(no subject)
I'm burned out on happiness. I'm exhausted from feeling it only to have it stripped away once again.
I'm proud that I stood up for myself. I'm pleased to have quashed his pride. I feel good about bringing him down a notch.
But I'm hurt because I fell for his shiney bag of tricks. I'm hurt that I cared so much just to have so little in return. It's always been a fault of mine. There's so many entries here of my failure to listen to my own advice, it makes me wonder when the hell I'll actually learn.
At least I know that there are people out there that still love me, and have my back through anything. Shit, even the exes I've managed to be friends with give a damn about me. I'll forever be the girl in search of her prince charming, her happily ever after, her one true love. But maybe it's been here all along. Not in the arms of one person, but many---the friends that love me for the person I am, and want nothing more than to see me smile and laugh. There are moments when I need to sit back and remember that love has boundless definitions...and that I am loved, and will always be loved. I don't need one person to tell me they love me every day...because I have many, and I am blessed.
EDIT: I may have shredded the hell out of the balloon he gave me, and scratched the writing off of the card-weight attached with a pocket knife. And I may have unceremoniously dumped the rest of the chocolate and box into the dumpster on the way to my parents house. And I may have found out that he feels like shit and spent the day sitting around sleeping and feeling sorry for himself. And I may just be enjoying my immaturity at the moment.
I'm proud that I stood up for myself. I'm pleased to have quashed his pride. I feel good about bringing him down a notch.
But I'm hurt because I fell for his shiney bag of tricks. I'm hurt that I cared so much just to have so little in return. It's always been a fault of mine. There's so many entries here of my failure to listen to my own advice, it makes me wonder when the hell I'll actually learn.
At least I know that there are people out there that still love me, and have my back through anything. Shit, even the exes I've managed to be friends with give a damn about me. I'll forever be the girl in search of her prince charming, her happily ever after, her one true love. But maybe it's been here all along. Not in the arms of one person, but many---the friends that love me for the person I am, and want nothing more than to see me smile and laugh. There are moments when I need to sit back and remember that love has boundless definitions...and that I am loved, and will always be loved. I don't need one person to tell me they love me every day...because I have many, and I am blessed.
EDIT: I may have shredded the hell out of the balloon he gave me, and scratched the writing off of the card-weight attached with a pocket knife. And I may have unceremoniously dumped the rest of the chocolate and box into the dumpster on the way to my parents house. And I may have found out that he feels like shit and spent the day sitting around sleeping and feeling sorry for himself. And I may just be enjoying my immaturity at the moment.