DISCO SAUNA!
hahaha.....oh those silly squirrels in that good ole disco sauna............makes me laugh every damn time. it's good i am laughing, except i keep running. and i hate running. running from what i have to do. i hate it when i do this. it is the worst coping mechanism ever possible. EVER. ever ever ever. just like an owl. WHOA! hooty hooo.......anyways. so yeah. basically just one day closer til i leave. yah. i am not all that inspired tonight. i had some carmel corn that was really really tasty. and my mom didn't get the job. OH well........i guess she didn't want it that much anyways.....ugh. jobs.....life......i wish i could stay in first grade forever. just rewind and zap me to stay 5. it would be perfect. i liked school and learning. and i had a zest for life. they say these are ur best years, but they lie. childhood is golden. and i know that i am not yet an adult, i sure as fuck aint no kid. i am not pure in thought and mind, i don't believe in santa or the easter bunny, i understand that life is cold and harsh and unsafe. i get how people manipulate and antagonize and expect perfection. i feel as if everyone wants me to be something i am not. smarter, thinner, motivated, successful, gorgeous, driven, intense.......just to name a few. i am sick of hating the flesh i walk in. if i could cut it off, i would. if i wouldn't ooze blood and melt into a red puddle. i would jump into a BEAUTIFUL person's body, and live. maybe things would be different. better. i dunno, i just don't know......if i will ever find happiness like i found when i was a child. nothing is the same. it is warped, false........totally skewed. jagged lines.