go on and save yourself
out of surge of fullness, headache, frustration i revamped. and i want to do it to everything. i'm so tempted to clean out all of icons (these icons that i supposedly adore, i want them gone) but i'm exerting a level of self-control, 'cause i'd hate myself for that later. but i have a new icon, new layout, new profile, new page title. i don't know if any of this fixes the problem, but it helps just a bit on a superficial level. wrote a poem too which also made me feel a little bit better- or it could be just that i've created literary proof of the problem. it was venting of very raw me anger so it's very different and from many points of view not particularly good. except from my point of view, right now.
you know what i don't really want to talk about how i feel right now. feelings. sentimentality. love. compassion. desire. it's what's got me into this suffocating mess. anyone watch the o.c. premiere last week? i did. does anyone remember what "marisa" did to show how she felt? i feel like doing that right now. i envy her. and i wish i had that bikini. i should become an actress.
you know i was considering that not to long ago. not becoming an actress, but switching majors. for about five seconds. on the ride back from rocky horror the week before i sat in the front passenger seat of karly's car and stared at the roads and the lights and said to myself that i should make movies instead. not even screenwriting, which i would be good at, but drop this whole english thing and become a director. but it was clear to me that this was stupid, i would go nuts if i didn't try to expand my writing ability. but i am going nuts. but who knows i could throw in that english with concentration in cinema, and then become a director. or screenwriter. or you know what, i'll just marry someone really rich and sit around the house all day in white see-through dresses and write about sex and human plight for the rest of my life. yes that's a long version of fuck you.
you know what i don't really want to talk about how i feel right now. feelings. sentimentality. love. compassion. desire. it's what's got me into this suffocating mess. anyone watch the o.c. premiere last week? i did. does anyone remember what "marisa" did to show how she felt? i feel like doing that right now. i envy her. and i wish i had that bikini. i should become an actress.
you know i was considering that not to long ago. not becoming an actress, but switching majors. for about five seconds. on the ride back from rocky horror the week before i sat in the front passenger seat of karly's car and stared at the roads and the lights and said to myself that i should make movies instead. not even screenwriting, which i would be good at, but drop this whole english thing and become a director. but it was clear to me that this was stupid, i would go nuts if i didn't try to expand my writing ability. but i am going nuts. but who knows i could throw in that english with concentration in cinema, and then become a director. or screenwriter. or you know what, i'll just marry someone really rich and sit around the house all day in white see-through dresses and write about sex and human plight for the rest of my life. yes that's a long version of fuck you.