How to start this? Well, there's a proverb, which I've quoted before, 'no good deed goes unpunished'
How to start this?
Well, there's a proverb, which I've quoted before, 'no good deed goes unpunished'.
In the last two weeks I've imposed upon two of my best friends, ignored my girlfriend, my health, my mother, and an opportunity to work, all because I was preoccupied trying to help a friend. Trying to do a good deed.
I recently spoke by telephone with my mother and learned that all of her chickens are now gone. She just gave away the surviving two to someone else because her chicken run had been compromised by a weasel or raccoon. The creature had struck twice this week, first killing by disembowelment, four of her hens, then returning the next night to kill the rooster and all but the remaining two hens.
For the last three weeks my mother has been asking me to come down and help her.
About two weeks ago I cracked and chipped a molar at the back of my jaw on the upper right side, I finally was able to make time to get it fixed today.
Yesterday, I finally was able to get into the walk in clinic to get my left knee looked at, I've scheduled an appointment for an X-Ray this Saturday, the pain in this knee has been bothering me for about a week or so now.
On the 14th of August I got a work offer that I had to ignore because I was otherwise busy and preoccupied with another concern.
That concern was helping a friend of mine who found herself in an untenable position. Her room mate of the last half a year or so had failed to pay his rent for three months in a row, not told her and apparently the management company is legally not allowed to inform her of this, except by issuing an eviction notice when the deadlines are propitious. Well that happened back in July and the proverbial excrement being flung everywhere by the ubiquitous fan ensued. Things got sorted out, he paid the back rent and then, gave five (5) days notice that he would be moving out at the end of July. This despite the fact that he had signed a lease.
I suppose that the management company was willing to allow him this exit strategy, simply because there is a waiting list for the building. They also decided to let my friend out of her lease and move out the end of August. This of course is the worst time to move if you live in a city with a university and college. Rental spaces are at a premium, smart renters nail down their options in July. My friend is not gainfully employed and has a cap on her rental expenditure, thus limiting her options.
At one point, she was so low that I, and I admit that this was my fault, foolishly offered to become her room mate if she couldn't find anyone else. I realise now that I should never have made that offer. I have a wonderful bachelor apartment that I enjoy. My landlady is the best. I really don't want to move out of here (except to a house I own). My landlady now knows that my friend needs a place and that I would like to know of the first available 2 bedroom unit that comes available. I am still willing to share accommodations under these conditions.
I had, as of yesterday begun to reach my breaking point with the games and nonsense that my friend's management company were playing. I had come to the conclusion that if the property manager we were dealing with at the management company couldn't come up with some thing feasible, I was out, offering only the option of a place if my landlady notified me. I, unfortunately did not get a chance to share this information with my friend. O Conspiring Events, how you mock my best efforts.
We had put in an application for an apartment on Erie Avenue in Hamilton, it was a rather nice place and would have been large enough for the both of us and much of our stuff (she has enough furnishings to fill most of a 2BR unit and I have more than enough to fill a bachelor).
Then last Tuesday the property manager called and spoke to my friend and according to her message, all I needed we find out I need a co-signer or guarantor, and the place was ours. So, I hunt around and call in a favour from a friend. He, naturally has to talk it over with his spouse and it's not until Thursday that we get the guarantor paper work signed. We found out this Monday that the place on Erie had been leased to another pair, the fact of which we unaware. I left a message that evening to have the property manager call me and inform me if there were any other options.
Today at 1:08 pm my friend informed me that she'd been told they had some apartments on Stinson St., and wanted to know when I was available to go and view them. I told her I was busy until 3pm and that if she could arrange a viewing for this afternoon at 4 or later, that would be good. She called back at 1:20, while I was driving and left a message. Now things have changed, the Stinson apartments are apparently gone. Now, apparently they want her to stay in her apartment, sign a new lease for a year, with her getting a co-signer as well, oh and the offer expires when the Superintendent of her building goes on vacation tomorrow.
Well you could hear that poor camel's back break if you were sitting beside me folks. This is just one too many hoops to leap through, one too many pieces of bull shit to deal with and frankly, those are scare tactics and I don't deal well with people who try to high pressure push me into something.
Last night, I had spoken with a friend and shared with him the idea that maybe our friend needed to get out of the city. I've moved 46 times in the last 49 years and frankly, yes it is a nuisance but it's never killed anyone of whom I know. I began to wonder if perhaps all this trouble and strife over helping a friend find a place in the city wasn't the universe, Fate, the Norns, God, Goddess, what have you, trying to tell my friend, 'Get Out!'. I know that she could probably find something in St. Catharines or one of the outlying towns that she could afford.
Yes, I understand that being close to her doctor is important, however I also know that she complains constantly about the staff there. When I lived in St. Catharines, I came into Hamilton every time I needed to see my doctor or dentist.
Nor am I indifferent to the fact that some of the people who would offer her shelter, can't accept having her cat come with, well I'm more than willing to let him come and stay with me, he and Tiger get along well enough. There are options, but they have to be considered, not routinely dismissed out of hand.
I tried to convey all this to my friend but she hung up on me and I don't blame her, she was very upset and knowing her, I wasn't surprised that she did this. Nor frankly was I surprised when a mutual friend called me to inquire what was up and I told her what I had tried to explain to our friend.
I've called in favours I wouldn't normally do of a pair of good friends. I've let this issue interfere with visiting my girlfriend while she's been ill with shingles, I've missed an opportunity to work because of the silly games of 'telephone tag' with the management company, my health and my mother have both been ignored to no good effect.
I don't begrudge the efforts I've expended on my friend, as I don't think this is her fault. She didn't create the problem by not paying her rent, though I can honestly say that I'd love to see her ex-room mate be held accountable for the chaos that his actions have caused. I made my offer and did my best to help out, out of the spirit of friendship. I had to curtail it because I was beginning to resent the fact that this whirlwind of drama, trauma and tension was centred on her. As I said to our mutual friend who called me shortly after 2pm, “Is it really worth 'saving' a hundred dollars' to live with someone that you'll end up resenting?”
Oh and here's why living in her current apartment isn't an option. It's barely big enough for her. The extra room is too small for me, most of my stuff would end up in a storage locker (so where is the savings then?) and, OH YES, there's black mould on the wall. Something that the Superintendent knows about if the property manager and the management company don't.
I've put off until just now, dealing with the problems of my knee and tooth, can someone please explain to me why I should add exposing myself (and her too) to the effects of black mould too? It is one thing to risk your life to save a friend's life, it's another thing to risk your health and life to keep a friend in a place that isn't good for her either.
I'm writing this because some friends wanted to know and frankly, I'm too tired to sit and share repeatedly. It is here for those who want to read it. For those who find this all 'Too Long, Did Not Read', eh, you'll either have to muddle through here, on Twitter or Farceborg or ask me to mail it to you. I also wrote this as a means to expurgate all the dross associated with this from my psyche.