(no subject)
I have bald spots on my eyelashes :( It's really not good. & my eyebrows too are getting pretty thin on the ground. I self diagnose myself with trichotillomania, it's more than just a habit as my mum says, it's a bloody compulsion. & the worst part? I enjoy it. It feels really good, and I love seeing the little white nib at the root of the hair. Lol, that sounds so weird written down, but it's true. & I think at the moment I'm preferring to pull my eyebrow hair. It's longer. Dark, long eyebrow hair between my fingers gives me a thrill. I love it, and I just know what a freak that makes me seem. I can't even say the whole process is calming, it's just something I feel compelled to do. Sometimes I convince myself that it's because, especially with my eyelashes, one is out of place and will therefore fall into my eye anyway, so might as well save myself the pain and just pull it out. Then another. And another. Mascara just makes it ten times worse, and more pleasurable. It makes the hairs easier to grip onto, and therefore easier to pull. The other day I even put mascara on my arm hairs, so I could see if it felt as good to pull them out. Unfortunately, it didn't. It hardly matters if I'm bald on my arms or legs, but apparently my stupid brain isn't happy with that, I think it must get pleasure out of me humiliating myself because I'll have no eyelashes or eyebrows :(
I cannot wait to leave my school now. The people there are such pricks, in general. Today, during lunch, they were making fun of my friend. Three boys, J, A and the boy who used to like me but doesn't appear to anymore (thank friggin' god) They called her a toff, told her she looks down on people (she doesn't, at least not any more than the bloody lowlives deserve) and J went as far as to actually call her ugly. I mean, for fuck's sake, you asshole, who the hell do you think you are? He had no reason to say it, he's just a real lowlife of a person, in fact, all three of them are. The boy who used to like me, I'll be damned if I'm not going to say something to him about it. He seems to think we're friends, so as a FRIEND I feel justifed in demanding to know why the hell he didn't step in and tell his stupid bastards of friends to back off, and why I believe he joined in a little bit. Loser. It's not a big mystery though, it's because he's bloody weak. I don't need friends like him. Friends should look out for each and stand up for each other and he just doesn't do that, because he's scared of his loser other friends abandoning him. Screw him then. I hope I stood up for my friend today enough. I didn't want to start an argument with them, because they're definitely not worth it, but I definitely did not stay silent on the matter, in which I am rather proud of myself, I stuck by my morals even though I don't know they guys too well, and stood up for what is right. Go me! But yeah, those losers are just wankers, so I'm not wasting any more of my typing time on them.
I'm sad right now because I want to go and see Girugamesh :( Lol, I know I said I didn't enjoy Antic Cafe the other day, but that's maybe because I went with my mum, and she definitely didn't enjoy herself, which rubbed off on me. So I want to go see Girugamesh, but I don't know anyone who'll come with me :( Seriously, anyone..? lol, I've gotta get myself some Jrock loving friends, for real :D They're playing in the same place as An Cafe, and it's on a Saturday so it's bloody perfect timing, but I'd have to go alone, and I'm not brave enough for that yet...
I've got a day off tomorrow! Hooray! 3 day weekend! There's a staff training day, so I get the day off thank you very much. I intend to spend the whole day watching movies and anime. No, actually, I like for serious need to catch up with my Japanese, Spanish and French which I haven't done all week (I don't think I'll take up Korean and Chinese until after my Spanish and French exams are over and I can drop the languages) Did I post in here that I somehow need to get an A-level in a foreign language? Yeah, for Japanese at degree level (which I don't know I want to do, but hypothetically speaking) I have no bloody idea how I'm gonna manage that. To get onto the course I was looking at, you need 4 A levels, AAAB I think it was, so I'd need to get at least a B in a foreign language... I'm currently predicted a G in the short course GCSEs of Spanish and French. Darnnnn, I don't know how this is going to work out... I guess I'll have to do a language as an extra sometime...
But yeah, signing out xxx
I cannot wait to leave my school now. The people there are such pricks, in general. Today, during lunch, they were making fun of my friend. Three boys, J, A and the boy who used to like me but doesn't appear to anymore (thank friggin' god) They called her a toff, told her she looks down on people (she doesn't, at least not any more than the bloody lowlives deserve) and J went as far as to actually call her ugly. I mean, for fuck's sake, you asshole, who the hell do you think you are? He had no reason to say it, he's just a real lowlife of a person, in fact, all three of them are. The boy who used to like me, I'll be damned if I'm not going to say something to him about it. He seems to think we're friends, so as a FRIEND I feel justifed in demanding to know why the hell he didn't step in and tell his stupid bastards of friends to back off, and why I believe he joined in a little bit. Loser. It's not a big mystery though, it's because he's bloody weak. I don't need friends like him. Friends should look out for each and stand up for each other and he just doesn't do that, because he's scared of his loser other friends abandoning him. Screw him then. I hope I stood up for my friend today enough. I didn't want to start an argument with them, because they're definitely not worth it, but I definitely did not stay silent on the matter, in which I am rather proud of myself, I stuck by my morals even though I don't know they guys too well, and stood up for what is right. Go me! But yeah, those losers are just wankers, so I'm not wasting any more of my typing time on them.
I'm sad right now because I want to go and see Girugamesh :( Lol, I know I said I didn't enjoy Antic Cafe the other day, but that's maybe because I went with my mum, and she definitely didn't enjoy herself, which rubbed off on me. So I want to go see Girugamesh, but I don't know anyone who'll come with me :( Seriously, anyone..? lol, I've gotta get myself some Jrock loving friends, for real :D They're playing in the same place as An Cafe, and it's on a Saturday so it's bloody perfect timing, but I'd have to go alone, and I'm not brave enough for that yet...
I've got a day off tomorrow! Hooray! 3 day weekend! There's a staff training day, so I get the day off thank you very much. I intend to spend the whole day watching movies and anime. No, actually, I like for serious need to catch up with my Japanese, Spanish and French which I haven't done all week (I don't think I'll take up Korean and Chinese until after my Spanish and French exams are over and I can drop the languages) Did I post in here that I somehow need to get an A-level in a foreign language? Yeah, for Japanese at degree level (which I don't know I want to do, but hypothetically speaking) I have no bloody idea how I'm gonna manage that. To get onto the course I was looking at, you need 4 A levels, AAAB I think it was, so I'd need to get at least a B in a foreign language... I'm currently predicted a G in the short course GCSEs of Spanish and French. Darnnnn, I don't know how this is going to work out... I guess I'll have to do a language as an extra sometime...
But yeah, signing out xxx