FINALLY AN UPDATE
so, get ready because this will be long. AND joe um well i will punctuate here and there and occasionally look over to ask you how to spell certain words, although i don't wanna distract you and J from Marvel vs. CapCom 2. Fuck you all because at this moment you are talking about what you think I am writing on here and you are totally wrong. YOu are not 2 sexy guys that i am so turned on by that i wanna take off my clothes but am unable. YEAH I WANT THAT RING! OK back to everyone else on the planet. JOE, DREW, J, or KATIE don't read the next paragraph because it is things you have heard a million times.
I told you guys not ready stop now. So my life lets see here. Well my dad's house got more crazy by the day. MOre strippers and their children moved in. One of the strippers acutally met and brought home a guy that claims i dated him. (we merely hung out twice and then he didn't call me back but yet blamed it all on me whatever.) Then there were some incidents with more drunkeness, suicide cries for help, guns, and fight. So the verdict was that I moved out. Ever since about CHristmas, I have been living at my mom's. Crazy huh. That is the last fucking place i need to live. But you know i live there and it sucks. I did absolutly nothing for months. I broke up with Abercrombie in December. We talked and tried to be friends but it didn't work out. So now we haven't spoken in about 2 months. SO the boy and I are finally done. I haven't had sex since NOVEMEBER 1. It is really insane and i think that is why my frustration level has gone through the roof only causing my smoking habit and rude hatred deminer to sky rocket. So Matt and i don't speak anymore. NOt because we got in some massive fight or anything, but because he moved downtown with Baker and Claire, and never calls me EVER. I went over there twice but both times i had to contact him. I don't think he even cares! I miss matt a lot, but what can you do. He is busy with his life so i just look at that as he really didn't care that much in the first place. I miss how the group use to hang out alot. Yeah we all have jobs now but none of us really see each other. So my life pretty much is my new job.........YEAH GO ME> school starts wednesday and i am so excited to be learning, but anxiety riden because i am actually going to be on campus with people.
OK EVERYONE CAN READ AGAIN!!!
So I really hate being alone. Not because i am looking for that boyfriend i can cling onto, but because i miss the sex, i miss the person to always have things to do if everyone else is busy, i miss being mean of course. I miss making out with a person that i am so attracted to i can't stand it. I fear that I am going to be stuck at my mother's for the rest of my life. Um lets see what else. On the Jake front, we aren't any worse, but we aren't too much better. I was getting pretty good about not thinking of him and not caring, but then one day i randomly started dreaming about him, and now it's rare that i don't dream about him. I took his number out of my phone. Courtney called it a couple of weeks ago and it was no longer Jake's number. I wonder if i will ever get over him. I also have been thinking about CJ alot and how I hate that i don't know what happened between us. I also hate that he is throwing away his life and his chances to do something amazing with the brain that he has. I want to talk to him and see if he is ok but i can't bring myself to call him and possibly get rejected or ridiculed. I miss him, I miss our talks, our movie watching, i miss us laying in on the porch swing and falling asleep together, i miss playing with his hair. I miss my friend. I think everyone knows the Car stealing and damaging story. I am hoping that soon in less than i year, i can get my life back together. I want to be as happy as i was in high school so i can finally move on from the fantasy that i will wake up and be 16 all over again. I want to live on my paying for everything (except school: which if my dad dosen't get his shit together I will be paying for anyway cause he is "TOO BROKE" from paying his taxes because he borrowed against his 401k and his court fees because he is on probation). I just want one day where there is no drama just peace but i am beinginning to think that is just a pipe dream. Does anyone have a day without drama finding them. Or am i just cursed. I don't go looking for it, it just seems to find me or be there because my family is so fucked in the head. Well I think this update was sufficent. I hope you all enjoyed even though i am pretty sure JOE is the only one who hasn't given up checking this thing. I am giong to try and keep this up more....I make NO PROMISES>
I told you guys not ready stop now. So my life lets see here. Well my dad's house got more crazy by the day. MOre strippers and their children moved in. One of the strippers acutally met and brought home a guy that claims i dated him. (we merely hung out twice and then he didn't call me back but yet blamed it all on me whatever.) Then there were some incidents with more drunkeness, suicide cries for help, guns, and fight. So the verdict was that I moved out. Ever since about CHristmas, I have been living at my mom's. Crazy huh. That is the last fucking place i need to live. But you know i live there and it sucks. I did absolutly nothing for months. I broke up with Abercrombie in December. We talked and tried to be friends but it didn't work out. So now we haven't spoken in about 2 months. SO the boy and I are finally done. I haven't had sex since NOVEMEBER 1. It is really insane and i think that is why my frustration level has gone through the roof only causing my smoking habit and rude hatred deminer to sky rocket. So Matt and i don't speak anymore. NOt because we got in some massive fight or anything, but because he moved downtown with Baker and Claire, and never calls me EVER. I went over there twice but both times i had to contact him. I don't think he even cares! I miss matt a lot, but what can you do. He is busy with his life so i just look at that as he really didn't care that much in the first place. I miss how the group use to hang out alot. Yeah we all have jobs now but none of us really see each other. So my life pretty much is my new job.........YEAH GO ME> school starts wednesday and i am so excited to be learning, but anxiety riden because i am actually going to be on campus with people.
OK EVERYONE CAN READ AGAIN!!!
So I really hate being alone. Not because i am looking for that boyfriend i can cling onto, but because i miss the sex, i miss the person to always have things to do if everyone else is busy, i miss being mean of course. I miss making out with a person that i am so attracted to i can't stand it. I fear that I am going to be stuck at my mother's for the rest of my life. Um lets see what else. On the Jake front, we aren't any worse, but we aren't too much better. I was getting pretty good about not thinking of him and not caring, but then one day i randomly started dreaming about him, and now it's rare that i don't dream about him. I took his number out of my phone. Courtney called it a couple of weeks ago and it was no longer Jake's number. I wonder if i will ever get over him. I also have been thinking about CJ alot and how I hate that i don't know what happened between us. I also hate that he is throwing away his life and his chances to do something amazing with the brain that he has. I want to talk to him and see if he is ok but i can't bring myself to call him and possibly get rejected or ridiculed. I miss him, I miss our talks, our movie watching, i miss us laying in on the porch swing and falling asleep together, i miss playing with his hair. I miss my friend. I think everyone knows the Car stealing and damaging story. I am hoping that soon in less than i year, i can get my life back together. I want to be as happy as i was in high school so i can finally move on from the fantasy that i will wake up and be 16 all over again. I want to live on my paying for everything (except school: which if my dad dosen't get his shit together I will be paying for anyway cause he is "TOO BROKE" from paying his taxes because he borrowed against his 401k and his court fees because he is on probation). I just want one day where there is no drama just peace but i am beinginning to think that is just a pipe dream. Does anyone have a day without drama finding them. Or am i just cursed. I don't go looking for it, it just seems to find me or be there because my family is so fucked in the head. Well I think this update was sufficent. I hope you all enjoyed even though i am pretty sure JOE is the only one who hasn't given up checking this thing. I am giong to try and keep this up more....I make NO PROMISES>