(no subject)
I blame myself.
It is my fault that my step-doghter is dead.
It is my fault, and no matter how I look at it, I have yet to see how it couldn't be.
If I had not pushed Taren to get Pepper back from the other Karen...
If I had let him take his time, since he knew he'd get her back, eventually...
If I had waited until I moved in to make such a big deal about it, we would've had a fence...
If only I had pushed him to make a fence for Jade sooner...
If I had not been so stupid, we would still have Pepper...
February 13th, Pepper took off after a deer or something...she chased it out of the yard and across the highway...Taren won't tell me the details, but I did get out of him that he believes she was on her way back home when the vehicle hit her.
She was not only hit and killed, she was plastered.
He said that she was so far gone that anyone who did not know her wouldn't've known what she had been. Her collar lay in the mess, telling us all that it was our Pepper...
I wasn't home when it happened...and by the time I arrived, he had already picked up all her pieces and buried them.
And it's all my fault...
He lost his only child, I my stepchild, and Jade her stepsister, all because of me.
I never let Pepper sleep on the bed with us...I always made her get down, because I'm allergic to dogs and she was still affecting me. I didn't want to wake up with a stuffy nose, or an itchy face. I would push her away when she tried to get into my lap, and I was always yelling at her to leave me alone. I was jealous of her, because Taren loved her so much, and sometimes I had to come second to Pepper.
I never told her I loved her. I never knew how much I did until she was gone, and now all I can think of is how stupid I was to treat her that way. I'm so sorry...
I understand everything now. I know all the "whys" to every single question I ever had. I know why she acted the way she did, know why Taren and I treated each other the way we did once she arrived, and I know why I treated her the way I treated her.
All of it is hindsight...but it all still hurts so very bad.
Pepper, I'm sorry. I miss you so much...I hope you remember me whenever I find you again...and I hope you forgive me as well...
It's all my fault...
It is my fault that my step-doghter is dead.
It is my fault, and no matter how I look at it, I have yet to see how it couldn't be.
If I had not pushed Taren to get Pepper back from the other Karen...
If I had let him take his time, since he knew he'd get her back, eventually...
If I had waited until I moved in to make such a big deal about it, we would've had a fence...
If only I had pushed him to make a fence for Jade sooner...
If I had not been so stupid, we would still have Pepper...
February 13th, Pepper took off after a deer or something...she chased it out of the yard and across the highway...Taren won't tell me the details, but I did get out of him that he believes she was on her way back home when the vehicle hit her.
She was not only hit and killed, she was plastered.
He said that she was so far gone that anyone who did not know her wouldn't've known what she had been. Her collar lay in the mess, telling us all that it was our Pepper...
I wasn't home when it happened...and by the time I arrived, he had already picked up all her pieces and buried them.
And it's all my fault...
He lost his only child, I my stepchild, and Jade her stepsister, all because of me.
I never let Pepper sleep on the bed with us...I always made her get down, because I'm allergic to dogs and she was still affecting me. I didn't want to wake up with a stuffy nose, or an itchy face. I would push her away when she tried to get into my lap, and I was always yelling at her to leave me alone. I was jealous of her, because Taren loved her so much, and sometimes I had to come second to Pepper.
I never told her I loved her. I never knew how much I did until she was gone, and now all I can think of is how stupid I was to treat her that way. I'm so sorry...
I understand everything now. I know all the "whys" to every single question I ever had. I know why she acted the way she did, know why Taren and I treated each other the way we did once she arrived, and I know why I treated her the way I treated her.
All of it is hindsight...but it all still hurts so very bad.
Pepper, I'm sorry. I miss you so much...I hope you remember me whenever I find you again...and I hope you forgive me as well...
It's all my fault...