Mar 25, 2009 14:53
Here's something weird: for years, I was ruled by fear and skewed logic. I held myself back for one reason or another while people kept pushing me to go and do so I could be and grow. Now, to today - I have the opportunity to go somewhere completely different, start an actual career, be closer to my fiance, and generally be my own person along with putting the American dream to the absolute test; that has been done before and it really works. Unfortunately, logic and scare tactics are presently being called into play to try forcing me to rethink my little plan. Big mistake.
For those who don't know me, I'm pretty big on resisting influence and when someone wants to try to push me one way and I flat-out don't want to do it, I push back. Hard. Sometimes hard enough to go the complete opposite direction (good in some cases, but mostly not). *lights cigarette* I am perpetually baffled. All these years, I get hounded and browbeaten with stories of success coming from the lowest pits of despair - my endlessly capitalist older sister, for example - but when I finally formulate a plan to execute that will test and exercise all those things that inherently American and ruggedly individualistic, I'm told to stop and think about it.
I'm done thinking. I'm done waiting. I've come to the conclusion that opportunity will not come to me and I must subsequently chase it and beat it into submission. This is starting to go the same direction as my enlistment into the Marine Corps where advocates are near silent and opponents abound. Fuck 'em. This is what I have to do. I'm not going to sit back and let life pass me by any longer.
In closing, those who are or might cheer me on; the support isn't really needed, but greatly appreciated. Anyone who wants me to think a little longer about this… *lights another cigarette, cocks rifle* You just signed your own death warrant, so good luck. You need it more than I do.