NOTALOTTASLEEP

Jun 19, 2006 13:45


Soccer World Cup.  Where were your lovely faces when the TV coverage cut to Fed Square?  I was looking out for you crazy kids out there freezing your asses off (while I was cozy on my lounge under a blanket in front of the heater hahahah) but i couldn't spot you.  You'll have to be a bit more conspicuous next time.  But I think this World Cup thing is really going to do a lot for soccer in this country  (sorry, I just CAN’T call it football. Even though it uses a lot more "foot" than any other ‘football’).  Especially if we actually beat/draw with Croatia and make it through to the next round.  This is coming from someone who has never watched a game of soccer in her life, but was sitting there last night cheering the boys on and really getting into the match, to my own surprise!

CRAIG.  IN MY HEAD OF RECENT TIMES. I’m just gonna cut back to him for a bit. He’s really been on my mind a lot lately, and I’m not sure why. It is the most oddest thing in the world when you think of someone and know that they have been dead now for longer than they were even alive.

The thing is, I really miss him. Still. And I know it doesn’t make sense, but I REALLY MISS THE MAN THAT HE NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO BECOME. And I feel the absence of his presence every day in my life. Weird, huh?.

Craig Corcoran

Yes, he probably was meant to be my one true love. But I stuffed that one up well and truly. I was 15, we met at a family friends house when they were having a Tupperware party and both of our mums went. We played pool for a while in the garage and then took off for a walk to get away from the other "kids" who were there. We wandered up the road and played chicken on the highway, he was smoking and doing the ‘Postman’s whistle" which I found pretty impressive at the time. We vowed to meet again another time, and did, when shortly after, HIS mum hosted the next Tupperware party. We had the best time, listening to music, running around the streets and just chatting and hanging out. His mum & my mum kept hassling us….. "Ooh do you like him, do you like her?" etc… pressure…… I was so embarrassed and, I don’t know, shy/nervous whatever, I just kept saying, "yeah, he is like a brother and a great friend".

We went horseriding together and had a fun fun time, we spoke heaps, we rang each other on our birthdays, his was about a week after mine, and things were great. Now you have to understand, I grew up in Bankstown and went to Bankstown Girls High. Those who don’t know the area, well it’s pretty much "Wogsville" and "Aussies" are really, really looked down upon, like second class citizens. I was constantly saying "No, I’m not an Aussie, my mum was born overseas" (In Scotland, so hardly a wog either, but it was all I had). Anyway as a young impressionable 15 year old, these things really affected me. Guess what, another Tupperware party later, Craig & I met up again. We went for a walk around the block & decided to go to Maccas. We were in Campsie, wog city and the joint was full of lebanese etc guys. I am so ashamed to admit it, and this is really hard for me to say, but at the time, I was kind of embarrassed to be there with an "Aussie" guy. I am so disgusted at myself for those thoughts, and I tell you what, things sure have changed since then, but at the time I was so worried about what other people thought. Things kind of fizzled out after that, my mum had a Tupperware party and he didn’t come and on my next birthday, he didn’t call me, so I didn’t call him on his. Four days later he was dead. He went under a train. He was 17. Nobody really knows the exact circumstances of what happened, except for the people that were there at the time, and they are not saying. 
I went into absolute shock after this and lost a whole year of my life, where I literally CANNOT remember a year passing. It happened on September 8 of my Year 10, and I don’t remember doing my School Certificate at all. I don’t remember anything. I came out of it almost a year later and I am still sad everyday that I no longer have that truly special boy in my life. Big changes happened to me after I came out of my ‘hiatus’ and now I totally don’t give a rat’s what ANYBODY thinks about me, and I know it’s because of Craig. He was such a great person and so giving and full of joy and I will always miss him every day forever. I know he is always looking out for me and sometimes I really feel him around me. He loved the song "Slice of Heaven" by Dave Dobbyn (the Footrot Flats song) and it always makes me smile. He is my little Slice of Heaven.

Sometimes I feel like we were MEANT to be together, and by this stage we would have been married with 3 kids etc, but things fucked up and didn’t go the way they were meant to, and now I am just passing time, and waiting, until we catch up again. I guess I chose to hang around because there were a few other lessons I felt I could learn, but sometimes I really feel like things are not as they should be. Like a "Sliding Doors" kind of mentality where there is another reality that I should be living in, but it’s just out of focus.

And it’s not that I’m actually unhappy with my life at all, quite the opposite, it’s just that sometimes I just get this odd sensation about my ‘other life’ that never was and I miss it. Yeah, I know JUST PLAIN WEIRD.

I can’t believe how much Slice of Heaven was just made for him:

Hey, I got a lot of faith in you I'll stick with you kid- that's the bottom line Yeah, you have a lot of fun don't you And living with you is a ball of a time Hey beauty when the mood gets you down Your bottom lip's near dragging on the ground That's when I gotta play the clown for you Black humour made you kick your blues Howdy Angel Where did you hide your wings Her love shines over my horizon- she's a slice of heaven Warm moonlight over my horizon- she's a slice of heaven Hey, I gotta lotta faith in you I'll stick with you kid- that's the bottom line Yeah, we have a lot of fun don't we And heaven has to be with you all the time Hey beauty when the mood gets you down Your bottom lip's near dragging on the ground That's when I gotta play the clown for you Black humour made me kick my blues Howdy Angel Where did you hide your wings Her love shines over my horizon- she's a slice of heaven Warm moonlight over my horizon- she's a slice of heaven  
Wow... i really got sidetracked there.... i actually had stuff to say about other things but maybe I'll come back another time.
I obviously needed to get that out.

Be good y'all.
Dxxxx

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EDIT:
ALSO, YES, DOES ANYONE COME HERE AND READ THIS SHIT??? PLEASE LEAVE A MARK OF SOME SORT TO LET ME KNOW.
CHEERSTHXBYEXOX. /EDIT

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