heres the dl
so i think its time for some hardcore writing
cause i havent really written a journal entry in like what seems forever. 12th grade is just like woah. its flying by and some much stuff happens at once. its the last everything you do in highschool. this is the last time ill perform in syracuse, this is the last crush ill have in high school, this is the last band class ill have in march in high school. i mean seriously it gets ridiclous. the truth about 12th grade is that you have decisions to make and you mite feel like some of the choices you made were wrong but you wont know til next year cause all the choices you make involving college wont have an outcome till june 2007.
you also start to see a lot of people changing. You can try and be a friend with someone in the beginning of the year but soon people realize well i wont know you next year so why try now and people change and the people who arent changing get hurt. you really learn who will be there for you next year. so thats senior year. its deff better then 11th grade but still not as great as 10th grade for me at least. there has deff been fun times and memories but when you grow older a lot of your friends and yourself get major responsiblities and are busy with work and such so its hard to see your closest friends. but ik that whenever i dont see paul or steve for like 2 months i can jsut call them up and we can hang out and have a kick ass time and thats how you know who your tru friends are!
oh and on a side note from this crazy journal chris troiano,stephen,timmy are awesome! lol
another issue for me this year has been confidence. ive always had confidence issues. in my hobbies or body or how i look. always shy and timid and i hate it and people always tell me i have no confidence in myself. it really does suck because here i am stuck in 12th grade putting myself down when i shouldnt be. i dont get why now more then ever. i always use to be the girl who didnt care about what people thought of me but ive changed. and i didnt need a boy to be happy and if i had time alone then it as ok but now its totally changed. i want a real boyfriend and i want to be gorgoues like a model and hell today i was even thinkin that i needed to be skinner and i was like, "wtf! what hell am i on and how did i get this way?". A couple weeks ago i broke down infront of my friends and told them about this confidence issue. it was deff over dramatized cause of that time of the month but truth is that confidence and being always second best is always on my mind. im always the friend never the girl friend, i never have the solo, im not first chair or second but im third, im skinny but not the skinnest and guys dont like that skinny, im cute but not hott. like please this never use to be on my mind like this and now it is and its scary because idk wut to do about it. and its something i have to do because no matter how many times dan tells me i can catch my sabre or how many times comito says " debb u really are good" or if a guy calls me cute it wont change how i feel unless i believe it for myself. so this is a constant struggle for me and its always have been. its also gunna kill me when i have to do my clari final which is play the piece u written infront of the band. hahahahahha i cant even play infront of comito without shitting myself. so thats what else is going on.
on a lighter note colorguard is going good. we are actually doing very well. if u want to see us come to samoset at 1 on saturday april 15th!
In honor of graduation in like 2 months i made this video for my best friends who are like family. most people dont know this but after my mom died i didnt really have anyone to help me grow up into who i am until i met shana and bobby and we found dana and i had karen who led me to paul and somewhere along those lines we picked up robb and steve and ive always had jakii. they taught me how to be me and taught me who i was. they are the best friends anyone could ask for and im so glad that when i lost my mom i gained 8 guardian angels
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cause i havent really written a journal entry in like what seems forever. 12th grade is just like woah. its flying by and some much stuff happens at once. its the last everything you do in highschool. this is the last time ill perform in syracuse, this is the last crush ill have in high school, this is the last band class ill have in march in high school. i mean seriously it gets ridiclous. the truth about 12th grade is that you have decisions to make and you mite feel like some of the choices you made were wrong but you wont know til next year cause all the choices you make involving college wont have an outcome till june 2007.
you also start to see a lot of people changing. You can try and be a friend with someone in the beginning of the year but soon people realize well i wont know you next year so why try now and people change and the people who arent changing get hurt. you really learn who will be there for you next year. so thats senior year. its deff better then 11th grade but still not as great as 10th grade for me at least. there has deff been fun times and memories but when you grow older a lot of your friends and yourself get major responsiblities and are busy with work and such so its hard to see your closest friends. but ik that whenever i dont see paul or steve for like 2 months i can jsut call them up and we can hang out and have a kick ass time and thats how you know who your tru friends are!
oh and on a side note from this crazy journal chris troiano,stephen,timmy are awesome! lol
another issue for me this year has been confidence. ive always had confidence issues. in my hobbies or body or how i look. always shy and timid and i hate it and people always tell me i have no confidence in myself. it really does suck because here i am stuck in 12th grade putting myself down when i shouldnt be. i dont get why now more then ever. i always use to be the girl who didnt care about what people thought of me but ive changed. and i didnt need a boy to be happy and if i had time alone then it as ok but now its totally changed. i want a real boyfriend and i want to be gorgoues like a model and hell today i was even thinkin that i needed to be skinner and i was like, "wtf! what hell am i on and how did i get this way?". A couple weeks ago i broke down infront of my friends and told them about this confidence issue. it was deff over dramatized cause of that time of the month but truth is that confidence and being always second best is always on my mind. im always the friend never the girl friend, i never have the solo, im not first chair or second but im third, im skinny but not the skinnest and guys dont like that skinny, im cute but not hott. like please this never use to be on my mind like this and now it is and its scary because idk wut to do about it. and its something i have to do because no matter how many times dan tells me i can catch my sabre or how many times comito says " debb u really are good" or if a guy calls me cute it wont change how i feel unless i believe it for myself. so this is a constant struggle for me and its always have been. its also gunna kill me when i have to do my clari final which is play the piece u written infront of the band. hahahahahha i cant even play infront of comito without shitting myself. so thats what else is going on.
on a lighter note colorguard is going good. we are actually doing very well. if u want to see us come to samoset at 1 on saturday april 15th!
In honor of graduation in like 2 months i made this video for my best friends who are like family. most people dont know this but after my mom died i didnt really have anyone to help me grow up into who i am until i met shana and bobby and we found dana and i had karen who led me to paul and somewhere along those lines we picked up robb and steve and ive always had jakii. they taught me how to be me and taught me who i was. they are the best friends anyone could ask for and im so glad that when i lost my mom i gained 8 guardian angels
Create your own video at One True Media