only better things to come.....
Im overwhelmed. But not with usual confusion, or chaos. Im so anxious to go. To move life, find that one person who cant wait to talk to me, who always wants to be with me, and more importantly find that one person i feel the same about. I am somewhat unhappy that i was too blind to realize my relationship with evan was nothing like that. It used to be. It really felt that way anywho. Its a bit upsetting, and i can't help be really angry with him. Its like the angry you have when someone dies and you feel angry with them for leaving you here alone. Im not angry because he left me alone, because i certinally am not alone, i am however angry at him for his words, for things he did not do. Every girl complains that their boyfriend never calls them. And im doing that now, because 2 weeks without a single conversation is ridiculous, how can you honestly say you love someone and want "to spend the rest of your life" with them if you cant even return their calls, or be decent enough to call the first for a change. I won't be chasing him anymore, i got off that ride and don't plan on getting back on unless he realizes some pretty major things about himself and how to treat people. I really did love him though, and i could have loved him if he had allowed, if i hadn't been forgotten about us, and despite all my complaining i learned a lot from him. About myself and relationships in general. I think i am perfectly capable of having a relationship that isn't about lust, or sex. Something greater, something that could last and is based on emotion rather than physical attraction. On a brighter note i finally have direction, and i couldn't be happier with it, im going to become a marine biologist like i said i was going to in the 6th grade. How could i not become one? Fish have played such a major role in my life and will continue to till the day i die. It destroys the whole idea of working with people, and helping them, but i can help animals and that makes me so excited. I just want to go now. Im so ready to move, ready to go. Highschool isnt doing anything. My only problem is i don't want to become the type of person who is always anticipating and rushing to the next moment. Once i get to college am i going to be anxious to get out and start my life independently. All i really want is to be able to make all my decisions completely on my own, until i get married and all that good stuff of course. I dont like feeling like im being held back. I want to burst. Its not even starting over because i have finally reached a point where i am content with everything. plus i think im beginning to really understand and realize what i want when it come to friends and boyfriends.