May 16, 2004 11:27
ok..so you dont need to tell me the font is mad ugly..haha i know.but i typed in orange and this is what came up. so i dont give a shit..itll be different in a few days..i hope. so yea..i cried for a total of....8 hours last night..yea. it wasnt good. i hate my life so much..i dont get why shit like this always happens to me..out of everyone..it happens to me. so i was non stop crying..i just wanted to have someone to talk to last night..and i didnt. rae was like..buzzed..and adam went to bed i guess..and john was in trouble..and shayna said she had to go..and i duno where mel went. so i was gonna call courtney..because shes always been a good one to talk to about guys..but then i remembered she was in the keys and she was proberly partyin at the time..so..i just laid down in my bed and prayed .. then i went under the covers and just cried. i cried till i had like..no fluid left in me. its crazy. ive never seen myself get so upset before. and its like freaking me out how much i like this kid. i really have the strongest feelings for him..i think it was when he told me he wanted a serious girlfriend for once..like a guy has never ever said that. and thats what ive been looking for for so long..and he seems so perfect..and everyone says that we would be so good together..and nobody has ever really really supported my feelings with guys..because they didnt ever get along with the person...but im really happy because adam is like a billion and ten percent there for me...he said he gets along witih jeff.. so that made me happy..and rae really wants me and jeff to be together..and she knows how happy i would be with him..and shes helping me..i love her..she realy is a good friend. and shayna always says how cute.. heh. well..speaking of shayna..me and her talked this morning..and i really do believe her..that she doesnt like him..because i dont see how she would just get over chris in like a day..because she always talks about chris..and its so obvious that theyr both in love. well i dont think chris wants to show it that much. but i know for a fact hes in love with shayna. and it just boggled my mind when they said shayna liked jeff. and she told me this morning she didnt..taht she would never do that to me because she sees how hapy i finally am..and shes in love with chris. well thats what i think too. so yea..then she told me to tell jeff that she doesnt like him..well i dont think hed believe me because he knows i like him..and i want to be with him...so i just said id tell rae to. and she will.although i think that jeff and shayna should talk about it, she wanted me to tell jeff. and she said she told michael to clear everything up. i duno. i do feel a little better this morning..but im still crushed. i really really hope everything turns out for the best. and i hope jeff gives me a chance. anywho...
moms taking me to aventura today to pick up my dress..im kinda depressed now about the whole dance thing. ill get over it..ahhh. im in love. and its crazy. im gonna go now. goodbye