(no subject)
Title: Good Intentions
Author: drusemia
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: So not mine. But I can dream.
Rating: R for language and sex
Warnings: BDSM
Summary: Jack tries to resolve things with Ianto. Angst ensues.
Spoilers: Direct references to Cyberwoman, Countrycide, and Greeks Bearing Gifts.
Notes: I want to thank my betas avon_09, sunnyrea, and lilithhecate . This is one of the darkest things I have ever written and their input really helped shape it up.
"Come on, Ianto. You saw how she tried to kill me. Do you think that if a cyberman can’t do it, a few smacks from you are really going to hurt me?"
"I ... no, probably not."
"Then what’s the harm? We have a little fun and you get to take some of your anger at me out on me. I can’t think of a better way to do it."
"They say time heals all wounds, sir."
"That’s bullshit and you know it. Besides in this job, do you think we have the time to spare?"
"No, sir. Probably not."
"Ianto, if we’re going to do this, you really need to drop the sir."
"All right, Jack. And how precisely do we do this?"
"Have you ever played around with S&M or bondage before?"
**********
"Ahhh…. Christ, Ianto, stop. Stop! Ah fuck… Myfanwy. Myfanwy!"
"Jack, what’s wrong?"
"Stay away from me with that thing! Please."
"Jack, I’m putting it down, okay? Now tell me what’s wrong."
"I can’t do this today. I’m sorry."
"That’s all right, Jack. Did something happen while you were out after the fairies?"
"What do you mean?"
"Did you get hurt?"
"No."
"Then why are you stopping this? We’ve gone much further than this without you needing to stop."
"I just can’t do this today."
"Yes, I got that. What I need to know is why."
"What difference does it fucking make?"
"Jack, language."
"Oh fuck my language. And fuck you too. Someone I cared about died and I’m not in the mood to let you … whatever."
"Let me? You seem to be forgetting that this whole thing was your idea."
"Yes, it was. A damn stupid one too."
"Why is it stupid?"
"Is this helping you at all? Or are you still furious with me?"
"Is that the only reason you’re doing this? To help me not be mad at you?"
"What other reason is there?"
"How about for your enjoyment?"
"Right. Cause getting beaten is my idea of a good time."
"If it’s not, then why are we doing this?"
"To help you. We’ve been over this."
"Jesus, Jack. I thought you wanted this. The paddles and the handcuffs and all that crap. You are the one who owns it."
"Sometimes it can be fun."
"Just not with me."
"The only reason you’re doing this is to punish me for Lisa. How can I enjoy anything when my partner only cares about pain?"
"You never enjoyed what we did? At all?"
"Should I have?"
*****************
"The first thing we need to do is agree on a safeword. You do know what a safeword is, right?"
"Yes, Jack, I know what a safeword is. I do have an active internet connection. It’s a word that either one of us can say to make the other stop doing whatever they are doing."
"Okay, good. Any thoughts? I was thinking maybe cyber?"
"No. Anything but that."
"I don’t know. I think it would work. I’m pretty sure it would throw both of us out of the scene."
"And I’ll spend every moment in the scene dreading that you’ll say it. No. Something else."
"That was my best suggestion."
"What about Myfanwy?"
******************
"If you’ve never enjoyed it, why didn’t you use the safeword? Or tell me afterwards? You said it yourself. We’re partners in this. Or supposed to be."
"I needed you to not be angry with me, Ianto. I needed you to be able to work with me. Getting you over your anger and willing to trust me again was more important to me than enjoying it. It’s not like I haven’t had bad sex before."
"This was all about getting the team functional again? You bastard! And tell me, how exactly am I supposed to trust you now? Knowing that you’re willing to lie to someone you’re shagging about what you like to do in bed?"
"I didn’t lie to you. I never told you I enjoyed pain. I said that nothing you could dish out would be beyond what I could take."
"Lie of omission is still a lie. And to lie in this situation is stupid. I could have hurt you, Jack."
"You did hurt me. That was the point."
"I thought … I guess not. If you never wanted it like this, which I have to think you never did, you just made me a rapist."
"Oh come on, Ianto. You’re getting a little over dramatic, aren’t you? If you had ever done something I really didn’t want you to, I would have said something. Besides, as you said, this was my idea. Can’t really rape the willing, can you?"
"You’re right. It was your idea. To quote you, ‘A damn stupid one.’ I couldn’t agree more. I’ll see myself out."
"Ianto, don’t do this. You’re making way too big a deal of this."
"I would have to disagree, sir. I think you’re underestimating how much this will fuck up our already fragile working relationship. Good night."
"Ianto, don’t leave. Come back, we can talk this out. Ianto. Get back here… Fine. Be that way. Fucking 21st century."
********************
"Are you sure you want to do this, Jack?"
"Yes, Ianto. I’m sure. Are you having second thoughts? I know it’s fairly soon to be with someone after ..."
"I’m sure. I just wanted to make sure that you were sure."
"I’m sure."
"All right then. If you need to stop, say so."
"Don’t worry, Ianto. I’m a big boy."
"Well, let’s start right there. Prove it. Clothes off."
***********************
"If that’s all you need sir, I’ll be heading home."
"Yeah, you do that. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
"Why’s that?"
"There’s been a string of disappearances out in the country. We’re going to investigate."
"Well, I wish you luck out in the field."
"You should wish yourself some luck too."
"Sir?"
"You’re coming with us. You haven’t logged nearly enough field hours and it’s time for that to change."
"Very good, sir. In the morning then."
"In the morning."
************************
"Everything alright, Ianto?"
"What? Oh, yes. Fine. I just can’t believe I agreed to do this."
"Are you wishing you hadn’t?"
"I don’t know. I think I need some time to process."
"Go home then. And process. I’ll be here in the morning."
"Is that meant to be comforting or a threat?"
"Ianto."
"I just hit my boss. That type of thing usually doesn’t end well."
"Your boss is fine with it. Ianto, honestly, I’m fine with it."
"I know. I just don’t know if I am."
*********************
"Everything alright, Ianto? You’ve been in there for quite a while."
"Sorry, sir. It just takes a while to wash cannibal off."
"I bet it does."
"Sir, may I ask you a question?"
"Of course. I may not answer it, but you can ask."
"What sort of person is it that enjoys doing that?"
"I don’t know. A very sick one."
"I see."
"What do you see?"
"Someone like that, someone who enjoys hurting and killing, they have to be sick. I couldn’t agree more sir."
"Okay. And what part of this conversation are you having that I’m missing?"
"I’m just agreeing with you, sir. It takes a sick person to want to hurt another like that. Very sick."
"Ianto, I don’t think you’re sick."
"Sir?"
"You’re thinking that because I thought you would enjoy hurting me that I thought you were sick and twisted, right?"
"Didn’t you?"
"No. That is completely different. The whole two consenting adults makes a big difference. You and I agreed on what would happen. Those people who died had no say in what happened to them. Don’t tell me you can even think about comparing the situations."
"I guess not. But. … never mind."
"No, ask me. I’ll answer."
"Why did you think I would enjoy it? Do I look like someone who enjoys inflicting pain?"
"No. I thought you would find some release from the pain you were causing yourself over Lisa if you could take it out on someone else. And, while I’m not a huge fan of pain, I knew I could survive it. And since I caused a fair amount of your pain, it seemed appropriate. I didn’t mean for you to beat yourself up with guilt for hurting me. I just wanted to help."
"I see, sir. For the future, may I make a suggestion?"
"Go for it."
"When you want to help, remember the old saying about good intentions."
*****************
"And how are you this morning, sir?"
"Fine, Ianto. Just fine. And yourself?"
"Very well, sir. Your coffee?"
"Thanks. I don’t know what we would do without you."
"Caffeine withdrawal most likely."
"Please, no. I can take a beating but don’t take away my coffee."
"Wouldn’t dream of it, sir. That would just be mean."
"And what about the beating part?"
"I wish you wouldn’t bring that up during working hours, sir."
"I’ve given you ten whole hours to process. Don’t tell me you’re still panicking."
"Of course not, sir. I just think that is a discussion topic best saved for after the others have gone home."
"Fair enough. So, we’ll discuss it tonight then?"
"Tonight? So soon?"
"What? You got a hot date?"
"Ah, no. I just thought you would want some more time to heal."
"Nah. I’m peachy."
"Very well then. Tonight."
*****************
"Is Tosh going to be alright?"
"She’ll be fine, Ianto. She just needs some time to adjust to knowing things about people that aren’t meant to be known."
"She didn’t mean to cause trouble."
"I know that. That’s why I’m not retconning her or reprimanding her. Plus, she couldn’t get into my head. So, all my secrets are safe."
"I doubt there is enough retcon in the world to make her forget your secrets if she ever learned them."
"What are you implying?"
"I’m implying, sir, that you have an awful lot of things you keep to yourself."
"Don’t we all?"
"Some more than others."
"Well, what about you? I think you had a doozie of a secret."
"And we know how that ended."
"You want to know something about me?"
"I think we all do. But at the same time we don’t. If we knew your secrets, you wouldn’t be our enigmatic leader anymore."
"I think I can tell you one thing without destroying your image of me."
"I don’t know if I would risk it, sir. Secrets can be very dangerous."
"That’s true. But I trust you. Do you trust me?"
"Of course I do."
"Even after everything, you trust me?"
"I wouldn’t have stayed if I didn’t."
"I … thank you, Ianto."
"You’re welcome, sir. So, come out with it. What is this big secret about you that you want to tell me?"
"You scare the hell out of me."
"Sir?"
"You do. You’re a good person and you care about people around you and you take risks to protect your friends and …you’re just a good person. And that scares me."
"Why does that scare you?"
"Cause I’m not a good person. And the last time I met someone who was, I got hurt. Badly."
"I won’t hurt you again. Not if I can avoid it."
"I know. But you can’t predict life."
"Neither can you, sir. All you can do is try to muddle through and hope you haven’t made too many mistakes."
"Do you consider what we had a mistake?"
"No. I would never do it again, but I don’t think it was a mistake."
"If you had it to do over, what would you change?"
"I would have waited longer after Lisa before I said yes. If I had waited longer, I wouldn’t have agreed to the … you know."
"But you would have agreed to the sex?"
"Sir, with all due respect, are you an idiot? Honestly, have you looked in the mirror lately?"
"Ianto, you are good for an old man’s soul."
"You’re not that old, sir."
"You have no idea."
"So tell me."
"Uh-uh. Gave up my one secret for the day. Can’t give you more. It would spoil the enigmatic leader shtick."
"My sincerest apologies. Wouldn’t want to spoil your shtick."
"Quite alright. But if you want to make up for endangering my shtick by spoiling my stick, I wouldn’t have any objections."
"Careful. That’s harassment, sir."
"Yes, yes, it is. And I can make your job depend on it, if it would help."
"I could file a complaint."
"You could."
"You would get in a lot of trouble."
"Some things are worth the trouble."
"Yes, sir, some things are."
Author: drusemia
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: So not mine. But I can dream.
Rating: R for language and sex
Warnings: BDSM
Summary: Jack tries to resolve things with Ianto. Angst ensues.
Spoilers: Direct references to Cyberwoman, Countrycide, and Greeks Bearing Gifts.
Notes: I want to thank my betas avon_09, sunnyrea, and lilithhecate . This is one of the darkest things I have ever written and their input really helped shape it up.
"Come on, Ianto. You saw how she tried to kill me. Do you think that if a cyberman can’t do it, a few smacks from you are really going to hurt me?"
"I ... no, probably not."
"Then what’s the harm? We have a little fun and you get to take some of your anger at me out on me. I can’t think of a better way to do it."
"They say time heals all wounds, sir."
"That’s bullshit and you know it. Besides in this job, do you think we have the time to spare?"
"No, sir. Probably not."
"Ianto, if we’re going to do this, you really need to drop the sir."
"All right, Jack. And how precisely do we do this?"
"Have you ever played around with S&M or bondage before?"
**********
"Ahhh…. Christ, Ianto, stop. Stop! Ah fuck… Myfanwy. Myfanwy!"
"Jack, what’s wrong?"
"Stay away from me with that thing! Please."
"Jack, I’m putting it down, okay? Now tell me what’s wrong."
"I can’t do this today. I’m sorry."
"That’s all right, Jack. Did something happen while you were out after the fairies?"
"What do you mean?"
"Did you get hurt?"
"No."
"Then why are you stopping this? We’ve gone much further than this without you needing to stop."
"I just can’t do this today."
"Yes, I got that. What I need to know is why."
"What difference does it fucking make?"
"Jack, language."
"Oh fuck my language. And fuck you too. Someone I cared about died and I’m not in the mood to let you … whatever."
"Let me? You seem to be forgetting that this whole thing was your idea."
"Yes, it was. A damn stupid one too."
"Why is it stupid?"
"Is this helping you at all? Or are you still furious with me?"
"Is that the only reason you’re doing this? To help me not be mad at you?"
"What other reason is there?"
"How about for your enjoyment?"
"Right. Cause getting beaten is my idea of a good time."
"If it’s not, then why are we doing this?"
"To help you. We’ve been over this."
"Jesus, Jack. I thought you wanted this. The paddles and the handcuffs and all that crap. You are the one who owns it."
"Sometimes it can be fun."
"Just not with me."
"The only reason you’re doing this is to punish me for Lisa. How can I enjoy anything when my partner only cares about pain?"
"You never enjoyed what we did? At all?"
"Should I have?"
*****************
"The first thing we need to do is agree on a safeword. You do know what a safeword is, right?"
"Yes, Jack, I know what a safeword is. I do have an active internet connection. It’s a word that either one of us can say to make the other stop doing whatever they are doing."
"Okay, good. Any thoughts? I was thinking maybe cyber?"
"No. Anything but that."
"I don’t know. I think it would work. I’m pretty sure it would throw both of us out of the scene."
"And I’ll spend every moment in the scene dreading that you’ll say it. No. Something else."
"That was my best suggestion."
"What about Myfanwy?"
******************
"If you’ve never enjoyed it, why didn’t you use the safeword? Or tell me afterwards? You said it yourself. We’re partners in this. Or supposed to be."
"I needed you to not be angry with me, Ianto. I needed you to be able to work with me. Getting you over your anger and willing to trust me again was more important to me than enjoying it. It’s not like I haven’t had bad sex before."
"This was all about getting the team functional again? You bastard! And tell me, how exactly am I supposed to trust you now? Knowing that you’re willing to lie to someone you’re shagging about what you like to do in bed?"
"I didn’t lie to you. I never told you I enjoyed pain. I said that nothing you could dish out would be beyond what I could take."
"Lie of omission is still a lie. And to lie in this situation is stupid. I could have hurt you, Jack."
"You did hurt me. That was the point."
"I thought … I guess not. If you never wanted it like this, which I have to think you never did, you just made me a rapist."
"Oh come on, Ianto. You’re getting a little over dramatic, aren’t you? If you had ever done something I really didn’t want you to, I would have said something. Besides, as you said, this was my idea. Can’t really rape the willing, can you?"
"You’re right. It was your idea. To quote you, ‘A damn stupid one.’ I couldn’t agree more. I’ll see myself out."
"Ianto, don’t do this. You’re making way too big a deal of this."
"I would have to disagree, sir. I think you’re underestimating how much this will fuck up our already fragile working relationship. Good night."
"Ianto, don’t leave. Come back, we can talk this out. Ianto. Get back here… Fine. Be that way. Fucking 21st century."
********************
"Are you sure you want to do this, Jack?"
"Yes, Ianto. I’m sure. Are you having second thoughts? I know it’s fairly soon to be with someone after ..."
"I’m sure. I just wanted to make sure that you were sure."
"I’m sure."
"All right then. If you need to stop, say so."
"Don’t worry, Ianto. I’m a big boy."
"Well, let’s start right there. Prove it. Clothes off."
***********************
"If that’s all you need sir, I’ll be heading home."
"Yeah, you do that. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
"Why’s that?"
"There’s been a string of disappearances out in the country. We’re going to investigate."
"Well, I wish you luck out in the field."
"You should wish yourself some luck too."
"Sir?"
"You’re coming with us. You haven’t logged nearly enough field hours and it’s time for that to change."
"Very good, sir. In the morning then."
"In the morning."
************************
"Everything alright, Ianto?"
"What? Oh, yes. Fine. I just can’t believe I agreed to do this."
"Are you wishing you hadn’t?"
"I don’t know. I think I need some time to process."
"Go home then. And process. I’ll be here in the morning."
"Is that meant to be comforting or a threat?"
"Ianto."
"I just hit my boss. That type of thing usually doesn’t end well."
"Your boss is fine with it. Ianto, honestly, I’m fine with it."
"I know. I just don’t know if I am."
*********************
"Everything alright, Ianto? You’ve been in there for quite a while."
"Sorry, sir. It just takes a while to wash cannibal off."
"I bet it does."
"Sir, may I ask you a question?"
"Of course. I may not answer it, but you can ask."
"What sort of person is it that enjoys doing that?"
"I don’t know. A very sick one."
"I see."
"What do you see?"
"Someone like that, someone who enjoys hurting and killing, they have to be sick. I couldn’t agree more sir."
"Okay. And what part of this conversation are you having that I’m missing?"
"I’m just agreeing with you, sir. It takes a sick person to want to hurt another like that. Very sick."
"Ianto, I don’t think you’re sick."
"Sir?"
"You’re thinking that because I thought you would enjoy hurting me that I thought you were sick and twisted, right?"
"Didn’t you?"
"No. That is completely different. The whole two consenting adults makes a big difference. You and I agreed on what would happen. Those people who died had no say in what happened to them. Don’t tell me you can even think about comparing the situations."
"I guess not. But. … never mind."
"No, ask me. I’ll answer."
"Why did you think I would enjoy it? Do I look like someone who enjoys inflicting pain?"
"No. I thought you would find some release from the pain you were causing yourself over Lisa if you could take it out on someone else. And, while I’m not a huge fan of pain, I knew I could survive it. And since I caused a fair amount of your pain, it seemed appropriate. I didn’t mean for you to beat yourself up with guilt for hurting me. I just wanted to help."
"I see, sir. For the future, may I make a suggestion?"
"Go for it."
"When you want to help, remember the old saying about good intentions."
*****************
"And how are you this morning, sir?"
"Fine, Ianto. Just fine. And yourself?"
"Very well, sir. Your coffee?"
"Thanks. I don’t know what we would do without you."
"Caffeine withdrawal most likely."
"Please, no. I can take a beating but don’t take away my coffee."
"Wouldn’t dream of it, sir. That would just be mean."
"And what about the beating part?"
"I wish you wouldn’t bring that up during working hours, sir."
"I’ve given you ten whole hours to process. Don’t tell me you’re still panicking."
"Of course not, sir. I just think that is a discussion topic best saved for after the others have gone home."
"Fair enough. So, we’ll discuss it tonight then?"
"Tonight? So soon?"
"What? You got a hot date?"
"Ah, no. I just thought you would want some more time to heal."
"Nah. I’m peachy."
"Very well then. Tonight."
*****************
"Is Tosh going to be alright?"
"She’ll be fine, Ianto. She just needs some time to adjust to knowing things about people that aren’t meant to be known."
"She didn’t mean to cause trouble."
"I know that. That’s why I’m not retconning her or reprimanding her. Plus, she couldn’t get into my head. So, all my secrets are safe."
"I doubt there is enough retcon in the world to make her forget your secrets if she ever learned them."
"What are you implying?"
"I’m implying, sir, that you have an awful lot of things you keep to yourself."
"Don’t we all?"
"Some more than others."
"Well, what about you? I think you had a doozie of a secret."
"And we know how that ended."
"You want to know something about me?"
"I think we all do. But at the same time we don’t. If we knew your secrets, you wouldn’t be our enigmatic leader anymore."
"I think I can tell you one thing without destroying your image of me."
"I don’t know if I would risk it, sir. Secrets can be very dangerous."
"That’s true. But I trust you. Do you trust me?"
"Of course I do."
"Even after everything, you trust me?"
"I wouldn’t have stayed if I didn’t."
"I … thank you, Ianto."
"You’re welcome, sir. So, come out with it. What is this big secret about you that you want to tell me?"
"You scare the hell out of me."
"Sir?"
"You do. You’re a good person and you care about people around you and you take risks to protect your friends and …you’re just a good person. And that scares me."
"Why does that scare you?"
"Cause I’m not a good person. And the last time I met someone who was, I got hurt. Badly."
"I won’t hurt you again. Not if I can avoid it."
"I know. But you can’t predict life."
"Neither can you, sir. All you can do is try to muddle through and hope you haven’t made too many mistakes."
"Do you consider what we had a mistake?"
"No. I would never do it again, but I don’t think it was a mistake."
"If you had it to do over, what would you change?"
"I would have waited longer after Lisa before I said yes. If I had waited longer, I wouldn’t have agreed to the … you know."
"But you would have agreed to the sex?"
"Sir, with all due respect, are you an idiot? Honestly, have you looked in the mirror lately?"
"Ianto, you are good for an old man’s soul."
"You’re not that old, sir."
"You have no idea."
"So tell me."
"Uh-uh. Gave up my one secret for the day. Can’t give you more. It would spoil the enigmatic leader shtick."
"My sincerest apologies. Wouldn’t want to spoil your shtick."
"Quite alright. But if you want to make up for endangering my shtick by spoiling my stick, I wouldn’t have any objections."
"Careful. That’s harassment, sir."
"Yes, yes, it is. And I can make your job depend on it, if it would help."
"I could file a complaint."
"You could."
"You would get in a lot of trouble."
"Some things are worth the trouble."
"Yes, sir, some things are."