Talking it over....
Well....I called him last night. Not at 11:30 like I said...but 5 minutes late because I was in the tub. And nothing gets in the way of a long bath...NOTHING. So I call him...he was at his mom's trying to keep her company. So he immediately leaves to go home when I call. All the while he was driving home we were making small talk. Talking about his work day and my school day and all that good couple stuff. I was thinking to myself that it isn't worth me bring all this up again. So he brings it up after a half an hour to 45 minutes of small talk. He says "You were really mad at me today weren't you?" Ummmm....you think. So I say yes. and he asks me why. So I explained everything I said in last night's entry and more. Then he proceeds to tell me that I don't understand the things that he is going through right now. Well how can I when he doesn't tell me? He keeps vital things from me because he knows I am going to worry a lot about it....even when there isn't much I can do from this far away. Besides the financial problems...I had no idea there was family stife and nasty stress related gastro-intestinal problem that I won't mention here. Come on I am not Ms. Cleo. I tell him about everything going on in my life....well just about everything...but if it's important to me...he knows about it. So I proposed this situation just till everything is fixed. I told him that I will step out of the way until he has everything under control. He doesn't need one more thing on his mind to worry him sick. All the while I am telling him this I am crying. Maybe I need that space....maybe he needs it more than I. I'm also thinking how much MORE space do we need?? He pleads and begs me not to leave him. He keeps asking me how in the hell do I think it will help. At the end of the conversation after hours of crying and arguing he asks me "are you still my baby?"....and I say "yes"....then I hang up the phone. When I look at the clock it is 1:45 in the morning.
I told Thomas to expect my call at 11 this morning. I was 2 minutes early this time. We talked and he was really cautious about everything. I let him talk a lot. He told me that he was going to really work on this. He remembered that a while back I told him that he was one of the realest people I know...and there aren't too many real people in my life.....especially when you look at all the shit I have dealt with at school so far. He said he felt bad because he knew he was closing me out. We were talking about April 20th....which my sorority's formal and my initiation ceremony. I really would like him to come and last week I told him that....but I also told him that I wasn't going to say anything else about it. I don't want him to say yes and then before time for it to happen something comes up and he can't go. It would be the prom all over again. So today he says he will be here. I told him I am not going to hold him to that and that hurt his feelings. He said actions speak louder than words....so he will be here. Well...I still feel the same. We have a very strained relationship right now. Maybe after the week I will spend there(...which reminds me that it's not that far away now..) we'll be okay.....maybe......
I told Thomas to expect my call at 11 this morning. I was 2 minutes early this time. We talked and he was really cautious about everything. I let him talk a lot. He told me that he was going to really work on this. He remembered that a while back I told him that he was one of the realest people I know...and there aren't too many real people in my life.....especially when you look at all the shit I have dealt with at school so far. He said he felt bad because he knew he was closing me out. We were talking about April 20th....which my sorority's formal and my initiation ceremony. I really would like him to come and last week I told him that....but I also told him that I wasn't going to say anything else about it. I don't want him to say yes and then before time for it to happen something comes up and he can't go. It would be the prom all over again. So today he says he will be here. I told him I am not going to hold him to that and that hurt his feelings. He said actions speak louder than words....so he will be here. Well...I still feel the same. We have a very strained relationship right now. Maybe after the week I will spend there(...which reminds me that it's not that far away now..) we'll be okay.....maybe......