The Giles Thing III 2/3 (Giles/Xander)
The Giles Thing III
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @ livejournal
Some glitch in the universe has accidentally given Xander exactly what he wants: Rupert Giles. But the universe has a tendency to balance itself, and now it's time to learn that a relationship with Giles isn't all sex and snogging.
Pairing: Giles/Xander.
Rated R, for porny goodness.
No serious violence, no sexual violence, no underage sex; I only warn that I don't warn for anything else.
(1/3 with full headers is here)
(All of Giles Thing by tag is here.)
The Giles Thing III 2/3
Previously, in 1/3, Xander was drawn into job-hunting, which left Xander feeling useless. Giles was drawn into some important research, which left Xander feeling invisible. A mystical thingummy for cursing slayers has gone awol, which left Giles feeling worried. But the sex is still pretty damned good.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Giles was already up when Xander woke. He found him back at his desk in his bathrobe, hair sticking up like he'd just been screwed.
"Did you sleep at all?"
"A couple of hours."
This had really gotten to Giles. Clearly Xander didn't have the whole picture, but it was something bigger than he'd told Buffy. "Do you need anything from the garage before I tidy myself up to go begging for my very own place on the hamster wheel of menial labour?"
A finger marked his place as he looked up. "You'll do fine."
"I'd settle for doing adequately, if I could just do something."
"You'll do fine," Giles said more firmly.
Xander grabbed his overnight bag from by the door, and hesitated before reaching to smooth Giles' hair, another half-moment before he leaned in and kissed him. A daytime kiss, the sort couples had, and it made him feel good as he took himself off to the shower.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Since the first time he set foot in Sunnydale High, Xander had never imagined that one day he'd want to go back. Until today. He'd be down the enrolments office right now, if only it was more of a building, and less of a pile of blackened rubble. Sure, it was four years of unendurable misery, but at least there'd been comfort in knowing that even the guys who beat his lunch money out of him in freshman year were secretly just as confused as he was, just as stuck as he was, just as totally insignificant and worthless. Lord of the Flies, sure, but at least they were all in it together. Now Xander had the ego-building experience of being condescended to by people wearing name badges and aprons.
It was only mid-afternoon but he was done, and he was heading over to Giles' to see if there was any progress.
Xander let himself in and Giles blinked up at him, and then frowned. "Xander." The only sign he'd got up all day was the line of mugs along the kitchen counter.
"Any news?"
Confusion wrinkled his forehead, and then he looked down as though waking from a trance. "Oh. No, more research." He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes hard enough to hurt. Xander wanted to pull his hand away. "I could use your help now. I've been able to compile some references, things you could scan for."
He looked exhausted, eyes bloodshot. Still sexy as hell, with his messed hair and his rumpled shirt, but Xander wasn't going to even try making a pass. "Let me at it. I have no higher calling."
"No luck?"
"Rejection is my forte."
The frown deepened, and Giles turned in his seat to face him. "You'll find something. It may not be anything you want, at first, or anything worthy of your talents, but give yourself time."
"I have talents?"
"Do you want me to list them?"
No, that would be embarrassing for both of them. "How about you just give me your research list?"
Xander took the sheet of paper from Giles' outstretched hand. Maybe he should have leaned in to kiss him hello, but somehow the moment had been missed. Or maybe now... they smiled at each other awkwardly, and Xander looked down at his paper. He skimmed through his list: pretty specific dates, a couple of demon names. Way better than the vague eras and languages from before. Very specific, in point of fact.
He gave Giles a quizzical look, but Giles only pointed him towards a box in the corner and went back to glaring through the notebooks that seemed to have kick-started the new lead.
Xander positioned himself on the floor, leaning against the fireplace so he could watch Giles as he searched. There was definitely something going on; Giles had looked this worn when they were locked in the library every night trying to study the mayor's Ascension, and he'd looked worse a year ago when Buffy ran away, while he was struggling to get it together after what Angel did to him. But he'd never kept stuff from them.
Never except for Eyghon.
A notebook slammed shut. "Dammit!"
Giles' notebooks. From the museum. God, he was slow. "You catalogued it."
"I'm sorry?"
Xander put his book down on the bricks beside him. "That's why it's got to you like this. You knew about it, from when it was your job to catalogue artifacts."
Giles looked like he was going to argue, but the air drained out of him and he slouched in his seat, staring down at the open notes on the desk. "I've held it in my hand."
"You didn't know what it was?" Xander climbed to his feet and looked at the spread of notebooks. "No, you did know. I don't get it."
"I knew exactly what it was, but it was all theoretical. I'd never met a slayer, never coached one..."
"But you were a watcher. Shouldn't you guys destroy things that can hurt the slayer?"
"The Council's responsibilities are much wider than a single slayer." He was taking on the irritated, impatient tone that Xander remembered from high school. The one that told Xander he was stupid.
"I don't know what that means. You guys protect her, right? I mean, what happens if Buffy gets cursed, and killed?"
Finally Giles raised his head, giving Xander a cold, hard look.
It all came together. Xander felt sick. "Another rises. So who cares."
Giles flinched. "It's not that simple."
"Hey guys!"
Giles and Xander froze as Buffy, Willow and Oz piled through the door.
"But did you see the pile of books he expects us to read? That's more books than I read for any class in high school."
"Buffy, that's more books than you read in all high school. That's kinda the point of college." Willow beamed at Giles and Xander. "Are we up to the magic part yet?"
It was the first time Xander had ever really seen the way Giles pulled himself together for Buffy. The way he took a little breath and blinked and set his shoulders back, as though he and Xander had just been building a plan of action. "Do come in and interrupt and dislodge our carefully disorganised books."
"Okay." Buffy wandered into the kitchen to grab a drink, while Willow and Oz claimed the couch. "College is supposed to be about parties and not living at home. Grown up stuff. Not high school all over again."
She'd put her life on the line more times than Xander could count, saved his hide more times than that. She'd gone willingly to her death and killed her dumbass lover and raised an army, and they thought she was disposable. Xander wondered what the slayers before her had given, and if the Council had cared about them, or if they just closed one file and opened the next. Disposable. Even Giles had once thought so.
Buffy stopped mid-drink. "Do I have something on my face?"
"No."
She frowned and looked at Giles, and frowned some more. "You two have been doing some serious research. You should step out in the sunlight. Or-" she took in the room "-clean. You're getting kind of slovenly, Giles. Maybe you could hire Xander as a maid."
She reached down to demonstrate, picked up a piece of laundry - oh god - and then jumped halfway across the room, flinging the boxers in the other direction.
Giles was beet-red, and Xander was redder, and Buffy was wide-eyed and open-mouthed, hand held far from her body like it was infected.
Oz, of course, decided this was the moment to exercise his verbal talents. "Gotta say, Giles, never picked you for a novelty print kind of guy."
Xander finally managed to look at Willow. She was staring straight at the shorts with her mouth making a perfect, round 'o'. Yep. She'd made the leap. Secret out. Cartoon space-rocket print glared at them all from the floor. It could have got up and danced, with less reaction.
Giles and his enormous brain recovered enough to snatch them up and snap, "Thank you, Buffy. Yes, I do have laundry, and I apologise if that fractures your precious belief that I am sewn into my clothes."
Buffy pulled in at the unexpected anger. "Sorry." But she had that little pout that said she wasn't really, and Giles wasn't mollified. In fact, Xander would have ranked his expression somewhere around abject humiliation.
"I'll just..." He waved his hand, realised he was waving the shorts and snapped his hand back to his side, ducked his head and hurried upstairs.
Nobody moved. Giles didn't come back down.
"Touchy," Buffy muttered.
"A man's underwear are a personal thing," chided Oz. "Not a thing to be waved about in company."
Except they weren't his and that wasn't what had Giles upset. Xander had been embarrassed and panicked, too, but the complete horror on Giles' face... Well, it made Xander long for Cordelia's open disgust. Welcome Giles, just another float in the 'ashamed of dating Xander' parade.
Willow was staring at Xander, now, the same expression like the wind had changed and maybe she was stuck that way forever. Was it really that unlikely that Giles would... okay, that thought was done.
"Oh!" she suddenly cried. "I just remembered I have to ask you. About that thing."
She grabbed his sleeve, looked about at the lack of privacy Giles' house offered, and hauled him outside, slamming the door on everyone's curious stares. "I'm supportive girl, you know? I accept your decisions without judgement."
"I know."
She hesitated, and then yanked him a few feet further from the door. "Are you insane?" That was a whole new octave for Willow. "No, no, I'm supportive girl." She put out her hands in a calming gesture. "But are you completely nuts?"
"You wanted to know if I had a good guy."
"He's our teacher!"
"No, he isn't."
She screwed up her face, and at last begrudged, "No, okay, he isn't. But he's our librarian! And he's forty-six. And he's, he's... Giles! Giles is your horny man?"
Wow. If this was the reaction from Willow, then Xander was a million miles from ready to face the others. By which he meant Buffy.
Xander put his hands in his pockets. "C'mon, Will. Name one person in the world who'd be better for me than he would. Okay, he's not getting the best end of the deal, but he's an adult, a bona-fide grown-up. He can decide for himself." Decide for himself, live with the shame.
Willow suddenly looked terribly sad. "I think he's getting a pretty good deal." The smile bloomed slowly, but at last it lit her face completely, and she threw her arms around him in what totally ranked in the Top Ten Willow Hugs of All Time. Xander squeezed back hard. She'd never thought Xander was beneath her.
She didn't let go until she'd mastered a dramatic pout. "How did I not see it?"
"Not the likeliest couple in the world, are we?"
"But how? When?"
Two questions that were never going to be answered, ever. "I'm just making my way through the gang until somebody'll have me. You better hope this works, 'cos Oz is all that's left on the list."
Xander smiled, but Willow didn't. "Why didn't you tell me? You weren't going to tell me." Will brought the guilt like no one else.
"We're still figuring things out for ourselves. I don't... I don't even know what this is." And maybe it wasn't what he'd thought it was.
Willow saw straight through him, and she took his hand to pull him over to the table and sit him down. The last time he'd sat here, it was him and Giles and Olivia, and he'd thought his chance with Giles was gone. Which had hurt, but not so much as having Giles and realising how embarrassed Giles was to have him. And yes, he knew it wasn't exactly that way, but it was a little bit, and that hurt. Buffy had made it sound like Giles preened like a porn star when she caught him with Olivia. So what did it mean that he dove for cover when Xander's underwear made an appearance?
"Talk to me." She held his hand in her own, waiting. This was the Willow he talked to when his mom made off-hand comments about swallowing a handful of pills, when Larry pantsed him in the locker room, when Jesse died. Best friend in the world. And Xander was dying to tell someone.
"He's something else, Will. We had this amazing night, and then he got caught up in this medallion and we've barely spoken. And I get it, you know. It's important. I'm not ever going to come before Buffy. But I don't really know what's going on. Should I stay tonight? Do I just stay sometimes? And if that's how it works, when? Should I be inviting myself for dinner? Should I be making him sandwiches while he's researching, or-" and maybe this was most likely of all "-is he wondering how I moved myself in and trying to find a polite way to boot me out?"
God, it was a relief to get that out.
"Have you talked to him?"
"Are we up to a 'where is this relationship going?' talk? I don't know. I don't even know if we're kiss-each-other-hello people. I seem doomed to only attract people who wouldn't be seen with me in public." He tried to say it jokingly, but it fell completely flat.
"Giles wouldn't treat you like that."
"You didn't see his face when Buffy found my boxers?"
"You think he's like Cordelia and Faith?"
"And you."
Willow's expression turned wounded, and Xander hurried to smooth it over.
"I don't mean you're like them. I just mean, you didn't parade me around either."
"That was different."
"Of course it was. And maybe Giles' reasons are different. For starters, the shame of being with a dumb kid."
Willow considered, staring at their joined hands. "I don't know. I don't know what I know, when I didn't even know you were together, didn't even have a whisper of a hint of a vague clue. But I can't imagine Giles would have started anything with a friend of Buffy's without some pretty darned serious thinking about it."
"He is Mr Consider-All-Angles Guy." But was that before or after he jumped Xander against the linen closet?
"Exactly." She settled her chin on her free hand. "So what do you want?"
And that was the question he was really avoiding, wasn't it? He traced the design on the table with his finger. "I don't know. I really like him. As in, I really, really like him, like, a lot."
"I get it. You like him."
"Yeah, but I'm having trouble envisioning Mr and Mr Giles-Harris."
She started laughing, until she realised just how much he wasn't. "Okay, now you're getting ahead of yourself. I love Oz, but I'm not sending wedding invites just yet. There's some in between, you know. There's a whole lot of in between. Thousands and thousands of square miles of it."
Xander heaved a sigh. He did feel better, even if it was simply for having Willow back in the know. "It's just early days." He hoped. "Early days are confusing."
"And fun. Don't forget fun. The buzz of figuring it all out, of kissing someone new..." Willow flashed a look at the closed front door, and her hand tightened on his. "Is he a good kisser? I always imagined he was a good kisser."
Xander's jaw dropped. "You imagined?"
"I kinda had a crush..."
"Wow. Didn't need to know that."
"Well, is he?"
What would she think of Giles pressing him against the linen closet just out of her sight? Grasping his arms and taking his mouth like he had a right to it...
"He is!" Willow squealed. "I knew it!"
Xander flushed, and his ears burned. "C'mon. Let's go back in, before they send a search party." Or before Willow started asking for an itemised replay of the other night. Willow crushed on Giles? How did Willow notice Giles before he did?
He was grinning when he led Willow back inside, but one look at Giles' sour expression wiped it right off his face. Oh yeah. He was mad at Giles. Giles who was now glaring at Willow as much as he was at Xander. Giles who thought slayers were replaceable. Or he used to, and sure he might feel guilty about it now but that didn't mean Xander was ready to forgive him. And Xander definitely had a right to be pissed about Giles being embarrassed about being outed so he was perfectly justified in making Giles stew on that.
It wasn't logic, in the sense of being logical, but right now it worked for Xander. "So, are we Bronzing it tonight?"
"Not me," Oz replied.
"Oh." Xander sucked at holding high ground. "Sorry, Oz."
"And I'm on Oz duty. Tomorrow, though."
"Buffy?"
She shot him a look, and then a look at Giles, and suddenly Xander's prim lecture from their last trip to the Bronze was back to haunt him. "C'mon, Buffy. I've been locked up in here for days. Using my brain."
She smiled. "I can see how that would be a problem. All right, then. Early Bronze, and then you can come keep me company on patrol after."
"I got your back." He said it very clearly, and extra-distinctly. He wasn't going to look, but he imagined the glare with satisfaction.
"Will you be okay with the research, Giles?" Damn her, being understanding when he was trying not to.
"I'll be fine." He said it very quietly.
Willow grabbed Xander's arm after they left, as they were all traipsing up the stairs. "What's going on? You could have stayed."
"That's the part I forgot to tell you."
"What part?"
"That I'm mad at him." He hurried to catch up with Buffy before she could grill him more.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
What a miserable night. Xander was miserable. The music was miserable and it sucked. And worst of all, it seemed Xander had at last reached the age when he thought the sophomores were way too young to be hanging out in clubs. Still, something he could have in common with Giles, when he stopped being mad at him.
They'd claimed a table; Xander had fetched drinks, and then they'd pretended to be absorbed in the band. Or Xander was pretending, because he couldn't think of a single thing to say that wouldn't make him feel like a lying creep. Maybe Buffy was enjoying the funeral dirge.
"So whatcha up to?" Buffy asked, loud to be heard over the band of depression. "It's so weird having to ask you, instead of hanging out all day."
What was he up to? Mostly his time was divided between having sex with her watcher, trying to prevent a curse on her that said watcher had chosen not to prevent, and trying not to find the hellish niche that would define the rest of his life. Xander took a long swig from his bottle, wishing it was beer. Or rubbing alcohol. "Not much. How's college? Getting better?"
She had a little frown when she looked at him. Perturbed, and it had only taken three years since he learned the word in Miss K's English class to find a use for it.
"It's okay. Still figuring it all out."
He wanted to know how she was really going. If she missed high school, and training, and Angel. If she thought much about Faith in her coma. If she'd wig if he told her right now about him and Giles. "Great," he said, and turned back to the band.
He hoped Giles was sitting at home alone, feeling miserable. Except Xander hated the idea of Giles being miserable. Especially for being the cause of it. He wanted Giles to come looking for him, and apologise for... following the rules years ago before either of them even met Buffy, and for keeping his mouth shut in exactly the way they'd both agreed.
When Xander thought about it, it was far more likely that Giles was sitting at home, feeling miserable, and realising that he was too old to be dealing with an eighteen year-old's stupid insecurities.
Buffy was looking around, trying not to be too conspicuous about it. She didn't look happy. "Buff?"
She froze, caught.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine."
No, this was way better than focusing on his own problems. "You can talk to me."
"You don't want to hear it."
"Of course I do. That's what buds do."
She sighed. "I just... I keep expecting to see Angel. It wasn't so bad when we were all here, talking, but just sitting here like this... See? You don't want to hear it."
"I get it." Yeah, not really Xander's sympathy department, except he had a bit more sympathy than usual right now. "How are you doing with that?"
She smiled a little sad smile. "I'm all right."
Suddenly Xander wanted to apologise for always being such an asshole about her and Angel, but he didn't know how to say it. He still didn't like the guy, but he liked him better now he was far away.
He lasted three more songs, fairly sure by now that she was only sitting there because he'd dragged her out, so he drained his bottle. "Do you want to get going?"
She didn't hide her relief. "Yeah. Let's go kill something."
Of course, out in the dark cemetery, he didn't have the option of pretending to listen to the crappy band. He folded his arms around himself, wishing he had a warmer jacket. They wandered along in silence. Buffy seemed to have realised that everything was touchy ground, right now.
"A few days ago you lectured me about ditching Giles, and then this afternoon I thought you were going to say 'and let's not invite Giles,' right in front of him. So what gives?" Apparently Buffy had stopped worrying about what was touchy ground, and was only too happy to move the topic back to Xander.
"I think I've done more than my share of keeping him company, lately."
"Yeah. You're good people, Xander." She gave a sharp nod, like she'd just settled on a firm decision. "Has he been stroppy? He can get stroppy sometimes, especially when he's in research mode."
"Can we not talk about him?"
"Wow. That bad?" She shrugged off his glare. "Okay."
And so he squashed the only conversation they had.
Eventually they found vampires, and for the hideous end to a hideous day, Xander got in the way, screwing up what should have been an easy kill for Buffy and winning for himself a head-first trip into the sharp corner of a gravestone.
He managed to sit and bleed quietly until Buffy returned, dusting herself off. She saw him and grimaced. "Ouch."
"Massive understatement." He pulled his wrist from his forehead, to find it soaking with blood. "Ouch."
"Come on." She hauled him up - way too quickly, and had to brace him while he swayed. "Let's get you to Giles' before someone smells dinner."
"No." Xander planted in his heels. "I'll just head home."
"He's really got to you, hasn't he?"
Xander didn't answer.
She heaved an impatient sigh. "No way are you going home like this, and I can't bring you back to my bizarro roommate. I can sympathise with the Giles overload, but you are seriously in need of a watcher-sized first aid kit." She wrinkled her nose, peering closer at his head. "And he can decide if you need to go get stitches, or something. I think your brains are leaking out."
"As long as there's no serious danger, then." He let her lead him, since he didn't have much choice in the matter, and since his head was really starting to hurt and where he really wanted to be was at Giles'.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Part 3/3 in the next day or two.
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @ livejournal
Some glitch in the universe has accidentally given Xander exactly what he wants: Rupert Giles. But the universe has a tendency to balance itself, and now it's time to learn that a relationship with Giles isn't all sex and snogging.
Pairing: Giles/Xander.
Rated R, for porny goodness.
No serious violence, no sexual violence, no underage sex; I only warn that I don't warn for anything else.
(1/3 with full headers is here)
(All of Giles Thing by tag is here.)
The Giles Thing III 2/3
Previously, in 1/3, Xander was drawn into job-hunting, which left Xander feeling useless. Giles was drawn into some important research, which left Xander feeling invisible. A mystical thingummy for cursing slayers has gone awol, which left Giles feeling worried. But the sex is still pretty damned good.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Giles was already up when Xander woke. He found him back at his desk in his bathrobe, hair sticking up like he'd just been screwed.
"Did you sleep at all?"
"A couple of hours."
This had really gotten to Giles. Clearly Xander didn't have the whole picture, but it was something bigger than he'd told Buffy. "Do you need anything from the garage before I tidy myself up to go begging for my very own place on the hamster wheel of menial labour?"
A finger marked his place as he looked up. "You'll do fine."
"I'd settle for doing adequately, if I could just do something."
"You'll do fine," Giles said more firmly.
Xander grabbed his overnight bag from by the door, and hesitated before reaching to smooth Giles' hair, another half-moment before he leaned in and kissed him. A daytime kiss, the sort couples had, and it made him feel good as he took himself off to the shower.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Since the first time he set foot in Sunnydale High, Xander had never imagined that one day he'd want to go back. Until today. He'd be down the enrolments office right now, if only it was more of a building, and less of a pile of blackened rubble. Sure, it was four years of unendurable misery, but at least there'd been comfort in knowing that even the guys who beat his lunch money out of him in freshman year were secretly just as confused as he was, just as stuck as he was, just as totally insignificant and worthless. Lord of the Flies, sure, but at least they were all in it together. Now Xander had the ego-building experience of being condescended to by people wearing name badges and aprons.
It was only mid-afternoon but he was done, and he was heading over to Giles' to see if there was any progress.
Xander let himself in and Giles blinked up at him, and then frowned. "Xander." The only sign he'd got up all day was the line of mugs along the kitchen counter.
"Any news?"
Confusion wrinkled his forehead, and then he looked down as though waking from a trance. "Oh. No, more research." He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes hard enough to hurt. Xander wanted to pull his hand away. "I could use your help now. I've been able to compile some references, things you could scan for."
He looked exhausted, eyes bloodshot. Still sexy as hell, with his messed hair and his rumpled shirt, but Xander wasn't going to even try making a pass. "Let me at it. I have no higher calling."
"No luck?"
"Rejection is my forte."
The frown deepened, and Giles turned in his seat to face him. "You'll find something. It may not be anything you want, at first, or anything worthy of your talents, but give yourself time."
"I have talents?"
"Do you want me to list them?"
No, that would be embarrassing for both of them. "How about you just give me your research list?"
Xander took the sheet of paper from Giles' outstretched hand. Maybe he should have leaned in to kiss him hello, but somehow the moment had been missed. Or maybe now... they smiled at each other awkwardly, and Xander looked down at his paper. He skimmed through his list: pretty specific dates, a couple of demon names. Way better than the vague eras and languages from before. Very specific, in point of fact.
He gave Giles a quizzical look, but Giles only pointed him towards a box in the corner and went back to glaring through the notebooks that seemed to have kick-started the new lead.
Xander positioned himself on the floor, leaning against the fireplace so he could watch Giles as he searched. There was definitely something going on; Giles had looked this worn when they were locked in the library every night trying to study the mayor's Ascension, and he'd looked worse a year ago when Buffy ran away, while he was struggling to get it together after what Angel did to him. But he'd never kept stuff from them.
Never except for Eyghon.
A notebook slammed shut. "Dammit!"
Giles' notebooks. From the museum. God, he was slow. "You catalogued it."
"I'm sorry?"
Xander put his book down on the bricks beside him. "That's why it's got to you like this. You knew about it, from when it was your job to catalogue artifacts."
Giles looked like he was going to argue, but the air drained out of him and he slouched in his seat, staring down at the open notes on the desk. "I've held it in my hand."
"You didn't know what it was?" Xander climbed to his feet and looked at the spread of notebooks. "No, you did know. I don't get it."
"I knew exactly what it was, but it was all theoretical. I'd never met a slayer, never coached one..."
"But you were a watcher. Shouldn't you guys destroy things that can hurt the slayer?"
"The Council's responsibilities are much wider than a single slayer." He was taking on the irritated, impatient tone that Xander remembered from high school. The one that told Xander he was stupid.
"I don't know what that means. You guys protect her, right? I mean, what happens if Buffy gets cursed, and killed?"
Finally Giles raised his head, giving Xander a cold, hard look.
It all came together. Xander felt sick. "Another rises. So who cares."
Giles flinched. "It's not that simple."
"Hey guys!"
Giles and Xander froze as Buffy, Willow and Oz piled through the door.
"But did you see the pile of books he expects us to read? That's more books than I read for any class in high school."
"Buffy, that's more books than you read in all high school. That's kinda the point of college." Willow beamed at Giles and Xander. "Are we up to the magic part yet?"
It was the first time Xander had ever really seen the way Giles pulled himself together for Buffy. The way he took a little breath and blinked and set his shoulders back, as though he and Xander had just been building a plan of action. "Do come in and interrupt and dislodge our carefully disorganised books."
"Okay." Buffy wandered into the kitchen to grab a drink, while Willow and Oz claimed the couch. "College is supposed to be about parties and not living at home. Grown up stuff. Not high school all over again."
She'd put her life on the line more times than Xander could count, saved his hide more times than that. She'd gone willingly to her death and killed her dumbass lover and raised an army, and they thought she was disposable. Xander wondered what the slayers before her had given, and if the Council had cared about them, or if they just closed one file and opened the next. Disposable. Even Giles had once thought so.
Buffy stopped mid-drink. "Do I have something on my face?"
"No."
She frowned and looked at Giles, and frowned some more. "You two have been doing some serious research. You should step out in the sunlight. Or-" she took in the room "-clean. You're getting kind of slovenly, Giles. Maybe you could hire Xander as a maid."
She reached down to demonstrate, picked up a piece of laundry - oh god - and then jumped halfway across the room, flinging the boxers in the other direction.
Giles was beet-red, and Xander was redder, and Buffy was wide-eyed and open-mouthed, hand held far from her body like it was infected.
Oz, of course, decided this was the moment to exercise his verbal talents. "Gotta say, Giles, never picked you for a novelty print kind of guy."
Xander finally managed to look at Willow. She was staring straight at the shorts with her mouth making a perfect, round 'o'. Yep. She'd made the leap. Secret out. Cartoon space-rocket print glared at them all from the floor. It could have got up and danced, with less reaction.
Giles and his enormous brain recovered enough to snatch them up and snap, "Thank you, Buffy. Yes, I do have laundry, and I apologise if that fractures your precious belief that I am sewn into my clothes."
Buffy pulled in at the unexpected anger. "Sorry." But she had that little pout that said she wasn't really, and Giles wasn't mollified. In fact, Xander would have ranked his expression somewhere around abject humiliation.
"I'll just..." He waved his hand, realised he was waving the shorts and snapped his hand back to his side, ducked his head and hurried upstairs.
Nobody moved. Giles didn't come back down.
"Touchy," Buffy muttered.
"A man's underwear are a personal thing," chided Oz. "Not a thing to be waved about in company."
Except they weren't his and that wasn't what had Giles upset. Xander had been embarrassed and panicked, too, but the complete horror on Giles' face... Well, it made Xander long for Cordelia's open disgust. Welcome Giles, just another float in the 'ashamed of dating Xander' parade.
Willow was staring at Xander, now, the same expression like the wind had changed and maybe she was stuck that way forever. Was it really that unlikely that Giles would... okay, that thought was done.
"Oh!" she suddenly cried. "I just remembered I have to ask you. About that thing."
She grabbed his sleeve, looked about at the lack of privacy Giles' house offered, and hauled him outside, slamming the door on everyone's curious stares. "I'm supportive girl, you know? I accept your decisions without judgement."
"I know."
She hesitated, and then yanked him a few feet further from the door. "Are you insane?" That was a whole new octave for Willow. "No, no, I'm supportive girl." She put out her hands in a calming gesture. "But are you completely nuts?"
"You wanted to know if I had a good guy."
"He's our teacher!"
"No, he isn't."
She screwed up her face, and at last begrudged, "No, okay, he isn't. But he's our librarian! And he's forty-six. And he's, he's... Giles! Giles is your horny man?"
Wow. If this was the reaction from Willow, then Xander was a million miles from ready to face the others. By which he meant Buffy.
Xander put his hands in his pockets. "C'mon, Will. Name one person in the world who'd be better for me than he would. Okay, he's not getting the best end of the deal, but he's an adult, a bona-fide grown-up. He can decide for himself." Decide for himself, live with the shame.
Willow suddenly looked terribly sad. "I think he's getting a pretty good deal." The smile bloomed slowly, but at last it lit her face completely, and she threw her arms around him in what totally ranked in the Top Ten Willow Hugs of All Time. Xander squeezed back hard. She'd never thought Xander was beneath her.
She didn't let go until she'd mastered a dramatic pout. "How did I not see it?"
"Not the likeliest couple in the world, are we?"
"But how? When?"
Two questions that were never going to be answered, ever. "I'm just making my way through the gang until somebody'll have me. You better hope this works, 'cos Oz is all that's left on the list."
Xander smiled, but Willow didn't. "Why didn't you tell me? You weren't going to tell me." Will brought the guilt like no one else.
"We're still figuring things out for ourselves. I don't... I don't even know what this is." And maybe it wasn't what he'd thought it was.
Willow saw straight through him, and she took his hand to pull him over to the table and sit him down. The last time he'd sat here, it was him and Giles and Olivia, and he'd thought his chance with Giles was gone. Which had hurt, but not so much as having Giles and realising how embarrassed Giles was to have him. And yes, he knew it wasn't exactly that way, but it was a little bit, and that hurt. Buffy had made it sound like Giles preened like a porn star when she caught him with Olivia. So what did it mean that he dove for cover when Xander's underwear made an appearance?
"Talk to me." She held his hand in her own, waiting. This was the Willow he talked to when his mom made off-hand comments about swallowing a handful of pills, when Larry pantsed him in the locker room, when Jesse died. Best friend in the world. And Xander was dying to tell someone.
"He's something else, Will. We had this amazing night, and then he got caught up in this medallion and we've barely spoken. And I get it, you know. It's important. I'm not ever going to come before Buffy. But I don't really know what's going on. Should I stay tonight? Do I just stay sometimes? And if that's how it works, when? Should I be inviting myself for dinner? Should I be making him sandwiches while he's researching, or-" and maybe this was most likely of all "-is he wondering how I moved myself in and trying to find a polite way to boot me out?"
God, it was a relief to get that out.
"Have you talked to him?"
"Are we up to a 'where is this relationship going?' talk? I don't know. I don't even know if we're kiss-each-other-hello people. I seem doomed to only attract people who wouldn't be seen with me in public." He tried to say it jokingly, but it fell completely flat.
"Giles wouldn't treat you like that."
"You didn't see his face when Buffy found my boxers?"
"You think he's like Cordelia and Faith?"
"And you."
Willow's expression turned wounded, and Xander hurried to smooth it over.
"I don't mean you're like them. I just mean, you didn't parade me around either."
"That was different."
"Of course it was. And maybe Giles' reasons are different. For starters, the shame of being with a dumb kid."
Willow considered, staring at their joined hands. "I don't know. I don't know what I know, when I didn't even know you were together, didn't even have a whisper of a hint of a vague clue. But I can't imagine Giles would have started anything with a friend of Buffy's without some pretty darned serious thinking about it."
"He is Mr Consider-All-Angles Guy." But was that before or after he jumped Xander against the linen closet?
"Exactly." She settled her chin on her free hand. "So what do you want?"
And that was the question he was really avoiding, wasn't it? He traced the design on the table with his finger. "I don't know. I really like him. As in, I really, really like him, like, a lot."
"I get it. You like him."
"Yeah, but I'm having trouble envisioning Mr and Mr Giles-Harris."
She started laughing, until she realised just how much he wasn't. "Okay, now you're getting ahead of yourself. I love Oz, but I'm not sending wedding invites just yet. There's some in between, you know. There's a whole lot of in between. Thousands and thousands of square miles of it."
Xander heaved a sigh. He did feel better, even if it was simply for having Willow back in the know. "It's just early days." He hoped. "Early days are confusing."
"And fun. Don't forget fun. The buzz of figuring it all out, of kissing someone new..." Willow flashed a look at the closed front door, and her hand tightened on his. "Is he a good kisser? I always imagined he was a good kisser."
Xander's jaw dropped. "You imagined?"
"I kinda had a crush..."
"Wow. Didn't need to know that."
"Well, is he?"
What would she think of Giles pressing him against the linen closet just out of her sight? Grasping his arms and taking his mouth like he had a right to it...
"He is!" Willow squealed. "I knew it!"
Xander flushed, and his ears burned. "C'mon. Let's go back in, before they send a search party." Or before Willow started asking for an itemised replay of the other night. Willow crushed on Giles? How did Willow notice Giles before he did?
He was grinning when he led Willow back inside, but one look at Giles' sour expression wiped it right off his face. Oh yeah. He was mad at Giles. Giles who was now glaring at Willow as much as he was at Xander. Giles who thought slayers were replaceable. Or he used to, and sure he might feel guilty about it now but that didn't mean Xander was ready to forgive him. And Xander definitely had a right to be pissed about Giles being embarrassed about being outed so he was perfectly justified in making Giles stew on that.
It wasn't logic, in the sense of being logical, but right now it worked for Xander. "So, are we Bronzing it tonight?"
"Not me," Oz replied.
"Oh." Xander sucked at holding high ground. "Sorry, Oz."
"And I'm on Oz duty. Tomorrow, though."
"Buffy?"
She shot him a look, and then a look at Giles, and suddenly Xander's prim lecture from their last trip to the Bronze was back to haunt him. "C'mon, Buffy. I've been locked up in here for days. Using my brain."
She smiled. "I can see how that would be a problem. All right, then. Early Bronze, and then you can come keep me company on patrol after."
"I got your back." He said it very clearly, and extra-distinctly. He wasn't going to look, but he imagined the glare with satisfaction.
"Will you be okay with the research, Giles?" Damn her, being understanding when he was trying not to.
"I'll be fine." He said it very quietly.
Willow grabbed Xander's arm after they left, as they were all traipsing up the stairs. "What's going on? You could have stayed."
"That's the part I forgot to tell you."
"What part?"
"That I'm mad at him." He hurried to catch up with Buffy before she could grill him more.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
What a miserable night. Xander was miserable. The music was miserable and it sucked. And worst of all, it seemed Xander had at last reached the age when he thought the sophomores were way too young to be hanging out in clubs. Still, something he could have in common with Giles, when he stopped being mad at him.
They'd claimed a table; Xander had fetched drinks, and then they'd pretended to be absorbed in the band. Or Xander was pretending, because he couldn't think of a single thing to say that wouldn't make him feel like a lying creep. Maybe Buffy was enjoying the funeral dirge.
"So whatcha up to?" Buffy asked, loud to be heard over the band of depression. "It's so weird having to ask you, instead of hanging out all day."
What was he up to? Mostly his time was divided between having sex with her watcher, trying to prevent a curse on her that said watcher had chosen not to prevent, and trying not to find the hellish niche that would define the rest of his life. Xander took a long swig from his bottle, wishing it was beer. Or rubbing alcohol. "Not much. How's college? Getting better?"
She had a little frown when she looked at him. Perturbed, and it had only taken three years since he learned the word in Miss K's English class to find a use for it.
"It's okay. Still figuring it all out."
He wanted to know how she was really going. If she missed high school, and training, and Angel. If she thought much about Faith in her coma. If she'd wig if he told her right now about him and Giles. "Great," he said, and turned back to the band.
He hoped Giles was sitting at home alone, feeling miserable. Except Xander hated the idea of Giles being miserable. Especially for being the cause of it. He wanted Giles to come looking for him, and apologise for... following the rules years ago before either of them even met Buffy, and for keeping his mouth shut in exactly the way they'd both agreed.
When Xander thought about it, it was far more likely that Giles was sitting at home, feeling miserable, and realising that he was too old to be dealing with an eighteen year-old's stupid insecurities.
Buffy was looking around, trying not to be too conspicuous about it. She didn't look happy. "Buff?"
She froze, caught.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine."
No, this was way better than focusing on his own problems. "You can talk to me."
"You don't want to hear it."
"Of course I do. That's what buds do."
She sighed. "I just... I keep expecting to see Angel. It wasn't so bad when we were all here, talking, but just sitting here like this... See? You don't want to hear it."
"I get it." Yeah, not really Xander's sympathy department, except he had a bit more sympathy than usual right now. "How are you doing with that?"
She smiled a little sad smile. "I'm all right."
Suddenly Xander wanted to apologise for always being such an asshole about her and Angel, but he didn't know how to say it. He still didn't like the guy, but he liked him better now he was far away.
He lasted three more songs, fairly sure by now that she was only sitting there because he'd dragged her out, so he drained his bottle. "Do you want to get going?"
She didn't hide her relief. "Yeah. Let's go kill something."
Of course, out in the dark cemetery, he didn't have the option of pretending to listen to the crappy band. He folded his arms around himself, wishing he had a warmer jacket. They wandered along in silence. Buffy seemed to have realised that everything was touchy ground, right now.
"A few days ago you lectured me about ditching Giles, and then this afternoon I thought you were going to say 'and let's not invite Giles,' right in front of him. So what gives?" Apparently Buffy had stopped worrying about what was touchy ground, and was only too happy to move the topic back to Xander.
"I think I've done more than my share of keeping him company, lately."
"Yeah. You're good people, Xander." She gave a sharp nod, like she'd just settled on a firm decision. "Has he been stroppy? He can get stroppy sometimes, especially when he's in research mode."
"Can we not talk about him?"
"Wow. That bad?" She shrugged off his glare. "Okay."
And so he squashed the only conversation they had.
Eventually they found vampires, and for the hideous end to a hideous day, Xander got in the way, screwing up what should have been an easy kill for Buffy and winning for himself a head-first trip into the sharp corner of a gravestone.
He managed to sit and bleed quietly until Buffy returned, dusting herself off. She saw him and grimaced. "Ouch."
"Massive understatement." He pulled his wrist from his forehead, to find it soaking with blood. "Ouch."
"Come on." She hauled him up - way too quickly, and had to brace him while he swayed. "Let's get you to Giles' before someone smells dinner."
"No." Xander planted in his heels. "I'll just head home."
"He's really got to you, hasn't he?"
Xander didn't answer.
She heaved an impatient sigh. "No way are you going home like this, and I can't bring you back to my bizarro roommate. I can sympathise with the Giles overload, but you are seriously in need of a watcher-sized first aid kit." She wrinkled her nose, peering closer at his head. "And he can decide if you need to go get stitches, or something. I think your brains are leaking out."
"As long as there's no serious danger, then." He let her lead him, since he didn't have much choice in the matter, and since his head was really starting to hurt and where he really wanted to be was at Giles'.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Part 3/3 in the next day or two.