never ending
I just get so tired of feeling lost and as if no one is there to really quite understand exactly what it going on with me. The sad part is that I'm not sure it matters. I know I push people away but for once I would just like to not have to ask them to be. Lately it seems that I can't win no matter what I do, but I guess things can't always go my way. Someday they will..and all the people that really matter will still be my side giving me all the support that I unselfishly give to them. Problem is I want it now..
As far as everything else, there isn't much to report..computer is still broken, working on finding the motivation to get it fixed.
I work ALOT though and I don't have much motivation for anything else other than sleep. There's been some fun going on. Finally went to the beach 2 times already this summer. It made me happy and at peace even though I did lots of contemplating. It was really nice to feel good about things since lately things have been sucking.
I don't want to be hateful towards people just because there is a long numerous list of people that have disappointed me and I am not that person so I won't be. I will always be forgiving because really in the end I am more disappointed in myself and my choices than anything anyone else has done to me. Now living with that sucks.
But yeah life is great other than my small bout of self hatred--ha. Work is crazy as ever and I am getting a little burnt out but my family life is going pretty well lately, we're all getting along which is amazing. Maybe it's because I am either never home or I live holed up in my room. I feel a strange self of self growth and awareness..but am I supposed to feel it? I can tell that I handle things better than I used to but I am sick of doing it alone all the time. I want to grow up but not by myself.
In the meantime we're all just going "trippy-trippy" through life.
As far as everything else, there isn't much to report..computer is still broken, working on finding the motivation to get it fixed.
I work ALOT though and I don't have much motivation for anything else other than sleep. There's been some fun going on. Finally went to the beach 2 times already this summer. It made me happy and at peace even though I did lots of contemplating. It was really nice to feel good about things since lately things have been sucking.
I don't want to be hateful towards people just because there is a long numerous list of people that have disappointed me and I am not that person so I won't be. I will always be forgiving because really in the end I am more disappointed in myself and my choices than anything anyone else has done to me. Now living with that sucks.
But yeah life is great other than my small bout of self hatred--ha. Work is crazy as ever and I am getting a little burnt out but my family life is going pretty well lately, we're all getting along which is amazing. Maybe it's because I am either never home or I live holed up in my room. I feel a strange self of self growth and awareness..but am I supposed to feel it? I can tell that I handle things better than I used to but I am sick of doing it alone all the time. I want to grow up but not by myself.
In the meantime we're all just going "trippy-trippy" through life.