My grades came in today
and, as per usual, they were lower than i would have liked. I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong at this point. One can only try as hard as they can and be disappointed so many times before utter, complete despair sets in. I'm very near that point. It seems that, no matter how hard i study, my grades continually decline. It's beyond frustrating, it's infuriating. My dad didn't really react, but i knew what he was thinking. My mom went on a little rampage which more that sufficiently expressed her discontent. The irony of the situation is, i'm the most discontent of all of them. I know how hard I try, and I know I should be seeing better results. Sometimes I think that maybe college just wasn't right for me. I should have gone into something less school-demanding. I would always think I wasn't living up to my potential, but as of right now, I feel the same way IN school. I don't know what i'll do if i can't start picking it up with classes this summer and next year. I feel like i'm just destined for mediocrity. I can't let that be true, if not for me, then for Lauren. Her talent deserves a better counterpart than I am currently offering. I'm disgracing myself and my family. The knowledge that I did the best I could and STILL ended up this way is just sickening.
EDIT: My mom came up and redeemed herself by offering a different perspective. "The worst is over." I tend to agree with her on that. I'm taking classes now that are interesting and thought provoking, and am truly looking forward to my classes next year. With all the credits I'm taking this summer and next year, I should be able to make up for what business has done to me. but for the record, i'm still unhappy, but overall, fuck the kelley school of business.
EDIT AGAIN: Well I went downstairs to get into my car and get some gas, and I heard my parents talking in the kitchen. My mom told my dad I was worried about getting into law school, to which my dad responded "he might not if he doesn't start improving." some reassurance that is. At least I believe in myself, which is more than my family can say. Christ, being here is such a joke. I've learned how NOT to parent children.
EDIT: My mom came up and redeemed herself by offering a different perspective. "The worst is over." I tend to agree with her on that. I'm taking classes now that are interesting and thought provoking, and am truly looking forward to my classes next year. With all the credits I'm taking this summer and next year, I should be able to make up for what business has done to me. but for the record, i'm still unhappy, but overall, fuck the kelley school of business.
EDIT AGAIN: Well I went downstairs to get into my car and get some gas, and I heard my parents talking in the kitchen. My mom told my dad I was worried about getting into law school, to which my dad responded "he might not if he doesn't start improving." some reassurance that is. At least I believe in myself, which is more than my family can say. Christ, being here is such a joke. I've learned how NOT to parent children.