Scared the lights will turn green, you'll have to be seen, you'll be like everybody else...
Well here I am...at clarion after 3 months of being gone. ::sigh:: It's such a weird feeling...i can't describe it. I'm not a person who's used to any kind of change to begin with, and even though it's not like i'm "nervous" or anything...especially knowing everybody...but i'm still very just...ewww about all of this. I'm extremely homesick. Not for my home or for my parents but for Ashley :( I never thought I could miss someone this much. I keep trying to like...think like Okay, only 4 more days and they'll go fast...okay...only a few days left and then the weekend. etc etc. But...it's not working and i'm constantly reminded of her and i'm constantly feeling uneasy and sick about missing her. Last night I was able to talk to her on the phone though with some privacy...and even when crystal WAS in the room, it was okay. Crystal apparently has known all along...which is nice, and actually really great b/c i can be like almost completely open as far as being on the phone - like, i can say I love you and I can like...say basically what i want (to a point, lol). but ya...it's still really hard - all of this. I'm trying to cope though. ANNNND jamie flaherty is actually on my floooor this year, which is kind of cool b/c 1) both of us have gf's...so i have someone to KIND of relate to AND 2) we both have gf's who live in PITTSBURGH. So...she says she goes home "all the time" so i'm hoping that's true b/c i'll hopefully be able to go w/her sometimes :)
On a lighter note...people here are good. I got to see Denton and Dave. Dave is a dick and i really can't stand h;im anymore...but it was so nice to see Denton. He came by himself in the evening and we talked and everything and it made me kind of sad b/c he's not in the dorms anymore :( But he's gonna visit...and him and i became pretty close after i told him about Ashley and how i feel and stuff. He's really understanding and full of questions (lol) but that's nice...b/c i need someone to talk about it with.
My first class sucks....it's Humantities and it's in the Auditorium with like 200 people or so. It's not bad b/c i have beth and crystal w/me buttttt the idiot prof. is going to put us in Alphabetical ORDER? like what?? YA...so that blows pretty bad. Plus it's at 9 am so i'm not too thrilled about that. every DAY my classes are at either 9 or 9:30 so im pissed. Oh well...it'll keep me in line, i suppose :)
Our room looks really really really cute...we think so :) We got like a pretty dark green carpeting which makes it really cozy, and the way we set up the beds makes it look cute too and just kind of homey. Lots of pictures and posters everywhere....and we put up pink lights around the windows :) We're pretty happy with it.
So...Ashley is going to try to get her car tonight or some night soon and try to take a trip out here to visit just for the evening. I hope i hope i hope. I really want to see her...like so much it hurts. :( Sigh. Plus i'd love for her to see my room and meet a few people. But mostly, i just wanna be alone w/her and tell her how much i love her and miss her....sigh.
Wellllllllllllllllllll i should prob give up heather's computer. Plus, beth has really good cookies and she keeps offering them to me, lol and i WANT THEM, so.....i'm out.
Ash if you're reading this - I love you :)
On a lighter note...people here are good. I got to see Denton and Dave. Dave is a dick and i really can't stand h;im anymore...but it was so nice to see Denton. He came by himself in the evening and we talked and everything and it made me kind of sad b/c he's not in the dorms anymore :( But he's gonna visit...and him and i became pretty close after i told him about Ashley and how i feel and stuff. He's really understanding and full of questions (lol) but that's nice...b/c i need someone to talk about it with.
My first class sucks....it's Humantities and it's in the Auditorium with like 200 people or so. It's not bad b/c i have beth and crystal w/me buttttt the idiot prof. is going to put us in Alphabetical ORDER? like what?? YA...so that blows pretty bad. Plus it's at 9 am so i'm not too thrilled about that. every DAY my classes are at either 9 or 9:30 so im pissed. Oh well...it'll keep me in line, i suppose :)
Our room looks really really really cute...we think so :) We got like a pretty dark green carpeting which makes it really cozy, and the way we set up the beds makes it look cute too and just kind of homey. Lots of pictures and posters everywhere....and we put up pink lights around the windows :) We're pretty happy with it.
So...Ashley is going to try to get her car tonight or some night soon and try to take a trip out here to visit just for the evening. I hope i hope i hope. I really want to see her...like so much it hurts. :( Sigh. Plus i'd love for her to see my room and meet a few people. But mostly, i just wanna be alone w/her and tell her how much i love her and miss her....sigh.
Wellllllllllllllllllll i should prob give up heather's computer. Plus, beth has really good cookies and she keeps offering them to me, lol and i WANT THEM, so.....i'm out.
Ash if you're reading this - I love you :)