just took and took and left nothing. When I needed him most, he balked.
Now I feel like I'm holding my breath, waiting for the moment when I can finally exhale. The hurt from the disappointment is choking me and I want to cry, but I'm afraid I won't stop. I want to talk about it, but I know that my anger will take hold and I'll say things I know I will regret. He's just so unfair.
The only consolation is I never laid myself bare to him. I never let him see inside me where there are gaping wounds longing to heal and an emptiness aching to be filled. I never told him my real dreams and wishes, my apprehensions and worries that I know will cause those I care about to shake their heads and tsk in displeasure. I wish I could say them aloud, but I can't even write them down.
I just want everyone I love to be happy; it would be worth the sacrifice.
That's the problem though, isn't it? Putting everyone first.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't made this way, accomodating everyone, giving them what they want, always understanding. It gets hard to say something is okay when it's not.
It's a selfish desire, but how I wish that someday, just once, someone will put me first. Not because I'm on the way, anyway, or they have to do something, anyway, or they have no one to talk to or hang out with, anyway. It hurts knowing that.