(no subject)
hey its saturday night, whats everyone doing? it seems like everyone already has plans or something, but who wants to chill?
i think i've written a paragraph here and backspaced this about 50 times now trying to form my whirlwind of thoughts into a understandable package. but really i'm trying to think of how to say what i feel without sounding overly morose or morbid. funny because i'm such an upbeat, funny, cheerful, etc person...on the outside. i don't think ANYONE can comprehend the depth of thought and emotion on my inside. is it odd to not fear death but not feel suicidal? to know that i wouldn't care if i flipped my jeep off a bridge or got shot in a 7-11 because i know where i'm going after i die...but yet i have no intention of holding the gun to my own head. struggling with deep depression and the feeling that i'm just not needed...but i can cover it all up with jokes and smiles, right? eh, its whatever, i'm super drew...i can handle any bullshit that comes my way. soon enough i'll be back on my super posi track, just gotta get over this next hill. i just hate time sometimes, in a way i wish i could either rewind a couple of months or fastforward a couple of months. again, this probably makes 51 times to attempt this paragraph...but i'm already tempted to delete it because i want to sound so confident, self-sufficient, and just all around awesome, haha. i'm just in transition is all.
hahaha now here i am trying to inquire about hanging out and then i go and get all melodramatic, who wants to be around that, right? nah, i promise i'm chill and that we'll have fun, i just had to purge out some thoughts to get it out of my system. i think what i really need is to join an underground fight club or a boxing club or something...i've never felt more ready to fight in my life. i pity the man who starts shit with me anytime soon, i have so much anger and frustration to lay out that he would surely be left bleeding and sobbing on the pavement. my voice is all hoarse today since i did so much yelling at work yesterday, haha. i was working this georgia trailer and i was getting a mad heavy flow of packages and we were low on help so i was struggling on my own...every three seconds the pick-off dudes (guys on top of main belt throwing packages down the belts to the individual trailers) were yelling "georgia, lets go!" or "georgia, get your jams!" so i would yell back "hey, shut the fuck up!" or "i'm all over georgia like i was all over your mom last night!" hahaha...yeah, they were laughin' and i kinda was too, but i was seriously ready to kill. besides, if i were in a fight club...it would be fun to show up at DBU for school with bruises and cuts and black eyes, haha.
so i guess i'm gonna head back home try to get the apartment together...but seriously, call mr. drew up and i promise your night will be so much better, haha. because i rule. i think i'm actually going to church tomorrow morning, crazy!
"fuck yeah i am still holding on
making mountains out of molehills
trading moments in for memories
these days still mean everything to me"--Bane
--drew
i think i've written a paragraph here and backspaced this about 50 times now trying to form my whirlwind of thoughts into a understandable package. but really i'm trying to think of how to say what i feel without sounding overly morose or morbid. funny because i'm such an upbeat, funny, cheerful, etc person...on the outside. i don't think ANYONE can comprehend the depth of thought and emotion on my inside. is it odd to not fear death but not feel suicidal? to know that i wouldn't care if i flipped my jeep off a bridge or got shot in a 7-11 because i know where i'm going after i die...but yet i have no intention of holding the gun to my own head. struggling with deep depression and the feeling that i'm just not needed...but i can cover it all up with jokes and smiles, right? eh, its whatever, i'm super drew...i can handle any bullshit that comes my way. soon enough i'll be back on my super posi track, just gotta get over this next hill. i just hate time sometimes, in a way i wish i could either rewind a couple of months or fastforward a couple of months. again, this probably makes 51 times to attempt this paragraph...but i'm already tempted to delete it because i want to sound so confident, self-sufficient, and just all around awesome, haha. i'm just in transition is all.
hahaha now here i am trying to inquire about hanging out and then i go and get all melodramatic, who wants to be around that, right? nah, i promise i'm chill and that we'll have fun, i just had to purge out some thoughts to get it out of my system. i think what i really need is to join an underground fight club or a boxing club or something...i've never felt more ready to fight in my life. i pity the man who starts shit with me anytime soon, i have so much anger and frustration to lay out that he would surely be left bleeding and sobbing on the pavement. my voice is all hoarse today since i did so much yelling at work yesterday, haha. i was working this georgia trailer and i was getting a mad heavy flow of packages and we were low on help so i was struggling on my own...every three seconds the pick-off dudes (guys on top of main belt throwing packages down the belts to the individual trailers) were yelling "georgia, lets go!" or "georgia, get your jams!" so i would yell back "hey, shut the fuck up!" or "i'm all over georgia like i was all over your mom last night!" hahaha...yeah, they were laughin' and i kinda was too, but i was seriously ready to kill. besides, if i were in a fight club...it would be fun to show up at DBU for school with bruises and cuts and black eyes, haha.
so i guess i'm gonna head back home try to get the apartment together...but seriously, call mr. drew up and i promise your night will be so much better, haha. because i rule. i think i'm actually going to church tomorrow morning, crazy!
"fuck yeah i am still holding on
making mountains out of molehills
trading moments in for memories
these days still mean everything to me"--Bane
--drew