i've been fucking up all along. mostly I know what's goin on in my head. it's just real hard to sort it out. and all I wanted was to talk to someone about it that's good at shit like that and have them help me.
but what i didn't realize is a lot of doctors are idiots. or they want to do it real slow. and take months. and shit. and i'm like "YO> right here. i know what's up. i just need you to help me LITTLE. mostly give me a script or two. i think i can handle this shit" and they... UGH. i just want to fight them.
i just wanted to try this add medicine. to see what's up. and see if it helped. because life is a lot harder than I know it should be. i'm smart as fuck. even some idiot psychiatrist who sees me for 45 minutes can attest to that. but i have a real shitty time expressing it. and getting shit done. and organizing things. and it just translates into me not doign it. and being 19 with a shitty job and no plans of going anywhere because i can't figure out how to do it. not because i'm 19... maybe? whatever.
i just went up to that fool. and told him how it is. and what i thought was going on. and basically that i really just wanted himt to prescribe this medicine.
but all he sees is a history of drug use and an admitadly addictive personality (this was probably my #1 mistake admitting this). and i say "addictive" because if i take something that makes me feel good. or DIFFERENT. or something. and it's better than my "sobriety" then why not want to do it all the time? that's addictive to me. betterment that i want all the time. or at least difference. and anyway. it's my body. myl ife. my shit.
i'm real pissed that some asshole ina suit that gets paid $275 an hour has the write to tell me "NO you can't have this. you can't take this. it's not good for you" when i'm yelling at him that it's what i want. i don't care. and just give it to me i'd rather take it and die when i'm 40 than die when i'm 20.
but they dont' .,siten. just take your money. and send you on the way thinking "well at least you have new information. you have new shit. " and i say I ALLREADY KNEWA LL THIS you waisted my time. and my money. fuck you.
ugh.
so now i'm back to square one. and it's a real dangerous place to be right now.
i've been fucking up all along. mostly I know what's goin on in my head. it's just real hard to sort it out. and all I wanted was to talk to someone about it that's good at shit like that and have them help me.
but what i didn't realize is a lot of doctors are idiots. or they want to do it real slow. and take months. and shit. and i'm like "YO> right here. i know what's up. i just need you to help me LITTLE. mostly give me a script or two. i think i can handle this shit" and they... UGH. i just want to fight them.
i just wanted to try this add medicine. to see what's up. and see if it helped. because life is a lot harder than I know it should be. i'm smart as fuck. even some idiot psychiatrist who sees me for 45 minutes can attest to that. but i have a real shitty time expressing it. and getting shit done. and organizing things. and it just translates into me not doign it. and being 19 with a shitty job and no plans of going anywhere because i can't figure out how to do it. not because i'm 19... maybe? whatever.
i just went up to that fool. and told him how it is. and what i thought was going on. and basically that i really just wanted himt to prescribe this medicine.
but all he sees is a history of drug use and an admitadly addictive personality (this was probably my #1 mistake admitting this). and i say "addictive" because if i take something that makes me feel good. or DIFFERENT. or something. and it's better than my "sobriety" then why not want to do it all the time? that's addictive to me. betterment that i want all the time. or at least difference. and anyway. it's my body. myl ife. my shit.
i'm real pissed that some asshole ina suit that gets paid $275 an hour has the write to tell me "NO you can't have this. you can't take this. it's not good for you" when i'm yelling at him that it's what i want. i don't care. and just give it to me i'd rather take it and die when i'm 40 than die when i'm 20.
but they dont' .,siten. just take your money. and send you on the way thinking "well at least you have new information. you have new shit. " and i say I ALLREADY KNEWA LL THIS you waisted my time. and my money. fuck you.
ugh.
so now i'm back to square one. and it's a real dangerous place to be right now.
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