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drrrkink

PART 10

Sep 20, 2011 23:01

part 10

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Until Next Year [7/10] anonymous October 10 2011, 02:19:17 UTC

It was the same, the first time and the last time. It was kind of like the first time Izaya had held Tsugaru. An entirely new world of wonder opened up as he held the small bundle of white sheets. He could feel the hot tears rolling down his face but he knew he was smiling and Shizuo had never looked at him more lovingly than the first time he kissed Izaya after Tsugaru was born.

Izaya had already experienced the bliss of a child when Psyche was born. He didn't expect the same, surreal high when he laid hands on his second son. It wasn't the first time he reminded him insistently but the feeling was there all the same, defying all logic. Izaya really hated how Shizuo managed to trump all his expectations. While he was an incohorent mess of hot tears, Shizuo took Psyche into his arms as if he might break the newborn by just by a touch and whispered, "Thank you," in Izaya's ear.

When Delic was finally born, Tsugaru was old enough to understand that he had a new brother. And it put knots in Izaya's throat when he saw how carefully Tsugaru peeled away the petals of blankets and rocked Delic back and forth with glistening eyes. He witnessed that same look over and over again, when Tsugaru held Hibiya, when Psyche held Hachimenroppi, when Hibiya and Delic fought over who would get to hold Tsukishima first.

No matter how many times he saw that expression, something inside him swelled until his chest was hot and he was certain that he would burst. Loss was the same. Each time held a small package of blankets for the first time, he thought, "This is mine," or "This is forever," but it wasn't true. One by one, each and every one of them had left. That thing which was made from him was separated, elsewhere, gone.

Loss always ended with Shizuo leaving with an arm hooked around Izaya's shoulder, leading them somewhere to eat something sweet. Izaya would sigh so much and just not care enough to protest. Besides, at least the sweets cheered up one of them.

But it didn't work this time. Izaya sat on the same side of the booth instead of across from Shizuo, just to feel like he was near something that needed him back. He'd even ordered a vanilla milkshake for himself.

The blond took a thick slurp of his strawberry malt before leaning back with a murmur. "I'm glad they left."

"They were bound to," Izaya mumbled into his chest with a distinct lack of energy. "It's that age."

"No, I mean all of them. I'm glad they left." Shizuo said it steadily but he had to take another sip of the sugary drink. Izaya was pretty sure that strawberry flavored...thing...was the only thing keeping Shizu-chan together at the present moment.

Still, he narrowed his maroon eyes cautiously. Did Shizuo really think he was happy to shoo his children out of his house? He had never done such a thing. If they had insisted at remaining at home, he might have made some remark but his door would always be open for them. "Shizu-chan..."

"It's a good thing. Means we did a good job, right?"

Well, that much might be true. It wasn't as if their children were bumming on the side of the street. All of them had left the nest, with varying degrees of desire to leave. One by one, they spread their wings and flew away. They had six children, then four and a brat, then two pairs, then three and Delic was practically around with as much as Hibiya talked about him, then only the twins, and now they were back to where they began: a flea and a monster.

"...Yeah," Izaya finally agreed, taking a sip of his vanilla milkshake.

They sighed together.

~

Izaya blamed Shizu-chan for his sudden disdain for silence. He had been perfectly fine with it before. He loved it, even. But now silence brought on a pang in his heart. It reminded him that Psyche wasn't around, that Delic and Hibiya weren't fighting, that Tsugaru wasn't tampering with the fire detector, that Hachimenroppi and Tsukishima weren't watching TV in the living room. The only sound that brought him any comfort lately was the heavy swing of the door when Shizuo would come back from work.

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