today is not today.

[dsweetie831m]

yesterday was such a god day.
good day at school.
good intervew.
good time with jarek.
and good time visiting nicky and auntie cindie.
then i came home and talked to joe.
just because he had a bad day and was crabby he had to take it out on me.
amy came over and we had a good time watching grey's anatomy and the girl next door.
but i still went to bed angry and upset.

i woke up this morning with a craving for dairy queen.
mmmm yummy.
and now im sitting here thinking.
i am so unhappy right now with a lot of things. 
and im trying really hard to make those things better and be happy.
im trying to better my self as a person physically and emotionally.
im trying to make things better with joe.
im trying to build back friendships.
and im trying to make new ones.
but every once in a while i get a day like today when i feel so alone and discouraged.
i feel like im the only one trying..
i love joe so much and we have been through a lot but things arent getting any better.
hes not trying.
he doesnt seem to care.
sometimes it makes me think we should just break up even though i dont want to.
im sick of crying and yelling and feeling like i dont have him as mine.
i dont know what to do anymore.

there are no words to describe how much nicky means to me.
he is my rock and my bestfriend.
i wish that we were the same age and he was out of highschool and that i could see him like everyday.
i love that kid to death.