My Life So Far....... Anyone Want to Trade? I Can Pay You $0.89?
So like… it’s been like 3 weeks or so since my last entry. I think facebook has been bad for me… it’s corrupted me and I spend more time updating that than doing anything on lj. Tis a great shame. However… I’ve not forgotten the benefit of lj… where I can rant in detail on the things I can only barely hint at on facebook thanks to character limits per update. Like who does that? I should be able to make my stats and damn long as I want. Sometimes I think in hundred page run-ons. Discrimination is cruel.
So…. what do I want to go into more detail on….. how much I hate my life. It’s weird. Like… normally… I hate my life and then get depressed and miserable and really unhappy. I mope and take comfort in books and video games and retreat from the world. I wallow in the depression and eventually get better. But now… I fucking hate my life. I want to kill it. But somehow… I’m deliriously happy anyways. I don’t get it. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to become depressed or emo. Goddamn it I just want to be blorn. It that so wrong? But….. it’s just no there. I’m all happy and cheery and shit… despite serious active hatred of so much right now. I hate my classes, I hate my professors, I hate my boss more than I’ve ever hated anything in the world, I hate my job so much, I’m single and dateless, I can’t stand my roommate who I don’t even speak to, I hate my living situation. There’s so much to be blorn about…. but no blorn. Just happy go lucky whateverness. I think I might have achieved the like infinite happiness state of some kind of mystic connection with the non-existent God or something. But… even if I can’t get emo or depressed or sad… I certainly can get angry and filled with rage… so here’s a healthy dose of that. I will assure you it’s not misplaced…. my boss deserves it and then some.
So… let’s start with work. I’ve given some events of my boss sucking ass… I’m still upset about the retardedness of putting desks in the hallway so she can have a receptionist when she is the damn fucking receptionist. Plus the whole moving my best friend here and my closest coworker who like makes us into the awesome team that gets everything done into the library for no reason. I’m still pissed about someone telling my boss that I was daring to question her incompetence… but I’ve gotten over all of it. Though… I have figured out that no one in the office said anything to her about me.. so it was some outside source…. probably one of the assistants from last year who was pregnant and is now all buddy buddy because pregnancy makes my boss instantly value you over everyone else.
So…. latest stories…. oh God this past week. Thursday was probably the most retarded day ever. My department had scheduled 4 events in one day…. all right after each other. It was insane. I spent an entire day before shopping, buying linens, and crap. And then the day of the events all day was spent arranging tables, linens, making food platters of cheese, meat, crackers, fruit, veggies. Though at least for the third and big one we had pre-made fruit and cheese platters, a shrimp platter, as well as a platter of les crudités made ahead of time because God knows in the 45 minutes we had to turn it around there was no way we were making a second selection of food. It looked lovely… everything went well… but it was a damn exhausting day.
So… about halfway through this day… I get an e-mail saying that I’ve been volunteered to help at the fourth event… which I had wanted to attend and not have to work. I was pissed… because my boss didn’t ask or even consider us… she just said do it. And on like 2 hours notice. I should’ve told her to fuck-off…. I need to learn to do that more often. But I bit the bullet and agreed and missed the first half of the lecture I wanted to attend. Worse… because I had to be there like 30 minutes early… I didn’t get to eat at the event I spent all of that time preparing… and wasn’t there to help clean… leaving Abby all by herself to clean everything.. which also bit.
So we get to the lecture and my job is to sign in every single person that comes in… taking names and taking the $5 it costs to attend, or crossing names off of the people who pre-paid. So fucking annoying with long lines of people. Oh can I have your name…. how do you spell Valhabenalkosonadel? Twas the shit. Plus… stayed there for the first half as late stragglers and those who got lost… the lecture was in A Seaver… I’m still not sure what A Seaver is… but I’ve been told it’s some obscure science building on main campus. So I was kinda pissed and whatever. But…. two benefits. I got to get in for free…. fuck awesome when I had $35 to my name. Second…. I got to see Kelly… who graduated last year and is now teaching and is made of awesome. I hugged her like 7 times… so worth it… though every time I hug her I’m afraid I’ll break her because she’s like 90lbs stick figure blond. But she’s doing awesome and I got to hear about how her teaching is going.
Now for the fun part. So… at the end of the lecture I’m trying to talk to Kelly. Haven’t seen her since last spring and I want to say hi. My boss is just kinda hanging around being all annoying and in the way. I sneak behind her and talk to Kelly. Suddenly my boss turns and sees me. I instantly panic. I can tell from the look it’s bad. She starts going on about how wonderful everything was and how great a job I did. I just nod awkwardly and back away as she keeps coming forward. Then she opens her arms and tries to hug me. It was the most awkward and horrible hug I have ever had. I tried to get away. But my back was to the wall and I had rows of chairs to both sides. I was literally trapped in a corner. I backed as far away as the wall would let me… but she just came on arms open. So she hugged me and I just stood there like a limp fish while she had her way with me and patted my back. Finally she relented and left. It was… traumatizing. It’s like…. you just don’t hug people who don’t like you. I mean.. she can’t be all that dense to not realize I don’t respect or like her. I think she was smashed. That’s what everyone else says. But yeah… horrible. Don’t ever want it again.
One of the things I hate the most about her… is she is under this retarded notion that to work for someone you must both love them and be ever happy. I mean… it’s a job. I don’t have to be happy at it to do my job. Many people hate their jobs or are at the least forever frustrated with their jobs. Doesn’t make them not work or mean they have to leave. Also… most people hate their bosses. I mean…. God knows some S&S bosses have earned much of my ire. But again… that doesn’t mean I can no longer work there. It’s like my boss feels it more important that I like her than that I do my job. It’s just so… what the fuck is up with that.
So now…. I need to go to the ultimate story of today… it was just…. a level of complete rudeness and fail I have never seen before. I just….. I couldn’t even believe it happened… and in public too.
So… some background. One of the new features this year is the Graduate Theological Studies Graduate Student Life Committee, abbreviated the GTSGSLC. If you’re thinking that might just be the most retarded redundant name ever… I would not even try to play Devil’s Advocate with that. Of course my boss came up with it.. and despite the protests of every member of the group will not change it. But that’s her. So this group has been crated to kind of improve the sense of community among graduate students by planning events and trying to get them together. Not bad idea… plus it thrusts some responsibility off of the grad assistants and department and lets there be involvement from the actual students. They in fact did orientation so that we grad assistants didn’t.. that was when I found out about the group in fact. But I know all of the members well and have had class with all fo them… so it’s like all friends and many I talk to regularly.
So… last month my boss was unable to attend the meeting. She was sick again… though in truth she’s always sick. But that’s another story. So she asked one of the other grad assistants to sit in on the meeting and take her place and take notes for her and relay her “requests” i.e. demands. So I had to help set up the 15 varieties of snacks for the 8 person committee…. we had 3 bottles of wine, soda, water, coffee, tea, sparkling water, cheese, crackers, sliced salami, fruit, vegetables, dip, chips, salsa, cookies. It’s what my boss does… completely waste money on a complete waste of food for people that don’t really want it. Plus the wine… which of course no one drank. So we have the meeting… and since I knew everyone on the committee and had been setting it up… I said I might as well stick around. I stayed and even agreed to help run one of the subcommittee’s. One of the other grad students even decided to stay and help and volunteer. I mean… it’s a committee about improving grad life… not like we’d turn away people that want to be involved and help. It was fun and relaxed and we had a good time and had some good ideas.
So… later in the week I talk to Jen about the meeting and about how I enjoyed being a part of it and was actually glad to be on it. She told me that her boss had originally not wanted any of the grad assistants on it… still not sure why… maybe worrying about spreading them too thin.. which is understandable.. but if we want to… I mean.. why not? So we talked and I told her I thought it was a good idea that we could be on it and that I did want to be involved with it and wanted to attend the meetings. I left it at that… thinking that I was a part of it.
Now we come to today. Once more we have enough food to serve 20 people. And there are like 8 of us there. Me and Abby go to town setting it up. To start we put everything on a table in the middle of comfy chairs and it’s a nice setup. In comes my boss all tornado of must criticize everyone else for no reason but to make herself look better. She’s all… no… we have to move this to a different table because people are going to be writing. I’m like… that’s what laps are for… but whatever. We move all of it. She stands and watches us move everything. The pregnant woman who’s a fellow student and committee member and is awesome is helping to move.. but my boss just stands there wand watches. Bitch. So we move it… and then she’s all… I don’t like this table.. there’s people around… let’s move to this table 10 feet away… which will somehow be like not around people that are sitting in between the two tables. At this point I’m pissed. I tell Haydon… another good friend and committee member that I don’t know if I can stay if she’s in this kind of mood. Now there’s like 4 of us moving things and she’s still just standing there and watching us. I’m seething… but whatever.
So we get setup in the new location… only like 4 committee members are there including me so far.. so I stay and chat with them as we wait for people to filter in. Eventually we get to 5 and I sit down and a couple of people sit down around me. My boss turns to me and says, “Thanks for setting up Jason, everything looks great, but we’re gonna start soon.” I’m all.. okay, sure, not a problem and go back to talking to Haydon. A few minutes later we’ve finally gotten to 6 and it’s like 5 minutes past start time. Jen turns to me again and says, “Thanks for setting up, Jason, we’re gonna start now.” I just not and say sure, all awkward and go back to talking to Haydon and now Mike (awesome Avatar fan… he has an Aang and Momo action figure in his office… I’m so jealous).
Finally we settle down and quiet down and get ready to start. Jen turns to me again and says, “Thanks for setting everything up, Jason, but were going to start now.” Then she just stares at me. Everyone’s looking at me because I don’t think anyone had a clue what she was getting at. So I just stared back and said, “What? Do you want me to leave?” She answers, “Yes. Leave.” I just sit there shell-shocked for about 10 seconds and then get up with my soda and walk away. I didn’t even turn back to see what anyone’s reaction was… I just went straight into the admin’s office to bitch and then into my office and slammed the door shut.
I just…. there were no words. I could not believe she had been so blatantly rude. Just… wow. So like 2 minutes after my door closed she comes barging in and is like… we need to talk. She goes on and on about how the group is formal and how I am not a member and how there is a procedure and how I have to make a request it has to be approved by her and her boss and blah blah. I am barely interested in listening. Then she tries to pin it all on me. It was my fault because I had never expressed any interest in being a part of the committee and that I need to communicate to her and send her an e-mail or a note and blah blah. I was like… we talked in your office about this and she was all… no no we did not. I was like… yes we did… after the last meeting I told you I was helping lead one of the subcommittees and wanted to attend the rest of the meetings and yeah.. she would hear none of that.. that was clearly not an indication that I wanted to be part of the committee. Whatever… I just let her continue to ramble and repeat about formal organization and talk to me like I’m stupid and that one can’t just go join a committee and how she wouldn’t just crash one of the Department Chair’s committee’s all trying to make me look inexperienced and stupid for thinking that participation was wanted. Then she was all… I’m trying to make this as German as possible… I may not look it, but I’m very German. I just nodded gave up on my case, and said I wa sorry… I misunderstood I didn’t think this was a formal thing that required a certified letter with letters of recommendation and signatures of at least 4 faculty, etc. Whatever. Finally she is all.. if you would like to be part of it, would you like to come sit in on the meeting today and we can see about getting you approved to be on it. I was like…. FUCK THAT NOISE!!!!! Yeah… no. I no longer wanted anything to do with this committee. I told her I’d think about it and maybe I’d send a request and join, but for today that I did not want to sit in. She finally left and I eventually had my Abby come back to comfort me.
So…. I waited until long after the meeting to clean up because I did not want to see my boss again or anyone on the committee. So I waited for Haydon who I knew would be by around 6 PM. Sure enough he walks into my office which has the door closed but for a crack and is all… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? So I asked him about what everyone’s reaction was and to make sure I wasn’t seeing rudeness where it wasn’t. So he was like… God no… we were all stunned. Haydon stood up for me too and asked her why she did that when we had someone who was eager to participate and volunteer and wasn’t that what the group was about. Then she told them she was going to go to apologize to me… which she of course didn’t… and she left them sitting there just looking ateach other and trying to figure out what happened while she spent another 15 minutes lecturing me on how it was my fault and blah blah formal GERMAN committee. Then it got worse as she spent half the meeting trying to make them join campus ministry and do stuff there because campus ministry needs volunteers. it was like usual… she had her own agenda and doesn’t give a crap about the committee or what it wants… only about what she wants and what she thinks. But yeah… I was glad that the group was as horrified as I was and kinda told her that she was being a little unreasonable. I just feel bad… because that’s what set the tone of the meeting and everyone was really uncomfortable. I mean… I think it’s one thing she underestimates. Like… they all know her because she’s he program admin and they all have to deal with her…. but all of them are my classmates and my friends. They know me well and everyone loves me…. I mean… choice between her and me… they’d probably all take me… especially after her display. I think Jen makes that mistake often. She’s so fake and full of shit but believes everyone buys it and is like really fond of her.
So yeah…. what a day. I was pretty unhappy. Now time for other stories. Last Monday… my boss called I sick. She had lost her cell phone… apparently on the subway.. and the police had caught the person who had stolen it and she was at the station all day dealing with it. So many issues with this story. First…. I can’t ever remember calling into work for losing my cell phone. Totally want to try that some time. Second….. subway…. this is Los Angeles. There is no such thing as a subway. It doesn’t exist. The closest thing is the Metro.. which is an aboveground train with a few underground stops. But it’s not a subway. Third…. there is no Metro between her house and our school or anywhere she would travel. She’d have to go pretty out of the way to get onto the Metro. Fourthly….. this woman is the most elitist spoiled bitch in the world… she would never be caught dead on a subway or Metro. She has a car as does her “husband” (in quotes because I have a working theory that he doesn’t exist and she’s made him up since no one has ever met him)… there is simply no way she’d be on the Metro. One of Abby’s friends came up with the theory that she was at Subway getting a sub when it was lost/stolen. God knows it makes more sense. Still… seriously… so full of crack.
So… enough about work. Why else does my life suck right now… oooh… classes. I hate my classes. I just… am so full of hate. I can’t begin to express it… so let’s go class by class. First my horrible Monday with 5 hours of torture. So we start with a class on Christology… which I love the material. But the class…. is frustrating. The professor practically reads his book to us… so I don’t even bother reading it anymore ahead of time. Moreso… the class is basically a class on his own personal Christology… like he won’t entertain others who disagree with him and is just so annoyingly bashing of any other opinion. He dedicated like 2 weeks to bashing Claremont College and the scholars there because he doesn’t like their conclusions. And like… I want to apply there… a couple of us in the class like the school and the work being done there. And just the principle of bashing other scholars just because you dislike what they have to say is just so… juvenile. But welcome to academics. Plus… there’s one student in the class… I call him Dudley 2 after a student last year who, interrupted every class with his own personal and often irrelevant opinion and dragged the entire class down… especially since he’s auditing. Well… different guy.. same situation.. he just interrupts with his random wiki knowledge that he peddles as like fact and is usually wrong on… and he’s also always going on and on about… well.. when I teach my high school students… or I teach my kids this is that right… blah blah. he’s a fucking auditor and we re not paying to here about his fucking class or how he teaches or answer questions about how he teaches his class. It’s like STFU. But he doesn’t. Just goes on and on. And last week.. we asked the professor about the midterm and he prof said we didn’t have one. We all exclaimed in jubilation. Then the prof was all.. oh wait.. I meant final… you don’t have a final… but you do have a midterm. We all sank down in sadness. So Dudley 2 is all… hey you guys should have to take the midterm. it’s god practice for the GRE’s. Haydon just turned to him and asked if he had to take it… he was all… well no… but you guys should still have to do it… it was like… what the fuck are you even opening your mouth for. it doesn’t involve you.. so lets shut it. Fucking hate him.. and almost every semester I get at least one making my life dreary. But I’m hoping the class will look up.
Second Monday class… I love the prof. he’s awesome… I’ve worked with him on certain projects and he’s this awesome…. eastern religion influenced expert on yoga, very Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and all about comparative religions. So this class is on comparative mysticism. I just can’t get into it. I am skeptical of mysticism and even if I grant that it exists and is not just people playing tricks on their mind… it’s just not applicable to me. I’m too rational and logical and just don’t get into profound religious experience so much. So the class is long at the end of the night and a long work day starting at 11:30 AM at the latest because that’s our weekly meeting…. and by 7:15 when it starts… I’m just done. 2.5 hours of more lecture is just deadly. I’m burnt out and don’t have the attention span for something that’s just not my cup of tea. Otherwise I’d enjoy the class.
Finally we get to both my favorite and least favorite class. US Latino/a Theology. The class is awesome. It’s like Massingale… if less well taught. But it’s inspirational and dealing with current problems and social justice and liberation themes. I love it. And the prof has some great stories of sucky white people… which I love. Then comes the midterm. Ultimate Suffering. The midterm requires us to go get like involved in some Latino group and do community service and take notes and write about it. I’m fucking annoyed. Like if I knew this was going to be a service learning course… I never would’ve signed up for it. I mean…. service learning was a big thing with Marquette and is prominent at any Jesuit university… but there is always an alternative for those who do not want to do service learning. I mean… some of us are just not good at it. I suck at it. And just the difficulties in the options… I don’t have a car…. I don’t already have a Latino community I am a part of.. so there are no easy resources for me. All the suggestions given were for east LA…. which is like a 2-3 hour bus trip. Like I have fucking time for that. It’s just retarded and I don’t fucking want it. I have to talk to her tomorrow and find some way out of it. It’s just not acceptable. I will write a 20 page paper on anything if that’s what it takes. I don’t care.. I just suck at community service. And I think I’ve been losing sleep over it and like having nightmares anc clenching my jaw during sleep…. I’ve had those episodes before… those were TMJ symptoms and came with depression and suicide… though obviously I don’t have that part…. but I am prone to TMJ… and I really don’t want that… that was one of the lowest points in my life and granted a lot more was going on… having TMJ sucked. Do not want.
So….. anything else. My roommate talks through his computer. He sits there talking for like hours to what I think is his girlfriend. I wouldn’t normally care… but I don’t want to listen to it. Like… it just gets really annoying when I’m trying to read before bed and he’s all loud and talking and has this annoying snickering laugh… I had to headphone it last night. It bit. All I can say is that I’m at least thankful he goes away on the weekends.. at least I can watch porn and masturbate with like some regularity. I didn’t have that last year. But still.. I hate living on campus. Sure the cute boytasticness everywhere is hot as fuck… but I miss my own apartment/room where I’m free to do whatever I want. Also.. all of my roommates cook.. so lots of dishes and some of them feel dishwashing should be done once a week so there are literally stacks of plates taking up the entire sink for days that I have to wash my stuff around. I almost miss last year’s peeps.
Dating life… meh.. nothing there. I’m undateable and repulsive to everyone. Except women and sub men. I have like tree sub men chasing me and women always so. I don’t fucking get it. So weird. And not that I’m saying no to the sub men… Heck I don’t say no to that… but still there’s distance issues for two of them and I’m just so damn busy and tired an frustrated. Whatever… I’ll probably die alone. I’ve stopped caring. I have awesome friends and am deliriously happy despite my general unhappiness with like most of my life.
Uhm… books are awesome. I have like 2500 books to read. Abby and I hit up Barnes & Noble on a weekly basis… I think the people that work their think we’re a couple… plus they all know us by name. Lots of Salvatore… finally got a story taking place during Time of Troubles and it was fucking awesome.. and lasted for 3 damn chapters. Fuck that shit. But it was awesome. Also Percy Jackson and the Olympians… because Logan Lerman is starring in the movie and I worship him. So time to read the books. Plus cute vampire boy books and other boy fantasy teen books because I’m on a crazy teen phase for reading now. it’s like the more complex my school reading becomes the dumber and younger my non school reading becomes. I don’t want plot or deep characters or brilliant exposition.. I wand smut and cute boys and happy. And any gay teen books are practically nothing but smut…. but God knows that’s not a turn off to me. Though it does make me laugh whn my Mom wants to read one because they “sound good.” And then she gets all offended because I won’t let her read it and I have to explain to her the teenage boy mind…. masturbation, blow jobs, buttsex, cumrags…. common themes of the book. Oh gay teen literature.
TV… Suite Life on Deck… just keeps getting awesomer and awesomer…. it’s like my Friday routine now. Skins… I fucking love the show… it’s like HBO level eye candy and gratuitous nudity for no reason coupled with disturbing in depth psychological examinations of real and amazing characters as well as pure fun and mischief. Also have a bunch of movies to watch thanks to some good tips from my new favorite blog ever that nothing but awesome pics and videos and reviews of things.
Yeah…. so that’s a wrap folks. Also… my coworker’s husband is a photoshoot producer. Just did a shoot with Kidman and then Miley Cyrus. Is quite sought after in Hollywood. He absolutely hates the job… hate’s being all fake and Hollywood but he’s incredibly good and makes big bucks.. so hard to say no. I want to like meet him and tag along some time. If he ever did like a Sprouse shoot I’d just die. I could just die. I could just die. I could just die. Flowers everywhere. Bells. Planes flying overhead with rainbow exhaust. It’s just like everyone you meet in this place has some Hollywood connections.. it’s insane.
But yeah… now it is officially done. I feel good. I mean… I still hate my job and my boss and my classes and shitty midterms and my roommate… but man it’s been a while since I got to be all reflective and just let it all out. I love you journal for being by sounding board and place to bitch and whine to my heart’s content. So yeah…. time to go do massive homework and shit.
So…. what do I want to go into more detail on….. how much I hate my life. It’s weird. Like… normally… I hate my life and then get depressed and miserable and really unhappy. I mope and take comfort in books and video games and retreat from the world. I wallow in the depression and eventually get better. But now… I fucking hate my life. I want to kill it. But somehow… I’m deliriously happy anyways. I don’t get it. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to become depressed or emo. Goddamn it I just want to be blorn. It that so wrong? But….. it’s just no there. I’m all happy and cheery and shit… despite serious active hatred of so much right now. I hate my classes, I hate my professors, I hate my boss more than I’ve ever hated anything in the world, I hate my job so much, I’m single and dateless, I can’t stand my roommate who I don’t even speak to, I hate my living situation. There’s so much to be blorn about…. but no blorn. Just happy go lucky whateverness. I think I might have achieved the like infinite happiness state of some kind of mystic connection with the non-existent God or something. But… even if I can’t get emo or depressed or sad… I certainly can get angry and filled with rage… so here’s a healthy dose of that. I will assure you it’s not misplaced…. my boss deserves it and then some.
So… let’s start with work. I’ve given some events of my boss sucking ass… I’m still upset about the retardedness of putting desks in the hallway so she can have a receptionist when she is the damn fucking receptionist. Plus the whole moving my best friend here and my closest coworker who like makes us into the awesome team that gets everything done into the library for no reason. I’m still pissed about someone telling my boss that I was daring to question her incompetence… but I’ve gotten over all of it. Though… I have figured out that no one in the office said anything to her about me.. so it was some outside source…. probably one of the assistants from last year who was pregnant and is now all buddy buddy because pregnancy makes my boss instantly value you over everyone else.
So…. latest stories…. oh God this past week. Thursday was probably the most retarded day ever. My department had scheduled 4 events in one day…. all right after each other. It was insane. I spent an entire day before shopping, buying linens, and crap. And then the day of the events all day was spent arranging tables, linens, making food platters of cheese, meat, crackers, fruit, veggies. Though at least for the third and big one we had pre-made fruit and cheese platters, a shrimp platter, as well as a platter of les crudités made ahead of time because God knows in the 45 minutes we had to turn it around there was no way we were making a second selection of food. It looked lovely… everything went well… but it was a damn exhausting day.
So… about halfway through this day… I get an e-mail saying that I’ve been volunteered to help at the fourth event… which I had wanted to attend and not have to work. I was pissed… because my boss didn’t ask or even consider us… she just said do it. And on like 2 hours notice. I should’ve told her to fuck-off…. I need to learn to do that more often. But I bit the bullet and agreed and missed the first half of the lecture I wanted to attend. Worse… because I had to be there like 30 minutes early… I didn’t get to eat at the event I spent all of that time preparing… and wasn’t there to help clean… leaving Abby all by herself to clean everything.. which also bit.
So we get to the lecture and my job is to sign in every single person that comes in… taking names and taking the $5 it costs to attend, or crossing names off of the people who pre-paid. So fucking annoying with long lines of people. Oh can I have your name…. how do you spell Valhabenalkosonadel? Twas the shit. Plus… stayed there for the first half as late stragglers and those who got lost… the lecture was in A Seaver… I’m still not sure what A Seaver is… but I’ve been told it’s some obscure science building on main campus. So I was kinda pissed and whatever. But…. two benefits. I got to get in for free…. fuck awesome when I had $35 to my name. Second…. I got to see Kelly… who graduated last year and is now teaching and is made of awesome. I hugged her like 7 times… so worth it… though every time I hug her I’m afraid I’ll break her because she’s like 90lbs stick figure blond. But she’s doing awesome and I got to hear about how her teaching is going.
Now for the fun part. So… at the end of the lecture I’m trying to talk to Kelly. Haven’t seen her since last spring and I want to say hi. My boss is just kinda hanging around being all annoying and in the way. I sneak behind her and talk to Kelly. Suddenly my boss turns and sees me. I instantly panic. I can tell from the look it’s bad. She starts going on about how wonderful everything was and how great a job I did. I just nod awkwardly and back away as she keeps coming forward. Then she opens her arms and tries to hug me. It was the most awkward and horrible hug I have ever had. I tried to get away. But my back was to the wall and I had rows of chairs to both sides. I was literally trapped in a corner. I backed as far away as the wall would let me… but she just came on arms open. So she hugged me and I just stood there like a limp fish while she had her way with me and patted my back. Finally she relented and left. It was… traumatizing. It’s like…. you just don’t hug people who don’t like you. I mean.. she can’t be all that dense to not realize I don’t respect or like her. I think she was smashed. That’s what everyone else says. But yeah… horrible. Don’t ever want it again.
One of the things I hate the most about her… is she is under this retarded notion that to work for someone you must both love them and be ever happy. I mean… it’s a job. I don’t have to be happy at it to do my job. Many people hate their jobs or are at the least forever frustrated with their jobs. Doesn’t make them not work or mean they have to leave. Also… most people hate their bosses. I mean…. God knows some S&S bosses have earned much of my ire. But again… that doesn’t mean I can no longer work there. It’s like my boss feels it more important that I like her than that I do my job. It’s just so… what the fuck is up with that.
So now…. I need to go to the ultimate story of today… it was just…. a level of complete rudeness and fail I have never seen before. I just….. I couldn’t even believe it happened… and in public too.
So… some background. One of the new features this year is the Graduate Theological Studies Graduate Student Life Committee, abbreviated the GTSGSLC. If you’re thinking that might just be the most retarded redundant name ever… I would not even try to play Devil’s Advocate with that. Of course my boss came up with it.. and despite the protests of every member of the group will not change it. But that’s her. So this group has been crated to kind of improve the sense of community among graduate students by planning events and trying to get them together. Not bad idea… plus it thrusts some responsibility off of the grad assistants and department and lets there be involvement from the actual students. They in fact did orientation so that we grad assistants didn’t.. that was when I found out about the group in fact. But I know all of the members well and have had class with all fo them… so it’s like all friends and many I talk to regularly.
So… last month my boss was unable to attend the meeting. She was sick again… though in truth she’s always sick. But that’s another story. So she asked one of the other grad assistants to sit in on the meeting and take her place and take notes for her and relay her “requests” i.e. demands. So I had to help set up the 15 varieties of snacks for the 8 person committee…. we had 3 bottles of wine, soda, water, coffee, tea, sparkling water, cheese, crackers, sliced salami, fruit, vegetables, dip, chips, salsa, cookies. It’s what my boss does… completely waste money on a complete waste of food for people that don’t really want it. Plus the wine… which of course no one drank. So we have the meeting… and since I knew everyone on the committee and had been setting it up… I said I might as well stick around. I stayed and even agreed to help run one of the subcommittee’s. One of the other grad students even decided to stay and help and volunteer. I mean… it’s a committee about improving grad life… not like we’d turn away people that want to be involved and help. It was fun and relaxed and we had a good time and had some good ideas.
So… later in the week I talk to Jen about the meeting and about how I enjoyed being a part of it and was actually glad to be on it. She told me that her boss had originally not wanted any of the grad assistants on it… still not sure why… maybe worrying about spreading them too thin.. which is understandable.. but if we want to… I mean.. why not? So we talked and I told her I thought it was a good idea that we could be on it and that I did want to be involved with it and wanted to attend the meetings. I left it at that… thinking that I was a part of it.
Now we come to today. Once more we have enough food to serve 20 people. And there are like 8 of us there. Me and Abby go to town setting it up. To start we put everything on a table in the middle of comfy chairs and it’s a nice setup. In comes my boss all tornado of must criticize everyone else for no reason but to make herself look better. She’s all… no… we have to move this to a different table because people are going to be writing. I’m like… that’s what laps are for… but whatever. We move all of it. She stands and watches us move everything. The pregnant woman who’s a fellow student and committee member and is awesome is helping to move.. but my boss just stands there wand watches. Bitch. So we move it… and then she’s all… I don’t like this table.. there’s people around… let’s move to this table 10 feet away… which will somehow be like not around people that are sitting in between the two tables. At this point I’m pissed. I tell Haydon… another good friend and committee member that I don’t know if I can stay if she’s in this kind of mood. Now there’s like 4 of us moving things and she’s still just standing there and watching us. I’m seething… but whatever.
So we get setup in the new location… only like 4 committee members are there including me so far.. so I stay and chat with them as we wait for people to filter in. Eventually we get to 5 and I sit down and a couple of people sit down around me. My boss turns to me and says, “Thanks for setting up Jason, everything looks great, but we’re gonna start soon.” I’m all.. okay, sure, not a problem and go back to talking to Haydon. A few minutes later we’ve finally gotten to 6 and it’s like 5 minutes past start time. Jen turns to me again and says, “Thanks for setting up, Jason, we’re gonna start now.” I just not and say sure, all awkward and go back to talking to Haydon and now Mike (awesome Avatar fan… he has an Aang and Momo action figure in his office… I’m so jealous).
Finally we settle down and quiet down and get ready to start. Jen turns to me again and says, “Thanks for setting everything up, Jason, but were going to start now.” Then she just stares at me. Everyone’s looking at me because I don’t think anyone had a clue what she was getting at. So I just stared back and said, “What? Do you want me to leave?” She answers, “Yes. Leave.” I just sit there shell-shocked for about 10 seconds and then get up with my soda and walk away. I didn’t even turn back to see what anyone’s reaction was… I just went straight into the admin’s office to bitch and then into my office and slammed the door shut.
I just…. there were no words. I could not believe she had been so blatantly rude. Just… wow. So like 2 minutes after my door closed she comes barging in and is like… we need to talk. She goes on and on about how the group is formal and how I am not a member and how there is a procedure and how I have to make a request it has to be approved by her and her boss and blah blah. I am barely interested in listening. Then she tries to pin it all on me. It was my fault because I had never expressed any interest in being a part of the committee and that I need to communicate to her and send her an e-mail or a note and blah blah. I was like… we talked in your office about this and she was all… no no we did not. I was like… yes we did… after the last meeting I told you I was helping lead one of the subcommittees and wanted to attend the rest of the meetings and yeah.. she would hear none of that.. that was clearly not an indication that I wanted to be part of the committee. Whatever… I just let her continue to ramble and repeat about formal organization and talk to me like I’m stupid and that one can’t just go join a committee and how she wouldn’t just crash one of the Department Chair’s committee’s all trying to make me look inexperienced and stupid for thinking that participation was wanted. Then she was all… I’m trying to make this as German as possible… I may not look it, but I’m very German. I just nodded gave up on my case, and said I wa sorry… I misunderstood I didn’t think this was a formal thing that required a certified letter with letters of recommendation and signatures of at least 4 faculty, etc. Whatever. Finally she is all.. if you would like to be part of it, would you like to come sit in on the meeting today and we can see about getting you approved to be on it. I was like…. FUCK THAT NOISE!!!!! Yeah… no. I no longer wanted anything to do with this committee. I told her I’d think about it and maybe I’d send a request and join, but for today that I did not want to sit in. She finally left and I eventually had my Abby come back to comfort me.
So…. I waited until long after the meeting to clean up because I did not want to see my boss again or anyone on the committee. So I waited for Haydon who I knew would be by around 6 PM. Sure enough he walks into my office which has the door closed but for a crack and is all… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? So I asked him about what everyone’s reaction was and to make sure I wasn’t seeing rudeness where it wasn’t. So he was like… God no… we were all stunned. Haydon stood up for me too and asked her why she did that when we had someone who was eager to participate and volunteer and wasn’t that what the group was about. Then she told them she was going to go to apologize to me… which she of course didn’t… and she left them sitting there just looking ateach other and trying to figure out what happened while she spent another 15 minutes lecturing me on how it was my fault and blah blah formal GERMAN committee. Then it got worse as she spent half the meeting trying to make them join campus ministry and do stuff there because campus ministry needs volunteers. it was like usual… she had her own agenda and doesn’t give a crap about the committee or what it wants… only about what she wants and what she thinks. But yeah… I was glad that the group was as horrified as I was and kinda told her that she was being a little unreasonable. I just feel bad… because that’s what set the tone of the meeting and everyone was really uncomfortable. I mean… I think it’s one thing she underestimates. Like… they all know her because she’s he program admin and they all have to deal with her…. but all of them are my classmates and my friends. They know me well and everyone loves me…. I mean… choice between her and me… they’d probably all take me… especially after her display. I think Jen makes that mistake often. She’s so fake and full of shit but believes everyone buys it and is like really fond of her.
So yeah…. what a day. I was pretty unhappy. Now time for other stories. Last Monday… my boss called I sick. She had lost her cell phone… apparently on the subway.. and the police had caught the person who had stolen it and she was at the station all day dealing with it. So many issues with this story. First…. I can’t ever remember calling into work for losing my cell phone. Totally want to try that some time. Second….. subway…. this is Los Angeles. There is no such thing as a subway. It doesn’t exist. The closest thing is the Metro.. which is an aboveground train with a few underground stops. But it’s not a subway. Third…. there is no Metro between her house and our school or anywhere she would travel. She’d have to go pretty out of the way to get onto the Metro. Fourthly….. this woman is the most elitist spoiled bitch in the world… she would never be caught dead on a subway or Metro. She has a car as does her “husband” (in quotes because I have a working theory that he doesn’t exist and she’s made him up since no one has ever met him)… there is simply no way she’d be on the Metro. One of Abby’s friends came up with the theory that she was at Subway getting a sub when it was lost/stolen. God knows it makes more sense. Still… seriously… so full of crack.
So… enough about work. Why else does my life suck right now… oooh… classes. I hate my classes. I just… am so full of hate. I can’t begin to express it… so let’s go class by class. First my horrible Monday with 5 hours of torture. So we start with a class on Christology… which I love the material. But the class…. is frustrating. The professor practically reads his book to us… so I don’t even bother reading it anymore ahead of time. Moreso… the class is basically a class on his own personal Christology… like he won’t entertain others who disagree with him and is just so annoyingly bashing of any other opinion. He dedicated like 2 weeks to bashing Claremont College and the scholars there because he doesn’t like their conclusions. And like… I want to apply there… a couple of us in the class like the school and the work being done there. And just the principle of bashing other scholars just because you dislike what they have to say is just so… juvenile. But welcome to academics. Plus… there’s one student in the class… I call him Dudley 2 after a student last year who, interrupted every class with his own personal and often irrelevant opinion and dragged the entire class down… especially since he’s auditing. Well… different guy.. same situation.. he just interrupts with his random wiki knowledge that he peddles as like fact and is usually wrong on… and he’s also always going on and on about… well.. when I teach my high school students… or I teach my kids this is that right… blah blah. he’s a fucking auditor and we re not paying to here about his fucking class or how he teaches or answer questions about how he teaches his class. It’s like STFU. But he doesn’t. Just goes on and on. And last week.. we asked the professor about the midterm and he prof said we didn’t have one. We all exclaimed in jubilation. Then the prof was all.. oh wait.. I meant final… you don’t have a final… but you do have a midterm. We all sank down in sadness. So Dudley 2 is all… hey you guys should have to take the midterm. it’s god practice for the GRE’s. Haydon just turned to him and asked if he had to take it… he was all… well no… but you guys should still have to do it… it was like… what the fuck are you even opening your mouth for. it doesn’t involve you.. so lets shut it. Fucking hate him.. and almost every semester I get at least one making my life dreary. But I’m hoping the class will look up.
Second Monday class… I love the prof. he’s awesome… I’ve worked with him on certain projects and he’s this awesome…. eastern religion influenced expert on yoga, very Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and all about comparative religions. So this class is on comparative mysticism. I just can’t get into it. I am skeptical of mysticism and even if I grant that it exists and is not just people playing tricks on their mind… it’s just not applicable to me. I’m too rational and logical and just don’t get into profound religious experience so much. So the class is long at the end of the night and a long work day starting at 11:30 AM at the latest because that’s our weekly meeting…. and by 7:15 when it starts… I’m just done. 2.5 hours of more lecture is just deadly. I’m burnt out and don’t have the attention span for something that’s just not my cup of tea. Otherwise I’d enjoy the class.
Finally we get to both my favorite and least favorite class. US Latino/a Theology. The class is awesome. It’s like Massingale… if less well taught. But it’s inspirational and dealing with current problems and social justice and liberation themes. I love it. And the prof has some great stories of sucky white people… which I love. Then comes the midterm. Ultimate Suffering. The midterm requires us to go get like involved in some Latino group and do community service and take notes and write about it. I’m fucking annoyed. Like if I knew this was going to be a service learning course… I never would’ve signed up for it. I mean…. service learning was a big thing with Marquette and is prominent at any Jesuit university… but there is always an alternative for those who do not want to do service learning. I mean… some of us are just not good at it. I suck at it. And just the difficulties in the options… I don’t have a car…. I don’t already have a Latino community I am a part of.. so there are no easy resources for me. All the suggestions given were for east LA…. which is like a 2-3 hour bus trip. Like I have fucking time for that. It’s just retarded and I don’t fucking want it. I have to talk to her tomorrow and find some way out of it. It’s just not acceptable. I will write a 20 page paper on anything if that’s what it takes. I don’t care.. I just suck at community service. And I think I’ve been losing sleep over it and like having nightmares anc clenching my jaw during sleep…. I’ve had those episodes before… those were TMJ symptoms and came with depression and suicide… though obviously I don’t have that part…. but I am prone to TMJ… and I really don’t want that… that was one of the lowest points in my life and granted a lot more was going on… having TMJ sucked. Do not want.
So….. anything else. My roommate talks through his computer. He sits there talking for like hours to what I think is his girlfriend. I wouldn’t normally care… but I don’t want to listen to it. Like… it just gets really annoying when I’m trying to read before bed and he’s all loud and talking and has this annoying snickering laugh… I had to headphone it last night. It bit. All I can say is that I’m at least thankful he goes away on the weekends.. at least I can watch porn and masturbate with like some regularity. I didn’t have that last year. But still.. I hate living on campus. Sure the cute boytasticness everywhere is hot as fuck… but I miss my own apartment/room where I’m free to do whatever I want. Also.. all of my roommates cook.. so lots of dishes and some of them feel dishwashing should be done once a week so there are literally stacks of plates taking up the entire sink for days that I have to wash my stuff around. I almost miss last year’s peeps.
Dating life… meh.. nothing there. I’m undateable and repulsive to everyone. Except women and sub men. I have like tree sub men chasing me and women always so. I don’t fucking get it. So weird. And not that I’m saying no to the sub men… Heck I don’t say no to that… but still there’s distance issues for two of them and I’m just so damn busy and tired an frustrated. Whatever… I’ll probably die alone. I’ve stopped caring. I have awesome friends and am deliriously happy despite my general unhappiness with like most of my life.
Uhm… books are awesome. I have like 2500 books to read. Abby and I hit up Barnes & Noble on a weekly basis… I think the people that work their think we’re a couple… plus they all know us by name. Lots of Salvatore… finally got a story taking place during Time of Troubles and it was fucking awesome.. and lasted for 3 damn chapters. Fuck that shit. But it was awesome. Also Percy Jackson and the Olympians… because Logan Lerman is starring in the movie and I worship him. So time to read the books. Plus cute vampire boy books and other boy fantasy teen books because I’m on a crazy teen phase for reading now. it’s like the more complex my school reading becomes the dumber and younger my non school reading becomes. I don’t want plot or deep characters or brilliant exposition.. I wand smut and cute boys and happy. And any gay teen books are practically nothing but smut…. but God knows that’s not a turn off to me. Though it does make me laugh whn my Mom wants to read one because they “sound good.” And then she gets all offended because I won’t let her read it and I have to explain to her the teenage boy mind…. masturbation, blow jobs, buttsex, cumrags…. common themes of the book. Oh gay teen literature.
TV… Suite Life on Deck… just keeps getting awesomer and awesomer…. it’s like my Friday routine now. Skins… I fucking love the show… it’s like HBO level eye candy and gratuitous nudity for no reason coupled with disturbing in depth psychological examinations of real and amazing characters as well as pure fun and mischief. Also have a bunch of movies to watch thanks to some good tips from my new favorite blog ever that nothing but awesome pics and videos and reviews of things.
Yeah…. so that’s a wrap folks. Also… my coworker’s husband is a photoshoot producer. Just did a shoot with Kidman and then Miley Cyrus. Is quite sought after in Hollywood. He absolutely hates the job… hate’s being all fake and Hollywood but he’s incredibly good and makes big bucks.. so hard to say no. I want to like meet him and tag along some time. If he ever did like a Sprouse shoot I’d just die. I could just die. I could just die. I could just die. Flowers everywhere. Bells. Planes flying overhead with rainbow exhaust. It’s just like everyone you meet in this place has some Hollywood connections.. it’s insane.
But yeah… now it is officially done. I feel good. I mean… I still hate my job and my boss and my classes and shitty midterms and my roommate… but man it’s been a while since I got to be all reflective and just let it all out. I love you journal for being by sounding board and place to bitch and whine to my heart’s content. So yeah…. time to go do massive homework and shit.