I'm Too Pissed for a Creative Title
I just had a very upsetting phone conversation with my mother. I hung up on her. I was that upset.
So it had started out harmlessly, her texting me about the ducks at the cottage. Then it was about the Knights Templar and her wanting to know more about them and being upset by a movie about them and how the Church had eradicated them despite the Knights being religious men. So finally she called because I kept sending her blunt texts about the Church’s despicable actions during that time… but hello… it’s the medieval church…. all they did was be despicable. So it moved on from that to talking about religion and church and beliefs and just went into the same areas as always.
She believes so strongly in her church and her faith, and I take issue that she believes in something she knows nothing about and that it’s naïve to give such blanket belief and faith to something you know nothing about. She wants everyone to feel exactly how she does when she’s at mass and that’s why she teaches and tries to convert people. I take great offense at conversion because I don’t want it and most people don’t. There are a lot of people who don’t care and just don’t want to believe in it. Moreover there are people that just never will be able to because it’s illogical to believe in miracles and a guy that died 2000 years ago as still living.
From here it went off into an uncomfortable direction of her telling me of her belief that God is always with her and guiding her and etc. and how she wants everyone to have that. It moved to me explaining why I can’t ever accept her God… because of the suffering inflicted on me personally and on the world. She went typical Catholic and said that maybe the answer was just around the corner, that I’d find the higher purpose to my suffering. And I got pissed. I fucking hate that. I fucking hate any religion that tries and justify suffering as a good thing or as God’s guiding hand. Suffering is inexcusable to me and a God that allows it is equally inexcusable. So I told her that I had found my answer, that God does not exist. And she had the nerve to tell me I hadn’t found my answer, that I was still searching and hadn’t come to it. I was just so pissed. My answer was only right if it was her, if I believed in her God. I tried to point this out to her and she refused to listen and just kept saying that I hadn’t found it yet. I told her once more that I was happy and loved my life and that I had found both my peace and my answer in the non-existence of God and she just refused to listen and told me I was wrong and hadn’t found the right answer yet. I hung up. I just got so angry.
She was probably drunk. Her logic was certainly drunk logic. But it’s hard to tell.. whenever she talks about religion she might as well be drunk. All I know is that it’s Saturday and I’m fucking pissed and want to kill something. I’m so angry and frustrated and want to either punch the wall until there’s no skin left or curl into a ball and cry until I have nothing left to give. I should probably just drink. Alcohol would be the more sensible path?
Fuck everything. Fuck religion and the concept of God for screwing up the goddamned world so much and creating such mindless armies of zombies. In honor of my Richard who I see so little now….. Fuck it.
So it had started out harmlessly, her texting me about the ducks at the cottage. Then it was about the Knights Templar and her wanting to know more about them and being upset by a movie about them and how the Church had eradicated them despite the Knights being religious men. So finally she called because I kept sending her blunt texts about the Church’s despicable actions during that time… but hello… it’s the medieval church…. all they did was be despicable. So it moved on from that to talking about religion and church and beliefs and just went into the same areas as always.
She believes so strongly in her church and her faith, and I take issue that she believes in something she knows nothing about and that it’s naïve to give such blanket belief and faith to something you know nothing about. She wants everyone to feel exactly how she does when she’s at mass and that’s why she teaches and tries to convert people. I take great offense at conversion because I don’t want it and most people don’t. There are a lot of people who don’t care and just don’t want to believe in it. Moreover there are people that just never will be able to because it’s illogical to believe in miracles and a guy that died 2000 years ago as still living.
From here it went off into an uncomfortable direction of her telling me of her belief that God is always with her and guiding her and etc. and how she wants everyone to have that. It moved to me explaining why I can’t ever accept her God… because of the suffering inflicted on me personally and on the world. She went typical Catholic and said that maybe the answer was just around the corner, that I’d find the higher purpose to my suffering. And I got pissed. I fucking hate that. I fucking hate any religion that tries and justify suffering as a good thing or as God’s guiding hand. Suffering is inexcusable to me and a God that allows it is equally inexcusable. So I told her that I had found my answer, that God does not exist. And she had the nerve to tell me I hadn’t found my answer, that I was still searching and hadn’t come to it. I was just so pissed. My answer was only right if it was her, if I believed in her God. I tried to point this out to her and she refused to listen and just kept saying that I hadn’t found it yet. I told her once more that I was happy and loved my life and that I had found both my peace and my answer in the non-existence of God and she just refused to listen and told me I was wrong and hadn’t found the right answer yet. I hung up. I just got so angry.
She was probably drunk. Her logic was certainly drunk logic. But it’s hard to tell.. whenever she talks about religion she might as well be drunk. All I know is that it’s Saturday and I’m fucking pissed and want to kill something. I’m so angry and frustrated and want to either punch the wall until there’s no skin left or curl into a ball and cry until I have nothing left to give. I should probably just drink. Alcohol would be the more sensible path?
Fuck everything. Fuck religion and the concept of God for screwing up the goddamned world so much and creating such mindless armies of zombies. In honor of my Richard who I see so little now….. Fuck it.