The Giles Thing III 3/3 (Giles/Xander)
The Giles Thing III
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @ livejournal
Some glitch in the universe has accidentally given Xander exactly what he wants: Rupert Giles. But the universe has a tendency to balance itself, and now it's time to learn that a relationship with Giles isn't all sex and snogging.
Pairing: Giles/Xander.
Rated R, for porny goodness.
No serious violence, no sexual violence, no underage sex; I only warn that I don't warn for anything else.
(1/3 with full headers is here)
I finally got around to sorting this in memories, so all Giles Thing parts are here.
The Giles Thing III 3/3
Previously, in 2/3, Xander was horrified to realise that Giles had once held the slayer-cursing medallion and didn't bother to destroy it. Buffy discovered boxers on the loose, and Willow made a positive ID. Xander confided in Will about his Giles-insecurities. A Bronze/slaying double-feature earned Xander a hole in the head and a trip back to Giles'.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Good lord." Giles was on his feet as soon as they came through the door, and Xander was a little bit ashamed of the relief he felt at the man's momentary panic.
"Nothing vital. Just my head."
"What happened?" Giles tried to pull his arm away for a look, but Xander held it tight and headed straight through to the bathroom before he could drip on the carpet.
"Vampire went this way, Xander went that way," Buffy explained behind him.
"My stupid fault." Safely on the tiles, Xander let Giles see, let Giles sit him on the edge of the tub and examine the wound with gentle fingers. Xander loved Giles' fingers.
"Buffy, get a couple of towels?"
She pulled a stack from the cupboard outside the door. There was something morbid about the good supply of dark towels Giles owned. They both hissed as Giles dabbed at the wound. "It doesn't look too deep. How does it feel?"
"Like I got thrown at a headstone. But I'm not seeing double, or anything. Look, I'm holding up three fingers. She's Buffy, I'm Xander, you're Ripper."
Two pairs of eyes widened, and it took a second to realise why. Oops.
"Joke. Bad joke. Because you are. But you know what I mean."
Giles half-turned to Buffy. "Did he lose consciousness at all?"
She lifted her shoulders. "I was off after the bad guy."
"No, 'he' didn't," Xander retorted, and winced. This was not the time to be raising his voice. "It was a slip of the tongue. I'm not concussed."
"I think at the very least you should stay here tonight." Giles was looking up at him, which was what led Xander to realise that Giles had been bobbed down in front of him this whole time, knees around Xander's, one hand resting conspicuously on Xander's thigh. Xander stared at the hand a moment, and then followed the thick-knit grey sleeve up to an over-sized sweater that made him look really cosy.
"Good," said Buffy. She looked at Xander, waiting for a protest, but hell, no. Xander had had a sucky night, and he was just feeling the beginnings of what was going to be the headache of doom, and whatever it was he was pissed about didn't matter right now half so much as Giles being nice to him. Which surely he would be, because Xander was sporting a small mountain on his head.
Buffy told Giles about the fight while Giles gently mopped Xander's forehead clean, pressing a fresh towel to it as the bleeding slowed. Xander could have held it just as easily, but he sat with his hands in his lap, and enjoyed the concern and attention. Giles looked so serious, little lines on his forehead to match the ones at the corners of his eyes. Giles' gaze shifted from the wound to meet Xander's stare; he hadn't meant to stare, but Giles smiled tentatively, and the hand - still on his thigh - tightened. Xander smiled back, but just a little, since he didn't have the luxury of having his back to Buffy.
Giles' eyes darted sideways. "Could you please fetch one of the icepacks?"
"Oh, of course."
She hurried out, and Giles knelt up to kiss him beside his bump. "You're truly all right?"
"Yeah."
He looked like he wanted to say more, but he just gently brushed Xander's hair back from his fresh new bump. It felt nice, the attention. A little more effort than he wanted to go to, to get it, though.
Buffy returned with a well-wrapped icepack, putting it beside them and hovering over Giles' shoulder. "How about you?" she asked. "Any sudden fabulous new leads?"
Giles' face closed, and he looked down, picking up the bandage box to fish through it. "I should tell you, Buffy." He found some band aids and then looked up, looked Xander straight in the eye for a long second before he gently stuck them on. Now maybe it was too much attention.
"Tell me what?"
He put the icepack in Xander's hands and pressed himself up, like an old man, to sit down beside Xander on the bathtub's rim. "I catalogued the Medallion of Temakra, when I was working at the British Museum."
The cool from the pack leached up Xander's arms. He couldn't bring himself to put it to his head yet.
"Yeah..." She'd propped herself against the sink, now, was leaning forward, eyebrows raised, like he'd just reached the exciting part of the story and was taking too long to turn the page.
"I'm sorry. I should have destroyed it when I had the opportunity."
"But what if we needed it?"
"I'm sorry?"
She put her hands on her hips as she rested her weight back against the sink. "I think Faith proved pretty conclusively that there needs to be a contingency plan for crazed slayers. But she wasn't the first, was she? There must have been others."
"I... Well, yes, there, there have been rare occasions..." Giles stuttered.
"So my question isn't why was there was a precautionary thingummy. It's why was the precautionary thingummy lying around? Why wasn't it locked up in the Council's uber-secure secret vault? They've got one of those, right?"
"Yes... several actually... You *want* it kept intact?"
The same question echoed in Xander's head.
"I want it intact and somewhere no one can use it except me. So again...?"
Giles' expression was indecipherable. "You continue to surprise me."
Not as surprised as Xander. He hadn't thought about Faith, or her hands on his neck, while he worried about what the medallion meant for Buffy. Which was funny, because any time he remembered that night, he could still feel the exact place where every one of Faith's fingers had pressed. It had been eight months since she choked him, but she could still stop him breathing.
"Giles."
"The vault. Yes. When I recognised it, I wasn't certain... that is to say, even the Council can be in error."
"I'm totally on board with that."
Giles stood, attempting to pace in the tiny room. "I couldn't be certain it would be safe in their hands. Their motives are occasionally..."
"Screwed?"
"Yes, well. And even individual watchers can stray. As you've seen. I thought it best to bury it in the Museum's collection, where I might retrieve it if necessary."
"You hid it from the Council." Buffy smirked. "And all this time I thought I led your rebellion against good watcher protocol."
"Hardly," snorted Xander. Giles shot him a look, but it was more rueful than angry. Giles had never said that he hid it, though when Xander thought back, he realised he hadn't really had a chance to explain. It was starting to look like Xander was going to be the one making apologies.
"It was purely a precautionary measure."
"Do you think maybe it's the Council that took it?" asked Xander.
Giles rubbed his ear. "It's possible. It's entirely possible that they recognised it for what it was, and have taken it for the vault."
"Or to use against Buffy."
They both looked at him.
Xander shrugged, finally lifting the icepack, wincing as the cold stung his bruise. "They don't trust you, Giles. And three months ago they lost control of you, Buffy. What if they decided it's best to just wipe the slate clean and activate a new Slayer?"
"They wouldn't..." Giles trailed off.
"Would they?" For the first time, Buffy looked unnerved.
"I really can't imagine they would." He didn't look particularly certain.
"Don't you think it's weird that they just let go when she quit?" Xander waved the compress about. "They stripped Buffy of her powers and sent her in to face a serial killer. I'd call that fair evidence that they don't really give a damn whether she lives a long and healthy life or not."
There was a heavy silence, and neither of them would look at Xander. He'd stepped on something here...
Giles turned jerkily and stared at a point somewhere over Xander's head. "I did that."
"What?"
"Giles-"
"It wasn't the Council." He glanced at Buffy, a fierce look in his eyes, and then turned to face Xander properly, standing stiff and tall. "I was complicit in the test. I was the one who administered the drugs to Buffy."
Xander stared at him. He what? Xander had to have misheard, but they were both looking at him like Giles meant exactly what he said. God. "I don't..."
"I secretly gave her injections of a cocktail of drugs that curbed her powers."
That wasn't possible. It had been obvious last year that there was way more going on than he and the others knew about, but Giles getting fired seemed to be big enough to explain the weird mood between them afterwards, big enough that the details didn't matter. Giles did it?
"You were the one who put a stop to it," corrected Buffy, softly. "That's why he was fired," she added for Xander's benefit. Yeah. Thanks.
Giles shook his head, as if to say that wasn't the whole truth, but he didn't argue further.
Xander had had no idea. He was glad he was already sitting down, even though the cold from the ceramic bath was creeping into his ass and up his spine. Giles had done it to her. He had... Xander remembered Buffy's growing panic, the way Giles had kept playing it down... And then it was over, Giles was fired, and Buffy had rescued her mom from the Council-test-gone-wrong. But apparently she'd missed a few details in the retelling.
Buffy was watching him nervously, fingers picking at the hem of her skirt. She was afraid Xander would be mad at Giles for poisoning her. Five minutes ago, Xander had been pissed about Giles leaving a mystical possible maybe-threat lying around years ago, and now they were talking about deliberately sticking needles in her. A hysterical bark of laughter caught sideways in his throat. All this time he'd hated the Council, truly hated them, thought Giles was different. Giles had let them believe he was different.
Giles bobbed down in front of him again. "Xander?" Xander met his worried gaze. Giles was different. He was one of the gang. Xander couldn't understand this at all.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
What was he supposed to say? It wasn't like congratulations were in order. And he was pretty proud of himself for not losing it completely, so surely it wasn't too much to ask for time to think about this, maybe later when his head wasn't splitting and they weren't both staring at him like that. "We should worry about the Medallion. But can we move this out of the bathroom?"
"Of course."
"I threw a blanket on the couch for you," Buffy offered, leading the way.
Xander ignored Giles' worried look and crammed himself in the corner of the couch, pulling the blanket around his knees and resting the compress back on his head.
Giles had regrouped now, and stood over the desk, all business. He was good at that. "For once, we're ahead of the game. I did extensive research on the Medallion in London, and you won't find a better grounded expert."
"What does that mean?" asked Buffy.
"I can already combat most attacks, but there are leads... there is a single protection charm, if I can put it together. I'll need Willow tomorrow."
"I don't think she has classes in the morning; I'll send her over." She checked the clock. "It's pretty late."
"You should head home. There's nothing more to do tonight. Nothing more for you to do, actually, until I have what I need for the charm."
"Will you be all right?" The question was for both of them, and didn't seem to have anything do with Xander's head at all.
"We'll be fine, Buffy," Giles answered, not waiting for Xander's opinion.
"Bed time for me, then. Night, guys!" She breezed out the door, like they hadn't been dragging up big ugly skeletons five minutes ago, and Giles and Xander were alone again.
Giles hovered by the desk, and Xander pulled the blanket tighter. Now what? For a relationship that seemed to be based entirely around sex (and there wasn't likely to be any of that right now), they had acquired a very sudden and really big pile of baggage. Finally Giles let out a huff of air and took a step closer. "I wish I could-"
"Can we not talk about it right now? My head hurts."
Giles closed his mouth. "Very well." He sounded disappointed, but Jesus.
Xander was boiling. All he had right now was anger. And the sour taste of betrayal in the back of his throat. And a sharp stabbing pain in his skull. The thick brown blanket Buffy had left was twisted around his knees, and the couch looked really uncomfortable, all of a sudden. He just wanted to fucking close his eyes and not think at all. "Can I sleep in your bed?"
"Of course," Giles replied too quickly, and then added, "I'm glad to have you there." He sounded relieved.
"Thanks," was all he said before shoving the blanket off him and trudging up the stairs, not sure what happened now. Was Giles going to follow him up? Xander wanted him to, and he didn't. He wanted Giles to promise he'd never do anything like that again, and he wanted him to stay far away and burn with guilt. Mostly, he just wanted to put it all off until tomorrow.
He crawled into bed, curling tight to the edge. He was still awake when Giles came up soon after. He listened to the sweep of clothes being stripped, felt the mattress dip, and then glasses clicked on the nightstand and the dim light went black. Xander lay tense. This was the third time he'd ever shared a bed, and the first time he'd shared a bed with someone he was mad at. It was a pretty awful feeling. He dreaded Giles' hand on his back, because then he'd have to decide whether to stay mad or pretend he wasn't. He lay stiffly for a long time, but Giles stayed on his own side, and Xander realised he didn't much like that, either.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Willow's cheerful greeting from downstairs woke him.
Ow. It felt like... oh, he had. Xander gingerly fingered his head, and winced.
He heard Giles' quiet "Xander's sleeping," and smiled, squirming under the covers and deciding to lie in a while longer, at least until the pounding went away. However many weeks that was going to be.
"He's upstairs?"
There was a pause. "Yes, I thought he'd be better off in a bed. It was quite a bump he got."
"He's okay?"
"He was fine, last I checked." He sounded tense.
Xander heaved a breath. Tense because of last night, because Xander was angry with him. The edge had worn off Xander's anger. Or maybe it was just too early to summon the effort to remember everything that was causing this sick feeling in his stomach. Bad stuff, he knew that, so he put off thinking about it a little longer.
Once Giles and Willow started discussing their spell, they sounded okay. Apparently Willow knowing hadn't brought the universe crashing down, the way Giles expected. Oh yeah, that was one of the reasons he was mad. That and the recent revelation that Giles once drugged Buffy out of her powers and conspired to put her in mortal danger just to see how she'd do.
The sick feeling upgraded to serious barf-thoughts. That put a damper on Xander's leisurely lie-in. He swung his legs out and sat up, riding the nausea, scratching tiredly at his head until he found last-night's bump and winced. He went to the mirror and peeled back the bandage for a look - black and grazed and pretty much disfigured. Definitely best to put the job hunt off. At least that was something to be grateful for.
He pulled on his jeans and reached for his shirt, only to find it stiff and crusted with blood, pretty much done for. He rummaged quietly through the drawers until he found Giles' t-shirts. A little tight, but not too bad.
Giles and Willow looked up from the couch as he came tentatively down the stairs. It was way too bright down here, but it hurt to squint. Willow looked awkward, Giles stared at Xander with big round eyes and then down and adjusted his glasses. Not coping too well with Xander coming downstairs in front of Willow.
Funny. He looked just like the guy that pulled Xander up to his bedroom a few days ago, but he couldn't be. That guy worried about Xander's first time being special, and his eyes crinkled up like he was pleased when he took Xander's dick in his mouth. This guy looked the same, except maybe the lines were sunk a little deeper, and he looked... greyer.
"Xander." Giles darted a glance at Willow. "I trust you slept well."
"I slept great." Xander wanted to kiss him good morning in front of her, just to see how he'd react, except that he didn't actually want to kiss him, today. Maybe ever.
"Hey," said Willow, with a meaningful look that Xander really couldn't figure out the meaning of.
She didn't know. The realisation hit Xander like last night's gravestone. She didn't know that Giles had injected Buffy with drugs.
Wow. She didn't know. She thought Giles was a totally trustworthy guy, same as yesterday, and now she was making big meaningful eyes at Xander, probably wanting to know if everything from yesterday was fixed. Only now it was much more complicated, only now Xander couldn't tell her why, because he had to keep it secret from her, just like she had to keep Giles and Xander secret from Buffy, and Giles had kept the Medallion secret from all of them, and Xander's head hurt, really hurt, way too much to sit down and lie to Will.
"I'm gonna get a shower." And he escaped like a coward into the bathroom before Giles' sad face could burn itself too deeply in his brain. He closed the door quietly, and then realised he'd forgotten a towel, so he opened it, yanked a towel out of the closet and pulled the door carefully closed again.
Headache. Pills.
He really didn't want to be thinking. Because Giles wasn't the guy Xander thought he was, and Xander didn't want to be figuring out what that meant when his brain felt ten times bigger than his skull. Would Willow still be urging Xander to work things out with Giles if she knew what he'd done? That even Buffy had come second to the Council's rules? Because if that's where she ranked, then where was Xander on the list?
He tugged open the medicine cabinet. Degreasing hand soap, eye drops, dental floss, electric razor, Old Spice, white bottles of vitamins and orange bottles of prescriptions... blood pressure? Huh. Xander glanced at the door, feeling a spike of guilt. He wasn't spying, he was looking for - ah - Advil.
He took two and washed them down with a handful of water, but when he put them back he didn't close the door. Giles took blood pressure medication. Another thing they didn't know. Xander turned it, trying to understand the label. 'Lopressor'... 25mg twice a day. Was that a lot? Xander put the bottle back. Next to it were a couple more prescriptions. Percocet: dusty and old and dated well-back... just over a year back. From the torture. And Vicodin, from the same date, not so dusty. Zoloft, a few months older... February, when Miss Calendar was killed.
Xander pushed the bottles back in place, and kept looking. Q-tips, nose hair trimmer - ew - tubes of exzema cream and BenGay. This was an old man's cabinet.
It bothered him. It wasn't like he hadn't already known Giles was as old as his dad. Xander shut the cupboard and turned on the shower, stripping off his clothes and kicking them into a pile by the door, tugging off his bandage and tossing it in the bin. He hadn't really thought of Giles being like his dad, though, had he? Because his dad was past it, ordinary, stuck in a life he didn't want, and couldn't handle. A different generation. An old guy. Xander spun the hot to high and stepped in, letting it burn through him. What the hell was he doing? Was this some sort of stupid father issue? Screw a man too old for him, too smart for him, too good for him, great therapy if it didn't mean even more dirty secrets to fuck up his life.
Xander scrubbed, sucking in the steam like it could clean him inside, too. Giles looked down on his dad. Giles had thought about reporting his dad to the authorities. Xander's dad was an ass but he'd never laid a hand on him, let alone a needle. Jesus Christ, Giles had injected Buffy with poison. This was insane.
He braced against the wall, letting the spray beat at his back. Okay. They'd all done stuff. They'd all... They'd fought vampires and stopped the world from ending, and in amongst all that they sometimes did stupid shit like casting spells on their ex-girlfriends, or not-killing homicidal vampiric ex-boyfriends, or aiding and abetting zombies... There was a lot of stuff in the last three years they'd done that they'd probably never thought they would, but Xander hadn't betrayed anyone in the gang - unless you counted Angel, which he didn't - and he didn't think the others had, either. But Giles had.
Xander had trusted Giles more than anyone in his entire life, more than Buffy, more than Willow, more, way more than his own dad. Giles was the one they all trusted. And if Giles could betray Buffy, his Slayer, then he could betray any of them. Including Xander.
Xander took a long, shuddering breath, and that's when he realised he was crying. Water was washing his face clean but his throat hurt and he was shaking all over, and he didn't know if it was having his faith shaken or because his head hurt and he had no future and everything just sucked right now. Or maybe because he was realising this was just another relationship bust in the making.
"Xander?"
He jumped around like he'd been caught naked - okay - and scrubbed at his face and raised his voice to be heard through the curtain. "Yeah, Willow?" He hadn't even heard her come in the door.
"Are you okay?"
"What?" Had his voice cracked?
"Buffy said it was a pretty bad bump last night."
Oh. "Um. Yeah. Just a headache."
"Okay." She was just on the other side of the curtain, probably wondering why he didn't stick his face out. "I don't think he knows," she said.
"I'm sorry?"
The curtain yanked aside, and Willow's face appeared, and Xander jumped around, almost slipping over as he twisted his back to her. "Willow!" Sure they'd once had baths together, but not since long before they had hair down there, and Xander didn't know if his eyes were red.
Willow just gave a cursory glance down (and okay, that was a little insulting) before frowning at him. "Does he know I know?"
Xander struggled to figure out where to put his hands, to look both casual and less naked. Did Giles know Willow knew...? About... him and Giles? He wrapped his arms around his chest, keeping his hips twisted away. "Yeah, he knows."
"Are you sure?"
"He saw your face."
Willow shifted her weight onto her other foot. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean he knows. He was saying stuff, making excuses for you staying upstairs last night, rambling about sleeping poorly on the couch. I don't think he knows."
Xander blinked. He couldn't *not* know... His expression at the shorts, at Xander and Willow coming back inside... but it really didn't matter. "It doesn't matter," he sighed. "Wills, can I just shower?"
"Okay," she pouted. "But I think you'd be done by now. You've been in here forever."
He just glared until she tugged the curtain closed and he heard the door click behind her. It didn't matter. Maybe it was best there was nothing for her to know about. This thing with him and Giles was a stupid idea, and maybe it was done.
Xander flipped off the taps and grabbed his towel, rubbing himself quickly. Had he thought he knew Giles just because he'd glimpsed him as a kid with an IQ to rival Xander's?
He yanked his clothes - Giles' shirt - back on over his damp skin. He was going to tell Giles this was stupid, and it was going to be awkward but not half as awkward as trying to pretend this was a healthy relationship. He found his sneakers and pulled them on, licked his teeth and considered Giles' yellow toothbrush but he just wanted to get out of here. When he got home.
He pulled open the door and strode out to the living room. Willow was gone, and Giles jumped up from his desk, taking a couple of steps closer and stopping. His concerned expression twisted Xander up inside. "How's your head?"
"Fine."
"I have some Advil if you need it."
"I took some."
"Ah."
They stared at each other.
Say it, Xander. Be a man about this, at least. But for the first time in his life, he couldn't summon any words at all.
Giles dipped his head and opened his mouth and Xander cut in with "I should head home," exactly as Giles said "I'm sorry about last night," and then they were silent again.
"That was a lot to put on you, and perhaps not the best timing."
Xander examined his toes. "I should go home."
He felt Giles nod more than he saw it, and then Giles twisted to look at his desk. "Willow and I are going to do the protection spell tomorrow."
Xander had completely forgotten the Medallion. "Do you need me?"
There was a moment's pause. "No. We should have everything."
"I'll see you later, then."
Giles didn't move as Xander let himself out.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The end for now. GT IV in a month or two.
The Complete Works of Dr Squidlove are here:
http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
and everything recent is on drsquidlove on livejournal
Feedback is love.
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @ livejournal
Some glitch in the universe has accidentally given Xander exactly what he wants: Rupert Giles. But the universe has a tendency to balance itself, and now it's time to learn that a relationship with Giles isn't all sex and snogging.
Pairing: Giles/Xander.
Rated R, for porny goodness.
No serious violence, no sexual violence, no underage sex; I only warn that I don't warn for anything else.
(1/3 with full headers is here)
I finally got around to sorting this in memories, so all Giles Thing parts are here.
The Giles Thing III 3/3
Previously, in 2/3, Xander was horrified to realise that Giles had once held the slayer-cursing medallion and didn't bother to destroy it. Buffy discovered boxers on the loose, and Willow made a positive ID. Xander confided in Will about his Giles-insecurities. A Bronze/slaying double-feature earned Xander a hole in the head and a trip back to Giles'.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Good lord." Giles was on his feet as soon as they came through the door, and Xander was a little bit ashamed of the relief he felt at the man's momentary panic.
"Nothing vital. Just my head."
"What happened?" Giles tried to pull his arm away for a look, but Xander held it tight and headed straight through to the bathroom before he could drip on the carpet.
"Vampire went this way, Xander went that way," Buffy explained behind him.
"My stupid fault." Safely on the tiles, Xander let Giles see, let Giles sit him on the edge of the tub and examine the wound with gentle fingers. Xander loved Giles' fingers.
"Buffy, get a couple of towels?"
She pulled a stack from the cupboard outside the door. There was something morbid about the good supply of dark towels Giles owned. They both hissed as Giles dabbed at the wound. "It doesn't look too deep. How does it feel?"
"Like I got thrown at a headstone. But I'm not seeing double, or anything. Look, I'm holding up three fingers. She's Buffy, I'm Xander, you're Ripper."
Two pairs of eyes widened, and it took a second to realise why. Oops.
"Joke. Bad joke. Because you are. But you know what I mean."
Giles half-turned to Buffy. "Did he lose consciousness at all?"
She lifted her shoulders. "I was off after the bad guy."
"No, 'he' didn't," Xander retorted, and winced. This was not the time to be raising his voice. "It was a slip of the tongue. I'm not concussed."
"I think at the very least you should stay here tonight." Giles was looking up at him, which was what led Xander to realise that Giles had been bobbed down in front of him this whole time, knees around Xander's, one hand resting conspicuously on Xander's thigh. Xander stared at the hand a moment, and then followed the thick-knit grey sleeve up to an over-sized sweater that made him look really cosy.
"Good," said Buffy. She looked at Xander, waiting for a protest, but hell, no. Xander had had a sucky night, and he was just feeling the beginnings of what was going to be the headache of doom, and whatever it was he was pissed about didn't matter right now half so much as Giles being nice to him. Which surely he would be, because Xander was sporting a small mountain on his head.
Buffy told Giles about the fight while Giles gently mopped Xander's forehead clean, pressing a fresh towel to it as the bleeding slowed. Xander could have held it just as easily, but he sat with his hands in his lap, and enjoyed the concern and attention. Giles looked so serious, little lines on his forehead to match the ones at the corners of his eyes. Giles' gaze shifted from the wound to meet Xander's stare; he hadn't meant to stare, but Giles smiled tentatively, and the hand - still on his thigh - tightened. Xander smiled back, but just a little, since he didn't have the luxury of having his back to Buffy.
Giles' eyes darted sideways. "Could you please fetch one of the icepacks?"
"Oh, of course."
She hurried out, and Giles knelt up to kiss him beside his bump. "You're truly all right?"
"Yeah."
He looked like he wanted to say more, but he just gently brushed Xander's hair back from his fresh new bump. It felt nice, the attention. A little more effort than he wanted to go to, to get it, though.
Buffy returned with a well-wrapped icepack, putting it beside them and hovering over Giles' shoulder. "How about you?" she asked. "Any sudden fabulous new leads?"
Giles' face closed, and he looked down, picking up the bandage box to fish through it. "I should tell you, Buffy." He found some band aids and then looked up, looked Xander straight in the eye for a long second before he gently stuck them on. Now maybe it was too much attention.
"Tell me what?"
He put the icepack in Xander's hands and pressed himself up, like an old man, to sit down beside Xander on the bathtub's rim. "I catalogued the Medallion of Temakra, when I was working at the British Museum."
The cool from the pack leached up Xander's arms. He couldn't bring himself to put it to his head yet.
"Yeah..." She'd propped herself against the sink, now, was leaning forward, eyebrows raised, like he'd just reached the exciting part of the story and was taking too long to turn the page.
"I'm sorry. I should have destroyed it when I had the opportunity."
"But what if we needed it?"
"I'm sorry?"
She put her hands on her hips as she rested her weight back against the sink. "I think Faith proved pretty conclusively that there needs to be a contingency plan for crazed slayers. But she wasn't the first, was she? There must have been others."
"I... Well, yes, there, there have been rare occasions..." Giles stuttered.
"So my question isn't why was there was a precautionary thingummy. It's why was the precautionary thingummy lying around? Why wasn't it locked up in the Council's uber-secure secret vault? They've got one of those, right?"
"Yes... several actually... You *want* it kept intact?"
The same question echoed in Xander's head.
"I want it intact and somewhere no one can use it except me. So again...?"
Giles' expression was indecipherable. "You continue to surprise me."
Not as surprised as Xander. He hadn't thought about Faith, or her hands on his neck, while he worried about what the medallion meant for Buffy. Which was funny, because any time he remembered that night, he could still feel the exact place where every one of Faith's fingers had pressed. It had been eight months since she choked him, but she could still stop him breathing.
"Giles."
"The vault. Yes. When I recognised it, I wasn't certain... that is to say, even the Council can be in error."
"I'm totally on board with that."
Giles stood, attempting to pace in the tiny room. "I couldn't be certain it would be safe in their hands. Their motives are occasionally..."
"Screwed?"
"Yes, well. And even individual watchers can stray. As you've seen. I thought it best to bury it in the Museum's collection, where I might retrieve it if necessary."
"You hid it from the Council." Buffy smirked. "And all this time I thought I led your rebellion against good watcher protocol."
"Hardly," snorted Xander. Giles shot him a look, but it was more rueful than angry. Giles had never said that he hid it, though when Xander thought back, he realised he hadn't really had a chance to explain. It was starting to look like Xander was going to be the one making apologies.
"It was purely a precautionary measure."
"Do you think maybe it's the Council that took it?" asked Xander.
Giles rubbed his ear. "It's possible. It's entirely possible that they recognised it for what it was, and have taken it for the vault."
"Or to use against Buffy."
They both looked at him.
Xander shrugged, finally lifting the icepack, wincing as the cold stung his bruise. "They don't trust you, Giles. And three months ago they lost control of you, Buffy. What if they decided it's best to just wipe the slate clean and activate a new Slayer?"
"They wouldn't..." Giles trailed off.
"Would they?" For the first time, Buffy looked unnerved.
"I really can't imagine they would." He didn't look particularly certain.
"Don't you think it's weird that they just let go when she quit?" Xander waved the compress about. "They stripped Buffy of her powers and sent her in to face a serial killer. I'd call that fair evidence that they don't really give a damn whether she lives a long and healthy life or not."
There was a heavy silence, and neither of them would look at Xander. He'd stepped on something here...
Giles turned jerkily and stared at a point somewhere over Xander's head. "I did that."
"What?"
"Giles-"
"It wasn't the Council." He glanced at Buffy, a fierce look in his eyes, and then turned to face Xander properly, standing stiff and tall. "I was complicit in the test. I was the one who administered the drugs to Buffy."
Xander stared at him. He what? Xander had to have misheard, but they were both looking at him like Giles meant exactly what he said. God. "I don't..."
"I secretly gave her injections of a cocktail of drugs that curbed her powers."
That wasn't possible. It had been obvious last year that there was way more going on than he and the others knew about, but Giles getting fired seemed to be big enough to explain the weird mood between them afterwards, big enough that the details didn't matter. Giles did it?
"You were the one who put a stop to it," corrected Buffy, softly. "That's why he was fired," she added for Xander's benefit. Yeah. Thanks.
Giles shook his head, as if to say that wasn't the whole truth, but he didn't argue further.
Xander had had no idea. He was glad he was already sitting down, even though the cold from the ceramic bath was creeping into his ass and up his spine. Giles had done it to her. He had... Xander remembered Buffy's growing panic, the way Giles had kept playing it down... And then it was over, Giles was fired, and Buffy had rescued her mom from the Council-test-gone-wrong. But apparently she'd missed a few details in the retelling.
Buffy was watching him nervously, fingers picking at the hem of her skirt. She was afraid Xander would be mad at Giles for poisoning her. Five minutes ago, Xander had been pissed about Giles leaving a mystical possible maybe-threat lying around years ago, and now they were talking about deliberately sticking needles in her. A hysterical bark of laughter caught sideways in his throat. All this time he'd hated the Council, truly hated them, thought Giles was different. Giles had let them believe he was different.
Giles bobbed down in front of him again. "Xander?" Xander met his worried gaze. Giles was different. He was one of the gang. Xander couldn't understand this at all.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
What was he supposed to say? It wasn't like congratulations were in order. And he was pretty proud of himself for not losing it completely, so surely it wasn't too much to ask for time to think about this, maybe later when his head wasn't splitting and they weren't both staring at him like that. "We should worry about the Medallion. But can we move this out of the bathroom?"
"Of course."
"I threw a blanket on the couch for you," Buffy offered, leading the way.
Xander ignored Giles' worried look and crammed himself in the corner of the couch, pulling the blanket around his knees and resting the compress back on his head.
Giles had regrouped now, and stood over the desk, all business. He was good at that. "For once, we're ahead of the game. I did extensive research on the Medallion in London, and you won't find a better grounded expert."
"What does that mean?" asked Buffy.
"I can already combat most attacks, but there are leads... there is a single protection charm, if I can put it together. I'll need Willow tomorrow."
"I don't think she has classes in the morning; I'll send her over." She checked the clock. "It's pretty late."
"You should head home. There's nothing more to do tonight. Nothing more for you to do, actually, until I have what I need for the charm."
"Will you be all right?" The question was for both of them, and didn't seem to have anything do with Xander's head at all.
"We'll be fine, Buffy," Giles answered, not waiting for Xander's opinion.
"Bed time for me, then. Night, guys!" She breezed out the door, like they hadn't been dragging up big ugly skeletons five minutes ago, and Giles and Xander were alone again.
Giles hovered by the desk, and Xander pulled the blanket tighter. Now what? For a relationship that seemed to be based entirely around sex (and there wasn't likely to be any of that right now), they had acquired a very sudden and really big pile of baggage. Finally Giles let out a huff of air and took a step closer. "I wish I could-"
"Can we not talk about it right now? My head hurts."
Giles closed his mouth. "Very well." He sounded disappointed, but Jesus.
Xander was boiling. All he had right now was anger. And the sour taste of betrayal in the back of his throat. And a sharp stabbing pain in his skull. The thick brown blanket Buffy had left was twisted around his knees, and the couch looked really uncomfortable, all of a sudden. He just wanted to fucking close his eyes and not think at all. "Can I sleep in your bed?"
"Of course," Giles replied too quickly, and then added, "I'm glad to have you there." He sounded relieved.
"Thanks," was all he said before shoving the blanket off him and trudging up the stairs, not sure what happened now. Was Giles going to follow him up? Xander wanted him to, and he didn't. He wanted Giles to promise he'd never do anything like that again, and he wanted him to stay far away and burn with guilt. Mostly, he just wanted to put it all off until tomorrow.
He crawled into bed, curling tight to the edge. He was still awake when Giles came up soon after. He listened to the sweep of clothes being stripped, felt the mattress dip, and then glasses clicked on the nightstand and the dim light went black. Xander lay tense. This was the third time he'd ever shared a bed, and the first time he'd shared a bed with someone he was mad at. It was a pretty awful feeling. He dreaded Giles' hand on his back, because then he'd have to decide whether to stay mad or pretend he wasn't. He lay stiffly for a long time, but Giles stayed on his own side, and Xander realised he didn't much like that, either.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Willow's cheerful greeting from downstairs woke him.
Ow. It felt like... oh, he had. Xander gingerly fingered his head, and winced.
He heard Giles' quiet "Xander's sleeping," and smiled, squirming under the covers and deciding to lie in a while longer, at least until the pounding went away. However many weeks that was going to be.
"He's upstairs?"
There was a pause. "Yes, I thought he'd be better off in a bed. It was quite a bump he got."
"He's okay?"
"He was fine, last I checked." He sounded tense.
Xander heaved a breath. Tense because of last night, because Xander was angry with him. The edge had worn off Xander's anger. Or maybe it was just too early to summon the effort to remember everything that was causing this sick feeling in his stomach. Bad stuff, he knew that, so he put off thinking about it a little longer.
Once Giles and Willow started discussing their spell, they sounded okay. Apparently Willow knowing hadn't brought the universe crashing down, the way Giles expected. Oh yeah, that was one of the reasons he was mad. That and the recent revelation that Giles once drugged Buffy out of her powers and conspired to put her in mortal danger just to see how she'd do.
The sick feeling upgraded to serious barf-thoughts. That put a damper on Xander's leisurely lie-in. He swung his legs out and sat up, riding the nausea, scratching tiredly at his head until he found last-night's bump and winced. He went to the mirror and peeled back the bandage for a look - black and grazed and pretty much disfigured. Definitely best to put the job hunt off. At least that was something to be grateful for.
He pulled on his jeans and reached for his shirt, only to find it stiff and crusted with blood, pretty much done for. He rummaged quietly through the drawers until he found Giles' t-shirts. A little tight, but not too bad.
Giles and Willow looked up from the couch as he came tentatively down the stairs. It was way too bright down here, but it hurt to squint. Willow looked awkward, Giles stared at Xander with big round eyes and then down and adjusted his glasses. Not coping too well with Xander coming downstairs in front of Willow.
Funny. He looked just like the guy that pulled Xander up to his bedroom a few days ago, but he couldn't be. That guy worried about Xander's first time being special, and his eyes crinkled up like he was pleased when he took Xander's dick in his mouth. This guy looked the same, except maybe the lines were sunk a little deeper, and he looked... greyer.
"Xander." Giles darted a glance at Willow. "I trust you slept well."
"I slept great." Xander wanted to kiss him good morning in front of her, just to see how he'd react, except that he didn't actually want to kiss him, today. Maybe ever.
"Hey," said Willow, with a meaningful look that Xander really couldn't figure out the meaning of.
She didn't know. The realisation hit Xander like last night's gravestone. She didn't know that Giles had injected Buffy with drugs.
Wow. She didn't know. She thought Giles was a totally trustworthy guy, same as yesterday, and now she was making big meaningful eyes at Xander, probably wanting to know if everything from yesterday was fixed. Only now it was much more complicated, only now Xander couldn't tell her why, because he had to keep it secret from her, just like she had to keep Giles and Xander secret from Buffy, and Giles had kept the Medallion secret from all of them, and Xander's head hurt, really hurt, way too much to sit down and lie to Will.
"I'm gonna get a shower." And he escaped like a coward into the bathroom before Giles' sad face could burn itself too deeply in his brain. He closed the door quietly, and then realised he'd forgotten a towel, so he opened it, yanked a towel out of the closet and pulled the door carefully closed again.
Headache. Pills.
He really didn't want to be thinking. Because Giles wasn't the guy Xander thought he was, and Xander didn't want to be figuring out what that meant when his brain felt ten times bigger than his skull. Would Willow still be urging Xander to work things out with Giles if she knew what he'd done? That even Buffy had come second to the Council's rules? Because if that's where she ranked, then where was Xander on the list?
He tugged open the medicine cabinet. Degreasing hand soap, eye drops, dental floss, electric razor, Old Spice, white bottles of vitamins and orange bottles of prescriptions... blood pressure? Huh. Xander glanced at the door, feeling a spike of guilt. He wasn't spying, he was looking for - ah - Advil.
He took two and washed them down with a handful of water, but when he put them back he didn't close the door. Giles took blood pressure medication. Another thing they didn't know. Xander turned it, trying to understand the label. 'Lopressor'... 25mg twice a day. Was that a lot? Xander put the bottle back. Next to it were a couple more prescriptions. Percocet: dusty and old and dated well-back... just over a year back. From the torture. And Vicodin, from the same date, not so dusty. Zoloft, a few months older... February, when Miss Calendar was killed.
Xander pushed the bottles back in place, and kept looking. Q-tips, nose hair trimmer - ew - tubes of exzema cream and BenGay. This was an old man's cabinet.
It bothered him. It wasn't like he hadn't already known Giles was as old as his dad. Xander shut the cupboard and turned on the shower, stripping off his clothes and kicking them into a pile by the door, tugging off his bandage and tossing it in the bin. He hadn't really thought of Giles being like his dad, though, had he? Because his dad was past it, ordinary, stuck in a life he didn't want, and couldn't handle. A different generation. An old guy. Xander spun the hot to high and stepped in, letting it burn through him. What the hell was he doing? Was this some sort of stupid father issue? Screw a man too old for him, too smart for him, too good for him, great therapy if it didn't mean even more dirty secrets to fuck up his life.
Xander scrubbed, sucking in the steam like it could clean him inside, too. Giles looked down on his dad. Giles had thought about reporting his dad to the authorities. Xander's dad was an ass but he'd never laid a hand on him, let alone a needle. Jesus Christ, Giles had injected Buffy with poison. This was insane.
He braced against the wall, letting the spray beat at his back. Okay. They'd all done stuff. They'd all... They'd fought vampires and stopped the world from ending, and in amongst all that they sometimes did stupid shit like casting spells on their ex-girlfriends, or not-killing homicidal vampiric ex-boyfriends, or aiding and abetting zombies... There was a lot of stuff in the last three years they'd done that they'd probably never thought they would, but Xander hadn't betrayed anyone in the gang - unless you counted Angel, which he didn't - and he didn't think the others had, either. But Giles had.
Xander had trusted Giles more than anyone in his entire life, more than Buffy, more than Willow, more, way more than his own dad. Giles was the one they all trusted. And if Giles could betray Buffy, his Slayer, then he could betray any of them. Including Xander.
Xander took a long, shuddering breath, and that's when he realised he was crying. Water was washing his face clean but his throat hurt and he was shaking all over, and he didn't know if it was having his faith shaken or because his head hurt and he had no future and everything just sucked right now. Or maybe because he was realising this was just another relationship bust in the making.
"Xander?"
He jumped around like he'd been caught naked - okay - and scrubbed at his face and raised his voice to be heard through the curtain. "Yeah, Willow?" He hadn't even heard her come in the door.
"Are you okay?"
"What?" Had his voice cracked?
"Buffy said it was a pretty bad bump last night."
Oh. "Um. Yeah. Just a headache."
"Okay." She was just on the other side of the curtain, probably wondering why he didn't stick his face out. "I don't think he knows," she said.
"I'm sorry?"
The curtain yanked aside, and Willow's face appeared, and Xander jumped around, almost slipping over as he twisted his back to her. "Willow!" Sure they'd once had baths together, but not since long before they had hair down there, and Xander didn't know if his eyes were red.
Willow just gave a cursory glance down (and okay, that was a little insulting) before frowning at him. "Does he know I know?"
Xander struggled to figure out where to put his hands, to look both casual and less naked. Did Giles know Willow knew...? About... him and Giles? He wrapped his arms around his chest, keeping his hips twisted away. "Yeah, he knows."
"Are you sure?"
"He saw your face."
Willow shifted her weight onto her other foot. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean he knows. He was saying stuff, making excuses for you staying upstairs last night, rambling about sleeping poorly on the couch. I don't think he knows."
Xander blinked. He couldn't *not* know... His expression at the shorts, at Xander and Willow coming back inside... but it really didn't matter. "It doesn't matter," he sighed. "Wills, can I just shower?"
"Okay," she pouted. "But I think you'd be done by now. You've been in here forever."
He just glared until she tugged the curtain closed and he heard the door click behind her. It didn't matter. Maybe it was best there was nothing for her to know about. This thing with him and Giles was a stupid idea, and maybe it was done.
Xander flipped off the taps and grabbed his towel, rubbing himself quickly. Had he thought he knew Giles just because he'd glimpsed him as a kid with an IQ to rival Xander's?
He yanked his clothes - Giles' shirt - back on over his damp skin. He was going to tell Giles this was stupid, and it was going to be awkward but not half as awkward as trying to pretend this was a healthy relationship. He found his sneakers and pulled them on, licked his teeth and considered Giles' yellow toothbrush but he just wanted to get out of here. When he got home.
He pulled open the door and strode out to the living room. Willow was gone, and Giles jumped up from his desk, taking a couple of steps closer and stopping. His concerned expression twisted Xander up inside. "How's your head?"
"Fine."
"I have some Advil if you need it."
"I took some."
"Ah."
They stared at each other.
Say it, Xander. Be a man about this, at least. But for the first time in his life, he couldn't summon any words at all.
Giles dipped his head and opened his mouth and Xander cut in with "I should head home," exactly as Giles said "I'm sorry about last night," and then they were silent again.
"That was a lot to put on you, and perhaps not the best timing."
Xander examined his toes. "I should go home."
He felt Giles nod more than he saw it, and then Giles twisted to look at his desk. "Willow and I are going to do the protection spell tomorrow."
Xander had completely forgotten the Medallion. "Do you need me?"
There was a moment's pause. "No. We should have everything."
"I'll see you later, then."
Giles didn't move as Xander let himself out.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The end for now. GT IV in a month or two.
The Complete Works of Dr Squidlove are here:
http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
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