its been awhile
so, its been quite awhile since i wrote an entry and even longer since I read what anyone else wrote...
but my lovely said she felt inspired to write some stuff, so I was curious...
and lovely, it was beautiful...<3
I've changed a lot over the past 5 months. I've gone through a lot and was broken down to the point where I knew I had to change something if I was going to survive....and I mean that quite literally. I opened up to just a few people about it, because I was ashamed and didn't want people to know that I could be so lost and vulnerable as to need medication to make myself work right.
I was surprised by just about every reaction I got. And I have to say every reaction was different and not what I expected. Two of my flakiest friends were my rocks this summer. I didn't want to tell them, but they were too good of friends to accept that I was ok and pushed gently until I confessed to them. And while they were a little skeptical, I have to say they did any amazing job of making sure to keep my mind off things, and they loved me when I broke down, which I have to admit was often.
To another, I opened up and she ended up upset with me when I didn't want to go party. I was shocked by that reaction too. The lack of concern, lack of phone calls, lack of caring. THat one hurt a lot, and still does, but I've moved past it. I can't bring myself to make an effort, but I still love her and wish her the best.
I came back to school scared out of my mind of being alone. You have no idea how much time I've spent praying the past 5 months. ANd luckily, my friends here were amazing too. The Lord totally blessed me with true friends who took care of me when I needed it the most. He allowed me to be vulnerable, and rely on Him and other people He placed in my life, which is something I never did easily or often.
Luckily school and work keep me busy, and the medication helps enough to where I still feel normal.
My dog died over the summer, and Espy (the hamster) died early October. WIth that and other life problems, I know that life will never be perfect, not even good all the time. But I trust 100% that the Lord has a plan and that as long as I focus on him, He's taking care of me. Things may not be great, but there is a lesson in all this, and I'm learning every step of the way. I'm truly content for the first time in my life and it is totally through the grace of our Lord. I'm coming to realize all of this and more and I'm learning not to waste time or dwell on things.
I don't make excuses when it comes to hanging out with friends or going out. I even go line dancing with a friend from work who I never really talked to before and we have a BLAST!!! haha, its really so much fun. And I asked another co-worker to go to a concert on campus with me. I'm taking chances and having fun and its all one step at a time, but I'm doing well...
I miss you all and I just want to apologize to those of you I've hurt. I'm sorry I tend to not give many of you a lot of my time, and I'm sorry for that. I wish you all the best and send you all my love.
<3
but my lovely said she felt inspired to write some stuff, so I was curious...
and lovely, it was beautiful...<3
I've changed a lot over the past 5 months. I've gone through a lot and was broken down to the point where I knew I had to change something if I was going to survive....and I mean that quite literally. I opened up to just a few people about it, because I was ashamed and didn't want people to know that I could be so lost and vulnerable as to need medication to make myself work right.
I was surprised by just about every reaction I got. And I have to say every reaction was different and not what I expected. Two of my flakiest friends were my rocks this summer. I didn't want to tell them, but they were too good of friends to accept that I was ok and pushed gently until I confessed to them. And while they were a little skeptical, I have to say they did any amazing job of making sure to keep my mind off things, and they loved me when I broke down, which I have to admit was often.
To another, I opened up and she ended up upset with me when I didn't want to go party. I was shocked by that reaction too. The lack of concern, lack of phone calls, lack of caring. THat one hurt a lot, and still does, but I've moved past it. I can't bring myself to make an effort, but I still love her and wish her the best.
I came back to school scared out of my mind of being alone. You have no idea how much time I've spent praying the past 5 months. ANd luckily, my friends here were amazing too. The Lord totally blessed me with true friends who took care of me when I needed it the most. He allowed me to be vulnerable, and rely on Him and other people He placed in my life, which is something I never did easily or often.
Luckily school and work keep me busy, and the medication helps enough to where I still feel normal.
My dog died over the summer, and Espy (the hamster) died early October. WIth that and other life problems, I know that life will never be perfect, not even good all the time. But I trust 100% that the Lord has a plan and that as long as I focus on him, He's taking care of me. Things may not be great, but there is a lesson in all this, and I'm learning every step of the way. I'm truly content for the first time in my life and it is totally through the grace of our Lord. I'm coming to realize all of this and more and I'm learning not to waste time or dwell on things.
I don't make excuses when it comes to hanging out with friends or going out. I even go line dancing with a friend from work who I never really talked to before and we have a BLAST!!! haha, its really so much fun. And I asked another co-worker to go to a concert on campus with me. I'm taking chances and having fun and its all one step at a time, but I'm doing well...
I miss you all and I just want to apologize to those of you I've hurt. I'm sorry I tend to not give many of you a lot of my time, and I'm sorry for that. I wish you all the best and send you all my love.
<3