Originally published at
Dancin' In The Wind.... Please leave any
comments there.
2am edit.
WOW! So the entire night, I haven’t been really running from God, just …holding off way longer than I should have. Started reading old online journals, as I always seem to in lovely depressed moods, and found this, which was written 5 days before I was saved:
“wow…I scare myself after I’ve been up this long…I think I just had this disgustingly huge massive spiritual revelation…surprisingly, it was good. Bleh…I seriously need to be just like exploding with God…I’d give anything to be like Peter…I’ve realized that the only reason I hated him, is because I want everything he has…that was like one part of my 200 part revelation…I’d give anything to feel like this all the time…I just wish I was smart enough to.
(then had the lyrics to I Love Your Ways on here)”
…wow. I’ve gone back to that stupid livejournal blillions of times, and have never seen that. It really is crazy, how when you look back, He was there, preparing me for what was to come.
So I screwed up. Screwed around with my time. I didn’t run from Him, but I didn’t run TO Him. But oh well, you know? He got me back to a place where I can make my own decisions, you know? I was starting to wade a bit too far into the waters, to where, even if I wanted to go back to shore, I’d probably get super tired, and just stay out there…but yea. He brought me back, not totally on dry land, but He knows I’m gonna finish the journey, you know?
Recently I talked about how I finally said “no” all by ‘myself’. And I didn’t do that tonight- but He got me back to a smaller situation, where I could make my decision, and not just be overwhelmed, and throw in the towel.
So yea…seeing that entry. That was pretty much all Him. My mouth dropped as I read that. I don’t remember that at all! 5 days before. …Five days. That’s so crazy.
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yupp.
What if I told you I wasn’t ready for this life
What if I told you this wasn’t what I had in mind
What if this mountain’s just too high
Get up get up
brush off the dust from your soul
Get up get up
the past is beyond your control
Get up get up
don’t ever give up on love
What if I told you my whole world broke down last night
What if showed you my surprising ugly side
What if I’ve fallen out of line
What if I told you there was time when I believed
What if I told you I’m exploding with doubt I’m infected with weakness
I’m breaking the silence crying out, crying out
Having a car of my own would be overly beneficial at the moment. Not really wanting to be home now. There’s always the jeep, but that thing is too much of a hassle to even be worth it.
Things sure do find a way to come smack you on the head. It’s nothing. It’s midnight and I’m 100% convinced that excessive caffeine has negative effects on me, and I know that’s what it is, but yea.
And due to the caffeine, it’s not like I can exactly go to bed. So yea, I’d take either a car, or have it be tomorrow.
I’m so tired of all these one-sidded relationships. (un?)fortunately, they seem to kinda even out, half have other people being the only giving person, the other, me. Lovely. Mesh them together please. It’s ridiculous, how insanely uneven some of them are. I can’t decide which is more frustrating. Being the one who’s the only one doing anything, or the one who’s careless with it all. What’s even better are those relationshops that all of a sudden just aren’t even there at all. Those are always interesting.
lyrics galore? yea. I’m starting to not be a fan of typing up any lengthy entries in not so grand moods. If my words are misunderstood, that’s weird. If I put someone else’s words up, and they’re mistaken, then it’s somehow not as bad.
Comparisons are easily done
Once you’ve had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed
You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know
You said move on
I guess second best
Is all I will know
Case when I’m with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
You said move on
I guess second bestI
s all I will know
Case when I’m with him
I am Thinking of you
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
You’re like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I’ve had the best
You said there’s
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
You said move on
I guess second best
Is all I will know
Case when I’m with him
I am Thinking of you
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
You’re like an Indian summerIn the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I’m with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Wo was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into…
You’re the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson’s learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know
Cause when I’m with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won’t you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I’d like to stay
Cause when I’m with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of youWhat you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Cause when I’m with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Not even sure the exact way I mean that. There are a few. None of which really make any sense. Let your mind wander and come up with loads of crazy ideas as to what it could ever possibly mean, then realize that tomorrow morning, it will all hopefully not be relevant in any way. Well…it will, but I won’t notice it at all. The way I work…really weirds me out at times.
Cause when I’m with himI am thinking of youThinking of youWhat you would do ifYou were the oneWho was spending the nightOh I wish that IWas looking into your eyesLooking into your eyesLooking into your eyes Not even sure the exact way I mean that. There are a few. None of which really make any sense. Let your mind wander and come up with loads of crazy ideas as to what it could ever possibly mean, then realize that tomorrow morning, it will all hopefully not be relevant in any way. Well…it will, but I won’t notice it at all. The way I work…really weirds me out at times.