Vindicated... I am
Summer is almost over and yes, it has gone by fast.
Just like the previous 12 months before this summer, lot's of unexpected things have happened to me.
Something good and bad at the same time. Miranda. That name - I don't know what it means to me anymore. I do know when I should have stopped associating it with the girl that I like, and the one who I wanted to be with. There was a time this summer when I almost told her that what we were doing wasn't right. I played in my head exactly what I would tell her, I imagined her reaction (seemingly indifferent, but really sad) and I thought how it would be the right thing to do.
But instead, I...well I messed up - that's really what it was. I thought 'I'll just see her one more time.' Don't just see a girl one more time when you mean to break things off. As usual, things went from good to bad, and then bad to worse and then from worse to....nothing really.
I don't want to write all the details because I'm trying to get done with all of this and not 'relapse' like I probably did where things went wrong. Where do her and I stand now? I think we both know, although we never really talked about it. Apparently she is seeing/dating one of Keith's friends (isn't that how her and I started out), even though she denies it.
"we're only friends"
yeah
real good friends
i bet.
I makes me sad to hear people say "oh have you talked to miranda?" and I say "no, we're not talking.. I haven't talked to her for a couple weeks" and then they say "ohh because I saw her with garrett the other night." At the same time, I'm glad because I wrote her a letter that said we should see other people so that we can get over eachother. It's hard though.. for totally obvious reasons.
Even though I still THINK I have feelings for her, and I don't like thinking about her with other guys, I'm not so sure if I'd want to be with her if I had the chance. The last time I saw her.. we weren't the same. She's not the girl that I fell in love with my last year of high school. She's not the girl in my last letter. I love her, but she's not someone I want me future to be with for important reasons.
All of that said, I don't regret our relationship. I don't have contempt for her because she may be seeing someone else; I'd do the same thing if I found someone that I actually wanted more than just a rebound relationship. I don't really regret anything. I just wish her parents didn't do what they did. It's been over a year, and finally I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, as gay as that sounds.
I just want her to be behind me. When I think about that, I sometimes get this feeling of ambition. For the last year, I've been weighted down by her. I feel like I can do something with my life now. What exactly I want to do, I don't know. I want to travel, I want to read, I want to do well in life. I want to learn different languages. Now I can do these things.
I need help through this, but this is finally behind me, and I can start to move forward.
I think I'll join the gym again. Anyone out there single?
Just like the previous 12 months before this summer, lot's of unexpected things have happened to me.
Something good and bad at the same time. Miranda. That name - I don't know what it means to me anymore. I do know when I should have stopped associating it with the girl that I like, and the one who I wanted to be with. There was a time this summer when I almost told her that what we were doing wasn't right. I played in my head exactly what I would tell her, I imagined her reaction (seemingly indifferent, but really sad) and I thought how it would be the right thing to do.
But instead, I...well I messed up - that's really what it was. I thought 'I'll just see her one more time.' Don't just see a girl one more time when you mean to break things off. As usual, things went from good to bad, and then bad to worse and then from worse to....nothing really.
I don't want to write all the details because I'm trying to get done with all of this and not 'relapse' like I probably did where things went wrong. Where do her and I stand now? I think we both know, although we never really talked about it. Apparently she is seeing/dating one of Keith's friends (isn't that how her and I started out), even though she denies it.
"we're only friends"
yeah
real good friends
i bet.
I makes me sad to hear people say "oh have you talked to miranda?" and I say "no, we're not talking.. I haven't talked to her for a couple weeks" and then they say "ohh because I saw her with garrett the other night." At the same time, I'm glad because I wrote her a letter that said we should see other people so that we can get over eachother. It's hard though.. for totally obvious reasons.
Even though I still THINK I have feelings for her, and I don't like thinking about her with other guys, I'm not so sure if I'd want to be with her if I had the chance. The last time I saw her.. we weren't the same. She's not the girl that I fell in love with my last year of high school. She's not the girl in my last letter. I love her, but she's not someone I want me future to be with for important reasons.
All of that said, I don't regret our relationship. I don't have contempt for her because she may be seeing someone else; I'd do the same thing if I found someone that I actually wanted more than just a rebound relationship. I don't really regret anything. I just wish her parents didn't do what they did. It's been over a year, and finally I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, as gay as that sounds.
I just want her to be behind me. When I think about that, I sometimes get this feeling of ambition. For the last year, I've been weighted down by her. I feel like I can do something with my life now. What exactly I want to do, I don't know. I want to travel, I want to read, I want to do well in life. I want to learn different languages. Now I can do these things.
I need help through this, but this is finally behind me, and I can start to move forward.
I think I'll join the gym again. Anyone out there single?