Dear...
Dear wonderful girl I live with,
If you come into the bedroom when the door is closed, close the door behind you. If you leave when the door is closed, close the door behind you. If the light is off and I’m lying there half asleep, please do not proceed to turn on every light in the room. If I am completely asleep, please do not proceed to talk as loud as you can on your cell phone. If you know I shower every day at 7, do not get in the shower at 6:55 for no reason. Lastly, if you whine at me one more damn time I’m going to get you a pacifier because I know babies that whine less.
Dear friend,
Do you realize you are going to drastic measures and completely fucking up your life? Just sayin’. I’m not one to tell you how to live.
Dear fat asian gay boy on the bus a row away from me,
It is clear that the people you are talking to do not want to have anything to do with you. Please, shut up and give both them, me, and the rest of the bus, the joy of silence instead of your obnoxious voice. My iPod does not go any louder and I think I’m going more deaf than I previously was in trying to drown you out.
Dear girl who isn’t my roommate yet,
You talk through the TV show that I’m trying to watch, yet you are silent during the commercials, you burst into my quiet bedroom to yell "bow-chicka-wow-wow!!!" then leave and make me lose all concentration due to your obnoxious impulses - may I ask why you do this? Also, please refrain from touching me for no apparent reason. Do not pat me on the head as you walk by. Do not hug me and hang on me for no reason. Do not stick your feet on my lap. I desire to live in my personal bubble of silence and you are violating both adjectives of my bubble: personal and silence.
Dear drawing professor,
I can hear you breathing like a rabid wallaby while you stand behind me. I swear if I had to deal with you for more than a semester I might start to twitch more violently than I already am.
That is all.
If you come into the bedroom when the door is closed, close the door behind you. If you leave when the door is closed, close the door behind you. If the light is off and I’m lying there half asleep, please do not proceed to turn on every light in the room. If I am completely asleep, please do not proceed to talk as loud as you can on your cell phone. If you know I shower every day at 7, do not get in the shower at 6:55 for no reason. Lastly, if you whine at me one more damn time I’m going to get you a pacifier because I know babies that whine less.
Dear friend,
Do you realize you are going to drastic measures and completely fucking up your life? Just sayin’. I’m not one to tell you how to live.
Dear fat asian gay boy on the bus a row away from me,
It is clear that the people you are talking to do not want to have anything to do with you. Please, shut up and give both them, me, and the rest of the bus, the joy of silence instead of your obnoxious voice. My iPod does not go any louder and I think I’m going more deaf than I previously was in trying to drown you out.
Dear girl who isn’t my roommate yet,
You talk through the TV show that I’m trying to watch, yet you are silent during the commercials, you burst into my quiet bedroom to yell "bow-chicka-wow-wow!!!" then leave and make me lose all concentration due to your obnoxious impulses - may I ask why you do this? Also, please refrain from touching me for no apparent reason. Do not pat me on the head as you walk by. Do not hug me and hang on me for no reason. Do not stick your feet on my lap. I desire to live in my personal bubble of silence and you are violating both adjectives of my bubble: personal and silence.
Dear drawing professor,
I can hear you breathing like a rabid wallaby while you stand behind me. I swear if I had to deal with you for more than a semester I might start to twitch more violently than I already am.
That is all.