Ready to explode
I know that no one checks this thing but I still needed to just rant. Today has fucking sucked! I overslept today and was late to work by more than like 30 minutes, and it got me my first write-up in the entire like 3+ years I have worked overseas for the D.O.D. I know that it is my fault that I was late but I had only slept like an hour or something the night before and I just passed out with my clothes on and didn’t set my alarm clock. I hurt my back the other day and it has been killing me and I cant sleep I cant work out for more than like 15 minutes and I cant even just sit and be still otherwise it starts to just hurt more.
I know its probably not the case but today it has definitely felt like I am being completely left out of the decisions on my R&R to Rome, everything is being decided for me. I just feel so god damn stupid at everything I have been trying to accomplish lately.
I left for R&R and left very specific instructions on task that HAD to be done when I was gone and of course none of it got done and now I have to try to play catch up all the while we are getting hammered with 6 performance evaluation boards. My boss is seriously pissing me off, I think she is totally making empty promises to me and just blowing smoke up my ass. She has decided that we need to be tougher at our jobs because the lead guy in my department is leaving in like a month! So she has decided to double our fucking workload and send him on the road so that we can’t rely on him for support or guidance at all. So as we are losing people our workload is intentionally being increased and the only answer is well you better manage your time better then. What a crock of fucking bullshit! There are so many things going on at work right now and I have so many active projects to get done that I feel like I am getting pulled in a million different directions and everyone around is just sitting back enjoying the show to see if I sink or swim.
I hate fighting with Katie, even when I am right (not like its very often), it just tares me up inside and I feel like a god damn monster or like I have made her make the biggest mistake in her life and now she is stuck with me. I have just felt like such a shit husband lately and like I cant make a single mistake because it will hurt the people I care about even more and that in turn makes me make even more wrong decisions.
I cant stand my job right now and its making me this constantly furious and angry person; I have been under so much stress since I returned from R&R and its starting to really fuck with my head. I feel like my head is all over the place, I am just so scatter brained lately and I cant seem to work fast enough or please enough people.
I am still dealing with this stupid shit with a former friend where she owes me $1500, she has owed me the money for years now and hasn’t budged to repay it back. I am such a non-confrontational pussy that I haven’t been willing to really face the situation and get it resolved but the way I feel right now I just want to sue her ass off and bury her in bad credit and pretty much just fuck up her life as hard as I can. Or like tare her car to shreds and just be happy with that. I am just so frustrated and annoyed with everything right now its almost like its so bad and so distracting and it makes me so angry I feel like I cant see sometimes.
Then my best friend for YEARS has pretty much turned into some fucking asshole because I got married. I don’t get that! Its like because I got married I ruined HIS life or some shit, so he always assumes she is like bossing me around or is like trying to run my life. Why cant he be happy for a friend who was one of those few to find the person they ARE supposed to be with forever? I just pretty much want to kick his ass too. So its like guaranteed that every time I try to get him to come around or for him to be my friend again he starts shit with my wife, well now I am fucking done, I don’t want to even talk to him anymore I am so sick of his immature bullshit….even though this rant probably seems really immature to anyone who might actually read it.
The one and only, THE ONE AND ONLY, person that I can talk (in person) to or try to confide in (other than my wife) is leaving to return home for good in less than 2 days. I don’t want to share my feelings or thoughts or frustrations with anyone else around here and I don’t want to hang out with the people I work with and I don’t know what to do right now. I feel like I don’t have any friends left that I can easily talk to or be connected too, now that Travis is leaving I’m fucked!
My grandfather passed away not long ago and its really hitting me hard right now and I keep trying to think what he would do and how he would handle things and I cant hear his voice anymore.
I feel like everything is just falling apart!
I just want to let go and lose control, I want to just break something or hurt myself or just like…I don’t know. Things just really suck right now.
I have been in this situation before but it always sucks, I know things do get better with time but right now I feel like time is so working against me.
I know its probably not the case but today it has definitely felt like I am being completely left out of the decisions on my R&R to Rome, everything is being decided for me. I just feel so god damn stupid at everything I have been trying to accomplish lately.
I left for R&R and left very specific instructions on task that HAD to be done when I was gone and of course none of it got done and now I have to try to play catch up all the while we are getting hammered with 6 performance evaluation boards. My boss is seriously pissing me off, I think she is totally making empty promises to me and just blowing smoke up my ass. She has decided that we need to be tougher at our jobs because the lead guy in my department is leaving in like a month! So she has decided to double our fucking workload and send him on the road so that we can’t rely on him for support or guidance at all. So as we are losing people our workload is intentionally being increased and the only answer is well you better manage your time better then. What a crock of fucking bullshit! There are so many things going on at work right now and I have so many active projects to get done that I feel like I am getting pulled in a million different directions and everyone around is just sitting back enjoying the show to see if I sink or swim.
I hate fighting with Katie, even when I am right (not like its very often), it just tares me up inside and I feel like a god damn monster or like I have made her make the biggest mistake in her life and now she is stuck with me. I have just felt like such a shit husband lately and like I cant make a single mistake because it will hurt the people I care about even more and that in turn makes me make even more wrong decisions.
I cant stand my job right now and its making me this constantly furious and angry person; I have been under so much stress since I returned from R&R and its starting to really fuck with my head. I feel like my head is all over the place, I am just so scatter brained lately and I cant seem to work fast enough or please enough people.
I am still dealing with this stupid shit with a former friend where she owes me $1500, she has owed me the money for years now and hasn’t budged to repay it back. I am such a non-confrontational pussy that I haven’t been willing to really face the situation and get it resolved but the way I feel right now I just want to sue her ass off and bury her in bad credit and pretty much just fuck up her life as hard as I can. Or like tare her car to shreds and just be happy with that. I am just so frustrated and annoyed with everything right now its almost like its so bad and so distracting and it makes me so angry I feel like I cant see sometimes.
Then my best friend for YEARS has pretty much turned into some fucking asshole because I got married. I don’t get that! Its like because I got married I ruined HIS life or some shit, so he always assumes she is like bossing me around or is like trying to run my life. Why cant he be happy for a friend who was one of those few to find the person they ARE supposed to be with forever? I just pretty much want to kick his ass too. So its like guaranteed that every time I try to get him to come around or for him to be my friend again he starts shit with my wife, well now I am fucking done, I don’t want to even talk to him anymore I am so sick of his immature bullshit….even though this rant probably seems really immature to anyone who might actually read it.
The one and only, THE ONE AND ONLY, person that I can talk (in person) to or try to confide in (other than my wife) is leaving to return home for good in less than 2 days. I don’t want to share my feelings or thoughts or frustrations with anyone else around here and I don’t want to hang out with the people I work with and I don’t know what to do right now. I feel like I don’t have any friends left that I can easily talk to or be connected too, now that Travis is leaving I’m fucked!
My grandfather passed away not long ago and its really hitting me hard right now and I keep trying to think what he would do and how he would handle things and I cant hear his voice anymore.
I feel like everything is just falling apart!
I just want to let go and lose control, I want to just break something or hurt myself or just like…I don’t know. Things just really suck right now.
I have been in this situation before but it always sucks, I know things do get better with time but right now I feel like time is so working against me.