A long awaited update
Well things have been pretty hectic lately, but with good reason. My daughter Emma Rowan Molnar was born at 10:35 p.m. on Wednesday, August 15th. She came into this world after 12 hours of active labor, 2 hours of pushing, 3 epidurals, 4 IV bags of antibiotics, weighing in at 9 lbs. 2 oz. and 21 inches long. She is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! My darling baby girl. I am a Mommy now. It is still hard to believe. . . . I actually have a daughter! There are often times I just sit back in amazement at where my life has taken me. Everything in my life pales in comparision to sitting down and watching my angel smile in her sleep. She is my miracle baby, and I will do anything to make sure she grows up healthy and happy.
Granted the nights have been indeed long and tiresome, but I am extremely fortunate, as she only gets up twice a night. She is almost 3 weeks old, but she had already met her 1 month milestones by the time she was a week old, I kid you not. From the second day she could pick her head up off the mattress when laying on her stomach and turn it over to where she was facing the other direction. She could follow you with her eyes from across the room by the time she was a week old. Newborns can only see 8-10 inches my white ass, my baby follows me around the room from 4 feet away. She also recognizes familiar voices and faces too. She has a clear preference for me when she is upset, hungry, or needs to be changed, while Andrew is her play toy lol.
It was funny yesterday when Andrew's mom was holding her, and Emma started screaming really loud, and wouldn't stop until she heard my voice. Hehehehehe, you can never replace the Momma! She is also a stomach sleeper, and refuses to sleep on her back unless she is being held. If I lay her on her side in the crib, a few minutes later she has managed to ROLL herself onto her stomach and is fast asleep! Tell me what kind of newborn can do all of that!!! Well her father could when he was born too, must be where she get's it from. Not to mention when we took her to the doctor for her check-up when she was 5 days old, everyone swore she was 1 month old already. She simply doesn't look or act like a newborn. Plus babies her age are supposed to take 2-3 ounces per feeding, and she takes 4-5 right off the bat.
But I tell you what though, she HATES having baths (a screaming nightmare), and she doesn't like to ride in the car! I know! The car has been the saving grace for millions of parents when everything else fails, and my kid hates it. *wails* Oh what am I gonna do when she starts teething?!
As for myself, I guess I am doing ok. The first week was rough, when I came home from the hospital. I was an emotional wreck with the hormones going outta wack, the lack of sleep, and feeling the huge responsibility of it all. Plus I had no idea how to really take care of an infant, and I was so afraid of messing everything up. Plus we were staying at Andrew's parents house, and although it was a good learning experience, it made me realize that I probably would've gotten more personal support from my own parents. After all, they care about me more than anyone else (other than Emmy), and they would've made Andrew be more involved. Don't get me wrong, I understand he has been working 7 days a week 8 hour shifts and stuff, but that doesn't mean that his ass can't get up in the middle of the night too and help me feed and change our daughter! But NOOOOOOOOOO, his mommy wanted him to sleep in the other room with his brother so he could get his beauty sleep and be refreshed for work, and what does Andrew do? Exactly what his Mommy tells him to do. Leaving me to handle everything by myself, as usual. So then he wonders why Emma responds more to me than to him.
And then of course, I was feeling completely left out the whole time. No one really seemed to care about what was going on with me or anything. It was all about Emma (which is how it should be), and all about Andrew and Emma when Andrew was home (which is totally unfair). No one can truely understand how lonely a new mother can truely feel unless you have been one yourself, so i don't expect everyone to understand. But for that whole week, I was invisible. No one even cared to ask me how i was doing, or how i was feeling. The only time someone really talked to me was to tell me what to do, and when to do it. I spent my nights alone in bed with a baby I was just getting to know, and no one was there to see or hear my tears. I loved being a new mom, but I hated that I had to go at it practically alone. I even tore my stitches wide open of the third day trying to use the bathroom, but I didn't even care- and I'm glad I didn't, because no one else cared either. I am just stating how it was, but perhaps I am just seeing it from my side. Besides, it's a lost cause talking to Andrew about anything really, because all he does is get defensive, then pay's lip service, and nothing ever changes.
Sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn't really love me at all. I am probably just being stupid, but when you love someone don't you want to be everything for them? Don't you want to do special things for and with them? Jeez, just forget it, who really cares? He certainly doesn't. I have lost 30 lbs in 3 weeks since having the baby, and i am starting to think I might be attractive again. I am getting a little confidence boost, and hopefully soon, I will be able to take Emma out and about - lol - to where i get to wear more than PJ's! I clean, I cook (sometimes lol), I take care of the baby, I do laundry, and a million other things that go unnoticed. I just want a little love and attention. I want to feel beautiful and appreciated. I like it when a guy looks at me with THAT look in his eye. The only look Andrew gives me is the puppy dog look when he wants sex, or at least for me to pleasure him. And trust me, i have gotten that look about 10 times in the last week alone. Gimme a break jerk! I told you, I am not allowed to have sex for 6 weeks, but does he care? Fuck no! So excuse me if i don't have any sympathy for his "plight". Did he push out a 9 pound baby? No! Did he get a second degree rip in his perineum which required a shitload of stitches, which ripped open three days later? No! Did he quiver in fear for 4 days trying to hold in his shit because he knew it was gonna fucking hurt like hell? no! And has he been cramping like hell for the last 3 weeks like he's having the period from hell because shit needs to go back to it's normal shape and size? A big fucking No!
So no Andrew, you can kiss my ass, and just be glad i don't rip off your balls next time you give me puppy eyes.
Ok end rant for now - check ya'll later!
Granted the nights have been indeed long and tiresome, but I am extremely fortunate, as she only gets up twice a night. She is almost 3 weeks old, but she had already met her 1 month milestones by the time she was a week old, I kid you not. From the second day she could pick her head up off the mattress when laying on her stomach and turn it over to where she was facing the other direction. She could follow you with her eyes from across the room by the time she was a week old. Newborns can only see 8-10 inches my white ass, my baby follows me around the room from 4 feet away. She also recognizes familiar voices and faces too. She has a clear preference for me when she is upset, hungry, or needs to be changed, while Andrew is her play toy lol.
It was funny yesterday when Andrew's mom was holding her, and Emma started screaming really loud, and wouldn't stop until she heard my voice. Hehehehehe, you can never replace the Momma! She is also a stomach sleeper, and refuses to sleep on her back unless she is being held. If I lay her on her side in the crib, a few minutes later she has managed to ROLL herself onto her stomach and is fast asleep! Tell me what kind of newborn can do all of that!!! Well her father could when he was born too, must be where she get's it from. Not to mention when we took her to the doctor for her check-up when she was 5 days old, everyone swore she was 1 month old already. She simply doesn't look or act like a newborn. Plus babies her age are supposed to take 2-3 ounces per feeding, and she takes 4-5 right off the bat.
But I tell you what though, she HATES having baths (a screaming nightmare), and she doesn't like to ride in the car! I know! The car has been the saving grace for millions of parents when everything else fails, and my kid hates it. *wails* Oh what am I gonna do when she starts teething?!
As for myself, I guess I am doing ok. The first week was rough, when I came home from the hospital. I was an emotional wreck with the hormones going outta wack, the lack of sleep, and feeling the huge responsibility of it all. Plus I had no idea how to really take care of an infant, and I was so afraid of messing everything up. Plus we were staying at Andrew's parents house, and although it was a good learning experience, it made me realize that I probably would've gotten more personal support from my own parents. After all, they care about me more than anyone else (other than Emmy), and they would've made Andrew be more involved. Don't get me wrong, I understand he has been working 7 days a week 8 hour shifts and stuff, but that doesn't mean that his ass can't get up in the middle of the night too and help me feed and change our daughter! But NOOOOOOOOOO, his mommy wanted him to sleep in the other room with his brother so he could get his beauty sleep and be refreshed for work, and what does Andrew do? Exactly what his Mommy tells him to do. Leaving me to handle everything by myself, as usual. So then he wonders why Emma responds more to me than to him.
And then of course, I was feeling completely left out the whole time. No one really seemed to care about what was going on with me or anything. It was all about Emma (which is how it should be), and all about Andrew and Emma when Andrew was home (which is totally unfair). No one can truely understand how lonely a new mother can truely feel unless you have been one yourself, so i don't expect everyone to understand. But for that whole week, I was invisible. No one even cared to ask me how i was doing, or how i was feeling. The only time someone really talked to me was to tell me what to do, and when to do it. I spent my nights alone in bed with a baby I was just getting to know, and no one was there to see or hear my tears. I loved being a new mom, but I hated that I had to go at it practically alone. I even tore my stitches wide open of the third day trying to use the bathroom, but I didn't even care- and I'm glad I didn't, because no one else cared either. I am just stating how it was, but perhaps I am just seeing it from my side. Besides, it's a lost cause talking to Andrew about anything really, because all he does is get defensive, then pay's lip service, and nothing ever changes.
Sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn't really love me at all. I am probably just being stupid, but when you love someone don't you want to be everything for them? Don't you want to do special things for and with them? Jeez, just forget it, who really cares? He certainly doesn't. I have lost 30 lbs in 3 weeks since having the baby, and i am starting to think I might be attractive again. I am getting a little confidence boost, and hopefully soon, I will be able to take Emma out and about - lol - to where i get to wear more than PJ's! I clean, I cook (sometimes lol), I take care of the baby, I do laundry, and a million other things that go unnoticed. I just want a little love and attention. I want to feel beautiful and appreciated. I like it when a guy looks at me with THAT look in his eye. The only look Andrew gives me is the puppy dog look when he wants sex, or at least for me to pleasure him. And trust me, i have gotten that look about 10 times in the last week alone. Gimme a break jerk! I told you, I am not allowed to have sex for 6 weeks, but does he care? Fuck no! So excuse me if i don't have any sympathy for his "plight". Did he push out a 9 pound baby? No! Did he get a second degree rip in his perineum which required a shitload of stitches, which ripped open three days later? No! Did he quiver in fear for 4 days trying to hold in his shit because he knew it was gonna fucking hurt like hell? no! And has he been cramping like hell for the last 3 weeks like he's having the period from hell because shit needs to go back to it's normal shape and size? A big fucking No!
So no Andrew, you can kiss my ass, and just be glad i don't rip off your balls next time you give me puppy eyes.
Ok end rant for now - check ya'll later!