Algebra is for lovers

Jun 03, 2007 00:10

I'm the only person alive who takes notes during a play for his blog. I was hoping that no one noticed, and if they did, then I was hoping that they'd assume I was a theater critic or something. I look professional... I look... critical? I actually probably looked like a 16 year old who scored a fake ID and that why I was chugging down the wine.

Speaking of looking like a 16 year old. The girl who sells me coffee every morning had the following conversation with me...
Girl: So, you're working for Siemans?
Me: Yep. Just started.
Girl: Oh, ok. It's just that you look like you're 16.
Me: What?
Girl: You look like you're 16.
Me: Oh... thanks...?
I guess that's good? Whatever. Back to the play.

The culmination of my date with myself was to go see this play, "Kiss of the Spider Woman." I drove from Uptown to what I assume is the Minneapolis theater district. It was also apparently the Boy's Town of the city, judging by all the rainbow colored Pride flags. I guess it's appropriate that I should take myself out on a date to the gay part of town. Who would have thought that musical theater would be big in a predominantly gay part of town? Anyways, I found my way to the theater, bought a glass of fine Chiraz and found my seat.

It was a small theater, probably seating at most 150. As I sat there, sipping my wine, in a dark room filled with old people and gay couples, I realized, "This is not a good place to meet women." Then again, if you consider how many times I've gone out and "Met Women" since I started dating back when I was 14... The chances of me meeting someone on any given night are about... hmm... two leap years in there... 1 in 660. So I guess I shouldn't get myself too worked up about it.

On the bright side, I got to see a 60 year old lady call some girl a jerk for not moving her chair up. The old lady wanted leg room, but the younger girl was instructed by the actors to be careful because they'd be bringing scenery on and off the stage right in front of her. As it was not a particularly large theater, they'd need some room to work. After explaining this to the old lady, she said, "I'm sorry, but you're being a jerk." Wow! What a fiesty old lady! Also, what a jerk thing to say. That alone was worth the price of admission, and the show hadn't even started yet!

My first impression of the show was that the woman singing the opening had a surprisingly low voice. She could hit notes that I'd probably have trouble with. My second impression was that for a show titled "Kiss of the Spider Woman" the show didn't seem to have anything to do with spiderman, or superheros in general, and there were very few women in the cast.

I had a hard time taking the show seriously because there was someone playing an oboe in the accompanying band. Ever since I saw an episode of mystery science theater 3000 where a man was shot and the soundtrack was just an orchestral piece heavily featureing an oboe (the commentary line was "Today John's death will be represented by the oboe) I just have to laugh every time I hear one played. Let me tell you, a lot of people's deaths were represented by the oboe tonight.

The play was about two inmates in a south american prison. One was a revolutionary fighter that got captured and the other was... well... gay. He was doing time in prison for accidentally getting it on with a minor. Whoops. Anyways, this character was obsessed with movies, and in particular one actress whose name escapes me. I'm pretty sure she was made up, but there were a lot of songs where the various inmates would sing about how amazing she in and worship her and all that. I found it amusing to watch 7 or 8 clearly homosexual men dancing around and singing about their love for a woman. Ah... the irony. Musical theater, a place men can go and... be gay, and when they get there, they're forced to, once again, act straight. Don't fret though! The revolutionary solder inmate eventually came around in the 2nd act and made out with the gay inmate and there was some implied sex and whatnot. I won't spoil the ending for you but there's a lot of torture and then someone gets shot.

After watching so much 24 for the last year or so, stage acted torture scenes and guns firing blanks just aren't really as impressive.

It was a pretty good night, all in all. During intermission, I talked to the people that the old lady called jerks. They were both actors. The girl did some work in that theater and I guess some other theaters around town and the guy was an improv actor. They told me some other places I could check out, and perhaps I will. Mostly, it was just nice to talk to someone that wasn't 30 years older than me or in high school. Then we all made fun of the old lady. Nothing brings people together more than finding someone they can mutually dislike.

As for the play... well... in the very last scene, they tried to simulate going to heaven by having the recently deceased character put on a play. The other characters all sat on stage in chairs and one of them was even dressed like an usher. As Jack Handy tells us, "If you ever discover that what you are watching is actually a play within a play... sit back, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life." So I did. The actual message the show was trying to convey? Well... according to the director's end of the play speech where he tries to get us to buy season tickets and tell all our friends to go see the show, the play was about "Acceptance and Redemption". Good.

-Mike Sherry

Here's your moment of zen.


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