Now it really is a New Year
Memoirs of the Geisha ia a very good film. Joe's Crab Shack is a really good restaurant but, tonight gave me knowledge. My family and I were celebrating my sister's birthday early. This came along with a tub of wrapped presents (by yours truly), funny cards, and pudding cake. The living room was used for its literal purpose. LIVING. My parents of their early fifties, my sister on the brink of the numeric thirties, and me, an eighteen year old girl who can't settle for her parents pride alone. As we sat around eating our cake, I came to the conclusions that we were eating out own definitions. My sister with her crass choice of beer with chocolate cake a very fine depiction of her life at the moment. Me, grasping to hold onto adolescence with a big mug of milk. Then, the parents, with the prim cups of coffee that melt away the dry residue of the cake. I realized that we weren't determining our destinies (as they say the present is supposed to) but rather, securing our pasts. Perhaps it's a way of letting it all go. Preparing to move on and breath fresher air. I feel like something good is going to happen, yet, at the same time, the thought of going back to CalArts leaves me empty. Perhaps it's just eating so much sugar so late. I also had a midnight conversation with my sister. Perhaps one of the more sisterly conversations we have had. She said something that I can relate to more right now than I ever expected. She said, "...so I am expected to be dedicated to you but you don't have to be dedicated to me?" I never thought my sister and I would have a parallel in our lives. Apparently, even a twelve years difference isn't enough to divide the similarities. We have both been expected to remain faithful to those who expect us to wait for them......the difference?...she was called "undependable" and I was called dependable. That has always been the difference. The strange thing, she may wait, I will not.
Tomorrow I dine with two of my best friends. One of our group, that has a name that is like that of a fifties singing group, will not be there. At least not physically. I wish I could hold them all for an entire day because without them, I would have barely anything to come home to. No matter how long or how far apart we are, opening up to them will never be a problem. They are the beginning of a chain that grew from their strong anchor.