I’m ready now, like I never was before, to see what this is all about…
Originally published at Dancin' In The Wind.... Please leave any comments there.
I think I have the stomach flu or something…except not really. but close.
That pretty easily sums up my day, no? haha.
I think things are coming back around to how they should be. Each time that’s come up over the past few days, I’ve been forcing it. I almost feel as though this was a lesson that I chose to learn the hard way, that there’s nothing in the world I could do to ever “earn” anything real. I’ve had little bouts of this lesson…but this has been pretty grueling. And it’s knocked me down incredibly hard, to where I really…REALLY stagger around trying to stand, and inch forward.
It’s been a long hard lesson of humility, surrender, acceptance, grace, and truth.
I need to stop. Backtrack a bit. Just…chill out. Rediscover myself. Rediscover the passion. Just…I don’t know…I’ve been shaken up, and I need to re-evaluate some things I guess.
But yes…all that to say- I think I’m finally like…level-minded again for the first time in 3 weeks. Not to say I’m 100% back on track, I’ve said that like 3 times lately…but with each of those times, I’ve ‘found’ something that was previously missing. I’ve been quite out of it lately. And I’m starting to make actual, obvious (to me) steps of getting back to where I should be. So hopefully I won’t be lame much longer. I know it’s been annoying. Believe it or not, it’s been annoying for me as well.
Slightly random- I bought this Jeremy Camp/Adie Camp thing off iTunes today. How totally weird is it that I like “Adie’s” track more than Jeremy’s? weird stuff indeed. But yea- I mean, I liked her in TBG, but…yea. Her vocals are amazing. Jeremy’s song was good..definitely. But it seemed to blend into…obviousness. But I’ve only listened to it once, so maybe my views shall change.
listen now / you can hear the sound / surrender and let the light come out / don’t be afraid / let me hear your voice / what you will live is what you make / don’t be afraid / let me hear your voice / let the light come out / cause I’m ready now / like I never was before / to see what this is all about
I’m in such a lame little sappy folkish guitar mood. Rocky Votolato, Skeeter Davis, and (good)Sheryl Crow? Mr. Gray shall be next. Falling asleep to my DG collection shall be lovely. Except that he’s rarely folkish…just…absolutely amazingly stunning in all he does.
This song will always…always remind me of these past three weeks. First heard it in the midst of this, and it fit perfectly then, and even better now. Negatively then, but positively now. Pretty sure it will be one of the few songs to make it onto my list of “instantly makes me cry” songs.
Thoughts of forever wrestle my mind
and my fears and my doubts still linger inside
so I questioned Your presence
God are you real?
cause my heart is still broken- unable to heal
and it’s You
only You can save me now
too weak on my own without You
only You can save me now
too weak on my own without You
desperate and broken
so many tears
I ignore my own conscience
and covered my ears
to Your song of forgiveness, redemption, and hope
I can barely hang on to the end of my rope
when it’s You
only You can save me now
too weak on my own without You
only You can save me now
too weak on my own without You
in Your arms,
in Your arms I am safe now
safe now
in Your arms,
in Your arms I am safe now
safe now
well it’s You
only you can save me now
too weak on my own without You (x3)
Been a long, long three weeks. Three weeks that I’ve been dying to get out of. But in hindsight, I’m okay. I’m standing at the very edge of the bank of this horrid river I just crossed…battered and bruised slightly beyond recognition for the moment…but I’m alright. Things worked out, and are continued to be worked on. I came out the other end, by God’s grace alone.
It sounds like the most simple concept in the world, but that was a hard lesson. Very difficult. But I’m here…and there’s a lot of reflection to go on. Lots of prayers of thanks. It’s like…I’m still there- I’m not exactly where I should be…but I know it’s possible now. I can’t say that for a large bulk of the past 3 weeks.
So yea. things are good. not perfect, but good, and getting better. Now, oddly enough, it’s 1:14am…so I’m gonna go to bed. yay for an hours difference?