A Wench is a Wench
So Andy and I think it's hilarious to take misogynistic rap lyrics and put them into posh, olde-english prose. Here's my stab at NWA's "A Bitch is a Bitch." Or in this case, NWG's "A Wench is a Wench." LOLZ.
My goodness! I speculate that there is now one less disagreeable female occupying your concerns.
Allow me to offer my depiction of a particular type of female. A female whose character and attitude might be likened to an ailment. An aristocrat, if you will. However, in the view of NWA…
A wench is a wench
Whether my finances are in question or I am in possession of a large fortune
The tone and sound of my verbal communication is uninterrupted
It is important to note that not all associated with the fairer sex bare the ill title of “wench”
But all women are in possession of this affliction to some degree
I must reiterate the nature of this ailment, as it feeds on their temperament
It seizes hold of the females dwelling in this particular milieu
And renders them conceited and condescending; many even believing themselves superior to my person
Some of them are incited to ill-temper and some ignore my proclamations
But as one particular idiom proclaims, “If the footwear fits, outfit thyself with it”
It is unfortunate indeed that my accusations appear to cause hearing impairments
When I greet them, they do not respond in kind
Are you the type of individual in question?
Unsavory woman, consume fecal matter and depart this life!
Why? Because I am of the belief that a wench is a wench
You must be confused as to whom you are deeming unsavory, you diminutive maternal fornicator! I’m genuinely flabbergasted as to who you’re addressing, sir! Let me inform you, I am in no way a…. [Eazy E] Unsavory woman, eclipse thyself!
It is relatively easy to identify a seemingly upstanding lady who is only attempting to better her fortune
She is attractive but her gait is absurd
She is of better than average intelligence and possesses a shrewd wit
Ehem, unsavory woman, pay no heed to my steed!
You become aware of a young gentleman struggling to better his lot
And you immediately bid him adieu as he lacks a suitable stallion
I assume this is your reasoning; or perhaps menstruation is at hand and logic has departed from you!
Here here, expose the arrogant female in question to a trial
I would place my money on the likelihood that she enjoys humiliating the male gender in her leisure time
Upon completion of the trial, accuse her of said unsavory frivolities in a loud and brutish manner and observe her vexation at the depth of your profundity
It is for this reason that I proclaim “to hell with you”
It would be wise to adopt my position, and ferociously project said woman (posterior end first) into a hole in the earth
Because, as I am apt to say, a wench is a wench
“Why must I bare the ill title of wench?”
‘I did not leverage this accusation against you. If, perchance, you would consider this deity-forsaken ballad, the appropriate meaning would be revealed to you.”
“Disregard the ballad, for I am no wench!”
“Again, it was not I who adorned you with this most ignoble title”
“Eclipse thyself, wench!”
“Eclipse thyself! Do you fancy yourself to be royalty?”
“Eclipse thyself and fellate me, wench!”
I was once acquainted to a wench who was slapped
In truth, she was debased due to her ability to play me for a fool
As is typical of a wench, she befriended me before unceremoniously spreading lies amidst the general populace
On topics ranging from who was fornicating with whom to who was increasing in girth
Examine thy character, wench, according to my command!
Have you engaged in such behavior?
Nay, you fail to bat an eyelid
Believing instead that the repellant human waste you excrete is beyond reproach - thereby rendering its odor inoffensive (figuratively speaking)
It is fortunate for you that I have not imbibed mead or wine
Because were I to do so, I would fell you quickly
Then make swift entertainment of you
For you see, the men I associate with are of humble origin
In unison we proclaim, “Eclipse thyself, wench!”
I wonder, in what manner may I defile an already debased woman such as yourself
Ah, yes, ravage you before casting you away
For you see, I will not allow you to compromise my integrity
Why? As I have stated previously, a wench is a wench
[Narrator]
There you have it. A fitting portrayal of a wench. It would be prudent for you to consider whether or not this depiction is fitting of your own personhood. Do the following unflattering terms describe you? Odious! Soiled! Unyielding in your pursuit of financial gain! Of ill repute! Toffee-nosed! In possession of mock locks and plastic eye swathes! Yes, they most likely do. WENCH!
My goodness! I speculate that there is now one less disagreeable female occupying your concerns.
Allow me to offer my depiction of a particular type of female. A female whose character and attitude might be likened to an ailment. An aristocrat, if you will. However, in the view of NWA…
A wench is a wench
Whether my finances are in question or I am in possession of a large fortune
The tone and sound of my verbal communication is uninterrupted
It is important to note that not all associated with the fairer sex bare the ill title of “wench”
But all women are in possession of this affliction to some degree
I must reiterate the nature of this ailment, as it feeds on their temperament
It seizes hold of the females dwelling in this particular milieu
And renders them conceited and condescending; many even believing themselves superior to my person
Some of them are incited to ill-temper and some ignore my proclamations
But as one particular idiom proclaims, “If the footwear fits, outfit thyself with it”
It is unfortunate indeed that my accusations appear to cause hearing impairments
When I greet them, they do not respond in kind
Are you the type of individual in question?
Unsavory woman, consume fecal matter and depart this life!
Why? Because I am of the belief that a wench is a wench
You must be confused as to whom you are deeming unsavory, you diminutive maternal fornicator! I’m genuinely flabbergasted as to who you’re addressing, sir! Let me inform you, I am in no way a…. [Eazy E] Unsavory woman, eclipse thyself!
It is relatively easy to identify a seemingly upstanding lady who is only attempting to better her fortune
She is attractive but her gait is absurd
She is of better than average intelligence and possesses a shrewd wit
Ehem, unsavory woman, pay no heed to my steed!
You become aware of a young gentleman struggling to better his lot
And you immediately bid him adieu as he lacks a suitable stallion
I assume this is your reasoning; or perhaps menstruation is at hand and logic has departed from you!
Here here, expose the arrogant female in question to a trial
I would place my money on the likelihood that she enjoys humiliating the male gender in her leisure time
Upon completion of the trial, accuse her of said unsavory frivolities in a loud and brutish manner and observe her vexation at the depth of your profundity
It is for this reason that I proclaim “to hell with you”
It would be wise to adopt my position, and ferociously project said woman (posterior end first) into a hole in the earth
Because, as I am apt to say, a wench is a wench
“Why must I bare the ill title of wench?”
‘I did not leverage this accusation against you. If, perchance, you would consider this deity-forsaken ballad, the appropriate meaning would be revealed to you.”
“Disregard the ballad, for I am no wench!”
“Again, it was not I who adorned you with this most ignoble title”
“Eclipse thyself, wench!”
“Eclipse thyself! Do you fancy yourself to be royalty?”
“Eclipse thyself and fellate me, wench!”
I was once acquainted to a wench who was slapped
In truth, she was debased due to her ability to play me for a fool
As is typical of a wench, she befriended me before unceremoniously spreading lies amidst the general populace
On topics ranging from who was fornicating with whom to who was increasing in girth
Examine thy character, wench, according to my command!
Have you engaged in such behavior?
Nay, you fail to bat an eyelid
Believing instead that the repellant human waste you excrete is beyond reproach - thereby rendering its odor inoffensive (figuratively speaking)
It is fortunate for you that I have not imbibed mead or wine
Because were I to do so, I would fell you quickly
Then make swift entertainment of you
For you see, the men I associate with are of humble origin
In unison we proclaim, “Eclipse thyself, wench!”
I wonder, in what manner may I defile an already debased woman such as yourself
Ah, yes, ravage you before casting you away
For you see, I will not allow you to compromise my integrity
Why? As I have stated previously, a wench is a wench
[Narrator]
There you have it. A fitting portrayal of a wench. It would be prudent for you to consider whether or not this depiction is fitting of your own personhood. Do the following unflattering terms describe you? Odious! Soiled! Unyielding in your pursuit of financial gain! Of ill repute! Toffee-nosed! In possession of mock locks and plastic eye swathes! Yes, they most likely do. WENCH!