(no subject)
I am tired; utterly exhausted, yet I am finding time to write this entry, even if only to rid of my scattered thoughts.
Mrs. Linton confided in me this evening. Spoke to me of her past and events that bother her to this day. Someone so young shouldn’t have to be weighed by such burdens of believing that someone’s death is on her hands.
While I admitted to her that she was a slight selfish because of what she had done, she was also young at the time - more so than she is now. Children are often possessed by their ID in terms of doing what they wish, when they wish, and without thinking of the consequences of their actions.
On the other hand, it was not her fault that Mr. and Mrs Linton hadn’t tended to themselves. I am sure they were perfectly capable of doing so. It was not her intention for them to die.
She was not the evil one, and she has compassion to spare, though is selective of whom she will give it to. Which surprised me immensely when she stated that any compassion she might have...it is mine.
I wondered if it was because I am “dying”. I asked, and was once again pleasantly surprised when she said it was not. I could have told her that she was wicked, and a person without compassion, but a did not. I have been there for her since her first attack, ensuring that she gets well and even confronting the one that attacked her - though this is something she will never know. The others are stronger, they can take the loss, but she...she is fragile and too much would kill her.
I was tempted to inform her of my situation - of everything - but she is still a stranger to me, regardless of what I feel for her...well, regardless. I did not speak of Hyde being a “brother” to me either. Instead I remained vague as I always do, explaining to her how I ended up in this predicament.
There was a time when I had thought of using another for the experiments; someone who was blind and deaf to his world. Now that choice is more impossible now than it was then. Everyone here is quite aware of their surroundings, quite capable of tending to themselves, and yet there is a wickedness in me that wishes to use one for the testing. One who has caused me more frustration than the others...
I should not think such things. Even now I can hear him - feel him - snickering at the taint he is leaving upon my soul.
Every time he is released I fear he consumes a bit more of me until there will be nothing left...
Mrs. Linton confided in me this evening. Spoke to me of her past and events that bother her to this day. Someone so young shouldn’t have to be weighed by such burdens of believing that someone’s death is on her hands.
While I admitted to her that she was a slight selfish because of what she had done, she was also young at the time - more so than she is now. Children are often possessed by their ID in terms of doing what they wish, when they wish, and without thinking of the consequences of their actions.
On the other hand, it was not her fault that Mr. and Mrs Linton hadn’t tended to themselves. I am sure they were perfectly capable of doing so. It was not her intention for them to die.
She was not the evil one, and she has compassion to spare, though is selective of whom she will give it to. Which surprised me immensely when she stated that any compassion she might have...it is mine.
I wondered if it was because I am “dying”. I asked, and was once again pleasantly surprised when she said it was not. I could have told her that she was wicked, and a person without compassion, but a did not. I have been there for her since her first attack, ensuring that she gets well and even confronting the one that attacked her - though this is something she will never know. The others are stronger, they can take the loss, but she...she is fragile and too much would kill her.
I was tempted to inform her of my situation - of everything - but she is still a stranger to me, regardless of what I feel for her...well, regardless. I did not speak of Hyde being a “brother” to me either. Instead I remained vague as I always do, explaining to her how I ended up in this predicament.
There was a time when I had thought of using another for the experiments; someone who was blind and deaf to his world. Now that choice is more impossible now than it was then. Everyone here is quite aware of their surroundings, quite capable of tending to themselves, and yet there is a wickedness in me that wishes to use one for the testing. One who has caused me more frustration than the others...
I should not think such things. Even now I can hear him - feel him - snickering at the taint he is leaving upon my soul.
Every time he is released I fear he consumes a bit more of me until there will be nothing left...