Substitute Bride
This stupid article makes me want to go absolutely commando at my wedding. It makes me want to remove myself from WeddingChannel.com, for sending me to read that crap. It just goes on and on about how you have to have lingerie that makes you look better. It can turn a size 12 into a size 6! Because your husband-to-be doesn't REALLY want a size 12. Of COURSE he wants a size 6. Duh, skinnier is better. And the boobs are important, too. If yours are too big to be good, you'll want a bra that reduces them. If yours are too little to be good, you'll just have to have some padding, then, won't you. Because you're only good if your breasts are the perfect size, right in the middle of the spectrum. Anything that deviates is just so unattractive it's hard to look at. Surely, no one wants to notice a potbelly in her wedding pictures. What, have these people never seen Pulp Fiction? People will think you've lost 10 pounds! It's so much better if your guests don't actually recognize you. If you look just totally fake and artificial on this, the most important day of your love life, then you know you're getting it right. You don't want to look like yourself. You want to look like somebody's concept of a perfect woman. In fact, you have so many problems, why don't you just hire somebody else to walk down the aisle for you. Yes, that is the best idea. A substitute bride who possesses all the perfection you lack. Really, wouldn't you prefer a pretty face in your wedding pictures instead of your own malformed features? Look at you. You have no fucking symmetry. How did you ever get him to propose, anyway? I mean really.
Yeah, I totally want to look my best at my wedding. But I want to look MY best. I want to look like me in my pretty dress. And I know the people who wrote that article would say the same thing, but the language they use in this ad is just disgusting. They start out saying it's just about making sure your dress hangs right, but it swiftly deteriorates into making sure no one can tell that your body has its own shape that deviates from the current ideal. It's really sickening.
And they end with, "You can walk down the aisle with confidence." Yeah, right. If you can't walk down the aisle with confidence without all that cinching, you totally can't with it, either. You'll always be asking yourself, "Do I look good enough NOW?"
But I'm not saying I won't wear that underwear. I most likely will. It's really just the wording of it all that sticks in my craw. They should have stuck with the angle about how the dress is going to hang.
I should put the body of the article in here, in case they move the page someday.
Undergarments. Never have they been more important than under your wedding gown. If you don't normally wear pantyhose, or even a bra, this is the day you must. For one simple reason: Your dress won't hang right without them.
Bumps And Bulges. So you haven't been to the gym in a while. Concerned about a bit of a bump or bulge? Try an old-fashioned lace-up corset. They are more comfortable than they look, and can make a size 12 look like a size 6.
The Right Bra. Kathy Guenther, director of At-Your-Service at Bloomingdale's, King of Prussia, outside Philadelphia, has some good tips: "No matter what her shape, every bride needs a good bra." If you are busty, Bloomingdale's offers an array of minimizers and diminishers. Some reduce as much as an inch and a half. If you are flat-chested, padded and push-up bras give you what nature forgot. Pads that fit inside your bra add extra fullness. If your gown is strapless, you will still need support. You can't go wrong with a strapless bra. Strapless bras also work beautifully if your gown has spaghetti straps, or is very low-cut.
Cinchers And Slimmers. "Every full-figured bride needs a one-piece cincher, which looks like a bathing suit made of Lycra," explained Guenther. Available in several amounts of control, people will think you've lost ten pounds. Or consider a waist eliminator. A favorite is Olga's Wonder Wear Tummy Slimmer, which makes everything smoother. "Young ladies must accept the idea that 'girdle' is not a dirty word," says Guenther. "Even if you do not wear one everyday, sometimes we need a little help holding it all in." Surely, no one wants to notice a potbelly in her wedding pictures.
Control Top Pantyhose. If you don't want to wear a body slimmer, consider a good pair of control top pantyhose instead--they can work miracles. Donna Karan now offers built-in waist cinchers and thigh toners. Pantyhose in general give you a sleeker line. Unless your legs are perfect--and we mean perfect--do not consider wearing your wedding gown without them.
Now that you've got the right underpinnings, you can walk down the aisle with confidence. Who knew lingerie had such power?
Urban Nutrition/My Daily Dose is taking that bologna (can I spell it like that in this context? No? Okay, okay)--*ahem*--baloney $39.95 charge off my credit card. Yea! It's just like Christmas! Er...yeah.
Yeah, I totally want to look my best at my wedding. But I want to look MY best. I want to look like me in my pretty dress. And I know the people who wrote that article would say the same thing, but the language they use in this ad is just disgusting. They start out saying it's just about making sure your dress hangs right, but it swiftly deteriorates into making sure no one can tell that your body has its own shape that deviates from the current ideal. It's really sickening.
And they end with, "You can walk down the aisle with confidence." Yeah, right. If you can't walk down the aisle with confidence without all that cinching, you totally can't with it, either. You'll always be asking yourself, "Do I look good enough NOW?"
But I'm not saying I won't wear that underwear. I most likely will. It's really just the wording of it all that sticks in my craw. They should have stuck with the angle about how the dress is going to hang.
I should put the body of the article in here, in case they move the page someday.
Undergarments. Never have they been more important than under your wedding gown. If you don't normally wear pantyhose, or even a bra, this is the day you must. For one simple reason: Your dress won't hang right without them.
Bumps And Bulges. So you haven't been to the gym in a while. Concerned about a bit of a bump or bulge? Try an old-fashioned lace-up corset. They are more comfortable than they look, and can make a size 12 look like a size 6.
The Right Bra. Kathy Guenther, director of At-Your-Service at Bloomingdale's, King of Prussia, outside Philadelphia, has some good tips: "No matter what her shape, every bride needs a good bra." If you are busty, Bloomingdale's offers an array of minimizers and diminishers. Some reduce as much as an inch and a half. If you are flat-chested, padded and push-up bras give you what nature forgot. Pads that fit inside your bra add extra fullness. If your gown is strapless, you will still need support. You can't go wrong with a strapless bra. Strapless bras also work beautifully if your gown has spaghetti straps, or is very low-cut.
Cinchers And Slimmers. "Every full-figured bride needs a one-piece cincher, which looks like a bathing suit made of Lycra," explained Guenther. Available in several amounts of control, people will think you've lost ten pounds. Or consider a waist eliminator. A favorite is Olga's Wonder Wear Tummy Slimmer, which makes everything smoother. "Young ladies must accept the idea that 'girdle' is not a dirty word," says Guenther. "Even if you do not wear one everyday, sometimes we need a little help holding it all in." Surely, no one wants to notice a potbelly in her wedding pictures.
Control Top Pantyhose. If you don't want to wear a body slimmer, consider a good pair of control top pantyhose instead--they can work miracles. Donna Karan now offers built-in waist cinchers and thigh toners. Pantyhose in general give you a sleeker line. Unless your legs are perfect--and we mean perfect--do not consider wearing your wedding gown without them.
Now that you've got the right underpinnings, you can walk down the aisle with confidence. Who knew lingerie had such power?
Urban Nutrition/My Daily Dose is taking that bologna (can I spell it like that in this context? No? Okay, okay)--*ahem*--baloney $39.95 charge off my credit card. Yea! It's just like Christmas! Er...yeah.