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Originally published at Dancin' In The Wind.... Please leave any comments there.
I just got home from my grandparents. I’ve been up there since 3ish yesterday.
My Grandpa has been able to see all of the family except for two cousins. And by family, I mean like, kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. We called his sister, and I think she’s going to try to come up. The hospice nurse said anyone who wants to see him should be up here this weekend…so…yea.
Jennifer and Joe made it up here last night, and went up for a few minutes.
He knows now. We’ve come to the conclusion that he realizes he’s dying, and is starting to say goodbye to people in his own way.
He called me over to him yesterday…last night really, and told me that I could do whatever I want, and I didn’t need to stay there, I could go home if I wanted to, or I could stay there. I lost it. Completely cracked. It was a moment, and sounds pointless and small probably…but yea. I don’t know.
I’ve had a good amount of time with him though. I sat with him for probably an hour, completely uninterrupted last night. I’ve been able to spend a lot of time with him over the past few days. I won’t have any regrets about this time period, I don’t think.
We took pictures. I felt disgusting and invasive and as though I was exploiting a very real moment.
I knew I’d regret it otherwise though.
No more from here on out though probably. I got one of pretty much everyone with him at some point…I need to get a real one of him and my mom, but other than that…I just…I didn’t think I’d feel this gross doing that. It’s like- every time the flash when off, my stomach sunk. And if I didn’t use flash, you couldn’t see a thing.
So yes. that was my venting. I got like…2 hours of sleep…lovely indeed. But I just…can’t. But anyways- yea. I need to jump in the shower so I can either go up there, or go shop for funeral clothes. I REALLY wish we would have done this earlier, but I know it will only get harder to leave him as time goes on, and I’ll be a complete mess after he passes.
On the brighter side though…God is amazing, and gave me exactly what I needed last night. And it was the most comforting thing in the world.
Psalm 34:14-22 (New King James Version)
14 Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their cry.
16 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the LORD delivers him out of them all.
20 He guards all his bones;
Not one of them is broken.
21 Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.
So yea. quick update. back to real life.