Times with you were most cherished...
My first actual... i lost. she says she loves me, but if you love someone then why would you hurt them. i guess this is the time where she has actualy moved on and is trying to forget there was even me. so i have to pick up what ever dignity i have left and move on as well. my feelings are forever scared, and my hart forever broken. my heart says
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I come from two HARD working parents. Because my dad worked hard from the start, I have been very fortunate to have a great life style. SOrry if this sounds worldly but this is how I have grown up.
I have never lived in an apartment. I've always lived in a big, well furnished house. My parents have always driven nice cars. For the past 12 years or so, my dad has driven a mercedes. I asked to go to ballet classes, gymnastics, acting in plays, vocal lessons, shopping sprees, and much more and my dad did everything he could to give it to me. I've lived a great life..and I want to continue living in that life style. When I move out, it will be to live either in an apartment for a short time (meaning no more than a year or two) and then I'll get a house. I want bigger and better. Thats why I worry about money and bills, and accounts and my future now. I want to have what I have now when I'm on my own. I will not and can not live in an apartment with a family. I can not and will not drive used cars that I haven't made used. I will drive a mercedes one day. I will own my own house and maybe two or three. Thats what I am used too and that what i will give myself. It's my dream to continue living like this.
When I say I want you serious at times, I want you serious because thats what I am thinking of. My possible future with you and how I want it to be great. I'm afraid that I won't find a guy who can help me persue that dream of mine. I'm scared of not living the same life that I have now. I can't do it. Thats what I get scared of when I'm with you. That we won't live that life.
I am also still concerned with all the problems i have talked to you about. About the girls and you being honest.
I can't think of anything else. I have to go anyways. ask me anything else. i'll answer it...i love you.-ash
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